You’ve probably heard the saying, “Happy wife, happy life.”
But shouldn’t there also be a similar saying for husbands?
Because, obviously marriage is not going to work if you have a happy wife, but an unhappy husband.
It seems like a simple thing to make a husband happy.
But there’s a problem — and it’s called life.
If you’re like a lot of us, you’re probably struggling with work, taking care of kids and their activities, cleaning the house, and completing all of the endless chores and tasks that seem to spring up like weeds every single day.
By the time, we’re done taking care of our daily needs, it’s easy to forget that we need to spread a little sunshine and love towards our husband.
Fortunately, there are many ways you can make your husband happy. Some of them are small gestures; while others may take a bit more planning.
But in the long run, learning how to make your husband happy also has its benefits for you. Because when a husband is happy, he’s more likely to return your signs of affection.
But, first things first. Before you can learn how to make your husband happy, you need to learn your husband’s love language, so that you can communicate your feelings effectively to him.
Learn his love language
The best-selling book “The 5 Love Languages” describes the distinct ways people express and receive love. They are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
According to the book’s author Gary Chapman, problems can arise in a relationship when couples speak different love languages to each other.
For example, your husband’s love language might be acts of service. That means he expresses his affection by doing things for you.
He might change the oil in your car or build you a birdhouse.
But if your language of love is physical touch, you might not recognize his acts of service as signs that he loves you.
On the other hand, you may long for a gentle caress on the cheek that never comes because touching is not your husband’s language.
By learning your husband’s love language, you’ll be able to select the best ways to make your husband happy from the list below.
It’s also important to explain to your husband what your language of love is so that he can learn how to effectively communicate his affection towards you.
23 things you can do to make your husband happy
1. Be present for him
While you might spend time together each day, are you really there for each other? Are the two of you actually listening to what the other is saying? Or are you both staring at your phones, watching silly videos or answering emails?
Although you might not see the harm in taking a quick peek at your Instagram while your husband is talking, he might see that little glance down at your phone as a sign of disrespect and disinterest in what he has to say.
It’s also telling him that you value whatever is going on in the virtual world more than whatever it is he’s trying to communicate to you.
According to People, studies have shown that if a partner feels like they’re being ignored for a cellphone, it could lead to feelings of dissatisfaction with a relationship.
So, if you want to have a happy relationship with your husband, it may be time to put the phone down and/or turn the TV off and be fully present to each other as much as possible when you are together.
2. Make time for sex and romance
In today’s busy and fast-paced world, it can be difficult to set aside time for sex and romance. But being intimate and having sex, according to a recent study, is a key ingredient to a happy marriage.
Sexual chemistry can, in fact, be the glue that will hold a marriage together.
That’s why experts on relationships recommend that you set aside time on a regular basis for a date night.
And, yes, a date night may seem like an artificial way to create intimacy. But in the long run, if it brings you closer, it doesn’t matter how you do it, just do IT!
3. Trigger his hero instinct
If you want your husband to be happy, you must make your guy feel like your provider and protector, and someone you genuinely respect for what he does for you.
In other words, you have to make him feel like an everyday hero.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like one.
Men have a thirst for your admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and service, provide and protect her. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
And the kicker?
A man won’t be happy in his life when this thirst isn’t satisfied.
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This term was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer.
How do you trigger his hero instinct?
There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do. But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.
The best thing you can do is watch this free online video. James Bauer reveals the very simple things you can do starting today to trigger this very natural male instinct.
When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to your marriage.
4. Do things to make him feel special
Take a moment each day to show your husband how much you love and appreciate him. Just make sure to use the love language he understands.
For example, if his love language is words of affirmation, he may not understand that you’re showing him love when you buy him his favorite ice cream at the store.
Instead, shower him with words of affirmation.
For example, tell him that he’s a great husband or father or that he’s sexy.
When you speak the right love language to your husband, you’re more likely to make him happy.
QUIZ: Is your husband pulling away? Take our new “is he pulling away quiz” and get a real and honest answer. Check out the quiz here.
5. Dress up just for him
You don’t have to wear heels and makeup all the time, but your husband is sure to appreciate it if you throw on some sexy lingerie to bed or wear a pretty dress to go out to dinner on date night.
Why? Because this will show him that you still care about your relationship and that you want to do something special just for him.
6. Be understanding of his personality type
When your husband comes home from work, does he have a hard time communicating?
Perhaps, the most you can get from him are a few grunts. This is when you’ll need to understand his personality type.
