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How to seduce a man with words (23 effective tips)

You may have heard the saying “actions speak louder than words.”

And in some situations that’s true. But it’s also true that words are powerful:

They can change your life and the lives of others;

They can start new fights or new loves;

They can end a relationship or begin a fresh start.

Words can also be downright sexy. Look at these sexy words on the page, finally getting a smidgeon of the recognition they deserve.

If you’re wondering how to seduce a man with words you’ve come to the right place.

I’m going to tell you a step-by-step guide, drawing on research from the top experts in the field of romance and sexuality and my own experience.

Starting off: how to seduce a man with words the right way

The spoken and written word can move men in ways that nothing else can.

If they’re used in the right way.

It’s commonly understood that men tend to be more visual — just the same way the cover of a book may draw your attention but the interior is what really engages you — a man is truly held spellbound by what’s behind your appearance.

Your sexy looks or flirtatious behavior may get his attention and attraction but your words and character are what will make him commit and fall in love.

Let me be clear:

This guide isn’t going to give you “lines” or even “tactics” of what to say to make a guy melt.

Instead, I’m going to explain the logic behind what word-based approaches work and those that don’t and I’ll explain why.

Without further ado let’s get right down to this sexy word business.

1) How do you speak and text?

The first step for learning how to seduce a man with words is to look at how you currently speak and text.

Are you very businesslike, casual, fun, serious, a chatty Cathy, or generally not very into talking at all?

Getting a realistic assessment of how you’re speaking and communicating in the current moment will give you more insight into where to go next.

One good tip for how to do this is to ask a friend who you know is always honest with you to give you feedback.

What is nice about how you communicate and what is not so nice?

Once you get a handle on that you now know where you stand to start.

2) Ensure that your words reflect your true self

For many of us, words are just that: only words.

We toss them around and don’t care much. In fact, we even use them to cover what we really mean or want to say in some cases.

Words become our disguise and our way of “kind of” saying something without really saying it.

This can seem convenient when trying to avoid conflict, reject someone in an easygoing way, or express anger or disappointment in a more easygoing way.

But for romance, it’s a turn-off.

No man wants to hear a lot of words that don’t reflect who you really are.

He wants to hear words that come from your heart and what you really find touching, funny, sad, interesting, and so on.

Ensure that your words reflect some part of who you really are.

This will draw a man to you who also speaks in accordance with who he really is as well.

3) Listening can be hot

It can be hot to also learn to listen. The same goes for a man in regards to a woman.

But from your perspective, this is also good advice to keep in mind.

Sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s what you don’t say.

Entrepreneur and former TIME Person of the Year Omar Sayyed put it well:

“Communication goes both ways, so don’t expect me to listen to you if you can’t do the same in return. Whether you interrupt someone, zone out, or are too focused on your phone, that makes you a bad listener. It will absolutely drive others crazy when you are too consumed with your own self. Be attentive and focus on what other people have to say. A good listener is extremely attractive in my book.”

Have you ever been out on a date and one of the people is obviously preoccupied or otherwise distracted and barely hears a word the other person says?

You can bet good money this pair isn’t going to make it to a second date.

Listening is not only about respect, it’s about inviting someone to share themselves with you in a non-pushy and attractive way.

Showing that you care about what he’s saying and find it engaging will make his interest in you rise as well.

4) Make your first impression stick

First impressions aren’t everything but they’re still very important.

In addition to your appearance, the situation, and the nature of your interaction, your words will make a big difference.

The most attractive approach for a woman to have in her words is to be both confident and friendly while also a little bit mysterious.

This magic combination will win the heart of even a cynical and jaded man.

Be open to conversation and interested in speaking but don’t chase conversation or try to prolong an interaction.

Become comfortable with making small flirtatious comments that don’t require a reply but will stick in his brain.

You could say things to him like:

“I see you came dressed for success;”

“Well, this event is proving to be pretty dull, but at least I have something nice to look at.”

*Wink.*

You get the picture.

5) Learn how to pay compliments in a sexy way

Compliments might be a cliche, but they work.

