So you feel like your husband is falling out of love with you and you want to know what you can do about it.
Look, we all go through rough patches in our relationship. There are bound to be times when our marriages become stale, and it feels like your man might be falling in love with you.
The good news?
There are plenty of things you can do to reignite the passion and rectify the situation.
Trust me, many married women have been in the same situation before, and they’ve managed to successfully turn the needle of love in their favor.
When you understand male psychology and what makes men tick, it becomes a lot easier to make your husband fall in love with you all over again.
In this article, I’m going to go over everything that has worked for me and my clients in reigniting the flame in their relationship.
Remember, if countless other women can do it, then there’s no reason you can’t either.
We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.
1. Make him feel needed
Look, I know that times have changed and independent women are all the rage these days…but men love to feel needed.
Chalk it up to men’s evolutionary past of being in the protector and provider in the relationship. Men have an instinct to make you feel comfortable and secure.
But if your husband feels like he isn’t actively needed in your life, then he can lose confidence in himself and the relationship.
I know that you’ve probably got your own life on lock, but why not get your husband to do something for you? That’s all. Just ask for help.
Not only will you give him a purpose (after all, he is your husband and he wants to provide for you) but you’ll also see how willing he is to help you out.
In other words, show your husband that he is the man you want to lean on.
The best bit?
That’s exactly what he wants.
2. Make time to do fun things together
When you’re getting deeper into your marriage, it’s easy to forget to have fun.
The more you mesh your lives together, the more time you seem to spend on chores and just generally mooching about, rather than on exciting dates and adventures.
This is, in part, an inevitable consequence of being in a marriage.
Being able to do boring stuff together as well as partying all night and swinging from the chandeliers is just part of creating a strong, long-term bond.
But unfortunately, this “boredom” can be a significant reason a husband can fall out of love.
So keep this mind:
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that the fun’s over.
It’s vital that you don’t allow your relationship to end up being just about sensible nights in and saving for the future. This isn’t an either/or kind of choice at all.
You know that famous breakup phrase “I love you but I’m not in love with you”? What that often really means is “we don’t do fun stuff together anymore”.
Having fun together is part of the fabric of a relationship. It is a big part of what binds you together.
In the beginning, fun was what it was all about. Now, it can’t be anything. But you can make sure it’s still a pretty big feature.
The way you do this? It’s boring, but schedule in some fun time.
If it’s not happening naturally, then you need to take action to make sure it starts happening.
Maybe a regular Saturday night date, or a Sunday movie, or just a hot night in once in a while. Whatever works for you and your husband.
3. Love yourself
Sounds lame? Sure. But if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect your husband to love you?
Think about it:
If you don’t love yourself, then you believe that you are not worthy of love.
And if you think that you’re not worthy of love, then you’re struggling to build a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
We’ve all heard it before. People who are confident in themselves and what they have to offer the world are more attractive to those around them. It’s no different for your husband.
It’s about ensuring that you’re lovable and showing your husband that you’re worthy of love and interest.
Think about your first forays into the dating world as a teenager.
At this age, most of us are nervous and unsure of ourselves. After all, we’re still figuring out our identity and place in the world.
While some lucky people are able to forge long-lasting relationships at that age, most people don’t. Why? Because they haven’t learned how to love themselves enough to be able to achieve it.
As we grow, we learn to love ourselves. Or at least, that’s the theory.
But loving yourself can be difficult to do, even for the most confident person out there.
We’ve grown up believing that loving ourselves is arrogant and narcissistic, but in fact, it’s the opposite.
Show your husband you love and care about yourself, and you’ll be giving him a road-map to loving you.
So, how can you learn to love yourself?
It’s definitely difficult, but what you need to keep in mind is that it’s all about what I like to call “radical self-acceptance”.
Radical self-acceptance means acknowledging that you are who you are and that that’s OK.
It’s not about accepting your flaws so much as it is about celebrating the whole of you, whatever and whoever you are.
No-one is flawless. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has regrets. But many of us spend much of our time trying to change.
We often think ‘if only I could lose weight, then I’d go out and socialize more’. Or ‘if only I was better at networking, then I’d go for a promotion’.
Radical self-acceptance means being able to love the whole of yourself, even the bits that you don’t like or would rather change.
When you can do that, you stop putting barriers in front of your own progression.
You stop worrying that you’re not good enough and you begin to pursue goals and dreams just because you want to.
It means saying ‘I am who I am, and I am going to live my life to its fullest now, rather than waiting for things to change’.
When a woman has the courage to love themselves, then a man can’t help but be attracted to such boldness.
4. Make your husband feel like a hero
If you want your husband to fall back in love with you, you must make him feel like your provider and protector, and someone you genuinely admire.
In other words, you have to make him feel like a hero (not exactly like Thor though).
I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a provider.
Men have a thirst for your admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and service, provide and protect her. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
And the kicker?
A man won’t fall in love with a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.
He wants to see himself as a provider. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
If you don’t make him feel this, he will feel like less of a man. Emasculated. And your husband will lose interest in you over time.
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This term was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer.
Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.
A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.
You have to find ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do. But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.
The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
If you can trigger this instinct successfully, then you’ll see the results immediately.
When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed, long-term relationship with you.
The hero instinct is a subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.
Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash discovered this for herself and in the process completely turned around a lifetime of romantic failure. You can read her story here.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why you should watch this free online video where you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct.
