How to seduce a married man: 16 tips that really work

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According to infidelity statistics, cheating is pretty common in all relationships, and that includes marriages too.

As many as one in five men will cheat on their wives. That means if you want to seduce a married man, the good news is, it’s certainly possible.

But seducing a man who is married isn’t as straightforward as how to get a guy to like you who is single. You’ll need a whole different set of tricks up your sleeves.

You can’t rush in and be too obvious, or you risk scaring him off. You need to walk the fine line of catching his attention and playing it cool.

In this article, we’ll cover all the essential tips on how to seduce a married man and exactly why they work.

1) Dress sexier around him

I’m sure you could just as easily charm him with your wit and intellect as you can with your looks. But here’s the thing, statistically speaking, most men end up cheating because of strong physical attraction to a woman.

Women are more likely to stray for emotional reasons but men say physical reasons are what turn their heads. This is where men and women differ. A poll from Superdrug Online Doctor found that both sexes gave very different reasons for infidelity.

Whereas for women the most likely reason is feeling neglected by their partners, for guys, the most common reason was that the person they had an affair with was “very hot.”

Men are more visually driven when it comes to sex. As neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam point out, when it comes to men’s arousal patterns, guys have a particular sensitivity to visual cues.

“Men’s greater sex drive may be partially due to the fact that their sexual motivation pathways have more connections to the subcortical reward system than in women…men’s brains are designed to objectify females.”

That means your secret weapon could be in what you wear, and how you look around him. Whilst you probably don’t want to go overboard and into full vamp mode, wearing more subtly sexy clothing around him is likely to get his attention.

That might mean showing a little more flesh, or making more of an effort in your appearance whenever he is around.

2) Pay him attention

A lot of unhappily married men have forgotten what it’s like to be desired.

Once they are off the market, men in relationships often miss that feeling they had when they were single of getting attention from the opposite sex.

One of the fastest ways to flatter his ego and let him know that you’re interested in him, without giving everything away, is simply to pay him plenty of attention.

Listen to him, ask him questions about the things he is interested in, show you are curious about him, ask his opinions to show you value his thoughts.

You can also pay him little compliments. Tell him how good he smells today, or that you love that color on him. Guys want to feel like they’re attractive just as much as women do.

A little bit of flattery can go a long way — especially if he’s not getting those things from his wife.

3) Make him feel like a hero

If you know that a guy isn’t happy at home then there is most likely something that his wife is not doing which you can take advantage of.

Perhaps rather surprisingly this has absolutely zero to do with sex and everything to do with making him feel essential.

No matter what, every guy wants to feel like he is a woman’s hero. In fact, this instinct within him is even more powerful than love or sex.

The hero instinct is a new psychological theory about what makes guys tick, and if you want to seduce a married man, then you definitely need to know about it.

According to the hero instinct every man is biologically driven to seek certain things from his romantic relationships.

It’s written in his DNA to want to prove himself to you, protect and provide.

If it sounds a bit caveman, you have to remember that this is about genetics and not stereotypical gender roles.

Guys are subconsciously looking for women who can make them feel like a hero, and it’s actually pretty simple to trigger this in him once you learn how.

James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first coined this term, reveals exactly what you need to do in this free online video.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) Send flirty texts

Texting and social media messages have to be one of the best modern tools available for some covert flirting.

These days, you can even tell by text alone if a guy likes you. Similarly, we all know that being trigger happy with the likes on someone’s social media page is their big glaring sign to say “hello, I’m interested”.

It’s especially great for seducing a married man as it all happens in the privacy of your DM’s.

Exchanging messages in between seeing one another is the perfect way to increase your connection, show you are interested, and do some subtle teasing too. Sending the perfect text can be what catapults your relationship to the next level.

So, how to seduce a married man through text?

A few well-placed winky face emojis can work wonders to start turning things flirtatious.

You can always start simply by increasing the communication between you. Try sending a few funny memes or making more conversation between you two to show your interest.

Once you’ve already established a mutually chatty online connection, you can then turn up the heat a little and make things more frisky.

Remember that guys are turned on by what they see, so you could send a picture of yourself in a new outfit (although nothing too risque). Tell him you’re going out tonight and ask him for his opinion on what you’re wearing.

Above all else, be sure to keep it playful and light.

5) Eye contact

In all acts of seduction, eye contact is crucial, and that goes for seducing a married man too.

Prolonged eye contact is one of the ways we signal to someone that we are romantically interested in them.

In fact, making eye contact alone can even make us think someone is more desirable.

Scientific studies have even shown that both men and women found faces looking straight at them to be more attractive and more likable compared to those who looked away from them.

Most of us are familiar with those silent cues we all give off to signal to someone that we’re into them. Body language is a powerful secret revealer of whether someone has the hots for you.

Holding a guy’s gaze in a playful or flirty way, for just a few seconds longer than you normally would, is definitely one of those powerful signals.

