I no longer love my husband and I want our marriage to end.
If that makes me the bad guy, stick that label all over me. I have my reasons and if you ask me they are damn good reasons.
The thing is that we’ve been married 15 years and have a son. That’s why it’s actually quite a process to make my husband finally realize that divorce is the best option.
Here’s how I’ve done it and how you can, too.
How to make your husband want to divorce you
1) Cut off contact
Your first step is to shut down normal contact. I treat my husband like a rare exotic disease that I don’t want to get near.
You don’t have to go about this as dramatically as me, but feel free to do so.
Divorce isn’t generally something that happens by accident, and the first key to making it happen is to clarify that you no longer love him.
I do my best to answer anything he does ask me by text while I’m at work and using as few words as possible.
Any love he still feels from me is completely in his own imagination, I assure you. I pay that man less attention than the cactus in my office that I water every six months.
The guy is cut off and I want him to know it.
2) Call him out
Secondly, if you want to know how to make your husband want to divorce you, confront and challenge him.
I have called him lazy, irresponsible, selfish, dishonest, miserly and overweight. I have confronted him about two women he’s had sex with so far in our marriage and tried to mislead me about.
I have accused him of marrying me for status. I have called out the way he has trash talked me to our pre-teen son.
You need to take this to a bit higher level if you want him to be the one who leads with the idea of divorcing, because if it’s you who wants it more you’ll find yourself leading the charge unless you can really start shifting the dislike more his way.
Now, some guys seem to get off on being treated like crap or a woman who is hard to please. I’ll include a section down here about what to do with those types.
In general, however, you want to be as confrontational, nagging and uncharitable as possible in order to get your husband ringing the doorbell of the nearest divorce lawyer with an empty whiskey bottle in his hand.
Does this sound cruel? Good.
3) Find an ally
Trying to instigate a divorce is nasty business.
You’ll want allies on your side. No matter how strong your reasons for seeking to make your husband want to divorce you, it’s best to talk this over with a professional.
While this article explores the main strategies for getting your husband to take the final steps to seeing the marriage is truly over, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like wanting their husband to leave of his own accord.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through this intense realization that I strongly disliked my husband and felt divorce was the best solution between us and for our son.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
4) Flirt with other men
I clean up pretty good and I also know how to send a damn sexy text.
I’ve put that to my advantage and done some really naughty things in the past year to speed up my husband’s anger against me.
Strategically leaving my phone out so he can see the latest guy I’m being naughty with is just one of the tricks of my trade.
Am I proud of it? Hell no.
But I’m trying to get the father of my child and my long-time husband to divorce me, not win a popularity contest.
In the rare instances we are out together I openly eye up other pieces of man candy and will speak in the most seductive voice you’ve ever heard.
My husband got perked up at one point and suggested maybe we should open the marriage.
I let him know that was nowhere near what I wanted and reminded him of his past infidelity.
Let me be clear:
I don’t want to open this marriage, I want to end it, and I want my husband to want this doomed love story to come to a close even more than I want it to.
5) Bring up the subject
I’ve made it very clear to my husband that I’m not only open to divorce but think it would be a good idea.
However if you want to know how to make your husband want to divorce you, you need to plant the seeds and then nurture them.
In our case that means understanding and caring about the wellbeing of our son.
I know this is the main thing holding my husband back from divorce, and previously our son’s welfare was also holding me back from giving up on this union.
That all changed when I realized that having to stay in this household with two parents who didn’t respect each other was going to do more damage to my kid than splitting up.
I tried the therapy, I did everything and I saw it from my husband’s point of view.
But the bottom line is I’m no longer in love and no longer want to share my life with this man.
I’ve told him that, and brought up specific ideas for custody sharing and living arrangements that would still have us located in close proximity and doing what’s best for our son.
Now I’m honestly just waiting for my husband to come drop the divorce papers in front of me.
What a great day that will be.
6) Learn to really respect yourself
For years I convinced myself that the marriage I had with my husband was the best I’d ever find in life and I’d need to live with him one way or another.
We married in a burst of passion that quickly burnt out and turned horrible, but I told myself that this was what I deserved, what I’d
“earned” from life and from my karma.
His affairs, his abusive manner towards me psychologically were all things I gaslighted myself into accepting for so long.
When I finally began waking up from the nightmare, it was really a process of recognizing that my own value is not dependent on what anyone – even my husband – says it is.
When you’re dealing with a toxic marriage and love that’s burned out long ago, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like being stuck with someone who brings us down and makes us hate ourselves.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person (damn, don’t I know about that…)
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to how to make my partner see that we should no longer stay together.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
7) Talk to relevant parties
Key ways for how to make your husband want to divorce you will also have to include all relevant parties.
I’ve talked to our young son and already tried to prepare him for the separation that’s coming.
I’ve spoken to my father who I have a close relationship with and to my sister.
Even my sister-in-law has also been very much in the loop with me about what’s going on and understanding why I feel the need to let my husband go.
Make sure to include relevant parties in your decision so that you don’t go through this divorce alone and so that you can feel supported in your desire to end things.
8) Highlight your flaws
This has actually been kind of enjoyable for me: I’ve been highlighting my flaws in front of my husband and emphasizing my worst traits.
If he doesn’t want to divorce me after the display I’ve been putting on the last six months then I don’t know what would do the trick.
I do flirt with other men (infidelity: check).
But I also dress very slovenly at home, have stopped doing any household chores, snap at him when he asks me a basic question and have allowed my hair to grow like a wild hornet’s nest at home.
I leave my clothes lying around and have started doing all the nasty habits my husband usually does, including belching at meals and leaving food items around the couch.
If this sounds kind of disgusting I assure you it is. I’m trying to end a marriage here, so my dedicated goal is to consistently show myself in the worst light.
I think I’m still quite an attractive woman, but I do my best to hide that around my husband and to not even give him a good look at me when I get out of the shower.
This marriage is over, I’m just waiting for him to realize it.
Don’t let the door hit you…
I’m more than ready for my husband to call it quits.
I want him too.
I know it’s coming any day, and I’m ready. I’ll have the calmest reaction to a divorce proceeding anyone’s ever seen.
I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but it will be what I want and what he wants.
Once again, I recommend talking to the people at Relationship Hero and speaking with a coach.
Most importantly, however, you will need to talk to your spouse and tell him that it’s just not working out anymore.
If you’ve followed the steps above in this article then by now he’s going to want out just as badly – or more – as you.