So you’ve been crushing on this guy for a while and can’t seem to gather up the course to tell him how you feel.
Join the club, sister.
It’s a big deal to let a guy know you like him, especially if you’ve got a friendship on the line.
Of course, that’s how many wonderful relationships start, even though lots of experts will tell you not to date your friends.
You’ve got good reason to be afraid.
But the truth is that nothing ventured means nothing is gained so if you really want to be with this guy, you’ve got to find a way to tell him that doesn’t leave you reeling in a drama for the rest of your life.
Here’s how you can talk to him about your feelings without freaking out about it.
But first, how do you know you like a guy?
First, let’s talk about how you know you like a guy. Usually, it’s pretty obvious. But, there’s been times where you question whether or not you actually have feelings. So, it comes to a few small things.
Are you ready for them?
If you like a guy, you might:
- Be excited to see them
- Think about them more often than not
- Get flutters in your stomach or tightness in your chest when you’re around them
- Feel your heart speed up
- Talk or text with them often
- Get dressed up to see them
- Want to spend time with them and share details of your life
Before we talk about how specifically to tell a guy you like him, here are 5 tips to keep in mind
1. Be Honest About How You Think He Feels
Unrequited love is the worst and is likely the biggest reason you’ve avoided telling him how you feel for so long.
If he says he doesn’t feel the same way, of course, you’ll feel devastated.
That’s why the first step in deciding to tell him how you feel is to make sure you are either indifferent to how he reacts or you have a pretty good idea of how he will react.
Indifference means you’re telling him for your own sake.
You want to know, no matter what, that you expressed your feelings and that’s all you really can do.
You can’t control how he’ll react.
It’s the best way to go into this: say it because you want him to know. And be okay with whatever he says in return.
2. You Can’t Trick Him into This
Some experts will tell you that you can say or do certain things to get the result you want, but the truth is that you want his reaction to be genuine and not coerced so show up as yourself and be yourself.
You don’t want to trick him into doing something he might not want to do and you don’t want to manipulate the situation to get what you want.
You might think you do, but you’ll be upset with yourself later.
So be honest and be yourself.
3. Be Brave
Remember that people love to hear that someone appreciates and likes them just as they are.
So even if you’re struggling with expressing your feelings because of fear, do it for them.
It’s a wonderful thing to be told you’re special and someone likes you.
And if that’s not enough, think of it this way: you only get the things you ask for.
As long as you sit and wonder if he’s into you, the lesser the chance you’ll get the thing you want.
Someone else will come along and exercise their boldness and snag him right up.
4. Don’t Retract
If, for some unholy reason, he decides that he doesn’t want to be with you, just roll with the punches and don’t say something like, “Oh, haha, I was just kidding. Gotcha! You should have seen the look on your face!”
That just makes it so much worse.
Own your feelings and don’t run away and hide if things don’t work out the way you hoped they would.
Talk about your feelings and hear him out for what he has to say. And believe him.
The truth is there is no right or wrong way to tell someone you care for them; the important thing is that you tell them.
You’ve got this one and only life and while you risk looking like a fool and maybe even losing a friend, you’ll find that it’s worth the risk to express yourself in a true, real, and bold way.
There’s nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it.
Don’t let your fear hold you back.
Even if he doesn’t go for it, you’ll find strength encourage you didn’t even know you had and can use that to move you forward in your life in lots of areas besides your love life.
5. What would Sigmund Freud do?
If you like a guy, then you need some real and honest advice about what to do next.
Having studied relationships and psychology most of my adult life, I know a thing or two about it.
But why not turn to the most famous psychologist of all?
Yes, Sigmund Freud can tell you what to do to trigger his feelings of attractions towards you.
Simply take this brilliant quiz from my friends at Ideapod. Answer a few personal questions and Freud himself will dredge through all the subconscious issues motivating your man to give you the most accurate (and downright fun) advice of all.
Sigmund Freud was the grand master at understanding sex and attraction. This quiz is the next best thing to setting down one-on-one with the famous psychoanalyst.
I took it myself a few weeks ago and was amazed at the unique insights I received.
How do I let a guy know I like him? Here are 8 ways
A lot of people are wondering how to tell a guy you like him without actually telling him. I know, it seems confusing. But, if you don’t want to confess your feelings, you’re not alone. There are actually a lot of ways you can do this.
So, if you don’t want to go out and talk to them about your feelings from the get go, there are subtle ways that you can let a guy know that you like him. Here’s the deal though—guys don’t always pick up on subliminal messages and flirting.
