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How to talk to girls: 15 no bullsh*t tips!

Talking to girls is still a mystery for so many guys, especially the up and comers who have grown up with a phone in their hand and don’t know how to strike up a conversation in real life.

It’s a struggle that is sure to just get worse before it gets better.

But there are a lot of great conversationalists out there that offer some advice on how to talk to a girl.

Of course, we aren’t just talking about any girl, although, practice makes perfect, we’re talking about talking to a girl you are attracted to.

We get that talking to a pretty girl makes you nervous, but with some good old-fashioned advice and seizing the opportunity when it arises, you can not only strike up a conversation, you can learn a lot in the process as well.

Here’s how you can boost your confidence when talking to girls with these simple steps. Not only will they help in talking to girls but you’ll also be able to talk to anyone with these tips.

1) Hesitate, then do it anyway.

Yes, of course, you are going to feel hesitation. Talking to girls is scary.

So just acknowledge the fact that your hands might be sweaty and your knees might be knocking and do it anyway. You’ll only get better at it if you do it, so get talking.

2) Be very clear about your intentions.

Beating around the bush is child’s play, so just be a man and ask her for a date.

Tell her you want to see her and ask her if she wants to go to a movie, dinner, skiing in the Alps – whatever it is you can afford to do or want to do with her. Ask her.

3) Remember that rejection is your friend.

Sure, the sting of rejection is very real, but so is the answer you get from it.

If you never ask, you’ll never know. And isn’t knowing the answer, however bad, better than wondering for any length of time about whether or not she’s into you?

4) Use the power of technology.

While it is important to initiate dates in a face-to-face or voice telephone conversation, texting is not off limits once the date has been initatiated.

In fact, it can really help you ease into the conversations that follow setting up a date.

5) Reaffirm your plans.

Don’t just send her text messages to stay top of mind, send her messages with the intention of solidifying your plans so that she is getting excited about hanging out with you.

Set the time and place and don’t forget to send her a note saying you are on your way when you are heading out for the evening to pick her up.

6) Go in for the hug.

Okay, this one might not be about talking to a girl, but it is about creating the kind of atmosphere where your conversations can run smoothly.

When you see her, give her a hug. She’ll think it’s great and it’ll put you both at ease right away.

Hugs are friendly and comfortable and not intimidating, even to a guy who isn’t good at talking to girls.

7) Ask her questions.

If you are just awful at making conversation, ask questions instead.

Keep the conversation focused on her and what she likes and she’ll think you are the best date she’s ever had.

Things to avoid: ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, shitty friends, and money.

The best way to talk to girls is to keep the conversation moving ahead.

If you feel like things are stalling out, try a little silence on for size. Show her that you are comfortable sitting in silence and not worried about filling up every second of the evening with words.

Sometimes, being a good conversationalist means not saying anything.

If you listen, you’ll also get bonus points for giving her the floor to talk.

Again, you don’t have to be the one talking in order to get the credit for a great conversation, especially if you are nervous about talking to women.

Ask questions and listen. It’s the recipe for a great date.

How to keep the conversation going: 8 more tips

8) Recommend Something to Her.

Leave the arrogance at the door, but make a friendly recommendation based on the conversation you’ve already engaged in together.

If she mentions she likes a song that comes on, recommend a similar band or song, if you can.

Of course, this requires a certain level of information, so whatever it is that you know about, find a way to weave it into the conversation to leave her with something that reminds her of you.

9) Give Her a Compliment.

If the conversation takes a natural break, take a moment to give her a genuine compliment.

You don’t have to gush on about her hair or her eyes, but tell her you like her dress or the way she laughs.

When you compliment a girl you keep the conversation going and you score bonus points for paying attention to the way she is and how she dresses.

10) Ask Her a What If Question.

Because “what if” questions are hypothetical, you leave the door open for all kinds of follow-up questions and discussion about possibilities.

And of course, you always have the chance to ask real questions in relation to “what if” questions.

For example, you could ask, “what if you had a million dollars” and then follow up with, “what’s the most amount of money you ever spent on anything?” See how that works? Instant conversation momentum.

11) Talk About Her Job.

Women love to talk about what it is they do for a living. Even if they hate their job, they’ll talk about it endlessly.

Give her a chance to vent or cry on your shoulder even and you’ll be her favourite new person.

Whether she loves her job or not, there’s always a good conversation to be had about co-workers, craziest thing she’s ever done at work, and of course, office romances.

12) Keep it to Yourself.

If she’s talking about something you don’t know anything about, don’t try to weigh in on the subject.

It just makes you look arrogant and opinionated and that’s not what you are going for.

Instead, ask questions about the topic and be interested in what you can learn from her.

Be honest and say, “I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about that, tell me more.” She’ll be eating out of the palm of your hand.

13) Allow the Silence.

One of the hardest parts about talking to a woman, let alone anyone for that matter, is when silence hits.

People are really uncomfortable with silences, but if you show her you are confident and comfortable with the silence, you never know what topic might pop up next.

You need to give her time to breathe and consider what else she’d like to talk about and it gives you a chance to do the same. Don’t hide from silence, use it to your advantage.

