Are you tired of dating apps, coffee shops, and pointless conversations with people who aren’t for you?
Or maybe, you spend every waking moment fantasizing about meeting the one you’re destined to be with, but only get frustrated in the end.
I understand. Searching for love and wanting to be in a relationship can be exhausting. We’ve all been there, but why is it so hard to stop being desperate for a relationship?
So I’m sharing these strategies as they worked wonders for me – so the real thing will likely happen to you!
How to stop looking for a relationship? 20 practical tips
If you’re done with all the drama in your life or simply want to focus on yourself for a bit, these tips will work.
It’s just that getting desperate can get in the way of you finding something real. And what you need is a break from all this.
Let’s go over these effective ways to help you finally let go of wanting to be in a relationship.
1) Focus on what you have
Instead of thinking about what’s missing, focus and be thankful for what you already have.
Focus on the beauty of your life as it’s conducive to your happiness.
This is about shifting your thoughts from a perspective of lack to a perspective of abundance.
When I tried to practice this, my life transformed dramatically. I come to the value of being grateful for things that I tend to ignore before.
These simple techniques bring a difference for me – and you can try them too:
- Express gratitude for waking up and feeling your senses
- Spend a few minutes reflecting on everything that you have
- Don’t compare your life to others
- See and cherish the good of everyday
- Write something you’re thankful for each day
- Put your attention on what’s happening in your life, no matter how small
Try to look at the brighter side.
For when you do this, that’s when you’ll realize that everything is happening for your own good.
2) Embrace solitude without being lonely
You might cringe at the thought of being alone, but this is important.
And this doesn’t mean being by yourself all the time.
It’s just that you have to spend a few minutes each day to be alone with your thoughts or a few days being on your own. It can be as simple as going to a fancy restaurant, taking a long walk, or engaging in something by yourself.
It is by learning how to be alone and not being desperate for another person’s company that makes you a stronger, more self-confident person.
It even brings lots of benefits such as:
- Being comfortable showing your authentic self
- Improve your relationship with others
- Better satisfaction and lower stress level
- Help make sure that you’re living your best life
The more you want a relationship, the more likely you are to benefit from spending time in solitude.
3) Just be yourself
When we’re too caught up wanting a relationship, we tend to project a different version of ourselves to the world.
We throw all our efforts into becoming the best version of ourselves so that another person likes us – but it is not always our true self.
We even use filters so that our Instagram photos will look good. But it can get exhausting.
If this becomes a habit, we may become unable to stand our true, unfiltered selves. So it’s best to stop doing this!
This gives the other person unrealistic expectations of what you’re like – and they will likely fall in love with the idea of you.
Sometimes, the one you’re destined to be with doesn’t get a chance to meet you because you’re too busy trying to be someone else’s perfect match.
Avoid the facade and never paint a picture of yourself that’s too far from reality.
It’s best to be your true self and let the world see how amazing you are.
4) Don’t force yourself to date
When you’re miserable being single, you keep hunting for love anywhere.
This will pressure you to go out every night, date anyone, or be anywhere when your friends or someone else invites you.
But if you want to stop wanting to be in a relationship, you don’t have to force yourself to hit town.
After all, when you’re not searching – that’s the time when you’ll get to meet and be with the person you’re meant to be with.
Be in control and don’t go out unless you want to. Know that you have the power to choose when to go out and when to stay in.
Are you also wondering why love is so hard?
Why can’t love be how we imagined it or at least make some sense…
I understand. When you’re craving a relationship so badly, it’s easy to become frustrated and feel hopeless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel, give up love, and walk away.
But I suggest that you do something different.
This is what I learned from world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. It is through him that I come to see that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
The thing is, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explained in this mind-blowing free video how many of us chase love in a toxic way because we don’t know how to love ourselves first.
That’s the reason why we get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters – and we continue to pursue love in the wrong way.
We seem to fall in love with the ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners but end up sabotaging the relationship.
We search for someone who completes us, but only falls apart and we feel more frustrated.
You see, Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching the video, I realized that he understood my struggles – and finally offered an actual, practical solution on how to stop wanting a relationship.
So if you’re done with frustrating relationships, unsatisfying dating, and empty hookups, then this is a message you need to hear.
I recommend starting with yourself first and taking Rudá’s incredible advice – I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
5) Spend time with yourself
We all need that little me time and quiet moments with ourselves.
