Having a crush is fun – the butterflies, the sneaky glances when they walk by, and the daydreams that follow.
But it’s not so fun when you’re head over heels in love with them and they have absolutely no idea.
We’ve all been there, I certainly have, when just the thought of telling them how you feel makes your heart pound and hands clam up.
But getting your crush to love you back doesn’t have to be that hard, it can be really enjoyable for both of you, and today we’re going to cover the best ways to do it.
Let’s jump straight in:
17 ways to make your crush fall in love with you
1) Eye contact – and lots of it
Eye contact is one of those things that will never go out of fashion…so much can be said with just a glance across the room.
So it’s no wonder that if you’re trying to get your crush to notice you, or even get the hint that you love them, using the magical power of your eyes might just do the trick.
As psychologist Linda Jackson explains for Wholebeinginstitute”:
“Maintaining eye contact with someone creates a calming, connected state of being that, after 30 to 60 seconds, triggers oxytocin release.
As you experience this chemical surge each time eye contact is maintained, those small boosts can add up to a sustained good feeling”.
And, honestly, you don’t have to batter your eyelashes at them or stare until they get freaked out – just a lingering look will be enough to send their mind racing.
2) There’s nothing sexier than confidence
But with that being said, it takes a certain level of confidence to start making eyes at your crush.
Whether you already know them or it’s someone you’ve been crushing on from afar, you’re going to need the confidence to make this work.
And here’s the thing:
Even if you’re not the most confident person in the world, that’s okay.
Half of us are faking it anyway and no one is the wiser.
So when you know you’re about to bump into your crush, put on some motivational music, make sure you look your best, and smile as if your heart isn’t about to jump out of your chest.
Just don’t come across as arrogant though.
You want your crush to notice you and find your confidence sexy, but there’s a fine line which people sometimes overstep because they try too hard.
3) Trigger their hero instinct
If you want your crush to fall in love with you, then you need to tap into some psychology.
You may have heard about the hero instinct.
It’s a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of why some men fall deeply in love with some women, while others want to remain friends.
What it boils down to is that men have a biological drive to provide for and protect the women they care about. They want to step up to the plate for them in a way no other man can.
In other words, men want to be your everyday hero.
I personally believe that there is a lot of truth to hero instinct.
By triggering his hero instinct, you can make sure that his urge to provide for and protect is directly squarely at you. And not some other girl trying to capture his heart.
How do you trigger his hero instinct?
The best thing you can do is watch this free video from the relationship expert who discovered this concept. He reveals the simple things you can do starting today.
By following these simple tips, you can tap into his protective instincts and the most noble aspect of his masculinity. Most importantly, it will unleash his deepest feelings of attraction towards you.
Some ideas are game-changers. And when it comes to getting your crush to fall in love with you, this is one of them.
4) Avoid the friend zone like the plague
Now, this is where it gets tricky.
The best relationships are based on friendship (and since that’s your end goal if you’re in love) you might be considering being their friend first before making a move.
Don’t do it.
Once you’re in that friend zone, it’s hard to claw your way back out and make your crush see you as anything but an adorable pal who they call up from time to time.
That’s not your goal, so whilst you can be friendly with them, you want to avoid becoming too pally.
5) Listen to them
I know what it’s like, they’re talking and all you can think about is what your kids would look like if you hooked up.
Or even worse, they’re sharing something personal with you and all you can do is imagine what they’d look like naked – it happens to the best of us.
But your crush is likely to pick up on the fact that you’re distracted, and this won’t bode well for you.
And when it comes to paying attention, psychologist Martin Graff explains, “Good listening is not automatically saying “yeah, yeah” but noting and summarizing what the other person has said.”
Naturally, people are drawn to those who show a genuine interest in them, so get into the habit of taking mental notes when they speak, even if it’s not particularly important information.
And, it helps to follow up on things they’ve told you in the past.
Ask how their exam went. Find out how the dog is doing. Don’t be afraid to show them that you hang on to their every word – they’ll love you for it.
6) Don’t hold back on your personality
And don’t be afraid to show the real you.
It can be tempting to put on a front and act in a way that you usually wouldn’t.
Maybe you try and act cool instead of being your usual goofy, jokey self (which your crush would probably love to see, by the way).
Or you try to act “sophisticated” and go out to be wined and dined when all you’d rather do is snuggle on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a take-away.
Confession – I’ve done this in the past.
I even got the guy I had a crush on, but months into the relationship I found it hard to disconnect between who I really am and who I was pretending to be. It wasn’t an easy truth to confront.
So, take it from me, just be yourself.
And let’s face it, no one likes being catfished, even if you’re only doing it with your personality, they’ll come to realize it at some point because we can’t hide our true nature forever.
So, be honest with them – you’ll feel good for it and they’ll get a chance to fall in love with the real you, and celebrate you just as you are.
7) Be playful and flirty
Remember what I just said about avoiding the friend zone?
Well, being playful and flirty is your get out of jail card – the more you flirt, the less you’ll be seen as just their pal.
So how can you flirt with your crush to make them love you back?
