If you’re searching for how to make your husband happy, I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that your husband isn’t as happy as he once was and your marriage isn’t as smooth as it could be.
Am I right?
You know you love your husband, and you know that your husband loves you too, but you can’t figure out why he isn’t happy.
In this article, I’m not going to give you a bunch of cliche advice like “dress sexy” or “tell him you love him”. That’s not how I operate.
What you will find are strategies for how to make your husband happy that I have seen work firsthand.
If you’re here for the first time, let me introduce myself. My name is Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, a blog on mindfulness and psychology, and I have helped thousands of women and men thrive in their relationships.
I’m a human psychology expert and I have researched marriages and relationships for a decade.
Test out as many of the following strategies as you’d like and see if they work in making your husband happy. I’m highly confident that they will.
1. Make your husband feel appreciated
Look, I know you’re probably an independent woman that who doesn’t need her husband to function all day long, but the truth is, men absolutely love to feel appreciated.
Chalk it up to our evolutionary past of being the provider and protector in the relationship.
Men have an instinct to make you feel comfortable and secure.
But if you’re portraying that he’s not actively needed in his life, then your husband can lose confidence and feel like less of a man.
And while it may be the case that you’ve got your life on lock, why not get your husband to do something for you. That’s all. Just ask for help.
Not only will it give him a purpose, but he’ll start to feel more appreciated and loved.
I know you’re thinking that giving more work to your husband surely won’t make him happier, but men are different beasts. They thrive on being useful to their mate.
So do your marriage a favor and show your husband that he is the man you want to lean on.
2. Listen. I mean really listen.
There’s no getting around it. Communication really is the most important factor in making a relationship.
The biggest barrier to effective communication?
When there is a lack of understanding in a relationship, not listening properly is usually the culprit.
I know what you’re thinking. You think you are a good listener.
But oftentimes, that may not be the case. According to a study reported in Psychology Today, people tend to think they’re better listeners than they actually are.
And while it may be the case that you’re husband isn’t the good listener in the relationship, the truth is, if you listen properly to him, it’s much more likely he will do the same to you.
Because when he feels respected and valued in the relationship, he is less likely to act toxic in the relationship as well.
So trust me, try to listen to your husband and understand where he’s coming from. It will do your marriage the world of good.
Here are some tips to help you become a better listener to your husband:
– Put yourself inside the mind of your husband. He has a different life experience to you. Most likely, he needs to provide for you and your family. Perhaps he is sensitive about not earning enough.
– Pay attention to his body language. Men don’t typically communicate well with words, but you can usually get the message of what they’re feeling or saying by observing their body language. Is his arms crossed? Perhaps he is defensive. Is he not saying much but is whole body is turned open towards you? Perhaps he desperately wants to express himself fully to you but doesn’t know-how.
– When he does open up, make sure he knows he’s being understood. Repeat in your own words what he has told you (empathetic reflection).
– Acknowledge that you’re listening by nodding or saying “Uh-huh”.
– Summarize his comments when given the chance.
And don’t forget. When it comes to communication, it’s important to share your own feelings as well.
This is important for your husband because he’ll better understand what you’re feeling and where you’re coming from. He’ll know exactly where you stand.
Psychologist Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. explains why honesty is so important in a relationship:
“What honesty gives you is a great deal of comfort. Knowing you can implicitly trust your mate allows you to be your best self, and your relationship will continue to thrive because you are able to give each other the positive energy you need to navigate life’s ups and downs.”
3. Make time to do fun things together
When you’re getting deeper into your marriage, it’s easy to forget to have fun.
You get lost in your day-to-day routines and going out and having fun become a thing of the past.
After all, this is usually the consequence of being in a marriage. Your focus turns towards your career and providing for your family.
This “boredom” or lack of spontaneity may be what’s causing your husband to be unhappy.
Don’t worry, it’s a common scenario many women and men find themselves in. But just because you’re married doesn’t mean the fun’s over. Not at all.
It’s important that you don’t get lost in your boring-old routines. Life isn’t about that.
Having fun together is part of the fabric of a relationship. It’s a huge part of what binds you together.
Think about how you two got together in the first place. I bet a large part of it was being spontaneous and having fun together.
Well, it’s time to bring the passion back!
I know this sounds lame, but scheduling a regular Saturday night date or a Sunday movie, can help you bring the fun back. Just make time for it, and give yourselves a moment to let loose and enjoy each other’s company.
4. Make him feel like a hero
If you want your husband to be happy, you must make your guy feel like your provider and protector, and someone you genuinely admire.
In other words, you have to make him feel like a hero (not exactly like Thor though).
I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a provider.
Men have a thirst for your admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and service, provide and protect her. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
And the kicker?
A man won’t be happy in his life when this thirst isn’t satisfied.
He wants to see himself as a provider. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around.
If you don’t make him feel this, he will feel like less of a man. Emasculated. And he slowly become more and more unhappy as time goes on.
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This term was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer.
Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.
A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.
You have to find ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do. But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.
The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
If you can trigger this instinct successfully, then you’ll see the results immediately.
When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed, long-term relationship with you.
The hero instinct is subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.
Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash discovered this for herself and in the process completely turned around a lifetime of romantic failure. You can read her story here.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why you should watch this free online video where you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy.
