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10 no bullsh*t ways to win over a girl who rejected you

You took the plunge and finally asked her out. Your heart was racing, your hands sweaty…you thought she was sure to say yes.

But she didn’t. In a split second, all your dreams were shattered. Okay, maybe it wasn’t that dramatic, but I’m sure it still hurt to hear it.

Well, fear not, I’ve got 10 no bullsh*t ways to win over a girl who rejected you, so let’s dive straight in!

1) Give her space and stop pursuing her

She’s just turned you down. Your ego is bruised. It’s normal – but don’t let it get to you.

Don’t let your ego trick you into thinking this is a challenge and you have to win her over immediately. As a woman who’s done my fair share of rejecting over the years, trust me, this won’t work.

I’ll let you in on a little secret…women enjoy being chased. But sometimes, that’s all it is.

Sometimes, some women lead men on just to have a bit of fun. It’s harsh but it’s the truth.

We want your attention. We want to be flattered by you. But when you ask us out, we reply with a firm NO.

That is until you stop chasing us.

Until you appear to have given up. Then, and only then, will we sit back and think… “Have I just missed a great opportunity?”.

That’s why you need to flip the tables.

Stop chasing her. Give her a chance to miss you, and she might realize during that time that you’re not so bad after all. It might even push her to chase you – what a nice turn of events that would be!

2) Work on your weaknesses and show off your strengths

Another ego buster for you – maybe she was put off by certain parts of your personality?

Even if you felt like you had a good vibe going with her, if there’s something she fundamentally doesn’t like about you, she probably won’t waste her time or yours.

Now, that’s not to say you should spend hours obsessing over every quality or flaw you possess. Don’t unnecessarily put yourself down at a time when you’re already feeling sh*t.

Instead, try to identify areas for improvement. Are you intimidating? Arrogant? Do your friends and family make digs at how big-headed you can be?

If so, work on being more humble.

Are you super competitive, to the point that you can’t just relax and have fun?

Learn a few techniques to remind you that not everything in life is a competition.

Whatever it is, work on it. We all have these “flaws”, and maybe this girl’s rejection is what forces you to work on yours.

On the other hand – don’t hide your strengths.

If you’re known for being kind, be kind to everyone you come across. If you work/study/have mutual friends with this girl, she’ll come to hear about it.

The bottom line is, the more she sees your good qualities, the more chance you have of winning her over, one day.

3) Don’t dwell on the rejection (even if it’s all you can think about)

No one likes getting rejected. I think we can all agree it’s a bitter moment and one most of us prefer to forget about.

But there’s no doubt it’s all you can think about right now. You wouldn’t be reading this article if it wasn’t the case.

The truth is though, you’re doing yourself no favors by dwelling over it.

So when you find yourself going over every word you said and the exact moment you heard her excruciating response, ask yourself these questions:

  • Will thinking about this change anything?
  • What could I be doing to change the situation instead?
  • Haven’t I got anything better to do than deliberately hurting myself by thinking about this?

Now, if there’s one thing that can bring anyone out of a slump of misery and rejection depression, it’s having a plan.

The points in this article will help you get started, but whenever you find yourself thinking over the rejection, redirect your thoughts back to your plan of winning her over.

And if that doesn’t work, try these techniques:

  • Talk to a friend or family member about what happened. Share what’s on your mind and how you’re feeling. You won’t be the first nor the last guy who’s been rejected, and hearing stories from people who’ve gone through it too might cheer you up.
  • Write out how you’re feeling. Write it down, record a voice note to yourself on your phone (don’t worry you never have to listen back to it if you don’t want to) but find some way to get your thoughts out of your system.
  • Get busy. Distract yourself with work or whatever takes your mind off the rejection. Sometimes all you need is a bit of time to process things before you start feeling better and having some distractions will help you with that.

So, why is it so important to do things to stop dwelling over her?

Well, for the simple fact that her feelings might change. And you’ll have wasted all this time moping around for nothing.

And for the fact that even if her feelings don’t change, you still shouldn’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself. Allow yourself time to process your feelings but don’t sit there wallowing in pity.

Finally – if you are wallowing in pity, you’re hardly going to appear very attractive. That’s why the sooner you’re back to normal, the better your chances are of winning her over.

4) Do things to make yourself feel better

And while we’re on the subject of distracting yourself, why not do things to make yourself feel better?

Not only will you look better, but when she sees you living your best life, you’ll send a strong message that you’re not easily defeated. And this is attractive.

So what can you do to feel better about yourself?

  • Spend time with friends. Go out or invite your friends to hang out, surround yourself with good people who make you feel happy.
  • Throw yourself into your hobbies. Do things that you’re passionate about and your mood will soon start changing.
  • Exercise. Get those feel-good hormones pumping. Go for a long run and put your favorite tunes on. Sweat out the rejection and come back feeling refreshed.
  • Treat yourself. When was the last time you did something for yourself? Buy yourself those expensive sunglasses or that new coffee machine you’ve been eyeing up.

