How can you make your ex fall in love with you again?
A breakup is always painful, especially when you’ve invested so much time and emotion into someone. But it’s even worse when you want your ex back so bad it hurts.
Don’t despair, there are solutions.
Regardless of your current situation, in this article, we’ll cover 30 easy ways to make your ex love you again.
You’ll learn exactly what to do, and also importantly, what not to do when you’re trying to win your ex back.
Can an ex fall back in love with you?
Let’s start with some light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, it’s perfectly possible for an ex to fall back in love with you.
In fact, the statistics show that as many as 50% of couples who break up end up getting back together again.
But it’s only fair to also paint a realistic picture for you too. Even though half of couples might reconcile, it doesn’t mean they don’t break up again.
One poll (of 3500 people who said they wanted to get back with an ex) found that around 14% of people were successful, but they then went on to part ways again. Meanwhile, the remaining 15% got back together and stayed together.
There are obviously no guarantees in life. But the good news is that the figures show it’s totally possible for an ex to fall back in love with you, and for you to rebuild your relationship again.
If that’s what you want, here’s how…
How to make your ex love you again fast? Step-by-step guide
1) Be patient
The first thing you need to understand about making your ex fall back in love is that it may take some time.
It could happen overnight, but it probably won’t.
If you really want your ex back, you have to be patient. I know this is frustrating to hear when you want to make your ex love you again fast.
If you try to force things your chances of success will go down dramatically.
Following these steps are the quickest way to win him/her over. But when it comes to matters of the heart, there aren’t any magic fixes.
Knowing from the start that you might need to put your game face on and show some patience will help you avoid the classic pitfalls of trying to win your ex back (which I’ll go into more detail about later).
2) Be the person they fell for
They fell in love with you once, and you are still the same person.
All those amazingly awesome qualities you have which won their heart in the first place are within you now.
The problem is that real relationships get messy. We see the best and worst of each other.
Now is the time to remind them of all the best in you by being the person they fell for in the first place. What are your most appealing qualities?
Maybe it’s your sense of humor? Your thoughtfulness? Your playfulness?
Whatever it is, and even if your ex won’t see it right now, focus on letting your best side shine.
That way when you do see them again, this is the person they will see.
3) Re-spark their romantic interest in you
When someone has lost that loving feeling towards you, what can you do to try and help them get it back?
You need to re-attract them. But not only that, you have to reassure them that if they give you a second chance, you’ll be creating a NEW relationship together, not going back to the same issues you had before.
I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the nickname of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.
No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will give you the exact tools to make them fall back in love with you.
4) Give them some space
This is going to involve having a bit of faith. When we want our ex back, leaving them alone can sound like the worst thing to do.
After all, you want to be on their mind, and how can that happen when you keep your distance?
But as counterintuitive as it sounds, remember that to rekindle a flame it needs some air to breathe.
It’s not going to be forever.
You are just giving the situation some time and space for things to calm down, to give you both some thinking time, and to allow them room to miss you. (We’ll talk about more tactics to get them to miss you later on).
This reflection time about your relationship can be beneficial to both of you.
5) Look (and feel) as good as possible
Let’s face it, your confidence takes a knock during a break-up. But it’s also what you need most right now to:
- keep you strong
- win your ex back
The breakup makeover is so cliche because it can be the best time to pamper yourself and boost your self-esteem. A new image is sometimes just what the doctor ordered.
Whilst it might not be the right time for any drastic changes, a bit of retail therapy or a new haircut can give you the lift you need and have you looking your best.
Do facemasks, wear the clothes that make you feel good about yourself, go to the gym, and get plenty of sleep.
In short: do what you can to make yourself look, but more importantly feel, the best you can.
6) Get professional advice
All of the tips in this article can help you to win back an ex. But many things are going to depend on your own unique situation.
What works best for one couple, might not be right for another.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your (ex) relationship…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like how to make your ex fall in love with you again.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing big relationship challenges. How do I know?
After going through a breakup, I tried everything to get my ex to fall back in love with me.
But nothing worked until I spoke to a relationship coach. After explaining what had gone wrong and why we broke up, my coach gave me some amazing tips on how to communicate with my ex and show her that this time things really would be different.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was, but more so by how effective her tactics were.
If you want your ex to love you again, speaking to a coach and getting personalized advice is the way to do it.
