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How to seduce your husband when he is not interested: 15 no bullish*t tips

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Sex and intimacy are important parts of a successful marriage.

But we all know how easy it is for the sex to slide when you’ve been together for a long time.

So how do you seduce your husband when he doesn’t seem very interested?

This article will offer practical tips to help you improve attraction, romance and sex in your marriage.

1) Try something different

Routine is pretty unavoidable in life. We all fall into it without thinking, and in daily life, it’s what helps us create order and structure.

Even in a marriage routine keeps things ticking over. But at the same time, routine can kill spontaneity.

We start to know what to expect from our partners. And whilst this brings comfort and security, it can simultaneously kill passion.

Sadly novelty is sexy, and that is often missing from a long term relationship.

Without realizing it, routine often follows us into the bedroom. We fall into patterns of behavior and end up having sex in the same way under the same conditions.

And quite frankly, that can get boring. What felt effortlessly hot and steamy once upon a time can become a chore.

In the early stages of a relationship, the mere sight of each other could be enough to turn one another on. But years down the line, that’s rarely the case for most people.

Instead, we need to find ways of spicing things up and trying to keep our sex life feeling fresh.

It doesn’t need to be elaborate. Do what works for you. It can be as simple as shaking up the times, days, or places you have sex. For example, introducing a morning quickie before work.

Or you might want to bring something new into your sex life, such as role-play, toys, or dress-up.

If your husband seems disinterested in sex, try resparking those flames of passion with something new in the bedroom.

2) Embody your own version of sexy

Sure, it’s great to push your comfort zone, but ultimately whatever you decide to try has to work for you.

It can be really helpful to find ways of boosting your own confidence, in order to feel sexier in your own skin.

A huge part of seduction is owning your own sexuality.

I’ll give you an example. I’ve recently started pole dancing classes. No, I’m not considering branching out in my career.

Instead, I thought it would be fun, help me keep fit, and be an empowering way of getting in touch with my own femininity and sexual power.

It’s easier to lose our mojo or start to doubt ourselves, especially when you are going through a bit of a sexual dry patch in your relationship. You may even start to feel a bit rejected or unwanted.

Ask yourself, what would help me to feel sexy? And do it.

If you want to grab your husband’s attention, you will need to feel worthy of it.

3) Send sexy texts or photos

I love sexy messages and pics as a tool in the seduction belt.

Why?

Because not only is it really effective at building anticipation and sexual tension, it suits even the shy types.

You can hide any trepidation you might feel behind a screen. And you get to decide how explicit or suitably suggestive your messages are.

If you are less confident, you can keep it cute, playful, and teasing in the beginning, and build from there.

If you are feeling naughty, you can tell him exactly what you want him to do to you or what you’re going to do to him when he gets home.

And once you get into it, you might be surprised at how hot and heavy things get when it escalates.

Not good with words? No problem. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so send him a quick snap instead.

It can be as simple as your bare legs in the bathtub with the caption: ‘waiting for you to come home’.

4) Talk about sex

Everybody knows communication is one of the most fundamental foundations of a relationship.

But some subjects can get overlooked or feel more awkward to talk about. And sex is most definitely one of them.

It’s a vulnerable topic that can quickly bring up our insecurities. So all too often we brush sex issues under the rug.

Differences in libidos, arousal issues, and lack of emotional intimacy are just some of the common problems most married couples face in the bedroom from time to time.

But just like any other area of your relationship that needs some work, it’s important to talk about it.

There’s no magic remedy to make it easier but:

  • Be upfront and honest, whilst staying tactful and understanding of your partner’s feelings.
  • Get specific about how much sex you’d both like.
  • Ask questions about what the other wants in the bedroom.
  • Try to come up with solutions together to inject more sex and desire back into the relationship.

5) Trigger his hero instinct

Guys want to feel respected, needed, and valued in a relationship. And when they don’t it can affect all sorts of things in your marriage, including your sex life.

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.

And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.

Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.

The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you.

Click here to watch the free video.

6) Identify things that are getting in the way of your sex life

Plenty of married couples want a better sex life, but they find that “real life” can get in the way.

So if you’re struggling to have an active sex life, it could be because there are certain things blocking it from happening.

Have a think about what practical things could be hindering your sex life, so that you can try to find solutions for them.

For example, there’s no denying having children changes the dynamics of a marriage. Could you get a babysitter one night to go out, just the two of you?

Maybe you or your husband always come home tired and so sex falls down the agenda. Or stress is getting in the way of his sexual libido.

Even simple things like technology can impact on your sex life.

It’s all too easy to fall into a routine of vegging out in front of the TV after work, or being glued to your phone — which creates a deeper disconnection within the relationship.

Sometimes sex problems in a marriage go deeper than finding ways to seduce your husband. And when they do, you need to get to the root cause.

7) Make time for intimacy

Intimacy is a big reason why sex is so important. Intimacy is more than just sex, but the two can go hand in hand.