While you can start with these things, sooner or later, it’ll be time to confess your feelings. But, this is a fun way to start out the relationship. There’s nothing better than when you first get to know someone, so cherish it.
1. Get his tab
See him from across the room and think he’s handsome? If you don’t know him yet, but you’re checking him out from afar, picking up his bill is perfect. It’s a subtle way to show that you’re interested—and men love a bold woman.
2. Compliment him
We’re used to men pursuing women, so we often forget how great it is to step out of our comfort zone and compliment them. When you give a compliment, make sure it’s on his appearance. Lots of friends may like personality, but real love interests will talk about their physical appearance to get things started.
3. Dance with him
Is there anything more romantic than dancing? Dance with him to show that you’re interested. Whether it’s a slow dance or a hot, bass-heavy number, get close to him and dance your heart out.
4. Get close to him
Lean into him, whisper into his ear, do what you can to get close to him. Even if it’s a small, intimate talk near each other, that’s enough. Nothing says you like a guy more than getting close to him.
5. Take pictures together
As long as you know each other longer than a night, take pictures together. Photos are a way to get close and smiling together, and it shows a guy you want him in your life. Just make sure not to say something like, “Best friends picture!” when you’re taking it.
6. Find what you have in common with him
Everybody has something in common with another person, so find out what it is between the two of you. Once you do, do it together. Whether it’s video games or hiking, you can do the activity together.
7. Smile and laugh
When you do spend time with him, smile and laugh together. You want him to know that you’re interested, and everyone’s smile is beautiful. Showing your smile is one of the best things you can do.
8. Be playful
You can playfully tease him, gently touch his arm or hold his hand, or do whatever you think it is that’s playful. It’s a fun way to show him that you want him to get closer to you. Try and keep it light, and don’t tease him too much. But, make it fun and tease him a little.
RELATED: 3 ways to make a man addicted to you
Show you like him, rather than just tell
Perhaps the most effective way to convey to a guy you like him is to show him with your actions, rather than just using your words.
And the best way to do this is to make him feel essential to you.
For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.
Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!
This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. He created an excellent free video about the concept.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to be satisfied in a relationship. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.
How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose?
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only supercharge his confidence as a man but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
How do you confess your feelings to a guy?
What do you say to a guy that you like? It can be tricky. As women, we often feel uncomfortable being bold. But when we have feelings, we want to confess them. So, how can you do it?
Well, you don’t need to be afraid. I have 5 ways you can tell him you like him, without you turning into a beet in the process.
1. Say it straight
Guess what? The easiest way to tell a guy you like him is…
To just tell him. Seriously, just say it straight. You can tell him when you’re together. Say something like, “I like you.” Or, “I like getting to know you and want to spend more time together.”
If you’re really bold, hit him with a, “I like you. Do you like me?”
Personally, I think this is the best way to show that you like a person. Especially because it can be tough to pick up on subliminal messages. Not to mention, being in person gives you the benefit of seeing their reaction right away. So, when you ask them if they like you too, you get to find out the answer right then and there.
And if the answer is yes, figure out what you want. Do you want a relationship? Do you want to go out on a date? Figure out what it is and ask him.
2. Text him
We’re living in a modern world. If you’re scared to talk to him about your feelings, text him about them. You can say whatever it is you like about him in a text—and it will probably be a lot easier for you.
So how do you tell a guy you like him through text? Basically, say whatever it is you would’ve said in person, but through text. You can tell him, “I like you,” and keep it simple.
Here’s a piece of advice: When texting him, you have to grab his attention.
With so many distractions in the modern world, and other women around, how do you really grab a man’s attention? So he’s thinking about you and only you?
I’ve recently come across a unique set of psychological triggers that are guaranteed to get your man’s attention. Relationship expert Amy North calls them “attention hooks”.
These attention hooks are the same triggers that Hollywood screenwriters use to draw audiences into their movies and series.
Have you ever been so hooked on a TV show you couldn’t stop watching?
Something at the end of each episode made you click “Watch Next Episode” again and again. Almost as if you couldn’t help yourself.
Amy North has taken these exact Hollywood techniques and adapted them for texting men.
Text messages with attention hooks are powerful because they tap directly into the focus system of a man’s brain. Without even realizing it, he’ll start thinking about you and paying attention to you.
Even if he’s miles away or you haven’t spoken in a while.
If you want to learn more about attention hooks and how to use them in your text messages, check out this great free video by Amy North.