Take the free quiz and get matched with a coach.
7) Take responsibility
Taking responsibility works in different ways. It doesn’t even need to involve your ex, it’s more about self-reflection.
Whilst we think of getting an ex back as a practical thing, the reality is that a lot of the work is an inside job.
There’s no point in reconciling if you can’t fix what caused the breakup in the first place.
Taking responsibility is not about accepting blame (especially when you have done absolutely nothing wrong).
It’s about honestly having a look at the problems you had in your relationship, and mulling over what your contribution to it all was.
Some things will likely be down to your ex, others down to you. As they say, it takes two to tango.
Don’t use this as an excuse to beat yourself up — that won’t help. But some honest self-reflection on your relationship shows maturity.
Not only is this a very attractive quality, but it’s going to help you in all your future relationships (romantic and otherwise).
8) Casually reach out
It can be really hard to start talking to someone after a break-up, especially if you or they are still feeling hurt and angry.
That is why it is important to not jump straight to this step. You cannot “casually” reach out the day after your split.
Don’t be tempted to bypass the giving them space step. You never know, they may even be the one to reach out during this time.
But eventually, if you don’t hear from your ex and it’s been quite a while — you might choose to try and spark some interaction between you two again.
A good way to do that can be through a message.
So next we’ll run through the different ways you can use text to get your ex to fall back in love with you.
How to make your ex fall in love with you again through text
1) The icebreaker
Sending a very casual message to test the water with your ex only works if it’s been long enough.
This is a low-key way to slide back into their life via their DM’s, in the hope that it may lead you back into their heart too.
Think of it as an exploratory message.
It’s less about what you say. You are just seeing how much interest they have in being back in contact, without giving too much away.
Any conversation starter can do. For example, “How are you doing?” or “Hope you are doing ok” etc.
If they respond, then you can reply and hopefully start up a proper dialogue to work from.
If they don’t then it’s important to not send any more messages (no matter how torturous it can feel waiting for a reply) until they do.
2) Reach out on a special occasion
If there are any special occasions coming up, this can be a great excuse to make contact and show them how thoughtful you are at the same time.
For example: “I know it’s your mom’s birthday today, tell her I said hi and that I’m thinking of her”.
Or maybe it would have been your anniversary, and so you send something like “We had our first date 6 months ago today”.
3) Use humor
It’s important to be careful when using humor. It always needs to be appropriate given the circumstances and your relationship.
But if a shared sense of humor was always something you two bonded over, then it can be a great tool to lighten the mood and rekindle those good feelings.
It could be some sort of private joke you two shared, something that happened that you say you just had to tell them because you knew they would find it hilarious, or even a funny meme that seems significant.
4) Ask for help
If you and your ex parted on good terms then reaching out to get some advice or ask for help can be a good way to re-engage and potentially strike up a conversation.
This can be especially a good tactic if you are a girl trying to win back a guy.
The whole ‘damsel in distress’ angle can really trigger his hero instinct.
If you’ve never heard of that, it’s a psychological theory that says men are genetically programmed to protect the people they care about.
When you help him to feel like a superhero, he feels needed and respected. Asking for his help is one of the ways to trigger this natural instinct.
5) Remind them of the good times
A subtle trip down memory lane can help to stir up those romantic feelings which have gotten lost along the way.
So consider sending a snap of you two or a place you went to together, and say something like “Just found this in my photos” or “This was such a good day”.
Or you could remind them of a time or moment you two shared. Perhaps “Just spent 10 minutes laughing out loud thinking about the time we…”
The aim is to bring back those memories and create a connection with your ex.
6) Remind them how well you know them
If you two were in love once, then I’m also willing to bet you know each other pretty well.
To remind your ex of that bond you share, you can try to emphasize how close you were and still are.
That might be by sending something like “saw this… and thought of you” type message.
7) Say sorry
If you were the one to mess up, or you have things to apologize for, then own up to any mistakes.
A heartfelt apology can go a long way to making amends with an ex and winning them back.
It shows that you have the growth to self-reflect on your mistakes and that you are genuinely remorseful for what you have done.
You don’t need to go overboard or grovel, but swallow your pride and sincerely say sorry if you know they deserve an apology.
8) Be honest
Being honest means dropping the act and showing some vulnerability (within reason).