If you’ve been trying not to be desperate in love, take this single time as an opportunity to get to know yourself better.
And if you want to be in a serious, long-term relationship soon, you have to know how to be alone.
It may seem to contradict, but having a healthy relationship isn’t about being dependent on the other person.
The truth is, no one person in this world can be everything we need in life. We need ourselves, our family, friends, hobbies, and interests outside our relationships.
When you’re confident in spending time with yourself without feeling lonely and empty, then the time will come that you’ll be in a relationship without being the “needy” or “clingy” partner.
The more you enjoy filling your life with what you want, the more you’ll get to stop wanting a relationship quite so badly.
The more you cultivate your life, the more you’ll see your partner as someone who complements you.
So when love comes along at the right time, you’ll be in a healthy place instead of settling for something less than you deserve.
6) Give yourself plenty of self-care and self-compassion
When you spend too much time and energy wanting a relationship, you’re already neglecting yourself.
It’s time to shift your priorities by taking care of yourself first.
Practice working on your relationship with yourself. And this means cultivating self-love, self-care, and self-compassion.
If you’ve been through heart-wrenching breakups, be gentle with yourself. The pain and grief could be overwhelming but never forget your physical and emotional health.
Instead of looking for someone to take care of your emotional needs, do it on your own. This way, you’re creating a new pattern of self-empowerment.
Try doing things yourself like:
- Taking a walk around the neighborhood
- Going to a spa to pamper yourself
- Starting a new hobby
- Attending online classes
Remind yourself that you’re worthy of love and you deserve a happier relationship.
7) Move out of your comfort zone
While stepping out of your safety zone is uncomfortable, going out will give you a boost.
If you get stuck in your past relationships and feel that your life is in a loop, it may be time for a change.
It’s time to stop prioritizing people who only make you an option. Instead of loving people who aren’t ready to love you, enjoy things your way.
Work on yourself and see how things around you begin to change.
There are many ways you can have new experiences such as:
- Volunteering at an animal shelter
- Taking up dance, art, or cooking classes
- Going on camping, hiking, or cycling
By doing this, you’ll show up in your life wholly and completely, with peace and happiness.
This will change the way you see yourself and live more than before.
8) Delete those dating apps
Even if dating is too easy, finding love and wanting to be in a relationship is exhausting work.
You have to make your dating profile look good, spend time swiping your screen, do small talks with strangers, and deal with people disappearing.
Even sending those inane messages that went nowhere can be too overwhelming. But then, you get frustrated when things don’t work out.
Wouldn’t it be pretty amazing if you won’t spend all your time and energy pursuing love?
If you’re committed to not wanting a relationship so badly, then you can’t go hunting around on Tinder.
The temptation to search is too great when all those dating apps are part of your devices. Delete them so you won’t have any more excuses to hold on to them.
The idea here is to make having a relationship or searching for your soulmate work differently for you.
9) Do what makes you feel good
Instead of finding someone who you think will make you feel good, focus on yourself.
You don’t need to waste your time waiting or being with someone who can make you feel better about yourself.
Embrace the person you are right now.
Stop wasting time and energy on people who don’t see your value or those who won’t make a difference in your life.
Instead, find what brings you happiness, peace, and fulfillment.
Take this time to work on a passion, skills, or hobby.
Want to learn a new language, start a vlog, or binge on Netflix? Then do it. Pursue whatever it is that you’re passionate about.
Know that part of self-growth is about focusing on yourself and growing your passions.
When you enjoy things on your own, you’ll be more confident and won’t feel the need to rush into a relationship.
And when the time comes that you’re ready to be in a relationship – that’s because you want it, not because you need it.
10) Focus on your goals
Almost every strategy on how to stop looking for a relationship centers on filling up your life.
It’s not about desperation or what you lack but creating abundance.
If you seek someone to fill the void in your life, it’s likely not going to work out. When you’re preoccupied with finding your soulmate, you tend to sabotage connections that come along.
So it’s best to focus on your personal goals. It could be on your finances, career, fitness, health, skills, or exploring new interests that fascinate you.
11) Fill the gaps
When craving a relationship, think about the reasons why you can work on filling that void. This will help you detach from wanting to be in a relationship so much.
And that emptiness, void, or confusion you feel is a sign telling you to pivot and change course.
If you need company, be with your family and friends.