3. Write him a note
Feeling old school? Write him a cute note telling him how you feel. This is the perfect way to show him you like him.
You can keep it small and simple (check out this cute gum wrapper commercial for inspo), or write him a long one.
This is going to be up to you and your relationship. Did you guys just meet? Maybe keep it simple. But if you’ve been good friends for a while, you can write it longer.
4. Send him a gif
Remember what I said about modern world? Send him a gif that explains how you feel. Mickey Mouse heart eyes? Will Ferrell in Elf? For real, there are so many gifs that you can send. Not only are they cute, but they’re funny and show some personality. Check out some I like you gifs here.
5. Physical contact
Is there anything better than just leaning in and kissing him? Pretty sure he won’t misread you like that. Sometimes, you just have to do it.
Make sure that he’s down for it first. But if he is, go for it.
How to tell a guy you like him without scaring him off
Maybe you’ve read through the above ways, and you’re feeling a little insecure about it. Plus, what if he doesn’t feel the same way?
You might be worried about scaring him off, and that’s a valid concern. According to relationship experts, women don’t take rejection the same as men. Women end up getting hurt, and they don’t want to pursue the relationship.
Men, on the other hand, see rejection as a challenge. So, as women, we get scared to make that first move because we give up. Men don’t worry because they’ll keep trying.
1. Start with subtlety
Start with being simple. Try flirting first. If he reciprocates your flirting, that’s a good sign. Keep flirting for a bit and see where it goes. As long as the flirting keeps getting reciprocated, you can tell him you like him knowing that he’s at least a little interested.
2. Watch for signs
Does he ever give you any signs that he might like you? Maybe he smiles, touches you, and laughs at your jokes. Or does he ask more about your life? These are all signs that he could be interested in you. Maybe, he’s even a little shy and doesn’t want to make the first move.
3. Ask around first
You know who are great sources? Friends. Talk to his friends about your feelings and see if they think that he may like you back. This will help you decide whether or not you can be bold and confess your feelings without you scaring him off.
4. Don’t confess too much
The last thing you want to do is go to him and start saying everything you love about him without him getting a word in. You can’t confess too much. This is overwhelming, and even if they like you, they probably won’t know what to say. Keep your confession short and to the point.
5. Don’t fret about it
The thing is, you can’t fret about it. If a guy likes you, it’ll be good to tell him your feelings. You won’t scare him off. The only way you’d scare him off would be if he didn’t like you at all. And in that case, there’s not much that can be done about that.
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Should I tell him I like him?
There’s a time to tell him you like him and a time that it’s better to wait for him to make the first move. If you’re wondering if you should tell him you like him, you’re not alone. Here are the signs you should tell him you like him:
- You can’t hold it back
- You want to get more serious
- You feel awkward not saying how you feel
- You want to touch him or kiss him
- You think he likes you but is too scared to say
- He’s shy and won’t make the first move
Here’s when you shouldn’t tell him you like him:
- You haven’t known each other more than a few days
- He doesn’t reciprocate any flirting
- You don’t talk to each other often
- He’s already stated he just wants to be friends
- He’s said he doesn’t like you like that.
He likes you back. Now what?
If he feels the same way about you, what’s your next move?
After writing about relationships on Hack Spirit for many years, I think there is one crucial ingredient to relationship success that many women overlook:
Understanding how men think.
Getting your guy to open up and tell you what he’s really feeling can feel like an impossible task. And this can make building a loving relationship extremely difficult.
Let’s face it: Men see the world differently to you.
And this can make a deep passionate romantic relationship—something that men actually want deep down as well—difficult to achieve.
In my experience, the missing link in any relationship is never sex, communication or romantic dates. All these things are important, but they are rarely deal breakers when it comes to the success of a relationship.
The missing link is that you actually have to understand what men want from a relationship.
A new way to understand your man
I’ve recently been introduced to a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that explains so much about what drives men romantically: the hero instinct.
What is it?
The hero instinct is the basic biological urge men have to provide for and protect women.
Simply put, men want to be your hero. Not necessarily an action hero like Thor, but he does want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life. And to be appreciated for his efforts.
And the most important thing for you to know is this:
Most men won’t fall in love with a woman when this instinct isn’t triggered. He will always feel that something is missing, which means he won’t commit to being in a loving relationship over the long haul.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them.
That’s why I highly recommend this free online video where James Bauer explains in simple terms what the hero instinct is really about.
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