There can be this common misconception that men have a one-track mind and so are always up for sex no matter what. But it’s not true.

Both men and women often need intimacy within a relationship to keep that strong bond that makes them want to have sex with their partner.

If you’ve been trying to figure out how to get your husband interested in sex again, then you might want to consider making more time for intimacy.

You can start by scheduling regular date nights where you spend quality time together without distractions.

This could mean going for dinner or drinks, watching movies, or even playing board games.

Injecting some romance back into the marriage encourages you to focus on one another again. Often our sex life slips when we stop paying attention to each other.

8) Surprise him

You know how every woman secretly hopes their man will come home with flowers one day for no reason at all?

Well, guys love attention just as much. Surprises and small gestures make us feel special and wanted.

Your seductive surprise could be based around doing something special for your husband. For example, cooking him his favorite meal, or surprising him with tickets to his fave band.

Or if you want to ramp up the seduction, make your surprise a little more overtly sexual.

That could be putting on some sexy lingerie for when he gets home. Or greeting him at the door completely naked.

Surprises not only spice things up, but they are a way of showing your spouse you care.

9) Get touchy feely

Sometimes the pressure of sex can be what makes it feel burdensome. Nothing dampens those flames of passion quite like obligation.

My partner and I once saw a sex therapist when we were having difficulties with our sex life. And what he suggested really surprised me.

Rather than tell us to have more sex, he took sex totally off the table. In fact, he told us we couldn’t have sex.

Instead, he asked us to focus on touch in all its many forms.

That might be giving a massage, gently stroking your partner’s body, or cuddling up to each other on the couch.

The mission was to explore each other’s bodies again, connect through touch, and take the pressure off around sex.

Did you know that studies have found that just hugging our partners can lead to lowers levels of cortisol, the stress hormone?

If you want to seduce your husband then ramp up the touch.

Stroke his arm, play with his hair, brush your body up against him when you pass one another, even pinching his butt — but be sure to get more hands-on.

10) Talk to an expert

All marriages need a helping hand from time to time.

That’s why it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like struggling sex lives.

They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

11) Initiate sex

One of the most foolproof ways to seduce your husband is to not beat around the bush. Be clear about what you want, and make the first move.

A lot of women wait for their man to initiate sex. But one of the most common complaints from husbands is exactly this.

Men can get tired of being the ones who drive sex in the relationship. It can lead to frustration and apathy.

It might surprise you to hear that studies have even shown a link between who intiates sex and how happy the relationship is.

As highlighted in WebMD:

“Partners who reported equal initiation and female initiation patterns also tended to report greater sexual satisfaction for both partners. This finding is also consistent with other studies suggesting that relationships with the most balance are the most satisfying.”

If you want to feel more desired by your husband, be sure that you are showing him that you too desire him.

12) Tell him your fantasies

Sharing your sexual fantasies with your husband is bound to spark his imagination and his interest.

You can tell him all sorts of things: what turns you on, or what you’d like to try. You can also ask him about his fantasies.

This will give him ideas and fuel his creativity. And you might discover new things you’d like to try together.

When you bring your sexual fantasies up, start by letting him know that you don’t have any ulterior motives. Explain there’s no pressure, you just think it could be fun to share.

You could even kick things off simply by asking him ‘Is there anything you’ve always fantasized about?’

13) Give him compliments

Compliments go a long way.

Don’t think for one minute that flattery only gets women into bed. Men like their ego stroked just as much as we all do.

Tell him he smells great. Let him know you think he’s sexy. Say that shirt he is wearing looks great on him.

If you want your husband to be more interested in you sexually, make sure you are paying him attention.

Complimenting your husband also shows that you value him and appreciate him. And if he feels appreciated, he’ll respond more positively. He’ll feel wanted, loved, and desired.

This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.

When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to be an attentive husband.

A reminder that you can learn exactly what to do to trigger this instinct within him by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.

14) Tease him

Teasing your husband covers a few things.

It means introducing more of a playful side into your sex life.

Be mischievous and playful with him. Laughter can be a big aphrodisiac. Seduction doesn’t have to be so serious, it can be lighthearted and fun too.

Try to have fun together again. You never know where this will lead.

But teasing him can also involve you taking more control of the situation. That might be a sexy striptease or making suggestive comments.

15) Dress up

Similar to the tip above, dressing up can have different aspects.

On a very basic level, making an extra effort in your appearance can help to seduce your husband if he doesn’t seem that interested recently.

When we first get together we naturally make more of an effort. Years later we spend many of our nights slobbing around the house in sweatpants.

There’s nothing wrong with this but it understandably becomes a passion killer.

So put on your nicest perfume, do your hair and make-up and wear something a bit sexy.

And if you really want to get his pulse-raising, you might want to invest in some new lingerie or a sexy dress-up outfit for some role play.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

Written by Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey.

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