You can also do a bit of self-esteem boosting. I know I mentioned working on your flaws, but that doesn’t mean you should forget about all your great qualities.

Write out everything you like about yourself. If you can’t think of anything (which will be highly unlikely) ask your closest friends or family to tell you what they love about you.

Remind yourself of all the reasons why a woman would be lucky to have you. And remember, just because she rejected you, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.

We can’t expect to be everyone’s cup of tea, and sometimes it’s really not personal.

5) Reflect on how you asked her out – figure out where you went wrong

Okay, once you’ve got over the initial pain of the rejection and you can separate emotions from facts – it’s time to reflect.

Did you behave in a way that you normally would before asking her out?

Were you completely yourself?

Probably not. It’s human nature to put on a front when we’re trying to impress someone.

Women do it too.

But maybe that’s where you went wrong. If you acted like someone who doesn’t even resemble you, she didn’t reject you! She rejected the guy you were pretending to be.

Maybe if you’d been yourself around her, she’d have liked the real you much more.

That’s one way to look at it.

But what if you were genuinely yourself around her? What if you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and still got turned down?

Well, think about your strategy. You were right to be yourself, but did you jump the gun too soon? Did you mistake her politeness for mutual interest?

A few things to consider are:

  • Did you ask her out too soon?
  • Did you spend enough time getting to know her?
  • Did you read her signals realistically or were you caught up in your emotions?
  • Did she have an opportunity to see the real you before you asked her out?
  • Is this even a good time in her life to be asked out? (Do you know if she’s definitely single, or if she’s just got out of a long-term relationship?)
  • Was her “no” a hard no, or a hesitant “no”? Yes, there’s a difference. A hard no implies it’s probably never going to happen or will need lots of convincing. A hesitant no suggests she might be playing hard to get.

If you can find out where you went wrong, you’ve got a good shot of winning her over.

It might mean you have to take things back to basics and spend a bit more time getting to know her (or sussing her out from a distance, maybe through mutual friends).

6) Maintain a friendly/civil friendship with her

So, if you want to win over a girl who rejected you, it’s probably a good idea to stay in her good books.

The first point I mentioned was about giving her space and that still stands true.

But just because you’re giving her some time, it doesn’t mean you can’t remain friendly.

If she’s a coworker, surprise her every now and then by stopping by with her favorite coffee. Keep conversation lighthearted and casual. Don’t ignore her and make things awkward.

And if she’s someone you don’t have an excuse to see regularly?

Drop her the odd text to keep in touch. Find out ways to see each other (if you have mutual friends, planning stuff in a group is a great idea).

And if she’s keen on being friends, be her friend.

Sometimes a girl just wants to suss you out before agreeing to a date. Sometimes she just wants to take it slow, even though she likes you.

If she doesn’t feel like she knows you well enough, there’s no harm in spending time together platonically (just don’t get comfy in that friendzone).

7) Start seeing someone else (but only very casually)

This might be a bit of a controversial one, so hear me out…

I’m not one who normally advocates for using people, but I can’t deny that it is effective in making someone else (the girl who rejected you) sit up and pay attention to you.

So I’m going to give you the option, and you can make the decision depending on how comfortable you feel doing it. Hopefully, the other points I’ve made are enough and you won’t even need this one.

The truth is, seeing you with another girl will make her jealous (if she’s got any feelings for you, that is). Even though she rejected you, the sight of another woman on your arm is definitely going to make her question her decision.

In some cases, she might not have even realized that she liked you until she sees you with someone else.

And if you don’t want to start a full-blown love affair with some other girl?

Just casual flirting will do the trick. But don’t come across as sleazy and don’t move too fast.

You don’t want the girl you like to think you’re a player who’s bounced straight onto the next woman he’s come across.

Do it tactfully. Wait until a decent amount of time has passed since being rejected. And make it seem as natural as possible.

In the meantime, be on the lookout for her reactions. Keep in touch with her. Once you’re sure she’s into you too, call things off with the other girl.

It’s harsh – as I said earlier I wouldn’t normally recommend doing something like this – but it may be effective in winning her over.

8) Find out what you have in common and use it to your advantage

Now, hopefully, you’ve got a good idea of what this girl is into.

And if you don’t, find out!

Using things you have in common to get her to change her mind is an important part of your plan to win her over.

Because the more you have in common, the more likely she’ll see you as a contender in the dating world.

Plus, it’s a good chance for you to bond and for her to get to know you.

If you both love sports, invite her to watch a game together. If you’re both big foodies, tell her about the best restaurant you’ve recently been to.