If you want romantic date nights, treat yourself to a fancy dinner.
If you love to explore new places, tag your pets along.
But in all seriousness, you have every means to enjoy life and find fulfillment even without being in a relationship.
I know it’s not the same as having a partner, but filling that void will help calm that desperation for a little while at least.
The important thing is that you’ll learn to appreciate what you have in your life. You’ll see how wonderful it is to find fulfillment on your own.
Let the air of self-satisfaction surround you as it makes everyone see your glow and radiance. And that’s the time when someone will feel the love that flows from you.
12) Connect with your true passions
Instead of chasing relationships, explore your interests and hobbies.
Find your passion and do things that will make your heart sing. It could be anything – from physical fitness and community service to leisure and personal growth.
If you’re struggling to find your passion, consider your talents and look for activities that you find fulfilling. Learn a skill or do something that you’ve always wanted to do.
The key here is to move in a happier direction.
Not only will you feel less lonely and stressed, but also feel better knowing that there’s so much you can do on your own.
And this gives you something positive to focus on.
13) Invest in your career
If you’re unhappy with what you’re doing in your life, take action and shift to make a change.
Achieve your dreams and live the life you’ve dreamed of.
This isn’t about getting obsessed with your career alone, but having confidence and a sense of fulfillment.
It’s also about growing and building yourself so you can handle the challenges that come with having a relationship.
It’s better to learn things and work on being financially independent than sitting around feeling miserable all the time.
Here’s the thing,
Focusing on your career won’t negatively affect your chances of being with the one you’re destined to be with.
Rather, it will boost your chances as your professional fulfillment can be a huge turn-on.
This way, you won’t get to be dependent on someone else for your emotional or financial state.
14) Focus on your health
Look into the bright side of not being in a hopeless relationship.
Chasing love and wanting a relationship so badly are unhealthy, and toxic relationships can also be harmful.
You already know how stressful it is to try to build a connection with someone who doesn’t care for you or rearrange your life for their convenience.
Instead of doing this, spend time planning for a healthier lifestyle.
Free yourself from this unhealthy habit by taking a holistic approach. Make sure that your health and well-being are in check.
Paying attention to your health and well-being can make a huge difference in your energy, life satisfaction, and ability to enjoy activities.
Giving up the fruitless activity of wanting a relationship is a good start toward a healthier you.
Know that your health is essential to your overall happiness and fulfillment.
15) Spend more time with your family
Your family is the most important thing in your life as they are there for you no matter what.
They are reminders of how much you are loved, appreciated, and cared for. They will support you unconditionally no matter what.
And it’s good to know that they know and accept you as you are.
So if you’re being miserable for wanting a relationship, be with your family. They are ready to listen, cheer you up, and hug you.
Spend time with them as probably, they are missing you too.
No matter how tough everything seems, nothing can break the bond that you share with your family and loved ones.
In time, you’ll be with someone who will give you the love you deserve to have.
16) Hang out with your best friends
Your true friends will always be there for you no matter what.
They are the ones who won’t judge you, even if they know how desperate you are for wanting a relationship. They will understand, support, and cheer you up, especially during this time.
They will keep you company when you need someone to be there for you.
So why not invite them out for a lunch date, a movie night out, or a day at the spa?
No matter how busy they are, you know that you can count on them when you need a shoulder to cry on.
And even if they might live far away, you know that you can always still be in touch with them through video calls, messaging apps, and emails.
17) Go on an adventure
Since you’re not involved in a relationship, spend more time traveling.
You have more time for yourself and explore the world around you.
Traveling is a great way to meet new people, learn about their culture, try on new experiences, and make memories
You can travel with your loved ones and friends, but if you desire to travel on your own, then do it
Traveling alone is one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. It’s amazing how traveling solo also puts you in the right places to meet people.
You’ll get to experience the benefits such as:
- Knowing how to face your fears
- Getting off the beaten path
- Having the freedom to go where the wind blows
- Doing your own thing
- Finding a lot about yourself
When you look back, you’ll see that traveling gave you the best moments of your life.
18) Stop talking about relationship status
The things we share and talk about with others stick in our minds.
Even if love is a topic we always want to talk about, don’t make venting about your relationship part of your daily routine.
So if you frequently talk about finding a new partner or being single for a long time, you’re likely to get obsessed with wanting a relationship.
But if you try to stop talking about your relationship status, the less you would be thinking about that too.