14) Don’t Bring Up the Tough Stuff.

During the first few conversations you’ll have with her, don’t bring up things that might be a touchy subject or things that might be a bit more controversial.

For example, while there is a lot going on in politics these days, don’t be the one to bring it up.

You don’t know where she stands and frankly, you don’t know much about her at this point.

She could be the daughter/niece/aunt/cousin/friend to someone in that political party and might be pretty offended by whatever comes out of your mouth about politics.

There’s a reason your mother told you never to talk about politics in public. Good advice, Mom.

15) Acknowledge the Conversation.

If you are having a really great conversation, be sure to tell her that. Sometimes, it’s hard to know how things are really going, but if you take the time to say, “hey, this is really fun” she might also let you know she’s enjoying herself, too.

Plus, you can use that as filler if the conversation drops off.

And don’t be afraid to ask her if there is something she’d like to talk about: her day, dog, parents, travel, work, friends, food, drinks, movies, music.

There are endless possibilities when it comes to keeping the conversation going, so don’t give into the belief that there’s nothing to say to anyone.

Don’t know what to talk about? Here are 7 awesome things to talk about with a girl

We know, talking to girls is hard. It’s a nightmare for some guys. It’s like girls are seriously from another planet sometimes.

What do they like? What are their interests? How will you keep the conversation going?

Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.

We’ve put together a list of topics you can bring up when you find yourself face-to-face with a girl you like and want to strike up a conversation, or keep the conversation going.

There’s nothing worse than a guy who’s got the looks, got the moves, but can’t string a sentence together. Don’t be that guy. We can help.

1) Your community.

Talk about the culture, the people, the opportunities, the landscape, the landmarks, the history, the future. That’s seven topics in one. You’re welcome.

Anyone of these options is going to keep the conversation going for hours. Each one provides opportunities to dig in a little deeper and figure out what, if anything, you have in common.

This goes beyond favorite colors and music – this gets at the heart of the place you live in and what’s more personal than that?

Plus, you might find out that you frequent the same events, bars, restaurants, and more.

2) Her hobbies.

Give her plenty of space to talk about herself, but be ready with questions that help you understand her more.

Ask her about her hobbies, but also, take the time to ask where she got started with them. Why are they interesting to her? What does she want to learn more about related to her hobbies?

There are a million questions you can ask, and if you didn’t get the hint yet, asking questions is the number one way to keep a conversation going with your lady friend.

Girls love it when you ask questions about them. So do more of that.

3) The band playing at the bar.

Need a quick topic to keep things going? Look around and start talking about what is likely right in front of you: the band or the DJ.

If there is any kind of music, you are golden!

Music is a great topic and there are loads of subcategories of discussion that are possible when talking about music.

For instance, you might talk about your favorite concerts, oldest record or album – whether you even have records or albums! – you might talk about your Dad’s favorite music or your mom’s favorite lullaby she used to sing you as a child.

If you want to score bonus points, definitely talk about the lullabies your mom sang you as a kid. She’ll eat that up!

4) Life experiences you loved.

Share your experiences with one another and don’t hold back. If you loved something, say it. If you hated it, say it.

You don’t have to agree on this stuff: it’s your experiences after all.

The important thing is that you create a space for each other to talk about your life so that you can get to know one another in a meaningful way.

Whether you are just looking to have a friendly conversation or you are interested in dating this girl, talking about where you come from and what you’ve seen in the world is a great topic of conversation and will provide lots of entertainment value.

5) Her job.

Ask her about what she does and if she likes it. Ask her what her career aspirations are and what she wanted to be when she was a young girl.

You can talk about the broader landscape of career choices and paths and journeys in general here as well.

You might talk about your old bosses, best learning experiences, the worst day of work ever, or you might ask questions about how she came to be where she is today in her role at work.

6) Your family.

Girls love guys who are close to their families, so if you’ve got a crew at home who are fans of yours, make sure to tell her that.

Talk about your parents and siblings and even your crazy cousins. Talk about family gatherings, weddings, funerals, birthday parties, botched birthday parties: whatever you’ve got in the family department, she wants to hear it, trust us.

7) Your favorite movies.

Movies are the tie that binds. Everyone loves movies, and even if everyone doesn’t love the same movie, everyone has a movie that is one they’ll always remember.

Talk about your best and worst reviews, your favorite actors and actresses, your best snack options, how you snuck in to see Titanic 22 times in high school, and how your professor made you watch To Kill a Mockingbird in university and it changed your worldview.

There really is no end to the things you could talk to a girl about. The only reason it seems so hard is that you get worked up about what you’ll say instead of focusing on what you want to say.

When in doubt, ask questions. Let her do the talking.

 

Are you mentally tough?

Resilience and mental toughness are key attributes to living your best life. They determine how high we rise above what threatens to wear us down, from battling an illness, to dealing with challenging emotions, to carrying on after a relationship has ended.

In The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, we outline exactly what it means to be mentally tough and equip you with 10 resilience-building tools that you can start using today.

Check it out here.

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Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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