So you’ve got some competition?
There’s another woman on the scene and you want to make sure it’s you who wins his heart.
Men want to be with someone who is kind, caring, intelligent, attractive, fun, affectionate, and supportive.
This article will give you 18 key tips to make him pick you over the other women.
It all comes down to increasing his attraction to you
Let’s strip things down to the basics of attraction.
That’s because getting a guy to choose you over someone else, in the end, comes down to a very simple equation:
Increasing his attraction to you, beyond his attraction for her.
That’s why knowing what causes attraction in the first place is going to really help you on your mission.
Looking at things from a psychological perspective, attraction is created by a combination of factors:
- Similarity: Whether you share common interests, values, and generally how alike you are.
- Proximity: How physically close you are to someone, how often you see them, etc.
- Familiarity: The more familiar someone feels, the more comfortable we are around them.
- Reciprocity: We tend to like people who like us too.
- Physical attractiveness: Whether we think they’re good looking.
What makes a man choose one woman over another?
Studies have shown it is a mix of these elements which enhances our attraction toward someone.
So he’ll choose the woman who is ticking more of his boxes.
That’s why you’ll notice that the vast majority of tips on the list utilize one of these five main attraction factors.
1) Highlight to him your compatibility
Here’s the thing:
Opposites don’t attract.
That’s not to say that different personality types can’t be drawn toward each other. Or that you can’t have different interests or hobbies to your beau.
But research has overwhelmingly concluded that generally speaking, we are more likely to like people who we feel are similar to us.
It makes sense too. The more you share similar foundations in life, the smoother sailing a relationship is likely to be.
Shared values, principles, and interests help us to get along with a potential partner.
That means to help him see how good you too are together, you’re going to want to subtly point out this compatibility.
If you’re both very chill and laid-back people, let that show. If you both have a passion for old-school hip-hop music, play up to that.
Identify the ways that you think make you two compatible and let it shine.
2) Don’t be too available
Not being too available is all about creating a bit of a challenge so that being with you doesn’t seem like the easy option.
I want to be clear that this isn’t about playing games, being “hard to get” or coming across as aloof and disinterested.
That’s not going to help.
Remember that on the list of what makes someone attractive is reciprocity. If a guy doesn’t think you are interested at all, he’s going to give up.
But the truth is that there is a sweet spot in between playing hard to get and looking plain old desperate.
That sweet spot is usually found through having dignity. So you don’t appear crazy keen, but neither do you make him non-stop chase you.
Admittedly it can be really tricky to know how cool to play it, especially when your emotions are strong inside, it’s hard to act “chill”.
The best strategy can be to keep yourself busy and still lead a full life. It’s sexy when someone has other things going on.
Rather than pretend you are busy on Tuesday, actually, be busy. (Of course, be sure to make a date for another time so he knows you’re interested).
But see friends, pursue interests and activities, and don’t make him the center of your world.
The reason not being too available works is down to another psychological trick known as the scarcity effect.
As explained in Convertize:
“The Scarcity Effect is the cognitive bias that makes people place a higher value on an object that is scarce and a lower value on one that is available in abundance.”
So make sure you seem like your time and energy are a precious resource, rather than something available to him on tap whenever it suits him.
3) Laugh at his jokes
I prefer to lean on science when it comes to getting your man. And the science is clear on the fact that guys love it when women laugh at their jokes.
Rather interestingly, research shows that although women are looking for a funny guy, men are more attracted to ladies who laugh at their jokes.
I suspect that could have something to do with massaging their ego a little bit.
Even better still, one study showed that when men and women laugh together, it’s an even stronger indication of attraction.
The good news is that it’s not rocket science. It’s about having fun and creating positive energy between you and him.
The author of the study Jeffrey Hall, Ph.D says the key is to make happy times together:
“When you’re getting to know someone laughter is co-constructed. It’s not as if people are giving canned jokes and the other person is an audience member. This is wordplay. Going back and forth and teasing and having fun with somebody. When people are laughing together they are doing very much what humor is about, which is co-constructing something that’s amusing and light-hearted with each other”
If he has a way better time with you than he does with her, then he’s going to want to be around you more.
Humor, playfulness, and cultivating a light-hearted environment can go a long way in creating that.
4) Get flirty
WIthout flirtation, you risk developing a friendship rather than a romance.
It’s also a great way of showing reciprocity. This is where you playfully tease him and show your attraction toward him.
Flirting is more of an art rather than a science.
You need to find a way of doing it that works for you and fits with your personality, as it has to seem natural.
