10 easy ways to tell a player from a nice guy

If you’re looking for a serious relationship, then it’s best to understand the traits of a guy who isn’t looking for one; in other words, a player.

Players and nice guys operate similarly on the surface.

They both have a unique charm about them and they’re both interested in you.

What differentiates them, however, are the ways that they express their interest in you — and what their intentions for pursuing you truly are.

To avoid getting played, and to help you spot the genuine guys from the ones looking for a one night stand, here are 10 ways to tell a player from a nice guy.

1) Players Are Aggressive

Players aren’t looking to play the long game with a relationship with you.

You get the feeling that they’re pouring you non-stop with affection and compliments.

That’s because players only have one thing on their minds: to spend the night with you. Meaningful conversations about who you really are and what you want in life only slow them down.

There’s a reason why meaningful conversations take time.

That’s because it’s a slow process of revealing your inner personality, one that only nice guys are interested in.

They’re patient and not in a rush.

They understand that rushing things with you might lead to a nasty misunderstanding in the relationship.

If they’re really meaning to court you to be their girlfriend, they know they have to take their time with it.

2) Players Place Most Of Their Focus On Looks

Are his compliments only limited to describing your physical features? Those including “hot”, “sexy”, or even calling you a “hottie”?

That could be a major red flag, because it means that he’s only into you because of your body.

Authentic compliments, ones where he expresses his genuine attraction to a specific quality of your personality, are things not included in a player’s vocabulary.

Players also tend to be overly concerned with their own looks.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look physically attractive, but once you’ve been in a relationship together for a few months, it pays to ask yourself “Who is he still trying to impress?”

They place a high focus on their looks because they want to still appear attractive to other women.

3) They Don’t Make Time For You

Players try to make you fit into their schedule; nice guys make their schedule fit around you.

The difference could be seen if he constantly tells you that he’s “busy” and rain-checking on things you want to do together.

And if he hits you up only at odd hours, that could be cause for suspicion as well.

Players are usually more active at night; that’s when the clubs are open and the morals are looser.

You could still give him the benefit of the doubt that your schedules just don’t match; either way, would you really want to be with someone who doesn’t put in the time or effort to meet you where you are?

4) Conversations Are Shallow

Since players jump from woman to woman, they don’t have time for any deep conversations. When your “How’s your day?” is met with a lifeless “It was alright”, it isn’t exactly the sign of a budding love story — and players want to keep it that way.

The more personal conversations get, the higher the chance of feelings developing; a player’s worst nightmare.

So it’s better to save the intricate details of your life for someone that’s willing to take your conversations to a deeper level; someone who asks how your day was, not out of obligation but out of genuine curiosity.

This will ultimately lead to a more real and fulfilling connection with each other.

5) He Isn’t Attentive To You

Body language tells you a lot about what he really thinks of you.

When you’re in a restaurant and you’re having a conversation, what’s his posture like?

Is he leaning in and making eye contact to actively listen to you? Or do his eyes dart to the woman that just walked by?

Could you tell if he was looking at her face or somewhere lower?

This scattered focus behavior is common among players. Nice guys on the other hand pay far more attention to you.

He’s able to remember the smallest details of your life that you tell him; who your favorite teacher in preschool was or what your favorite rainy day song is.

Since he genuinely wants to be with you, he wouldn’t want to miss a thing.

6) He’s Different In Public And In Private

Is he fun and engaging when other women are around but silent and almost boring on your car rides together?

This could be a sign that he’s only putting up an attractive front in public and isn’t serious about his relationship with you.

When players are in public, there’s also a tendency to put some distance between the both of you, physically.

This helps him appear single and shows off that he’s still on the market — when in fact, he isn’t.

The inconsistency of behavior between public and private times is something that nice guys only want to avoid.

Nice guys might even be shyer around you while you’re in public, but understand that it’s because they don’t want to mess up their chances with you.

7) They’re Secretive About Their Life

Players are commonly hesitant to catch you up on their lives. They don’t have any long-term plans with you anyway, so why would they spend time opening up to you about their lives?

If you ask a player you’re casually seeing what he’s been up to lately, you’re likely to receive mostly vague answers like “Nothing much”.

Pushing for more specific answers might make him reply in roundabout ways; a possible sign he’s hiding something from you — something that might involve other women.

Nice guys are more welcoming and have know problem telling you about themselves.

They let you get to know them as much as they want to get to know you; a process that takes more than just a couple of nights drinking together.

8) You Haven’t Met Any One Of His Friends Or Family

That first dinner with his family is always one of the largest milestones of a relationship.

It’s the point where you both get to make your commitment to each other even more official, this time before the watchful eye of his mom and dad.

Since it’s a significant milestone, it’s common that this doesn’t take place within the first few months of a new relationship.

But if you’ve been together for 6 months or more and you still haven’t met a sibling or a best friend for any reason, then you’d be within your rights as a partner to raise an eyebrow.

9) Players Have An Extensive Relationship History

Looking for a partner is a lot like looking for a new hire for your company: you don’t want to skip the background checks.

How many relationships has he been in? How many of them were serious and how many were flings? This is a telltale indicator of what kind of partner this potential suitor of yours is.

Players know how to get into relationships but they’re not the best at keeping it going.

That’s why the length of a previous relationship plays a big part in assessing the players from the nice guys.

The longer the previous relationship, the more loyal they can be; it’s just what a good employer wants to see on a CV.

10) He Openly Flirts With Other Women

This should be an obvious indicator that the man is not as committed as he says he is.

There’s an unspoken line between compliments meant to make the other person feel better and compliments meant to be a come-on — and players like using the latter.

Players know how to deliver these lines smoothly enough to avoid suspicion.

So when you ask him what that was, he might simply reply that he was just being nice.

Another trait that players share is how easy it is for them to place their hands on the shoulders and around the waist of other women.

Depending on how they were raised, guys wouldn’t be so touchy. If you see him getting a little too handsy in the club, that’s a clear red flag that he’s too comfortable with other women to be committed to you.

A nice guy is someone that isn’t out there looking for a good time; he’s out there looking for a lifelong partner.

It’s a serious matter to him, and it will show in his actions with you.

If he meant that he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t be trying to deceive you, much less flirt with another woman right in front of you.

So spare yourself the trouble and spend your effort wisely, on the man that’s as serious about being in a relationship as you.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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