6) Ask for his help

Remember earlier we talked about triggering a guy’s hero instinct to have him eating out of the palm of your hands?

As a quick recap, the hero instinct says that men are biologically programmed to want to be the hero by taking care of the woman in his life — so that they feel needed and wanted.

One of the ways you can trigger his hero instinct is by turning to him for help.

That help can be practical, emotional, or even intellectual. It’s all about saying to him that you value what he has to offer so that he can feel like your superhero.

In long-term relationships, a lot of men can start to feel unappreciated by their other half. That’s why you noticing his strengths and seeking his help is going to be powerful.

If you need something fixed around the house, if your car is making a funny noise, if your computer is acting up — and you know he can help — then ask.

Or if you have some sort of a problem in life and you need some advice, then turn to him.

It’s going to massage his ego and make him feel useful to you.

7) Be his friend

Being his “friend” is not about getting stuck in the friend zone, but it is about giving you two an excuse to get closer without guilt or the pressure of expectations.

If he can tell himself that he’s not doing anything wrong by hanging out with you and getting to know you (because you’re just pals), then he’s more likely to let you in.

The reality is that affairs don’t just happen. They are a consequence of sometimes seemingly small actions that we take which pave the way towards something happening.

Being his friend allows you to have fun with him, laugh with him and show what an appealing person you are (inside and out).

If he is having problems in his marriage then being his shoulder to cry on or a place to vent his frustrations sets you up as his confidante. It starts to create the dynamic that makes you two a team.

That’s why being a good listener and making yourself available for him to open up to you can help you move closer emotionally.

8) Show him that you are desirable to other guys

If you want to seduce a married man then you will probably know already that the more in demand something seems, the more we want it.

How do you get a married man to chase you? Show him you are desirable to other men.

The trick is to make sure you do this in a way so that it doesn’t make him feel like you are out of bounds for him.

You might mention that a certain someone has been trying to get you out on a date, but you don’t think you’ll go as he’s not really your type.

This also gives you the perfect opportunity to describe your married guy if he asks you what your type is.

What you’re looking to do is find an opportunity to let it be known that you have the attention of plenty of men, whilst still making it clear you are available.

According to Richard Wiseman in his book 59 Seconds: Change Your Life in Under a Minute:

“Researchers speculated that the best strategy would be to give a potential date the impression that in general you were hard to get (and therefore a scarce resource worth having) but really enthusiastic about him or her specifically. They tested this notion by using some of the same techniques… and found overwhelming evidence to support their hypothesis.”

Ultimately, men are also very territorial and it may step things up if he feels like there are other guys on the scene and that he might miss his chance.

According to Livesciene it’s actually biological:

“Part of the male job, evolutionarily-speaking, is to defend turf…More research is needed in humans but in other male mammals, the “defend my turf” brain area is larger than their female counterparts.”

9) Lean in towards him

Seducing a married man might not be rocket science, but it does have a lot to do with some well executed biology.

Getting physically closer to someone is a great way to really turn up the heat.

There’s a good reason why several of the tips to seduce married men on this list involve the art of body language to communicate interest.

That’s because these unspoken telltale signs are even more important when you can’t be explicit or direct about how you feel.

Building up to the stage where something more physical will happen between you and a married man involves dancing around the first few steps of flirty body language.

Leaning in towards him will let him see that you want to be close to him.

If you can lean over him so that your hair gently touches him, your arm brushes his, or he can smell your perfume — even better.

When you are with him, get as intimate as you can without crossing any lines. This will help you to make a physical impression on him and get his imagination going.

10) Show him respect

 R.E.S.P.E.C.T

It’s not just Aretha Franklin looking for this magical ingredient in a relationship, every guy on the planet is.

One of the biggest marriage killers is when a guy feels like his wife no longer respects or appreciates him.

That means even though chemistry, lust, and sexy flirtation are some of the things you can offer him which he is missing at home — often respect will magnetize him just as much.

If things aren’t going so well at home he can feel like he’s not getting the respect he deserves, which is where you come in.

Showing him that you respect his ideas, thoughts, opinions, perspectives, and decisions can help him get the attention he may feel lacking.

Feeling respected is another of the key points from the hero instinct (the psychological theory about what men truly want out of a relationship).

Sometimes a married man falls for a woman (who isn’t even trying to catch his eye) simply because she is unwittingly triggering his hero instinct.

The best thing to do is watch this free video that will tell you all you need to know to use the hero instinct to help you seduce a married man.

You’ll learn the phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little things you can do to bring out this very natural male instinct.

11) Be confident

Confidence in both men and women is always hella sexy.

Think about it, who would you go for, the guy who knows what he has to offer or the uncertain one who is easily intimidated?

One of the desirable personality traits in a woman is confidence. Confidence allows you to ramp up the sex appeal, get flirty, and still tease at the same time.