Especially on men.

Maybe it’s the ego or maybe it’s just that guys enjoy hearing positive feedback, but paying a compliment the right way can light a flame in his heart like nobody’s business.

The thing you want to avoid here is twofold:

Don’t pay him a compliment that’s overly long and detailed if you don’t know him well yet. It will likely come across as over-eager and possibly creepy. Instead compliment him on something fairly normal that you noticed like his style, his knowledge of a subject, or how helpful he is.

Second is, don’t compliment him for the sake of it or to get his interest; compliment him because you want to compliment him and notice something worth complimenting.

He’ll notice the genuineness of your compliment and respond accordingly.

6) Talk about what you’re wearing underneath your clothes

One of the sexiest things a woman can do with her words is to use them to paint a picture.

Men might be visual, but they also have wild imaginations — especially about any topic relating to sex and what you look like under your clothes.

If you’re dating a guy or in a relationship then try teasing him with your words by getting him to guess what you’re wearing under your clothes.

Is it sexy pink lingerie, a lacy black thong, or even … nothing at all?

His mind will be racing a mile a minute and your seduction will be moving at high speed.

This also works well for your texting:

Tempt and tease him by talking about what you’re wearing.

You can even talk about how comfortable the fabric is against your skin or compare it to his touch…

7) Limit how much you talk about your problems and frustrations

It’s important to be yourself and speak from your true self but it’s also vital that you don’t unload your problems on a guy.

Telling him something you’re frustrated or down about is fine and can be part of building a deeper relationship.

But letting him become your go-to for venting and a sounding board for the problems of your life is going to ultimately lessen his attraction for you.

As writer and CEO Omar Sayyed writes:

“When you complain without any solution or have not taken the time to think of a better result, that tells me you’re lazy. This also tells me that you are not a fixer, but an incompetent grouch.”

Even if the guy you are venting to comes to see you as a friend and someone he trusts and likes, using your words to express sadness, frustration, anger, and vent leads down a path away from the attraction.

In contrast, positivity and fun lead directly down to the path to romance and other kinds of fun…

8) Master the art of verbal seduction

Verbal seduction comes naturally to some people.

But for all the rest of us, it’s something we learn. One way is by learning from our friends and another is by reading articles like this.

Verbal seduction is first and foremost not about what you say, but about how you say it.

Try practicing out your tone of voice in front of the mirror and see how it goes.

Try it on a platonic guy friend and see if he thinks it’s sexy or weird.

Furthermore, in order for a sexy tone of voice to actually be attractive, it has to be subtle and not overdone.

You don’t want to sound like a Vaudeville performer who’s had too many martinis, you want to sound like an alluring woman who knows what she wants and generally gets it.

You can certainly spice things up with a sexy new vocabulary word now and then, but remember that the tone of your voice is going to be the first thing a man notices about what you’re saying.

9) Share, but don’t overshare

A selfie a few times a week — or even per month — is a good starting point.

But when it comes to words you want to be a little more tight-lipped.

You shouldn’t talk about everything about yourself right away and you shouldn’t be overly eager to unveil everything about your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

Your goal is to remain a mystery and suss this guy out.

What’s he all about and what’s his deal?

His attraction will grow as he understands that your words are uncovering who he is and even challenging and testing him at times.

Because even if he gets a bit fidgety on the surface, his deeper male drive and hero instinct will be getting triggered by you holding him up to a high standard.

Sure tell him a fond childhood memory or what you think about today’s pop music but don’t get too in-depth or “show your cards” before there’s a good reason to do so.

Let your words be just a preview of the deeper you which is waiting to come out when — and if — your interest is truly piqued by him.

10) Let him know you think of him sometimes

One of the hottest things a guy can hear from a woman he’s attracted to is that she has been thinking of him.

Whether it’s whispered in his ear, texted to him, said over the phone, or even written on a little sticky note and stuck on his kitchen cupboard, he’s going to notice it and he’s going to love it.

There’s a cute and fun way to do this without being overeager or clingy.