If he’s an introvert, for instance, he may really need downtime after work to decompress in silence.
Or, maybe, he’s the opposite.
He loves telling you all about his day, which means he’s probably an extrovert, who wants to spend time with you.
Understanding your husband’s personality type can be a key to a happier marriage.
For example, you’re less likely to feel hurt or annoyed if you realize that your introverted husband is not trying to avoid you when he comes home.
He just needs some alone time in order to recharge his internal batteries.
7. Don’t expect him to read your mind
Have you ever been mad at your husband because you believed he should have known or done something, but then he failed to live up to your expectations?
Maybe, you were feeling down, and you expected him to notice and comfort you. But he didn’t.
Or you were really hoping that he would throw you a party for a significant event in your life, but instead, he took you out to dinner. Now, you’re angry at him, and you’re both unhappy.
Unfortunately, these types of problems arise when you expect your husband to read your mind. He can’t.
While it would be wonderful if your husband could pick up instinctively on your needs and wants, studies have shown that men just aren’t very good at reading and decoding nonverbal cues.
So, if you want your hubby to be happy, stop expecting him to read your mind. Instead, be straightforward and verbalize what you are thinking or would like him to do.
8. Make him feel appreciated
We all want to feel as if we’re important and appreciated by those around us.
But after a while, it’s easy for husbands and wives to take each other for granted.
In fact, at some point in your marriage, you probably stopped telling each other thank you all of the things that you do for each other.
And when was the last time you expressed gratitude for having your husband in your life?
If it’s been awhile, take a moment to tell him that you love him and that — while you may not say it all the time — you really appreciate all that he does for you and your family.
Feeling appreciated is a big part of the hero instinct.
First coined by relationship expert James Bauer, the hero instinct is all about activating an innate drive that all men have — to feel respected, needed, and appreciated.
To learn more about how you can trigger this instinct with very little work on your part, watch this excellent free video by James.
9. Give one of his hobbies a whirl
Has your husband ever asked you to join him in an activity that he enjoys?
Perhaps, he loves golfing or skiing and has even offered to teach you the ins and outs of his favorite sport, so you could spend more time together.
Although it may not be your cup of tea, it would probably make him very happy if you were to at least try.
And who knows? You might just find that you enjoy this activity more than you thought you would.
10. Be understanding
Sometimes, it can be hard to relate to some of the things that upset your husband. Take sports, for instance.
You may think your husband is ridiculous when he mopes around the house after his favorite team loses a championship.
Or, perhaps, he’s angry about something that happened at his job that seems trivial to you.
Even though you may feel like your husband is being overdramatic or is making a big deal out of nothing, don’t make light of his feelings or — worse — dismiss them.
Instead, do something special to cheer him up.
Maybe, go out for a drink or watch a comedy together.
In the end, when everything has blown over, what he’s going to remember is that you were there for him when he was feeling blue.
11. Let things go
Few things will sink a marriage faster than partners who can’t forgive one another for mistakes and slights committed during the marriage.
But first, let us be clear. We’re not talking about the big transgressions, such as cheating and abuse. Instead, we’re talking about those small- to medium-sized annoyances that occur in any long-term relationship.
You know the ones. Like the time he forgot your anniversary or the way he leaves his dirty socks on the floor no matter how many times you tell him that this really bothers you.
Yes, your husband can be so aggravating, but dragging your anger and resentment with you through each day of your marriage is going to create a toxic environment.
One that will eventually kill off any happiness in your marriage.
So, what can you do?
Forgive, and let these small things go.
No one is perfect, including yourself. It’s also important to stop over-analyzing mistakes your husband has committed.
Yes, he may have forgotten your anniversary, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or that he’s an awful human.
According to the Los Angeles Times, men are not instinctively good at remembering important dates. So, let it go. Tell him you love him even if he’s forgetful.
He’ll appreciate your forgiving him. And both he and your marriage will be happier in the long run.
12. Don’t try to change him
One of the biggest mistakes women make in relationships is to try to change their partners.
They hint to their husbands that they would be perfect if they would just lose a few pounds.
Or they nag them to get a better job, even though their husbands are happy with their current employers.
When you’re always trying to change your husband, you’re sending a message to him that you don’t really like the person he is today.
It’s a sure way to make him feel unappreciated and unhappy. Besides, trying to change another person rarely works.
What does work? Changing yourself.
You may, for example, have to learn how to change your reaction to the flaws you see in your husband.
