Pearl Nash
Not everyone’s going to like you.
Some people may be a bit too different from you; others might have such opposing values or opinions that they might simply not understand you.
And you know what?
That’s okay.
What isn’t okay, however, is when the number of people who dislike you is higher than that of those who love to spend time in your company.
Are you ready to be humbled?
Here are the 6 signs you’re not a very pleasant person to be around.
1) Your conversations tend to be surface-level
Think of the last five interactions you had.
Now think of what you talked about and how long the conversation lasted.
Sure, you might have just had bad luck or a bad day. You may have been hanging out with people who aren’t really on the same wavelength lately.
But if your conversations very rarely dig deep and if they often end quite abruptly, there’s also a very real possibility that you’re simply not very nice to be around.
“But why is that?” you might be asking.
Let’s find out…
2) You like to talk about yourself – a lot
A trap that far too many people fall into is the joy of talking about yourself for ages and ages.
Look, I get it. You want to share yourself with the other person, confide in them about your struggles, and feel like someone’s finally paying attention to you. You want to matter.
But what makes you think others don’t feel the exact same way?
A pleasant and fulfilling conversation requires reciprocity.
If you ramble on about yourself for half an hour and forget to ask the other person a single question, they might get bored or even offended because they realize their function isn’t to have a dialogue with you – it’s to work as a sounding board for your ideas and troubles.
The thing is, you’re probably not centering the whole conversation around you because you’re an evil monster.
Amanda Rose, Ph.D., a professor of Psychological Sciences at the University of Missourie, explains that this phenomenon often occurs when people struggle with mental health issues, such as depression.
She writes:
“Conversational self-focus refers to individuals consistently turning conversations to focus on themselves. Conversational self-focus appears egotistical and insensitive, but people who self-focus are often depressed. Self-focusing leads to rejection, which leads to even more depression, but this cycle can be broken.”
3) You often find yourself in the midst of arguments
Conflict is a completely normal part of every relationship. You can’t be friends with or date another person for years and never butt heads.
But there’s a difference between an occasional argument and a constant stream of microconflicts that always seem to arise out of nowhere.
Therefore, I have a very important question to ask you.
When you’re arguing with someone, is there a part of you that enjoys it? A part of you that actually wants to stay in the argument for a little longer instead of resolving the conflict as soon as possible?
If your answer is yes, it means you may need to work on your conflict resolution skills (and possibly anger issues).
Conflict can be a very productive way for people to strengthen their connection and get to know each other better, but that only works if both parties go into the discussion with the intention of finding a compromise.
If you love to fight, there’s a high chance you’re only going to drive people away from you.
4) You love to be the devil’s advocate
Look, I too, get a thrill from winding people up sometimes.
It’s hilarious to see them sputter and grow red in the face when you present them with arguments that completely go against their worldviews and watch them grasp for straws in a hopeless attempt to justify themselves.
I’m not a saint, and neither are you.
But choosing to be the devil’s advocate is a very fine line to walk.
If you know how to do it like a pro, you’ll give rise to fascinating and intellectually stimulating discussions.
If you take it too far, you may offend people, start an argument for no reason, and be pinned down as the person who loves to say controversial stuff for the sake of being controversial.
And no one likes people who seek conflict or rely on shock value at every turn.
If you like to be the devil’s advocate, I dare you to ask yourself whether you do it a tiny bit too often or tend to take it a bit too far.
5) You struggle to apologize and take accountability for your actions
It’s not easy to apologize.
When you admit to having made a mistake and say you’re sorry, you’re confirming that you did, in fact, do something wrong. And that can be terrifying, especially if you think of yourself as a good person.
Tyler G. Okimoto, Ph.D., writes for Psychology Today that “offering an apology can feel like a threat to our sense of self.”
However, he also highlights that “in the heat of the moment, we tend to underestimate how much better we will feel after apologizing. Even if there is a risk that it will be used against us, apologizing might still be the right thing to do.”
It is precisely because a good apology is one of the most vulnerable things you could do that it portrays you as a strong and emotionally mature person.
Learn the art of taking accountability for your actions and watch your relationships thrive as a result.
6) You like to think you’re honest but you’re actually just rude
Finally, a huge sign you’re not a very pleasant person to be around is that you make others feel like rubbish and then hide your cruel remarks behind the label of “brutal honesty.”
The truth of the matter is that there is no need for you to be brutal in order to be honest.
Honesty can be delivered in a respectful, gentle, and empathetic way. You’ve just got to think through your words more carefully and keep the other person’s feelings in mind.
So, how did you do?
If some of these signs sound like you, worry not. I’ve got some great news! It is absolutely possible to become a more agreeable person who gets along with others.
It all starts with self-awareness, effort, and the decision to be brave.
What are you waiting for?
Get started.
