Farley Ledgerwood
As we get older, life can sometimes nudge us into becoming more focused on ourselves—sometimes without us even noticing.
It’s a natural shift, but if left unchecked, it can turn into something less positive. Psychologists have identified a few signs that this might be happening.
Instead of making it about flaws, consider these nine signs as opportunities to reflect on how aging might be influencing your priorities and the way you connect with others.
1) You’re prioritizing your needs over others’
As we age, it’s natural to start focusing more on our needs. After all, we’ve spent a considerable part of our lives catering to others.
However, when this shift becomes more pronounced and begins to override the needs of people around us regularly, it may be a sign of growing selfishness.
Psychology suggests that one of the prominent signs of increasing self-absorption is consistently prioritizing your interests, desires, and needs over others’. It’s not about occasional self-care or setting boundaries; it’s about a pattern of behavior that disregards the feelings or needs of others.
While it can be humbling to recognize this trait in ourselves, acknowledging it is the first step towards personal growth.
It’s never too late to change and cultivate empathy and consideration for others.
2) Listening has become a chore
I’ve always been a good listener, or at least I thought I was. But recently, I noticed a shift.
During conversations, I found myself waiting for the other person to finish talking so that I could share my thoughts or experiences. It wasn’t about understanding their perspective anymore; it was about waiting for my turn to speak.
According to psychology, this shift from active listening to passive hearing is a sign of growing selfishness.
It’s when we start seeing conversations as transactions rather than opportunities to connect and understand others.
This realization hit me hard. But it also gave me the opportunity to reflect and work on improving my listening skills. Because real connections happen when we listen, not just hear.
3) Relationships are becoming transactional
As we grow older, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing relationships in terms of what we can gain from them.
This is a far cry from the innocent friendships of childhood where the pure joy of companionship was enough.
Are you finding yourself evaluating relationships based on what benefits they bring to you? Are you investing time and energy only in those relationships where there’s something in it for you?
This transactional approach to relationships is a humbling indication of growing self-centeredness. True relationships are about mutual support and affection, not just about what you stand to gain.
4) Patience is wearing thin
We’ve all had those moments where our patience wears thin. But as we age, if you notice that these moments are becoming more frequent, especially towards the needs and requests of others, it may be a sign of growing selfishness.
Are you finding it hard to tolerate interruptions to your routine? Does waiting for someone or adjusting your schedule for others feel like an enormous task?
If patience is becoming a rare commodity, it’s time for some self-reflection. This lack of tolerance for others’ needs might be an indication that you’re putting your desires and comfort above all else.
5) Generosity is fading
Remember the joy of giving, the happiness that filled your heart when you selflessly did something for someone else? If such moments are becoming a distant memory, it might be a sign of growing selfishness.
Research says that as we age, life’s experiences can sometimes make us more cautious and guarded. But when this caution turns into reluctance in sharing and giving, it’s a cause for concern.
Generosity isn’t just about material things. It’s about sharing your time, your affection, your knowledge, and even your presence.
If these are becoming harder to offer, it’s a humbling reminder to revisit the joy of giving. After all, in giving we receive.
6) Expressing gratitude has become rare
The other day, I found an old journal from my younger years. Flipping through the pages, I was taken aback by the frequent mentions of gratitude for the smallest of things. It made me realize how infrequently I express gratitude these days.
Gratitude is a powerful emotion that connects us with the world around us. But when we start focusing more on ourselves, we often overlook the good things and kind gestures others do for us.
If you find yourself focusing more on what you don’t have rather than appreciating what you do, it’s a sign of growing self-centeredness.
It’s a humbling reminder to pause, look around, and appreciate the goodness in our lives.
7) Compromise is becoming a challenge
Compromise is an essential part of any relationship. It’s about finding a middle ground that respects and considers everyone’s needs and desires.
But as we age, if you find that compromise is becoming increasingly difficult, it may be a sign of growing selfishness.
Are you finding it hard to let go of your way of doing things? Does every negotiation feel like a battle that you must win?
If the answer is yes, then it’s time for a reality check. This resistance to compromise might be an indication that your needs and desires are overshadowing everyone else’s.
8) Self-reflection is lacking
One of the most significant signs of growing selfishness is a lack of self-reflection. If you’re not pausing to evaluate your actions and their impact on others, you might be unknowingly nurturing self-centeredness.
Self-reflection is the mirror to our actions and intentions. It helps us identify patterns, understand our motivations, and most importantly, it allows us the chance to change.
If you find yourself avoiding this mirror, it’s a humbling sign of growing selfishness. Embrace self-reflection; it’s the first step towards understanding and improving ourselves.
Final reflection
Psychology reminds us that being mindful of these subtle changes can help us steer clear of becoming self-centered. It encourages us to cultivate empathy, patience, and generosity while embracing gratitude and self-reflection.
So as you reflect on these signs of growing selfishness, take a moment to also consider the kind of person you want to be as you age. Balance, after all, is the key to a fulfilling life.