Or, maybe, you can turn your focus onto your own issues and the ways you can change to become a better person.
13. Ask his friends over
Does your guy enjoy spending time with his best buds?
Then, consider having a few of his friends and their spouses over for fun gatherings, such as a barbecue.
Keep it low-key, so that you and your hubby can sit back and relax with your guests.
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14. Spend time in the great outdoors with each other
Studies have shown that spending time outdoors can elevate a person’s mood.
So, if your husband has been feeling stressed out by his job or life in general, invite him to go on a walk, hike or a bike ride together.
According to Time, being outside can lower a person’s blood pressure, improve their mental health, reduce their stress levels, and lower their risk of heart disease and asthma.
In addition, exercising is also a natural way to treat anxiety and relieve stress.
15. Don’t disrespect him
You don’t have to agree with your husband 100 percent of the times, or even 50 percent of the times.
But what is important is that you are always respectful of one another when you disagree. That means there are no low blows when you argue, and you never belittle him or make him look bad in front of others.
And, of course, he should do the same for you.
16. Tell him you love him
Sounds obvious, right?
But when’s the last time you told him that you love him and really put your heart into it? If it’s been a while, make a point of looking him deep in the eyes and telling him, “I love you” in a way that shows you truly mean it.
17. Listen. I mean really listen.
There’s no getting around it. Communication really is the most important factor in making a relationship.
The biggest barrier to effective communication?
When there is a lack of understanding in a relationship, not listening properly is usually the culprit.
I know what you’re thinking. You think you are a good listener.
But oftentimes, that may not be the case. According to a study reported in Psychology Today, people tend to think they’re better listeners than they actually are.
And while it may be the case that you’re husband isn’t the good listener in the relationship, the truth is, if you listen properly to him, it’s much more likely he will do the same to you.
Because when he feels respected and valued in the relationship, he is less likely to act toxic in the relationship as well.
So trust me, try to listen to your husband and understand where he’s coming from. It will do your marriage the world of good.
Here are some tips to help you become a better listener to your husband:
– Put yourself inside the mind of your husband. He has a different life experience to you. Most likely, he needs to provide for you and your family. Perhaps he is sensitive about not earning enough.
– Pay attention to his body language. Men don’t typically communicate well with words, but you can usually get the message of what they’re feeling or saying by observing their body language. Is his arms crossed? Perhaps he is defensive. Is he not saying much but is whole body is turned open towards you? Perhaps he desperately wants to express himself fully to you but doesn’t know-how.
– When he does open up, make sure he knows he’s being understood. Repeat in your own words what he has told you (empathetic reflection).
– Acknowledge that you’re listening by nodding or saying “Uh-huh”.
– Summarize his comments when given the chance.
And don’t forget. When it comes to communication, it’s important to share your own feelings as well.
This is important for your husband because he’ll better understand what you’re feeling and where you’re coming from. He’ll know exactly where you stand.
Psychologist Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. explains why honesty is so important in a relationship:
“What honesty gives you is a great deal of comfort. Knowing you can implicitly trust your mate allows you to be your best self, and your relationship will continue to thrive because you are able to give each other the positive energy you need to navigate life’s ups and downs.”
18. Make time to do fun things together
When you’re getting deeper into your marriage, it’s easy to forget to have fun.
You get lost in your day-to-day routines and going out and having fun become a thing of the past.
After all, this is usually the consequence of being in a marriage. Your focus turns towards your career and providing for your family.
This “boredom” or lack of spontaneity may be what’s causing your husband to be unhappy.
Don’t worry, it’s a common scenario many women and men find themselves in. But just because you’re married doesn’t mean the fun’s over. Not at all.
It’s important that you don’t get lost in your boring-old routines. Life isn’t about that.
Having fun together is part of the fabric of a relationship. It’s a huge part of what binds you together.
Think about how you two got together in the first place. I bet a large part of it was being spontaneous and having fun together.
Well, it’s time to bring the passion back!
I know this sounds lame, but scheduling a regular Saturday night date or a Sunday movie, can help you bring the fun back. Just make time for it, and give yourselves a moment to let loose and enjoy each other’s company.
19. Every time you see your husband, give him a warm hug and farewell
Let’s be honest, most of us get lost in our boring old routines when we’re deep in a marriage. That’s normal.
Not only does this make the relationship not as fun, but in the process, you forget to do the little romantic and affectionate things.