I say within reason as you also don’t want to come on too strong. As first contact it should also be about testing their reaction. You can always reveal more about how you have been feeling later if they respond well to your messages.
Keep it super simple.
It could be as brief as “Miss you” or something cute like “These last few days/weeks/months without you have kind of sucked”.
9) Be direct
If in your heart it’s not over and you want to work on things, then you may decide to take the clear and direct approach to see if there is any chance of reconciliation.
You could reach out and see if they want to talk about things. Or you might send them a message to let them know that you don’t want to leave things this way, and are open to talking when they are ready.
Even when you decide to be direct, it’s important to not be pushy. After you have asked to talk/meet or let them know that is what you want, give them their space again.
How do I make my ex miss me? 5 super simple ways
1) Be unavailable
Let’s start with the basics. You cannot miss someone who is still around.
This is one of those ‘how to make your ex fall in love with you again’ psychology points. But when something feels scarce, we’re more likely to want it.
If on the other hand you are still at your ex’s beck and call or sliding into their inbox 12 times a day, they won’t have any opportunity to miss you.
The no contact rule after a breakup is popular as it not only makes it easier to heal but it also tests out whether it’s true that ‘you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone’.
- don’t call
- don’t text
- don’t reach out to their family or friends
- don’t try to “bump” into them
- don’t watch their social media stories (because they’re going to know)
I know what you are thinking, but how do you make your ex want you back without talking to him or her?
Don’t worry, there are other ways. And the reality is, the way to make your ex think about you constantly is to keep them guessing about where you are and what you are up to.
Not hearing from you can do just that.
2) Go out with friends
Going out with friends, family or loved ones works in several ways.
Instead of moping around, you’re out there still living your best life.
Regardless of who called things off, nobody likes to think of their ex having a great time without them. It bruises the ego, and can very quickly make you start to feel like you are missing out.
It also gives you the lift you need when you are dealing with heartbreak. We all need support in life, and having a laugh with your buddies right now will help lighten your load.
The happier you are, the more attractive you are. So this also can inadvertently strengthen your chances of your ex falling back in love with you again too.
So get dressed up and have a night out with your pals — it’s a win/win situation. You feel better and your ex sees what they are missing.
3) Show off snaps of your new life
I’m going to put a little disclaimer with this one. Don’t be too obvious and don’t be petty.
What I mean is that whilst you are out there living your best life, yes take some pics, and yes feel free to share some of those on social media.
Nothing sparks FOMO quite like seeing your ex doing plenty of great things.
If your ex still follows you on social media you don’t want to look like you are doing it all for their benefit. Otherwise, it might actually seem more like a desperate attempt for attention.
4) Take a trip
It’s not always going to be possible or practical, but if you can, take a trip. Even if it’s just a night away somewhere.
A break from home can do wonders for your mental health. When you are feeling down, it can make you feel brand new, just by getting out of town and going somewhere else.
It’ll give you a chance to clear your head and recharge.
It also means you’re not near your ex and will give you that all-important time and space for them to start to miss you.
And if your ex knows that you have gone away, it will keep them guessing what you’re doing and make you feel less available.
5) Go out on other dates
It’s never a good idea to date: a) Before you are ready b) to manipulate your ex or for revenge.
But if you feel like you want to take your mind off your breakup and are open to the idea of dating again, it might do you good.
It boosts your confidence to be reminded that there are lots of people out there who would jump at the chance to be with you.
And seeing that there are plenty of fish in the sea might also remind your ex that there are people happy to take their place.
Do remember that it’s not nice to play with other people’s feelings. So only date if you are genuinely open to letting new people in.
What NOT to do to get back your ex: 5 big mistakes you need to avoid
1) Don’t be needy or desperate
Dignity and self-respect are your two best friends after a break-up.
I know that love can make you do crazy things. I get it, I’ve been there. But right now you need your ex to see what they are losing.
So you want them to see you in the best light. And the brutal truth is that clinginess and desperation are not a turn-on.
It’s ok to freak out, break down, and totally lose it. But do this with friends, loved ones, or professionals who can support you during this time.
Do not do it with your ex.
They cannot help you through this challenging time and you can seriously harm your chances of getting back together further down the line.
2) Don’t stalk them online
Obviously, it goes without saying that you should most certainly not be stalking them in person either. But the online world makes it oh so tempting to check up on people.
Believe me when I say this is a really bad idea. It can feed negative stories in your head. You may see something you don’t like.
