Maybe it’s your haircut or the way you stare, but for some reason, men seem to avoid you.
It’s not even because they don’t like you—you know for a fact that many of them actually DO—but it’s as if they’re worried that you’d bite them!
To help you become more approachable, here are 15 things you can do to make you less intimidating to men.
1) Be genuinely interested in people
The most authentic—and possibly, the easiest— way to be less intimidating is by being genuinely interested in others.
If someone talks, listen. Be curious and ask questions.
You don’t have to fake it. You just have to start developing pure interest in people from different walks of life.
You can learn a lot from everyone, especially from those whose lives are very different from yours. So go learn.
People who are naturally curious are generally more open. And when you’re open, you’re less intimidating to everyone.
So even if you might look intimidating on the outside but if you’re truly interested, curious and open, you’d become approachable.
People would say “She looks scary alright, but she’s actually very cool!”
Trust me, guys dig this combo!
2) Be a little playful
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “But that’s not who I am!”
Well, let me tell you this: you aren’t a boring person either!
You don’t have to do the usual “playful” things like giggling at memes if that’s clearly not your style.
Ask yourself what makes you a playful person in your own way and do more of that.
You may enjoy wearing cute earrings but you thought people won’t take you seriously if you do. You know what? Go ahead and flaunt those!
Or you may have a dark sense of humor. Well then, be as dark as you can be! Many people dig that, especially guys.
The point is, don’t be scared to show your playful side.
Trust me, you won’t push away people. Au contraire! The right people will be drawn to you.
3) Pay attention to your words
Ahhh. Words. They can nurture and they can destroy.
Be watchful with your words.
I’m giving you this advice based on my personal experience.
Some people are scared of me because I have a sharp tongue. I can’t help it. I feel the need to be “genuine” and “honest” by giving my brutal opinion on things.
Because of this, people stayed away from me—even the men who I know were attracted to me. A best friend even unfriended me for it!
Now that I’m older, I realized that how you do things matter a lot.
So I learned to tame myself and select the words I use carefully, especially when it’s through text.
Words can cut like a knife so even if you’re being honest, you have to learn HOW to phrase them in order not to offend and scare others.
4) Pay attention to body language
Much of communication is non-verbal. So if you want to be less intimidating, you have to make sure you look less intimidating.
Smile more when you’re talking with someone, and make sure to make eye contact.
Have an open, relaxed stance around people instead of a closed, defensive one. Don’t cross your eyes, roll your eyes, or frown unless you want to chase him away.
One tip to make people feel less intimidated by you is by mirroring. If there’s a guy you particularly like, mirror his movements to be more approachable.
Did he tuck his hair behind his ear? Do the same.
Did he smile at you? Smile back at him.
5) Don’t just smile—say something
Body language is important, but if you really want others to warm up to you, then you have to engage with them verbally.
Practice small talk so that next time you bump into each other, you actually start a conversation.
This is particularly advisable in a group setting. Don’t just smile and have a friendly look, participate. And if possible, try not to alienate anyone during the conversation.
It will make people think you care about others, which will of course, make you less intimidating.
6) Be less judgmental
There are few people as intimidating to be around with as someone who likes to judge and criticize others.
Sure, you might laugh along when the target of said criticism are other people… but what happens when you lose that person’s favor? What if they start judging YOU?
This is precisely why men are intimidated by women who judge others.
Even a guy who likes you will back away if he hears you saying something judgmental.
Even things like “Pfff…men are slobs” or “ That guy looks like he’s always high on something” will warn him to stay away.
You might simply be joking around, but it’s still a red flag as far as he’s concerned.
7) Don’t flaunt your achievements
Here’s something every woman needs to know: some men are intimidated by success.
It’s not their fault. Not really. You see, men are conditioned that the only way for them to be useful in society is by showing that they achieved something.
And if you’re a woman who’s successful, you might notice that some men start to pull away once they find out what a “hot shot” you really are.
So don’t broadcast your awesomeness. That will scare away the men who have the slightest bit of insecurity.
Just be humble and let them discover who you are as a person—how you drink your coffee, how you see the world—instead of your accolades.
8) Keep your big goals to yourself
You might not have achieved much yet but you’re equally intimidating to men if you flaunt your goals too much.
Ambitiousness is sexy, but if it’s the only thing you want to talk about, guys would get scared that it’s the only thing that matters to you.
They might also worry you have extremely high standards.
“What if I can’t make her happy?” or ‘What if she thinks of me as a loser” are the things that might cross his mind if you seem too crazy about your goals?
So what do you do?