And one of the most important romantic behaviors is how you greet and say goodbye to your partner.
Sounds simple, but the smallest tweak can make a huge difference.
So when you greet your husband, give him a big hug and let him know how excited you are to see him.
That type of physical affectionate contact is bound to reignite any man’s mojo.
In fact, research suggests that physical affection is related to greater satisfaction in romantic relationships.
So take the time to give your husband a big warm hug when you see him and when you say goodbye. It’s another small step to turn the needle of love in your favor.
20. Make friends with his friends
You know what guys are like. They want to be “one of the boys”. They want to mess around with their buddies and talk shop.
But if you’re stopping him from seeing his friends, then not only will he begin to resent you, but he’ll become unhappy in the process.
Try to get along with his friends. After all, it’s important to gel with the people in your husband’s life.
Relationship expert Karen Jones told Best Life that men have a habit of giving up their man friends when they get married which is a “shame”.
She says that “one thing you can do to be a better wife is encouraging him to hang out with other men…there’s something they get from each other that they can’t get from women.”
You don’t need to adopt his group of friends as one of your own, but if you have petty grievances with any of his close friends, why not resolve to get over those differences.
Doing so will make life easier for your husband, and it has the bonus effect of reducing the level of animosity in your life.
It’s important not to compete with is friends, either.
Remember his friends are going to be a constant presence in his life, so it’s important that you don’t try to stop him from seeing them so he can see you.
21. Support your man from the sidelines
It’s not easy being a man. You’re expected to be the rock in the marriage. You’re expected to provide for the family. And in the face of all that pressure, you’re supposed to keep your head high and soldier on.
After all, most men grow up being taught that they shouldn’t show any signs of weakness and that it’s imperative that they succeed in whatever they do.
But in a capitalist society such as ours where competition is naturally fierce, it’s important that their wife cheers them on from the sidelines.
To know that you’ve got the love of your life supporting you at every turn is incredibly encouraging and motivating.
So if he has his own personal dreams and aspirations, cheer him on and be his number one supporter.
In fact, making sure you’re supporting each other is crucial to making a relationship work.
When there is competition in a relationship and an attitude of “one-upping” each other, iit can lead to a toxic relationship.
A toxic relationship is described in the name – a relationship that has gone sour.
When a relationship becomes toxic, every interaction in the relationship can feel wrong or out of place, brimming with negative energy that makes both partners uncomfortable, angry, and disappointed.
That’s what you don’t want.
So make sure you support each other. It’ll boost the positive energy of the relationship and make sure you grow together as a couple.
22. Write him a love letter
Look, it may sound a little like grade 2, but notes actually work, especially in the current age of smartphones and computers.
It’s also a great way to express how you feel about your husband. Tell him how lovely and smart he is.
Just let your mind go and your pen write. Writing also has a way of structuring the information in your head so it’ll make you clear on what you love about your husband.
It’ll be great for him to know, and it’ll make him feel good about himself.
23. Surprise him
Marriages can start to get predictable. And look, some level of predictability is good. But at some point, you need to be surprised.
Surprising him doesn’t have to be about some big grand gestures like a fancy night out and a weekend at an expensive 5-star hotel.
It can be about tiny, simple surprises designed to brighten up the day.
These surprises are important because they help move your relationship away from the mundane.
They take you back to those early days of dating when everything was surprising and new.
Simple, everyday ways to surprise include buying a little gift that you think he’ll love, filling the fridge with his favorite foods and tipples one weekend, or getting dressed up and cooking a fabulous dinner when he thought you were having a takeout night.
If you can stretch to a passionate and sexy night out as well, that will generally go down pretty well with most people.
If you can’t find the cash or time, what about a surprise day out somewhere?
Tell him to get in the car, and you drive to the beach.
He may not even know if he is happy…
I’ve just given you 23 ways to make your husband happy.
Yet I’m sure you’ll agree with me that knowing if your husband is happy is not always clear cut. Especially for a man.
The truth is that often men don’t even consciously know when they’re truly happy in a marriage. This is because men are driven by biological urges that lie deep inside them.
We can thank evolution for this.
But there are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his natural biological instincts.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer’s new video reveals these emotional trigger points. He’ll help you to really understand what makes men tick—and who they are happy with.
FREE eBook: The Marriage Repair Handbook
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The key is to act now to turn things around before matters get any worse.
If you want practical strategies to dramatically improve your marriage, check out our FREE eBook here.
We have one goal with this book: to help you mend your marriage.
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