Of course, that’s not to be confused with arrogance. But being comfortable with who you are, and owning your passion and positivity is a huge turn-on for any guy, even the married ones.

You might have to lead more than you’re used to when it comes to seducing a married guy.

He is less likely to openly chase you in the way a single man might, which can leave the ball in your court a lot more than his.

That means you’re going to have to step up and show that confident sass.

Even if you don’t always feel it, remember to keep your game face on and come across as the sexy confident woman he can’t help but fall for.

12) Tease him

 A little bit of teasing is an important element of any seduction.

It creates a sexual tension that builds excitement and playfulness that is hard to resist.

You can tease a married man in several ways. The first is through body language and physical touch. Nothing too extreme, we’re talking about a gentle touch of the arm, flicks of the hair, and making the most of your physical presence around him.

You can also inject a bit of humor into your conversations. The old cliche about playground teasing showing that someone likes you still applies in the world of adults too.

The key is to keep things playful. Make sure it is lighthearted jesting to tease him. You don’t want to upset him, leave him feeling threatened, or be unsure of your intentions towards him in any way.

Teasing can also involve building the tension between you two slowly.

The game of cat and mouse may be one he has missed since being married. The excitement of having all the “firsts” again with somebody is often one of the things people say they miss most about being single.

So make the most of the sexual chemistry and playoff that chasing game for a while to build the sexual tension.

13) Show him what he’s been missing

Even when a marriage isn’t a particularly unhappy one, there is always going to be a sense of the grass being greener on the other side.

It’s natural after a long-term relationship to think about those single days.

Your role is to be the opposite of everything his married life might represent.

Rather than restriction, commitment, and settled life, you should want to come across as the fun, carefree, and YOLO alternative.

Married life involves compromise and routine. That kind of stability isn’t usually very exciting. Change is something you can give him that his wife can not.

That is why can be the light relief that can help him escape the monotony of his marriage.

Men don’t usually jump into affairs looking for something serious.

Get him to try new things, suggest fun activities to do together, show him a wild time again (and I don’t necessarily mean just in the bedroom).

Having fun together is the perfect aphrodisiac, and you want him to associate you with fun.

14) Laugh with him

It’s official, humor is attractive.

But here’s the interesting thing. When it comes to being funny, research shows that whilst women like men who make them laugh, men like women who laugh at their jokes.

According to the book Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love:

“Recent research suggests that while both men and women say they like a “good sense of humor” in a potential mate, they differ in what they mean by this phrase. Women tend to prefer men who make them laugh, whereas men tend to prefer women who laugh at their jokes.

“Consistent with this, Robert Provine analyzed more than 3000 singles ads and found that women were more likely to describe their good humor appreciation ability whereas men were more likely to offer good humor production ability.”

The more you chuckle, the more attractive he will feel.

Men want to feel like they are impressing you. That’s why laughing at his jokes is a great way to signal to him that he is succeeding in that.

15) Don’t be demanding

 If you want to scare a married man off then a very quick way to do it is to appear too high maintenance or demanding.

That is a complication he just isn’t looking for.

That’s not to say that affairs never progress into something more, because some affairs last for years. But when things are just starting, the last thing you want is for getting involved with you to seem like it’s going to cause him trouble.

At the end of the day you must remember that when seducing a married man, he has way more to lose than you.

If he gets involved with the wrong woman he stands to lose his home, finances, and possibly even his kids.

According to LA Intelligence Detective Agency, 74 percent of men admit they’d cheat if it was guaranteed they’d never get caught. So he will want to know you can be discrete and that he can trust you.

He will want to feel as though you can keep your relationship to yourself, and that he can rely on you with any indiscretions he is about to make.

Most men who contemplate affairs are ultimately looking for something the opposite of their marriage.

They want something light-hearted rather than serious. They are turned on at the thought of something exciting and naughty.

They do not want something that will give them a headache and grief.

Especially in the seduction phase with a married man, you want to be the temptation in his life rather than the nagging wife he already has at home.

16) Orchestrate the perfect situation for things to advance

How do you know if a married man likes you? Eventually, if he is interested, he will become increasingly responsive to your attention.

He may be a bit more hesitant at first, so you may need to be clear and consistent over your desire (remember he has a lot to lose so may not feel confident in making a move right away).

But once he understands your interest, and starts to feel more comfortable with it and confident about it, he should start to reciprocate.

Now is the perfect time to try and get him on your own, away from any prying eyes.

When you are sure there is chemistry and flirting is happening between you both, it’s a good time to create the right conditions for that to progress to the next level.

If you can find an excuse to get together with just the two of you, it will be easier. But be aware that you might have to be the one who steps things up.

Most men’s affairs arise from having the opportunity presented to them, not necessarily that they go looking for it. If you are waiting for him to make the first move you might be waiting longer than you’d like.

Creating the perfect seduction scenarios will make it more tempting for him to “slip up”.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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