You’re better off talking about your goals to like-minded people or keep them to yourself instead—well, at least at the first few interactions.
9) Befriend more guys
Something that can intimidate guys is if they see that you never hang around guys.
They will start wondering why this is the case. They might worry that you’ll assume that they’d want to date you if they try talking with you. They might worry that you are not comfortable with men at all.
And on top of that, since you have no men around, they won’t have any other guys they can talk to as an excuse if they want to be around you.
So that’s why you should try to form plenty of platonic friendships with the men around you, from the doorman to your colleagues.
Not only is it healthy and enriching to have friends from all sexes and walks of life, you’ll also be less intimidating to men.
10) Be more appreciative of the “little things”
Start by praising others.
When you praise other people, you become a ray of sunshine. And not one gets intimidated if you’re one!
If you’re easy to please and you’re appreciative of all things, it’s so refreshing.
It makes people want to be near you because you’re safe to be with. They know that even if they’re flawed, they won’t be judged. And they know that you’ll see the good side in them when they can’t see one.
We often see guys ending up marrying nice, “simple” girls. And that’s because it’s hard not to fall in love with someone who is positive.
Sure, they’re less scary and definitely more enjoyable to be with.
11) Don’t be scared to be vulnerable
This is easier said than done. In fact, opening up and being more vulnerable is hard, especially if you’ve gone through trauma such as betrayal.
But if you present yourself as utterly unflappable, without any vulnerabilities at all, you’ll only end up looking unapproachable.
But then you might wonder… how do you do it?
Well, for starters you can look into the following.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
- Feel free to express your emotions instead of bottling it up.
- Share moments of vulnerability from time to time.
- Don’t be afraid to mess up and look dumb sometimes.
You’re not some perfect, immaculate goddess who they can never relate to.
You’re just another human like them, with your own flaws and vulnerabilities.
12) Be an open book…or at least try
I have already talked about the importance of sharing your vulnerabilities so that you’ll be more approachable.
But that doesn’t mean you should just stop there. Another reason why a man might find you intimidating is because he has difficulties relating to you.
He might be dying to find a way to approach you and talk to you, but he just doesn’t know what to talk about exactly.
The solution to this, of course, is to give him things to talk about.
Share your interests, your knowledge, and even your values with him. Do you play games or like talking about movies? Share away.
Don’t do this just to “win” his heart, of course. When you share, it must be because you have a genuine desire to connect with someone.
And this genuine desire for connection is what makes you less intimidating.
13) Improve your aura
The thoughts and emotions swirling around in our head, as well as our physical health, have an effect on our aura.
And while empaths are known for being good at reading people’s auras, you don’t have to be an empath to feel someone’s “vibes.”
If you’re always thinking dark thoughts or are depressed, people will feel uneasy around you. Likewise, if you’re always happy, you will exude so much good vibes your very presence will lighten up the room.
So if you want to seem more welcoming, try to change your aura.
You can start by taking care of your body. Sleep early and eat good food. After that, it would help you to focus on your mindset and weed out the negativity from your life.
Some people can manage it in a few months, others will take years. So be patient, and trust in your efforts.
14) Treat everyone with respect
People—but gentlemen especially—don’t react kindly to people being disrespectful towards others.
In fact, not only will open disrespect intimidate guys, it will also make them not want to associate with you.
Many men will ghost you or delete your contact if you go on a date with them and they see you being disrespectful towards waiters and shopkeepers.
So as long as someone has not done something worthy of disrespect—like stealing your wallet or burning your house down—treat them with respect.
Do this and not only will you be less intimidating to men, you’ll also become a more loving person overall, which is more important, really.
15) Learn to laugh at yourself
Don’t be too serious about life.
Laugh a little, especially about your flaws and mishaps.
Aside from it being healthy, knowing how to laugh at yourself is also one good way you can help put people at ease.
Being able to laugh at your own expense communicates to people that you’re mature and that they don’t need to walk on eggshells around you.
People are much more likely to feel comfortable around someone who makes fun of themselves instead of pointing at someone else and making THEM the butt of the joke.
Self-deprecating humor is charming and sexy, too. So if you want to win a guy’s heart, learn to make fun of yourself from time to time.
You can stop being intimidating to guys while still being yourself—it’s all about presentation.
And improving the way you present yourself is something that you are well capable of.
Sure, there might be a lot to learn, unlearn, and relearn, but with time and effort you’ll get past that.
Many of the things you need to do are things that will help you become a better person overall anyways, so whether or not you have guys around you, the effort will be well worth it!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.