Some basics to remember are:
- Make and hold eye contact
- Smile plenty
- Offer sincere compliments
- Keep your body language open
- Lean in when you speak to him
- Find ways to gently touch him when you can
- Mirror his body language (we often do this subconsciously anyway)
5) Trigger his hero instinct
Instinct is a powerful thing.
To a certain extent, we’re all a slave to our genetic programming.
This is why you can tap into his genetic programming and use it to increase his attraction for you.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
6) Ask him questions
Studies show that simply asking questions increases likeability.
We all like to talk about ourselves. And when someone asks questions it not only gives us an opportunity to do so, but it also tells us that person is interested in us.
It’s a way to show you want to know what makes him tick. It’s a way of showing him you value and respect his thoughts, ideas and opinions.
Listen and engage with him.
Let him see that you’re not all “me”, “me”, “me’.
Men want attention too. And asking questions and listening to him is a way of doing this, without chasing him or coming across as too keen.
Asking him questions comes back to showing reciprocity. Which is why it’s another great way to increase his attraction toward you.
7) Keep your options open
Ok, a little bit of real talk:
If you are looking for ways to make him choose you over someone else then I’m guessing he is currently keeping his options open.
The fact that you have competition means the door is still open and he hasn’t yet committed fully to you.
So I would suggest you do the same, and here’s why:
Keeping your options open and recognizing there could be other guys out there who you are better suited to is going to help you feel more relaxed and less desperate about trying to make him choose you.
That way it’s easier to show off your best side, without getting stressed and acting like he is the last man on earth.
Secondly, there is nothing wrong with letting a man who you are trying to attract think he may have some competition.
Men want a desirable woman. If they see other guys want you and you have other options, he is more likely to realize you are in demand.
Don’t close yourself off to the potential of new connections and other men in your life. At the very least, it’s going to give you that air of “catch me if you can” energy.
8) Present your most attractive self
Physical attraction is an undeniable aspect of attraction.
But being good-looking is also totally subjective.
It’s important to show yourself off in the best light. Make an effort with your appearance around him.
Yes, dress to impress. But more importantly, dress to boost yourself.
The sexier you feel, the sexier you look.
I’ve personally dated guys who love a glamorous look and I’ve dated men who prefer zero make-up. There’s no such thing as one Universally “sexy” way to look.
What matters more is how you feel.
Being attractive runs much deeper than just aesthetics. It is about being confident and comfortable in yourself.
So do what you can to feel like this around him.
Maybe that’s putting on some lippy and your high heels. Or maybe it’s wearing your coolest pair of sneakers.
It’s not what you wear, it’s how you wear it that gives you style.
9) Forget about the other woman
How do you compete with another woman for a man?
Potentially controversial opinion coming up here, but:
One of the worst things you can do right now is to start focusing on her. Don’t waste your mental energy worrying about what she is or isn’t doing.
The more you focus on her, the harder it is to be yourself and the more paranoid you become.
I’ve seen some advice floating around suggesting what I think is a pretty unhealthy approach. Things like:
- Get her to lose interest and put her off him
- Offer what she doesn’t
- Bring up her flaws.
Let’s be honest, not only is this pretty ugly and manipulative behavior, but it’s going to backfire.
You look petty and desperate. This is the absolute opposite of the classy gal vibes you want to be giving off.
It shifts your focus from him and you, to somewhere it doesn’t need to be.
It’s only going to get into your head and make you fixated.
None of this will make you more attractive. It’s only going to strip away your peace of mind and in the process, undermine your chances.
If you act like she is a threat to you, in some way you are validating her worth when you need to be validating your own worth.
10) Ask for his help
All guys want to feel needed and respected. Show them that you feel like this about them, and they’ll be more drawn to you.
A super simple way of doing this is to ask for his help.
It can be with something practical, like fixing something that’s broken around the house or getting his guidance and advice on a problem you’re facing.
It is also going to give you an excuse to spend more time together and get closer to each other — which increases his familiarity and proximity to you.
Asking for his help relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to feel a stronger attraction towards you.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
11) Back yourself
Both men and women rate confidence as a highly attractive trait.
The good news is that working on your own confidence is something that anyone can do to become more attractive.
The bad news is that particularly when we’re feeling insecure and vulnerable we can’t always turn confidence on instantly.
Practising self-love, self-esteem, and self-worth is always a good idea to boost your confidence.
You have to back yourself in life if you want anyone else to.
Think of it like sales, if you’re not convinced you’ve got a good product, people are far less likely to buy what you’re offering.
Luckily, you can even fake it until you make it when it comes to confidence.
Lift your head high, push your shoulders back and stand with confidence — and see how much that changes your energy.
