Talking to girls is still a mystery for so many guys, especially the up and comers who have grown up with a phone in their hand and don’t know how to strike up a conversation in real life.

It’s a struggle that is sure to just get worse before it gets better.

But there are a lot of great conversationalists out there that offer some advice on how to talk to a girl.

Of course, we aren’t just talking about any girl, although, practice makes perfect, we’re talking about talking to a girl you are attracted to.

We get that talking to a pretty girl makes you nervous, but with some good old-fashioned advice and seizing the opportunity when it arises, you can not only strike up a conversation, you can learn a lot in the process as well.

Here’s how you can boost your confidence when talking to girls with these simple steps.

1) Hesitate, then do it anyway.

Yes, of course, you are going to feel hesitation. Talking to girls is scary.

So just acknowledge the fact that your hands might be sweaty and your knees might be knocking and do it anyway. You’ll only get better at it if you do it, so get talking.

2) Be very clear about your intentions.

Beating around the bush is child’s play, so just be a man and ask her for a date.

Tell her you want to see her and ask her if she wants to go to a movie, dinner, skiing in the Alps – whatever it is you can afford to do or want to do with her. Ask her.

3) Remember that rejection is your friend.

Sure, the sting of rejection is very real, but so is the answer you get from it.

If you never ask, you’ll never know. And isn’t knowing the answer, however bad, better than wondering for any length of time about whether or not she’s into you?

4) Use the power of technology.

While it is important to initiate dates in a face-to-face or voice telephone conversation, texting is not off limits once the date has been initatiated.

In fact, it can really help you ease into the conversations that follow setting up a date.

5) Reaffirm your plans.

Don’t just send her text messages to stay top of mind, send her messages with the intention of solidifying your plans so that she is getting excited about hanging out with you.

Set the time and place and don’t forget to send her a note saying you are on your way when you are heading out for the evening to pick her up.

6) Go in for the hug.

Okay, this one might not be about talking to a girl, but it is about creating the kind of atmosphere where your conversations can run smoothly.

When you see her, give her a hug. She’ll think it’s great and it’ll put you both at ease right away.



Hugs are friendly and comfortable and not intimidating, even to a guy who isn’t good at talking to girls.

7) Ask her questions.

If you are just awful at making conversation, ask questions instead.

Keep the conversation focused on her and what she likes and she’ll think you are the best date she’s ever had.

Things to avoid: ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, shitty friends, and money.

The best way to talk to girls is to keep the conversation moving ahead.

If you feel like things are stalling out, try a little silence on for size. Show her that you are comfortable sitting in silence and not worried about filling up every second of the evening with words.

Sometimes, being a good conversationalist means not saying anything.

If you listen, you’ll also get bonus points for giving her the floor to talk.

Again, you don’t have to be the one talking in order to get the credit for a great conversation, especially if you are nervous about talking to women.

Ask questions and listen. It’s the recipe for a great date.

How to keep the conversation going: 8 more tips

8) Recommend Something to Her.

Leave the arrogance at the door, but make a friendly recommendation based on the conversation you’ve already engaged in together.

If she mentions she likes a song that comes on, recommend a similar band or song, if you can.

Of course, this requires a certain level of information, so whatever it is that you know about, find a way to weave it into the conversation to leave her with something that reminds her of you.

9) Give Her a Compliment.

If the conversation takes a natural break, take a moment to give her a genuine compliment.

You don’t have to gush on about her hair or her eyes, but tell her you like her dress or the way she laughs.



When you compliment a girl you keep the conversation going and you score bonus points for paying attention to the way she is and how she dresses.

10) Ask Her a What If Question.

Because “what if” questions are hypothetical, you leave the door open for all kinds of follow-up questions and discussion about possibilities.

And of course, you always have the chance to ask real questions in relation to “what if” questions.

For example, you could ask, “what if you had a million dollars” and then follow up with, “what’s the most amount of money you ever spent on anything?” See how that works? Instant conversation momentum.

11) Talk About Her Job.

Women love to talk about what it is they do for a living. Even if they hate their job, they’ll talk about it endlessly.

Give her a chance to vent or cry on your shoulder even and you’ll be her favourite new person.

Whether she loves her job or not, there’s always a good conversation to be had about co-workers, craziest thing she’s ever done at work, and of course, office romances.

12) Keep it to Yourself.

If she’s talking about something you don’t know anything about, don’t try to weigh in on the subject.

It just makes you look arrogant and opinionated and that’s not what you are going for.

Instead, ask questions about the topic and be interested in what you can learn from her.

Be honest and say, “I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about that, tell me more.” She’ll be eating out of the palm of your hand.



13) Allow the Silence.

One of the hardest parts about talking to a woman, let alone anyone for that matter, is when silence hits.

People are really uncomfortable with silences, but if you show her you are confident and comfortable with the silence, you never know what topic might pop up next.

You need to give her time to breathe and consider what else she’d like to talk about and it gives you a chance to do the same. Don’t hide from silence, use it to your advantage.

14) Don’t Bring Up the Tough Stuff.

During the first few conversations you’ll have with her, don’t bring up things that might be a touchy subject or things that might be a bit more controversial.

For example, while there is a lot going on in politics these days, don’t be the one to bring it up.

You don’t know where she stands and frankly, you don’t know much about her at this point.

She could be the daughter/niece/aunt/cousin/friend to someone in that political party and might be pretty offended by whatever comes out of your mouth about politics.

There’s a reason your mother told you never to talk about politics in public. Good advice, Mom.

15) Acknowledge the Conversation.

If you are having a really great conversation, be sure to tell her that. Sometimes, it’s hard to know how things are really going, but if you take the time to say, “hey, this is really fun” she might also let you know she’s enjoying herself, too.

Plus, you can use that as filler if the conversation drops off.

And don’t be afraid to ask her if there is something she’d like to talk about: her day, dog, parents, travel, work, friends, food, drinks, movies, music.

There are endless possibilities when it comes to keeping the conversation going, so don’t give into the belief that there’s nothing to say to anyone.

A quick message from Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit

In 2018, the third year of Hack Spirit, I poured thousands of hours and considerable resources into creating these articles. It's a labor of love and remains free thanks to your patronage. If you found any value in these articles, please consider supporting what I do with a donation. Your support is what helps me to continue creating more Hack Spirits articles. To make a donation, click the "donate" button below and choose between a single donation or monthly.

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