5. Every time you see your husband, give him a warm hug and farewell
Let’s be honest, most of us get lost in our boring old routines when we’re deep in a marriage. That’s normal.
Not only does this make the relationship not as fun, but in the process, you forget to do the little romantic and affectionate things.
And one of the most important romantic behaviors is how you greet and say goodbye to your partner.
Sounds simple, but the smallest tweak can make a huge difference.
So when you greet your husband, give him a big hug and let him know how excited you are to see him.
That type of physical affectionate contact is bound to reignite any man’s mojo.
In fact, research suggests that physical affection is related to greater satisfaction in romantic relationships.
So take the time to give your husband a big warm hug when you see him and when you say goodbye. It’s another small step to turn the needle of love in your favor.
6. Make friends with his friends
You know what guys are like. They want to be “one of the boys”. They want to mess around with their buddies and talk shop.
But if you’re stopping him from seeing his friends, then not only will he begin to resent you, but he’ll become unhappy in the process.
Try to get along with his friends. After all, it’s important to gel with the people in your husband’s life.
Relationship expert Karen Jones told Best Life that men have a habit of giving up their man friends when they get married which is a “shame”.
She says that “one thing you can do to be a better wife is encouraging him to hang out with other men…there’s something they get from each other that they can’t get from women.”
You don’t need to adopt his group of friends as one of your own, but if you have petty grievances with any of his close friends, why not resolve to get over those differences.
Doing so will make life easier for your husband, and it has the bonus effect of reducing the level of animosity in your life.
It’s important not to compete with is friends, either.
Remember his friends are going to be a constant presence in his life, so it’s important that you don’t try to stop him from seeing them so he can see you.
7. Support your man from the sidelines
It’s not easy being a man. You’re expected to be the rock in the marriage. You’re expected to provide for the family. And in the face of all that pressure, you’re supposed to keep your head high and soldier on.
After all, most men grow up being taught that they shouldn’t show any signs of weakness and that it’s imperative that they succeed in whatever they do.
But in a capitalist society such as ours where competition is naturally fierce, it’s important that their wife cheers them on from the sidelines.
To know that you’ve got the love of your life supporting you at every turn is incredibly encouraging and motivating.
So if he has his own personal dreams and aspirations, cheer him on and be his number one supporter.
In fact, making sure you’re supporting each other is crucial to making a relationship work.
When there is competition in a relationship and an attitude of “one-upping” each other, iit can lead to a toxic relationship.
A toxic relationship is described in the name – a relationship that has gone sour.
When a relationship becomes toxic, every interaction in the relationship can feel wrong or out of place, brimming with negative energy that makes both partners uncomfortable, angry, and disappointed.
That’s what you don’t want.
So make sure you support each other. It’ll boost the positive energy of the relationship and make sure you grow together as a couple.
8. Write him a love letter
Look, it may sound a little like grade 2, but notes actually work, especially in the current age of smartphones and computers.
It’s also a great way to express how you feel about your husband. Tell him how lovely and smart he is.
Just let your mind go and your pen write. Writing also has a way of structuring the information in your head so it’ll make you clear on what you love about your husband.
It’ll be great for him to know, and it’ll make him feel good about himself.
9. Appreciate him
Too many women make the mistake of thinking that their partners are invulnerable to pain, precisely because of the fact that their men.
Despite the tough guy act, men are riddled with insecurities, too. And just like us, they need a confidence boost once in a while.
Make him feel good about himself by giving him a compliment every now and then. Men are socially conditioned to give out compliments and not receive them.
However, the fact stands: it’s always nice to hear nice things about yourself, regardless of gender.
Don’t stop at compliments. Let him know that you acknowledge his efforts and appreciate him for the person that he is.
Journalist Janice Kaplan wrote in “The Gratitude Diaries” about how she tried a yearlong experiment of being more grateful for everyone and everything in her life – including her husband.
She said that thanking her husband for even small things such as fixing a leaky faucet improved their marriage a great deal.
This is something that won’t make your husband happy immediately, but it’s a routine you can adopt.
Whenever your husband does something for you, like cook you a meal, be grateful for it and thank him.
10. Surprise him
Marriages can start to get predictable. And look, some level of predictability is good. But at some point, you need to be surprised.
Surprising him doesn’t have to be about some big grand gestures like a fancy night out and a weekend at an expensive 5-star hotel.
It can be about tiny, simple surprises designed to brighten up the day.
These surprises are important because they help move your relationship away from the mundane.
They take you back to those early days of dating when everything was surprising and new.
Simple, everyday ways to surprise include buying a little gift that you think he’ll love, filling the fridge with his favorite foods and tipples one weekend, or getting dressed up and cooking a fabulous dinner when he thought you were having a takeout night.
If you can stretch to a passionate and sexy night out as well, that will generally go down pretty well with most people.
If you can’t find the cash or time, what about a surprise day out somewhere?
Tell him to get in the car, and you drive to the beach.
He may not even know if he is happy…
I’ve just given you 10 ways to make your husband happy.
Yet I’m sure you’ll agree with me that knowing if your husband is happy is not always clear cut. Especially for a man.
The truth is that often men don’t even consciously know when they’re truly happy in a marriage. This is because men are driven by biological urges that lie deep inside them.
We can thank evolution for this.
But there are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his natural biological instincts.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer’s new video reveals these emotional trigger points. He’ll help you to really understand what makes men tick—and who they are happy with.