If you see your ex looking happy or out “having fun” you might think they are fine without you. But don’t forget social media is only the highlights and nobody takes a selfie of themselves crying alone in bed.
Putting energy into checking up on them makes it even harder to focus on yourself and building up your own strength — strength that you need if you want to make your ex love you again.
3) Don’t air your dirty laundry
We’ve all seen a few cringe-worthy social media posts of people airing their relationship dirty laundry in public.
It’s easy to understand why. In the heat of the moment, all that anger or sadness can quickly spill out.
Don’t post something that you will later regret. Don’t send passive-aggressive messages to your ex with not so cryptic status updates or memes.
The best thing to do is avoid posting when you are super emotional. It’s not the best time to be online when our mental health is at its worst.
Distract yourself with some real-world activities instead, like seeing friends, watching feel-good films, or doing an activity you enjoy.
If you need to vent, be sure to do it to people you trust. Don’t speak about your ex to people who are their friends too, as whatever you say can easily get back to them.
4) Don’t be too intense
I have had break-ups that really do feel like the end of the world, so I know this is easier said than done. But after a break-up, things are already emotional enough between you too.
Don’t pile on the pressure by ramping up the intensity when what you really need is to let things cool off.
That doesn’t mean repressing your perfectly natural feelings (just find a healthier outlet for them).
What it means is don’t fall into melodrama that may only push them further away at this delicate stage.
For example, texting them at 4 in the morning to tell them you can’t live without them.
5) Don’t bombard them with messages
Hopefully, I’ve highlighted the need for some space and distance after a break-up, regardless if you’re doing no contact or not.
When, or if, you do decide to make contact, keep it brief.
If they don’t pick up your call, do not ring again. Them returning to their phone and seeing 36 missed calls from you won’t do you any favors.
If they don’t reply to your message, don’t send another. They are signalling to you that they don’t want to talk right now and you need to honor that. Otherwise, you will push them further away.
Essential ‘to do’s’ when you want to get your ex back
Do consider if you should get back together
Grief can do funny things to us, and a breakup is undoubtedly a grieving process.
It takes time to mourn the loss of anything significant in our lives. Right now, that grief could be responsible for this overwhelming desire you have to get your ex back.
You want them to love you again because you want the pain to stop.
But the reality is that for many people, you are setting yourself up for more heartache in the future.
Unless you can fix the problems that led to your breakup in the first place, you’ll probably end up here again further down the line.
Sometimes the wisest move before trying to win back an ex is to really do some soul searching and ask whether you should.
Only you know whether the relationship is worth saving, but don’t let grief blind you.
Do indulge in plenty of self-care
You might not be able to stop thinking about your ex, but you need to be your biggest priority right now.
Take care of yourself. Make sure you eat well, sleep well, exercise regularly, and spend quality time with family and friends.
This is essential to ensure you stay emotionally healthy.
If you aren’t taking good care of yourself, then chances are you won’t be in the right frame of mind to get back with your ex.
Do practice acceptance
Accepting what already is in life is undoubtedly hard. But the better you get at it, the easier it is to find peace whatever the outcome.
In other words, even though you want your ex back, you also need to accept that he/she isn’t definitely going to come back.
Instead, focus on accepting how things are in each moment.
That means accepting how you feel — even when you feel bad, sad, and angry. And also accepting those feelings that are still lingering for your ex.
The more we try to resist the present moment, the more suffering we often create.
Try to practice an attitude of “whatever happens is for the best”.
If your ex falls in love with you again and you make the relationship work, great. But if it doesn’t go the way you are hoping, recognize that it is probably for the best in the long run.
You cannot force people to love you, and you deserve to be with someone who willingly offers their heart.
You never know what is around the corner in life. The best we can all do is greet it with acceptance and know that no matter what, we’ll be ok.
To conclude: How to make your ex love you again
No matter what your own unique situation is, I hope this article has offered you plenty of food for thought when it comes to making your ex love you again.
If you really are set on getting your ex back, you’re going to need a bit of help. And the best person to turn to is Brad Browning (who I mentioned earlier).
No matter how ugly the breakup was, how hurtful the arguments were, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good.
So, if you’re tired of missing your ex and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice.
Here’s the link to his free video once again.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you.
Click the above link to get $50 off your first session – an exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers.
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