5. Let him miss you
I know this sounds a little strange. Surely to get your husband to fall in love with you again, you need to, you know, actually spend time with him…but hear me out.
Having time apart is healthy for couples. It gives you time to live your life independently and grow as a person separately.
If you spend every waking moment with each other, then you run the risk of co-dependency and a toxic relationship developing. Trust me, that’s what you DON’T want.
When you get busy in other activities that don’t involve your husband, and he does the same, you also have more to talk about when you do spend time together.
The fact of the matter is this:
Spending time apart allows you to develop balance in the relationship.
What’s more, and most importantly, it gives you a chance to miss each other.
For most people, you find out how much you love someone when they’re not around.
When he spends time away from you, he’ll see how much he misses you, and if he misses you, that’s guaranteed to reignite the fire in his belly.
6. Learn to say think you
It’s no surprise that we all love feeling appreciated, but when we get stuck in our routines, we tend to forget to thank our partners for the little things they do.
So put a stop to that and thank your husband whenever he does something for you.
It’s two words that will undoubtedly improve your relationship.
In fact, journalist Janice Kaplan wrote in “The Gratitude Diaries” about how she tried a yearlong experiment of being more grateful for everything in her life – including her husband.
She said that getting in the habit of thanking her husband for even small things improved their marriage a great deal.
After all, have a think about it:
I bet there are plenty of normal things your husband does for you, like drive you to work, or fix a leaky faucet, that you forget to say thank you for.
So see what happens when you get in the habit of appreciating what your husband does.
We spoke above about the importance of making your husband feel needed. This is exactly the same scenario.
If you learn to thank him and appreciate him for what he does, he’ll feel more valued, which is guaranteed to make him feel better in your marriage.
7. Every time you see him, give him a warm hug and greeting
Forget what most people say. The little things DO count.
Greetings and goodbyes are routines we do every day, and most of us get in the habit of being pretty dull and boring about it.
But if you give your husband a warm hug and a kiss every time you see him after work, or even when you say goodbye in the morning, he’ll feel pretty damn fantastic about himself.
It’s a simple routine to get in the habit of and it will perk him up every time he comes home from work.
In fact, research suggests that physical affection is related to greater satisfaction in romantic relationships.
So take the time to show your husband that you’re going to miss him when he’s gone, and you’re excited to see him when you see him. It will serve your marriage wonders.
8. Try the 10-minute rule
Ever heard of the 10-minute rule?
It’s a term coined by relationship expert Terri Orbuch.
In fact, in her book 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great, she says that the 10-minute is the single greatest routine a couple can get themselves into.
So, I bet you’re wondering: What the hell is this 10-minute rule?!
According to Orbuch, the rule is “a daily briefing in which you and your spouse make time to talk about anything under the sun – except kids, works, and household tasks or responsibilities.”
Of course, to engage in this activity you’ll want to have some pre-planned questions you can ask.
Here are some ideas:
– What is the one thing you want to be remembered for?
– What do you feel is your strongest trait?
– What do you think is the best song of all time?
– If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
The idea here is to chat about something that isn’t routine. Have a talk about something interesting!
You might think that you know what each other thinks about everything, but I bet you’d be wrong. There’s more to learn about everybody.
Heck, you could even chat about the past and all the good times you’ve had together.
That will guarantee to get his mind wandering on all the passionate and fun times you’ve had together.
9. Support your man from the sidelines
It’s not as easy as you might think to be a man.
They need the drive to become the provider in the relationship, while at the same time being the rock that the family can lean on in hard times.
Most men grow up being taught that they shouldn’t show any signs of weakness and that they’ve got to succeed in whatever they do.
And boy, is the competition fierce!
This is why they need full support from their wife on the sidelines.
If he has his own personal dreams and aspirations, cheer him on. Be his number one supporter.
See it like it’s just you and him against the world, and you’re going to support him to help you both succeed.
This is actually one area that many couples struggle with, particularly relationships that are turning toxic.
They tend to put each other down without realizing it. This usually happens when there’s a level of competition in the relationship, and they’re constantly trying to one-up each other.
But you know what that leads to? Resentment and bitterness, which as you can imagine, are incredibly unhealthy for any relationship.
Don’t be one of those marriages.
A relationship where you support each other unconditionally is much more healthy and fulfilling. There’s way more room for both of you to grow as well.
10. Don’t try to change him
When you spend as much time as you do with your husband, then no matter who you are, you’re always going to find some things that are annoying.
This doesn’t mean that you should try to change every little annoying thing about him.
It’s really hard for people to change, and when someone keeps pressuring them to change, they’re even less likely to.
Men who are with women who constantly make suggestions about what they could do better tend to close off for them.
In fact, this is a common reason a man falls out of love with a woman.
So my suggestion?
Pay attention to what you’re saying to your husband. If you constantly telling him “You should…” all the time, you might want to pull back, or he might continue to fall out of love with you.
Now don’t get me wrong:
I’m not suggesting that you don’t mention something that he’s doing that’s seriously hindering your quality of life. Obviously, if it’s big (and could be a deal-breaker for your future) then you need to speak up.
But if they’re small (as in, slight “annoyances”) then try to look at them in a different light.
Accept and embrace his quirks. It’ll make life a lot easier and he won’t feel so pressured to change his behavior around you.
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