You don’t want to come across as arrogant, but push those insecurities aside and let it be known that you think you’re a damn good catch.
12) Keep it positive
Who isn’t looking for an easy and flowing connection that is drama free?!
That’s why you want to come across as a positive person who is too blessed to be stressed.
We’ve all spent time with those uplifting people. They’re a joy to be around. Let’s compare that with draining and demanding people.
It’s fairly clear who we’d choose.
Keeping it positive doesn’t mean ignoring negative emotions that you experience or pretending to always be happy.
It’s just remembering to be a force for good in his life.
Don’t be tempted to engage in negativity about your competition. Trying to strip others down in an attempt to build yourself up will likely come across as trifling.
None of us want to be with a drag, so be sure to bring the good vibes.
13) Use body language
Proximity on our list doesn’t just mean spending time in general with someone. It also means how physically close you get when you’re around him.
The closer to him you can get, the more it increases intimacy. So body language can be a useful strategy for getting his attention.
Stand closer to him, lean in towards him, and increase the frequency of touch between you too.
You don’t have to force it, but be mindful of the situations where you can subtly decrease the distance between you.
If you’re out at a bar, you want to make sure you’re the one who sits next to him. If you’re at a party, you could move away from the crowd and find a quiet corner to talk.
14) Find reasons to hang out so you can build a connection
The more quality time you spend together, the more you increase both your proximity to him and also that sense of familiarity.
When you’re hanging out with him, you want to make it feel natural and comfortable.
Doing this helps you bond with him and makes him feel more comfortable around you. So, try to find ways to spend time together.
Suggest doing activities together where you can have fun and learn more about each other.
Even if you are trying to make it low-key, you can always hang out in a group. It’s just about increasing your face-to-face time with him.
Attachment builds the more time we spend with someone. You can’t always shortcut this. It is created as time goes on.
15) Show him your authentic self
I always say that dating can feel like a job interview. You want to show your best side. It’s only natural, we’re trying to impress.
But what you don’t want to do is be something you’re not.
It’s pointless in the end. You have to be right for the job, and if you’re not it’s not going to work in the long run anyway.
Being authentic and unique is essential. Try too hard and the insincerity is going to show. We can feel fakery a mile off and it’s very ick.
Don’t be afraid to show him, or remind him of all that makes you special.
The other woman isn’t you, that is your secret weapon, and that’s what you have to use to get his attention.
16) What would an expert say?
While this article explores the main ways you can encourage a man to choose you over the other woman, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
Relationships can be confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you’ve hit a wall and you really don’t know what to do next.
I’ve always been sceptical about getting outside help, until I actually tried it out.
Relationship Hero is the best resource I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talk.
They have seen it all, and they know all about how to tackle difficult situations like navigating other women being on the scene.
Personally, I tried them last year while going through the mother of all crises in my own love life. They managed to break through the noise and give me real solutions.
My coach was kind, they took the time to really understand my unique situation, and gave genuinely helpful advice.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
17) Be high value
How do I make him realize my value?
By being and acting like a high-value woman.
High-value women know their own worth, they show themselves love and respect.
She is smart, cool and classy, but she isn’t afraid to speak up for herself.
That can mean demanding respect when you feel like your boundaries are being pushed.
The unfortunate truth is that if he feels like he doesn’t need to choose, and can keep you in limbo or on standby, then he is more likely to do so.
It’s ok if you are in the early stages of romance or not exclusive for both of you to date other people.
But don’t let him string you along.
If he says he can’t choose, he likes you both or he doesn’t know what to do — at some stage, you may decide to remove yourself from the situation.
He cannot have his cake and eat it.
It’s not about throwing around ultimatums that you don’t mean. But for him to see you as a high-value woman, you need to create clear boundaries around the behavior you will accept from him.
18) Reframe the situation
I’m a big believer that mindset is everything in life.
Don’t think of it as him choosing you or not choosing you. Love isn’t a game, even though we often make it into one.
It’s not about winning or losing. It’s about whether you are really right for him or not. It’s about whether you make each other happy or not.
Think of this as an exploration to get to know whether that’s the case or not.
If he ends up having a stranger connection elsewhere then it genuinely is for the best in the long run, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.
It also frees you up to find a better connection with someone else.
Trying to reframe things to think in this way can stop you from psyching yourself out. And this will actually give you the best chance of impressing him.
How do you make someone choose you over someone else? You cannot make someone do anything.
Nobody is looking for a desperate, manipulative, or controlling woman.
When you let go of trying to control the outcome, you’re going to find it easier to chill out and let your best side shine.
It’s from this headspace that you’ll come across as most attractive.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.