Find things to connect over. Show her how much fun she’d have if you guys were talking about all this stuff on a date. You don’t actually need the label of a “date” to work your charm on her!

And if you don’t have much in common?

Get out of your comfort zone and try some of the things she’s into. It would happen eventually if you guys ever start dating.

So if she’s into horror films, watch them all. You might not sleep at night, but you’ll have something to engage her in conversation.

The same applies if she has a passion for cats. Or the theatre. Or mountain hiking. Just make yourself more attractive by having some knowledge of the things she’s into.

9) Never pressure her into changing her mind

Now, it’s all fine and well-being friends with her, having a plan of action to win her over, and showing off all your attractive qualities.

But what you don’t want to do is pressure her into dating you.

Read the signs accordingly.

If she reciprocates your gestures of friendship, great. If she gets freaked out and threatens to call the police on you for stalking, abort the mission.

The sad truth is, most girls at some point in their life will have come across that one persistent guy who can’t accept rejection. He’ll harass her, first by trying to “just be friends” and then by constantly finding ways to pressure her into going out with him.

He’ll basically ruin it for the rest of you guys.

So if she really doesn’t seem keen on the idea of being friends, it’s best to back off. You don’t know what she’s been through in the past and it won’t do you any favors to pressure her into it.

This is where you’ll have to respect her decision. Of course, you can let her know that your feelings are slightly bruised, she should understand. It’s normal.

But what you shouldn’t do is make her feel bad about it. Or find different ways of asking her out. Or show up at work every day with flowers.

And one more thing:

Overdoing it or coming on too strong won’t only put her off, it’ll make you come across as needy or desperate.

And no one finds that attractive.

10) Be patient and be ready to make your move

So by now, you should have a good few tips on how to win over a girl who rejected you.

The final step is to be patient.

This girl is a human being, just like everyone else, her feelings can change. Just because she rejected you today doesn’t mean she’ll reject you in a few months.

I’ll be honest, I know plenty of couples whereby one rejected the other, only to meet a year or two down the line and hit it off. Couples who are still together to this day.

So it just goes to show – anything is possible.

But in the meantime, while you wait for her to come around, be ready.

What do I mean by that?

Be her friend, so when she’s upset and in need of comfort, you’re the one she turns to.

Gain her trust, so when she’s finally ready to date and give you a chance – you’re ready and waiting.

Here’s the thing, you might not be able to change her mind right now. But alongside your plan, you can be ready and in the perfect position to catch her when she does finally fall for you.

But before we wrap up, I’ve laid out a few reasons below why she might have rejected you in the first place. This will help you understand potentially why, especially if she didn’t offer up an explanation…

Possible reasons she rejected you

Okay, now you know how to win over a girl who rejected you. But there may still be a niggling feeling you can’t seem to get rid of; why she said no.

And while I can’t know her exact reasons, I can give you some of the most common reasons a girl rejects a guy:

  • She’s in a relationship (but you should already know this, and if not, maybe you shouldn’t ask out strangers and be surprised when they turn you down!)
  • She’s just got out of a serious relationship and wants time alone (give it to her, rushing it will just backfire on you and you’ll become a rebound)
  • She’s not attracted to you physically or personality-wise (this could change the more she gets to know you)
  • She’s been hurt before and now she’s cautious about dating anyone else (this one will require lots of time and patience, plus gaining her trust slowly)
  • You’ve come across too strong or too weak (be genuine, and don’t play games)
  • She thinks you’re a player (if you’re really not, give her a chance to see the real you, and ignore point number 7)
  • She’s playing hard to get (deep down she does like you but she’s enjoying the chase, so point number 1 will work well here)

Winning her back

So there we have it; 10 no bullsh*t ways to win over a girl who rejected you and the possible reasons she turned you down in the first place.

I’m going to be honest here – there’s a possibility she won’t give you another chance. Sorry to burst your bubble, but if her mind is made up, there’s little you can do to change it.

In this case, learn to accept it. Move on. Follow the points above regarding feeling better about yourself and even infamous point 7 about meeting someone else, but do it genuinely.

On the other hand, if you do have a chance, these points will make sure you get it.

The most important thing though is to be yourself. We, women, appreciate that more than most guys imagine. Oh, and chocolate.

You’ll never go wrong with giving us chocolate, so that might help you too.

But on a serious note, follow the steps. Be patient. Live your best life in the meantime. Because the truth is, who knows how she’ll feel about you in a few months?

All you can do is be the guy who didn’t give up but didn’t pressure her either. If you pull that off, she’ll find it hard to resist you.

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Written by Kiran Athar

Kiran is a foodie, writer and traveler. She considers herself a citizen of the world, who gets her inspiration from the people she meets along her journeys. She's currently living in Spain, where she spends her time writing, watching the shepherds and eating tapas in the mountains of Andalucía.

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