The key is to be playful and not seek any response. Also, don’t do it too often.

Just tell him now and then that something made you think of him or something he told you.

He’ll get the message, and he’ll probably blush, too.

What comes next is probably not going to be rated PG.

Let me give you both a little privacy.

11) Learn love tennis

In tennis “love” means there’s no score. A match always starts with the same score: love-love.

In love, however, it doesn’t quite work like that.

Both people don’t always start off feeling the same and neither might love each other at the start.

Once you send over your text or call or open yourself up then you need to wait for him to send that neon green ball back over the net.

This is what I call love tennis.

You hit the ball over, he hits it back.

If he doesn’t hit it back then you start practicing your serves alone or go find another partner to play with.

The one thing you do not do is chase after him or demand that he hit back.

This means:

No repeated or needy texting;

No long and ultra-dramatic emails at 2 a.m. after a bottle of wine (or any other time);

No sudden dramatic conversations while you’re out shopping with him.

Most of all it means letting things unfold naturally and surrounding your control at certain points. If you’ve spoken your peace and it’s his turn now then let him choose for himself whether to hit the ball back or go cool off in the shade and talk to the other cute ball girl.

12) Trigger his hero instinct

If you want to get seduce a guy, then you need to trigger something deep inside him. Something he desperately needs.

What is it?

For a guy to really like you, he has to feel like your provider and protector. Someone that you genuinely admire.

In other words, he needs to feel like your hero.

I know it sounds kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.

Men have a thirst for your admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide for and protect her.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

When it comes to a relationship, he needs to see himself as someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This term was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer.

Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.

A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.

How?

There are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct.

And because no man can resist a woman who makes him feel like a hero, it’s worth learning a few of these things.

If you want to learn more about this powerful technique (from the man who invented it), then check out his short video here.

Top tip:

If you can trigger this instinct successfully, you’ll see the results immediately.

When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed relationship with you.

The hero instinct is a subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.

Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash discovered this for herself and in the process completely turned around a lifetime of romantic failure. You can read her story here.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, I think this is one of them.

That’s why I recommend watching this free online video where you can learn more about the hero instinct.

13) Fine-tune your phone game

Texting is something that’s very important in seduction in our day and age – which I’ll get to shortly – but one issue which is often overlooked when it comes to the power of verbal seduction is the phone.

Phone calls might be a thing people do much anymore, but they still do them.

With video, without video, either way:

Your voice matters here.

And you have the ability to spark his interest and attraction by being both interesting, easygoing, fun, and a little mysterious.

Try to cover one or two real topics when on the phone with him but when you sense it drifting don’t be afraid to end the call.

This will leave him addicted and craving more. Right where you want him…

Relationship expert Kanika Sharma writes that:

“If there is one golden rule in the art of seduction, it is to maintain an aura of mystery and enigma around you. So, don’t go overboard with the phone calls. In fact, restrict the number enough so that it makes him long for your voice.”

Good advice indeed.

14) Don’t make it too easy for him

Playing hard to get is a bit of a tired trick but it can work in a way.

The thing to understand is that it isn’t you being difficult to get that attracts a guy, it’s the qualities and attributes he associates with you.

He wants your beauty, your wit, your popularity, your fun, and your energy around him.

As such, your words should reflect the way that you value yourself.

Even if you really like this guy, the words you say and your conversations with him don’t reflect neediness or desire for him to complete you.

If anything they present a challenge to him, saying more or less than if he’s so great he should come to prove it to you and see what happens.

You’re a customer browsing the showroom and you see a bright new Maserati that really catches your eye. Sure you’re attracted and you even admit it. But you’re not sold.

Not yet.

You know your worth and you’re waiting for that car to really convince you and get you to make the purchase.

As psychologist Jeremy Nicholson writes:

“Some of the behaviors and tactics associated with playing hard to get succeed in making someone more desirable as a date or relationship partner. They can also be a way to test a partner’s level of interest and commitment. Nevertheless, for those interested in playing hard to get, it takes some finesse, the right timing, and the proper balance.”