Here are a few tips:
- Tease them and make them laugh
- Use physical touch such as putting your hand on their arm or playing with their hair
- Use your body language, like leaning in when you speak to them
- Compliment them often
Flirting is a great way to let your crush know you’re into them, and when done right you can easily get their attention back – just be natural about it and don’t force it.
However, hands down the best way to flirt with a guy these days is through text messages.
What’s your flirting game like via text?
If you want your crush to like you, then you need to grab his attention when you text him.
I’ve recently come across a unique set of text messages that are guaranteed to get your man’s attention. Relationship expert Amy North calls them “attention hooks”.
These attention hooks are exactly what Hollywood screenwriters use to draw audiences into their movies and keep them watching the entire show.
Have you ever been so hooked on a TV show you couldn’t stop watching?
Something at the end of each episode made you click “Watch Next Episode” again and again. Almost as if you couldn’t help yourself.
Amy North has taken these exact Hollywood techniques and adapted them for texting men.
If you want to learn more about attention hooks and how to use them in your text messages, watch this great free video by Amy North.
8) Stop with the game playing
Okay, I know that pretty much every romance movie we watch encourages game playing.
You know the type, he texts and you wait three days before replying.
Or she acts interested so you try and make her jealous by posting an Instagram picture with another girl.
We’ve been conditioned to think that this will make our crush want us more, but in reality you run the risk of them thinking that you’re not that interested.
So leave the game playing for when you take your crush out or when you invite them round for poker night – but when it comes to showing your feelings, it’s better to be upfront than to beat around the bush.
9) Find out their passions and share yours
This is probably one of the most important things you can do to get your crush to love you back.
Because their passion is their happy place.
It’s the thing that gives their life meaning, so if you take an interest in it, they’ll instantly open up to you.
And you’ll start to look more attractive to your crush just by being interested, let alone if you share your passions in return.
So whether you’re a complete movie buff or you can’t get enough of surfing, don’t hold this type of stuff back from your crush.
You might even want to consider inviting them along to see whether they enjoy it too, and hopefully, they’ll return the invitation.
And just like that – you’ve just got yourself a date with your crush where you can properly get to know each other.
10) Be there for your crush
If you already have some form of a friendship/acquaintance established with your crush, it’s a good idea to offer a supportive shoulder for them to lean on.
If you know they’re going through a hard time or they’ve had a rough day at work and need to vent, be there for them and show them how much you are willing to do to make them feel better.
The next time they’re feeling a bit blue, you’ll be the first one to pop into their mind and they’ll start associating you with someone who makes them feel good.
It’s the ultimate way to win over their heart and gain their trust.
11) There’s nothing like being present in the moment
And to fully be there for them – you need to first be present in the moment.
It doesn’t matter how much your phone vibrates in your pocket, if you’re with your crush, avoid taking it out unless it’s an absolute emergency.
As a society, we’ve become very distracted by our gadgets and our need to know what’s going on at every moment of the day.
It’s an overload of information and a bad habit to constantly keep checking our devices and not simply being present.
And the problem is:
If you do this around your crush, they’ll feel like you’re not paying attention to them.
But, if you look them in the eye when they speak, focus all your attention on them, and keep the phone firmly in your pocket, you’ll make them feel like they’re the only person in the room.
And that stuff’s addictive.
Trust me, your crush will love you for putting them before any meaningless distraction.
12) Focus on the things you have in common
They say that opposites attract, and that can be true.
But even in those cases, most people tend to look for similarities. It makes us feel comforted, and we see the other person as “safe” because they like some of the same things that we do.
It helps us relate to each other.
“We learn that a person has something in common with us, and that makes us feel positively about that person, because we feel positively about ourselves”, explains psychologist Gwendolyn Seidman for PsychologyToday.
She goes on to say that, “We then assume that the other person, like us, has other positive characteristics.”
Not to mention, it makes conversation a lot easier especially if you’re struggling to get your words out because of nerves.
So as quickly as you can, work out the things you share in common and it’ll instantly make your crush relax and open up to you.
13) Avoid talking about your previous relationships
I know how tempting this can be – you feel like sharing your past because it’ll give them an insight into the type of relationship you want (or want to avoid).
It’s also a chance to show off what a great boyfriend/girlfriend you can be – or even a way to get sympathy from your crush, especially if you went through a tough break up.
But as much as it might make for an interesting, emotional conversation, keep it to yourself for now.
It’s one thing to dive into this type of conversation once you’re together in a relationship, but it’s not ideal when you’re trying to get your crush to love you back.
The truth is:
This type of conversation can just as easily land you in the friendzone – and remember how much we want to avoid that!
14) Reveal your vulnerabilities
So as much as you shouldn’t reveal your past relationships, that doesn’t mean you can’t let your crush in on your vulnerabilities.
Whether you’ve got a fear of dogs or you’ve experienced a pretty rough childhood, by opening up to your crush you’ll let them see the parts of you that no one else has access to.
It can also help to reveal your weird and quirky habits because they’ll see how down to earth you are and feel encouraged to share theirs with you too.