You don’t have to avoid relationship talks, but try not to be the first one to bring up that subject.
You may also want to spend less time with people who are obsessed with dating and finding their life partners.
Also, it’s not unwise to dish out every little detail that’s happening in your life. It’s best to set your boundaries and know your limits.
19) Be real about your past relationships
Another reason why you keep wanting a relationship is that you still haven’t fully closed the door of your last relationship.
Those past feelings and emotions continue to linger and impact your ability to move on. And it’s because you haven’t fully processed your feelings at all.
If you want to stop wanting a relationship, you have to be honest with yourself.
This means letting go of your romanticized version of your past partners and relationships.
You don’t have to convince yourself that your relationship was perfect or that your exes were amazing.
The more you seek the perfect relationship, the more desperate you become to make unhealthy decisions.
Instead of chasing or forcing someone to love you, remind yourself that it’s better to be with someone who truly makes you happy.
In the meantime, allow yourself to process your past feelings – and heal and release from the past.
This is the way to fully embrace what the future will bring.
20) Remember that single life rocks!
It’s awesome being single – and this isn’t just something that single people say.
Sometimes, even those who are in a relationship also miss their single life.
Being single is great and has tons of perks. Just imagine being the boss of your life.
Here are some things that happen when you enjoy being single:
- You’re free to do what you want
- You never have to take someone’s feelings into consideration
- You can spend every day doing what you love
- You won’t worry about being cheated on
- You’ll have more time for others
- You’ll be more aware of your needs.
As you come to terms with being single and enjoy it, it can be self-actualizing and fulfilling.
So for now, enjoy the freedom and joy that being single gives.
It’s the best time to feed yourself with positive thoughts.
When you find the right person, and you’ve learned to enjoy your solitude, you can prepare yourself better for your future relationship.
Stop looking for a relationship
Relationships play a major role in our lives and well-being. But when we’re caught up in dynamics that don’t serve us positively, we’re only limiting ourselves – and stopping it for a while is simply the best we can.
It’s okay to still want to find the one you’re destined to be with and long for a serious relationship.
But instead of chasing love, wait for it. Be patient and trust that you will be with this person at the right time.
Rather than spending all your time and energy chasing someone you want to spend your life with, focus on empowering yourself.
So when love finds you, you’re more than ready to make the relationship work.
Take off your love goggles.
Don’t expect that the perfect person will magically appear in your life.
The truth is, there is no perfect person and relationship out there.
When you expect, you’ll only get deluded from reality. This can cloud your perception that it becomes difficult for you to see a person for who they are.
So stop looking for a relationship, but learn how to embrace perfection.
For when you learned to do that, that’s when love shows up unexpectedly.
Most of all, focus on the relationship you have with yourself and on cultivating self-love and respect. Keep this in mind,
You deserve a healthy and fulfilling relationship, and you are always worthy of someone’s love.
Hopefully, the points I’ve shared on how to stop wanting a relationship so badly will help you take a step back, see what you want – and know what you already have in your life.
So step back from your pursuit of love. Take a break as this is the best thing that you can do.
Instead, focus on yourself and your mission.
Go out with a positive attitude and a healthier mindset. In time, you’ll see just how great the real thing is when it comes along.
And take a moment for yourself – for that’s when you will be with the right person for you.
Well, probably not today, but that’s okay.
But you will be with the one you’re meant to be with and in a happier relationship someday.
Putting yourself first
Hey, Lachlan from Hack Spirit here.
What’s your number one goal at the moment?
Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?
To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?
Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?
Whatever it is, you’re not going to get there, unless you’ve got a plan.
And even then…plans fail.
But I didn’t write this to you to be the voice of doom and gloom…
No, I’m writing this because I want to help you achieve the goals you’ve set.
I’ve recently been taking part in a workshop called Life Journal created by teacher and career coach Jeanette Brown.
Covering all the basics and more on what’s needed to reach your goals, Jeannette tackles everything from creating habits and new behavior patterns to putting your plans into action.
She doesn’t mess around – this workshop will require effort on your part but that’s the beauty of it – Jeanette has carefully designed it to put YOU in the driving seat of your life.
So…think back to that important goal I asked about at the start of this message.
How much do you want it?
Are you willing to put the effort in to get there?
If so, check out the workshop here.
If you do take part, I’d love to hear how your Life Journey goes!
All the best,