15) Talk about what you want to do with him

When I say talk about what you want to do with him, you might have gotten the wrong idea.

Sure, it can be about sexual things (although I don’t recommend talking about sexual topics or sexting too early).

But what I’m really talking about here is to tell him things you want to do with him literally.

Stuff like:

Camping;

Painting classes;

Cooking together;

Meeting his friends;

Going on a cruise.

As you talk about things you want to do together, he will become increasingly excited about the time he spends with you.

It won’t just be about enjoying your attractive and scintillating company, it will also be about the great stuff you do while together.

Win-win.

16) Texting matters

Like I said before, texting is also a big part of how to seduce a man with words.

These days where we’re all linked up with our phones provides all sorts of seduction opportunities but it also presents numerous pitfalls and traps that you want to avoid at all costs.

The best way to text is the following:

Not that much;

Flirtatiously but not overly so;

Teasing and with attractive photos or updates now and then but nothing that looks like you’re seeking attention or validation.

I would advise not sexting or talking about really naughty subjects if you’re not in a relationship yet, not really for moral reasons but more so because it can lead to the man seeing you more like a good time than a long-term girlfriend.

It can also lead to him feeling he’s already “been there, done that,” as brutal as that sounds.

Nonetheless, seducing a man by text can sometimes be as straightforward as turning him on like crazy.

Even if I advise against sending nudes and doing full-on sexting early in a relationship, I do think it can be very hot to be a little bit X-rated with your guy sometimes.

If you do it quite rarely that only makes it all the hotter for him.

“Sometimes it’s good to keep it straight and watch him go weak down there for you. Simply drop in a seductive text, ‘Just so you know, I am not wearing any underwear right now,’” advises Shobha Mahapatra.

17) Don’t shy away from intimate topics, but don’t share everything either

When it comes to intimate topics in general, they can be a key for how to seduce a man with words.

Speaking about past relationships, fetishes, things you like in bed, and what attracts you can be a great way to build attraction.

But if you move too fast they can also make it seem like you have more of a connection than you really have.

And they can lead a horny guy to play up his interest just to get laid.

If you really want to seduce a man on a deeper level with words then let intimate topics remain slightly shrouded in mystery for now.

You can feel free to open up about whatever you’d like but leave him hanging a little bit when it comes to exactly why you broke up with your ex…or what you like in bed…or what attracts you most in a guy.

The next time he asks that you just smile and point at him like a sexy librarian:

“Maybe you’ll find out someday, mister.”

I’m getting excited just thinking about this scenario. Give me a moment.

18) Sometimes it’s best to be direct

I’ve been clear here that it’s good to remain a mystery.

And I stand by that.

I’ve opened up to guys too fast in the past and had it blow up in my face. And it wasn’t pretty at all.

But at the same time — depending on the situation — you don’t want to be an unsolvable enigma or someone who he feels deep confusion about.

Sometimes it’s best to be direct:

If you’re really busy right now then say so;

If you aren’t ready for a relationship say so;

If you are feeling very turned on and thinking about him … say so.

Guys communicate directly and as much as they can be seduced by a mysterious and hard-to-read woman, they can also be very excited when a woman just directly tells them what’s on her mind sometimes.

Just my two cents.

19) Have fun

A man wants a woman who enjoys her life.

He wants to make her life better and be her guy, for sure, but he also hopes that she will have such a great life that it will make his even better just by the process of simple addition.

Good life plus good life equals…great life!

Have fun with your words and accent the enjoyable and special things about your life, your friendships, your interests, your family, and your background.

You aren’t here to win a contest, but if you’re having fun it tends to be very infectious.

And once the love bug starts spreading it can be very persistent and cause you all sorts of sweet sickness and extended time in bed.

20) Share your fantasies

Sexual fantasies can be shocking and they can also be a turn-on.

Sometimes they can be a combination of both.

When you’re seeing a guy you like it can be very seductive to tell him about your fantasies and how he could potentially fit into them.

