Losing your best friend is the same as any other heartache. And if you’ve ever had a breakup, then you’ll know how painful it can be.
Maybe you had an argument and you’ve both said things you didn’t mean. Or maybe it feels like it’s all come totally out of the blue and you can’t even understand it all.
Either way, you want your friend to realize the error of their ways. So this article will walk you through how to make your ex-best friend regret losing you.
How to make your ex-best friend regret losing you
1) Give it time
Time on its own often works its magic, without us needing to try so hard.
Friendships are just like any other relationship. They can be complicated and become strained from time to time. It doesn’t have to totally spell the end of the friendship.
If you’ve had an argument or a falling out, give things a little bit of space and time. They say that time heals all wounds for good reason.
As you both start to cool off, emotions are more likely to calm down. When we are in a better head space then it’s easier to see things more rationally.
I know it’s difficult, but try not to jump to any final conclusions or decisions about the friendship in the heat of the moment.
2) Own up to any mistakes
Often when relationships break down, and that includes BFFs too, both sides have contributed in some way to it.
As they say, it takes two to tango and nobody is perfect.
If you know you did something that hurt your friend, give a heartfelt apology.
We’re not always going to see eye to eye. You might still disagree with how your ex-best friend sees things.
We aren’t always going to think we are wrong for something that we did or how we feel, but we can still be sorry if it hurts the people we care about.
So maybe you can at the very least, feel sorry that your ex-best friend felt bad about something you said or did?
Of course, it’s not always obvious where we could have done things differently, or how we were a part of the situation getting to this point.
That’s why it can be a good idea to do some soul-searching about your role in this.
It’s tempting to throw blame around. We understandably would rather think that everything is 100% all someone else’s fault. But that’s not helpful and usually not true either.
Your ex-best friend is more likely to regret losing you when they feel remorse from your side about the breakdown of the friendship.
3) Kill them with kindness
My mom always used to say that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Meaning it’s far easier to be persuasive with positivity than through negativity.
That means still trying to treat your ex-best friend with respect.
Don’t let anger call the shots so that you end up doing or saying something you later regret.
Don’t try and drag other people into your dispute, and don’t badmouth your ex-best friend to others.
You’ll only end up coming off as petty. Instead, try to take the moral high ground and wish them well. That way you show them, and everyone else, your best side.
If you want your ex-best friend to regret losing you, you want to remind them what a good person you are.
4) Make yourself approachable
Let them know that you are here to resolve things when they are ready (if that’s what you want).
Pride can get in the way of us fixing conflicts that we have with people. We build so much drama around the situation that it feels hard to give in.
It’s like we start a little war and nobody wants to back down.
That’s why it’s good to keep your ego in check. That’s the stubborn voice within that can tell you things that only make you get stuck in resentment.
If you feel anger or frustration at your friend, it’s normal. But so that you don’t get lost in those feelings and make yourself unapproachable, dig a little deeper.
Underneath all that, is it really sadness that you are feeling? Often anger is the mask we wear to try to protect ourselves when really we just feel hurt.
5) Remind them of the good times
Once the dust has settled, you might feel like it’s a good time to build bridges and make peace.
To initiate contact you could send them a message just to reach out and see how they are.
You could also try to spark a little trip down memory lane. If things have turned sour, their attention might be on the bad times right now.
This can help put their focus back on the good times you shared together. It might be a private joke you two shared. It could be a funny story you remember.
This isn’t about brushing your issues under the carpet. But sometimes baby steps can work their magic.
6) Talk it out
There’s no substitute for honest and open conversation.
That means if you decide you want your ex-best friend back in your life, you’ll need to talk to your friend and tell them how you feel.
There’s no magic bullet for resolving a fallout with a best friend, but here are a few tips:
- Try to see it from their side. This helps create empathy that can strengthen your bond.
- Be sure to really listen to one another, rather than trying to jump in to speak or interrupt.
- Try to find common ground and compromise, even if you can’t totally agree.
7) Make sure you have some ground rules for how you let people treat you
Of course, the reality is that perhaps you need to think long and hard about whether this friendship is worth saving.
Sometimes, particularly when it comes to the people who we’re closest to, our boundaries can get a bit mushy.
Boundaries are essentially the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships.
When we don’t have clear boundaries, we can let people treat us in ways that we maybe shouldn’t.
We accept unkind, or downright cruel behavior. We get pushed around or taken advantage of. Often because we think we want this person in our life and so feel afraid to lose them.
But having healthy boundaries is a super important part of getting people’s respect.
Some people do not deserve to be your friend because they haven’t treated you very well.
8) Boost your self-esteem
Rejection feels bad to all of us. And when we have a falling out, it can certainly feel like a rejection.
That’s why you need to be your own best friend now more than ever.
Be extra kind and compassionate to yourself. Remind yourself of all the reasons why you are so great.
You could try doing some journaling to give yourself an instant self-esteem boost.
But above all else, try to do things that will make you feel better and take your mind off it all.
9) Lean on other support networks
I’m sure you have many sources of love and affection in your life. Now is the time to remind yourself of that.
When we lose someone important to us, we can feel lonely.
Sure you shared some great times, but we often forget that our lives are so much bigger than just this one person.
Hang out with other friends. Now could even be a good time to make new friends. You might want to start a new hobby or join a new group to meet new people.
Be with family and those who know you best.
Talk about how you are feeling with the people who care about you. It’s important to not keep things locked up inside.
Just talking helps us feel much better.
10) Be prepared to let them go
The older I’ve gotten, I’ve come to realize that it’s true what they say:
‘Some people enter our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.’
Learning to recognize that and be prepared to let the seasonal ones go is really important.
It’s normal to miss your ex-best friend. But that doesn’t always mean it’s a good idea to have them in your life.
You or they may simply have outgrown the friendship. Or it may not be what you need right now, but that’s not to say it won’t be again in the future.
Try to look at it this way:
If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. If it is, then you will find your way back to your friendship.
The best we can do is find acceptance. Because you cannot “make” your ex-best friend feel a certain way. That is down to them.
Your ex-best friend should regret losing you on their own, without you needing to convince them or force them.
The only thing you can control is how you feel. So focus on doing your best to support yourself through this time.