With that being said though, you might want to hold back on any extremely unusual fetishes until you’re sure they love you back – unless you know they’re into that type of stuff too.
15) Avoid coming on too strong
Here’s the thing:
If you come across like a crazy, obsessed person who wants to get married and have lots of babies with your crush, they’ll probably run in the opposite direction.
You want to let them know you love them, but without any pressure.
And let’s face it, texting them constantly and showing up wherever they go isn’t the best way to make them interested back.
Use these tips to get them to fall in love with you too, but don’t force anything that doesn’t feel natural.
16) Leave some things up to the imagination
And just as you shouldn’t come on too strong, it also helps to leave some things to the imagination.
When I first started meeting up with my partner, I had to keep my verbal diarrhea in check.
Now, that’s not to say I was being dishonest or hiding a part of my personality from him, but I knew that to get him intrigued in me, there had to be an element of mystery.
So, I wouldn’t go into detail about everything I was doing, thinking, or feeling (it isn’t easy – fellow blabbermouths will know my pain) but it worked.
He always wanted to know more.
This is a surefire way to get your crush to love you back, after all, who doesn’t love the thrill and excitement of a mysterious new lover?
17) Be honest with them
And finally, the easiest and most straightforward way to get your crush to love you back is by being honest with them.
But before you start panicking at the thought of being upfront with them, don’t worry, it’s not as bad as you think it will be.
And I say that from experience.
I’ve done my fair share of confessing feelings to crushes, and yes I was sweating profusely, and yes I probably turned an uncomfortable shade of ruby red, but once I got it all out – it was so worth it.
And the truth is:
What better way to make them fall in love with you?
As relationship psychologist Madeleine Fugère explains,
“Telling a potential partner that you like them may seem bold, but this disclosure often leads to reciprocal liking: When we find out that others like us, we tend to like them in return.”
By having this conversation, you’ve shown them your vulnerable side and you’ll probably make them feel good by explaining your feelings for them.
It takes courage and guts, and your crush will recognize this, so just go for it.
And at the end of the day, you’ll know how they feel in return much quicker than if you skirt around the issue for months.
Is your crush long-distance? Here’s what you need to know:
With the current situation keeping most of us at home, more and more people are forming online friendships and relationships.
And the use of dating apps and social media makes it easy to meet people anywhere in the world all from the comfort of your sofa.
So, if your crush doesn’t live nearby, it can be tricky to use all those great techniques like body language and eye contact.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t get your crush to love you back, you just need to get creative.
Here are some ideas to help:
- Use the power of social media – showcase your personality so that they can learn about you and your likes and dislikes just by seeing your pictures on your profile
- Keep your texts lighthearted and fun, and use emojis to clarify your feelings as some things can be misinterpreted when texting
- Keep being yourself, even if you get nervous at the idea of having a video call with your crush
- Come up with fun online date ideas – play a virtual game together or have a virtual movie night
- Think of some fun, interesting questions to ask each other so you can get to know each other in a lighthearted way
In some ways, being long-distance can give you the chance to talk and get to know your crush even better.
As Angelina Cruz explains for PsychAlive:
“The great thing about a long-distance relationship is that it can help strengthen the bond that goes beyond the physical between you and your partner, because you have more time to talk to each other about yourselves and about each other.”
So don’t be put off if you can’t physically meet up with your crush yet, there’s plenty of opportunities to show them how you feel and gain their love in return.
Win your crush over for good
Many crushes come and go over our lifetime. It’s the very nature of a crush!
But, there are some crushes we would do anything for a chance with.
No, I’m not talking about the Ryan Reynolds of the world – sorry ladies, but he’s well and truly out of the picture. But it might be the guy next door. The office colleague. The best friend.
Instead of sitting back and pining after him, hoping he might notice you eventually, take matters into your own hands.
It’s time to trigger his hero instinct.
This is something I mentioned above. After all, I believe it’s one of the best kept secrets of the relationship world, so it’s well worth highlighting a few times.
The concept is simple.
All men have a biological urge to be the protector in their relationships. They want to feel essential and needed, and one this has been triggered, then your crush will land in your lap.
Never heard of the hero instinct before?
This relationship-changing phenomenon that has only recently been discovered.
The term was first coined by relationship expert James Bauer. The best thing you can do for yourself and any future relationship you see yourself in is watch his free video.
James Bauer shares the simple things you can do today to trigger this very natural make instinct.
So, instead of pining away after your crush and watching from afar, it’s time to take a front seat role.
Work on triggering that hero instinct and the rest will simply fall into place.
It’s easy to overthink in this situation, your mind and heart are racing and although you want them to know how you feel, the thought of confessing makes you want to throw up.
Don’t worry, it’s completely natural to feel this way.
Just take a deep breath and go for it – you’ve got more to lose by staying quiet and keeping your feelings a secret.
And, that’s why the best thing you can do to get your crush to love you back is to be yourself at all times – no matter how wonderfully weird, freaky, and wild you are, don’t hold back.
When they fall for you too, you’ll know that they love you just as you are – so go out there, be your badass self and let them see you shine with confidence.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.