Keep them in your quiver like sexy slim love arrows and unleash them strategically.

Don’t tell him you’re a real freak right off the bat (even if you are).

Let that kinkiness drip out bit by bit and suffuse the image he has of you with some real naughtiness.

Let your words hint at your naughty depths, but don’t reveal it all at once and make him work for more details.

Certified sex therapist and psychologist Ari Tuckman have a smart perspective on whether or not to share your fantasies with the person you’re interested in. His conclusion will interest you:

“Since they occur inside our heads, fantasies are a private experience, but if you keep them all to yourself, you may be missing out on some of the fun. Personally, I don’t believe that we have a moral obligation to tell our partners our every dirty thought — in some cases, sharing too much can result in hurt feelings. Having said that, I think it’s worth it to try to create a relationship in which you and your partner feel comfortable enough with each other that you can share many, if not all, of your fantasies.”

21) Be honest about how you’re feeling

Men like women who are a challenge. But they also like women who are honest.

It’s absolutely crucial that you tell the truth about how you’re feeling around him and what you’re looking for.

Think about the last time a guy misled you about his intentions.

It hurt and made you feel like shit. It also made you see him as an awful and unattractive guy.

It’s the same if you mislead this guy. Your words should be telling the truth about how you’re feeling and what you’re looking for.

Maybe you really aren’t sure also: in which case that’s perfectly fine to admit to him.

Alan Currie’s book, Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex, contains a number of helpful tips about how to master the art of verbal seduction. It also warns men to stay away from women who want to use them for their money or status.

According to Currie, one of the most unattractive kinds of women are those who:

“Interact with men under the guise of being genuinely interested in them romantically or sexually, when in reality, they simply want flattering attention, entertaining social companionship, financial and non-financial favors, or a dependable, empathetic listening ear when they are frustrated or bored.”

22) It’s all about the word play

Word play can be hilarious, but it can also be sexy.

If you can tie a maraschino cherry stem with your tongue he’s going to be drooling before you even finish.

But if you can talk about how you can do that and turn it into sexual innuendo it’s even more powerful.

He’s already conjuring up images of you getting down to sexy time before you’re even there yet.

Then you drop a sucker punch like this:

“Maybe I could tie you up like this cherry stem,” you can say as you eye him like the hunk of bronzed-up man meat that he is.

His classically square jawline and chiseled cheekbones will be smiling in bewitchment right as the words leave your mouth.

He’ll be picking up what you’re picking down if he’s interested in you at all.

Trust me on that.

23) Talk with your eyes

Whatever color your eyes are, they have the ability to fascinate this man and light the furnace of his lust.

Just by sweeping over him and probing his eyes deeply, you can uncover his deepest self and forge a real connection with him.

The power of eye contact should never, ever be underestimated.

Let your words be an accompaniment to your eyes.

Give you a compliment and let your eyes linger.

Tell him you’re enjoying your time with him so much and then look him right in the eyes and study his reactions, which may also be quite subtle but will be unmistakable.

You can also let make-up be your friend here as well:

“Since way back when, women have been batting their eyes at men, trying to reel them in. There’s something about mascara that does that to men. Mascara enhances a woman’s eyes and the way that she bats them.

Do you know that look that a woman gets to her eyes when she drinks a little wine or alcohol? It’s important that a woman gets that look to her eyes as if she was drinking wine, but wine isn’t necessarily needed,” writes lifestyle and relationship blogger Anne Cohen.

Let’s go ladies!

If there’s a man you have in mind then try out the above tips and let me know how it goes.

When it comes to how to seduce a man with words there’s not necessarily any “magic formula” but that in itself is the whole point.

Words are spontaneous, flowing, and deeply human:

They come out of our mouths sometimes before we even know;

And sometimes they just seem trapped inside in awkwardness or shame.

That’s why cultivating the kind of habits and approaches that attract a man verbally will do so much for you in the world of dating and romance.

Your voice is powerful: let him hear your true voice and fall head over heels in love with you.

The power is yours.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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