You’re in a loving, caring relationship, but you can’t help but wish that he still wanted you the way he did when you first met.
Does this sound familiar?
If so, don’t worry – you aren’t alone.
Over time, we naturally fall into habits and comfortable patterns with our partners, and it can start to feel like he might be losing that initial attraction which couldn’t keep him away from you.
Sex becomes habitual instead of spontaneous, and your conversations revolve around the same things every day.
Whilst there’s nothing wrong with being comfortable, you don’t want to fall into the trap of losing that initial spark with your partner.
You need to keep him into you, reactivate that sexual desire in him and remind him of all the reasons he couldn’t resist you.
Read on to find out why men lose interest, and how you can reignite that spark and make your man fall in love with you again with just 12 simple steps.
Why do men lose interest in the first place?
There are a number of reasons why men might lose that initial fire and craving for you. It’s important to remember that at the beginning of most blossoming relationships, both partners are putting their best sides across.
Naturally, you make more of an effort with your appearance, your treatment of your partner and you’re willing to go the extra mile for their pleasure or happiness.
As time goes on, we start to relax back into our usual selves, and as creatures of habit, we tend to fall back into everyday routines.
This isn’t necessarily going to stop your man from loving you, but it will have an impact on things like your sex life and romantic intimacy.
Here are some of the signs that your man doesn’t ache for you the way he used to:
- He’s not bothered if you have sex or not (as opposed to wanting it all the time at the start of the relationship)
- He doesn’t compliment you as much
- He doesn’t miss you when you leave, or text and call you just to hear your voice throughout your absence
- He loses interest in your conversations or in doing things together
It’s never pleasant to feel someone we love stop being passionate about us or the relationship, but the good news is it can be fixed.
Read on for the 12 things you can easily implement into your everyday life, which will leave your man lusting for you more than ever before.
12 ways to make your man fall in love with you again
1) Use the element of surprise
When you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to become ‘comfortable’. The spontaneous, crazy dates which you used to go on at the beginning of your relationships have transformed into takeaways and a film on the sofa.
Even in the bedroom, what used to be passion-filled love-making sagas have reduced to time-efficient sex a few times a week, and it can seem like you’re just following a routine. You both know what to do to get each other over the finish line, and you don’t even bother adding a bit of excitement in.
To make a man ache for you, you need to shake things up a bit. You don’t have to go wild, but from time to time, unexpected little surprises will keep him on his toes and pleasantly surprised.
Every time you plan a surprise date somewhere exciting, or introduce something new and kinky to the bedroom, he’ll start to look forward to future surprises and his interest in you and the relationship will be renewed.
His craving for you will intensify because he’s constantly wondering what else you’ve got hidden up your sleeve. Let’s face it, we all enjoy being spontaneously surprised every once in a while.
2) Don’t give up on your appearance
Ladies, we’ve all been there. In the beginning, you wouldn’t even dream of letting him see you without looking your best, but 1 year in and you can’t be bothered to keep the makeup/waxing/hairstyling/skincare routines up.
It’s great to feel comfortable around your man enough to be your complete natural self, but spicing things up a little from time to time will definitely keep him interested and aching for you.
He loves you for who you are, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t appreciate you putting in a bit of effort every now and then.
Marla Martenson, on The Dating Source, explains how men work when it comes to visual attractions:
“Men’s preferences are biologically hardwired to find signs of youth and health attractive in order to determine which females are best suited to carry on their genes. It might sound silly and unfair, but men just can’t help it. Men are visual.”
So if you want to keep your man aching for you, slip into that dress which he loves on you, shake off the old cobwebs and remind him of what he was first attracted to.
3) Say his name
Nicknames and lovey-dovey terms of endearment are sweet, but this can sometimes make us forget to actually call our partners by their first name.
Addressing someone by their name is a powerful tool. Not only does it show a level of respect, it hits a cord deep within men. It appeals to their primal instincts and knowing that a woman is truly fixated on him will only make him more interested in return.
When you address a guy by his name, it lets him know that you are focusing on him and only him. But, the key is to not overdo it.
Time it for the right moments. If you use it too much, he’ll stop seeing it as something alluring or special.
The next time you’re out having dinner, or you’re in a dark, cozy bar sipping cocktails, try throwing his name in during your conversation. You’ll notice that he immediately starts paying more attention when he’s addressed directly.
4) Make him feel like a hero
As outdated as this first sounds, making your man feel like a hero doesn’t involve costume role play (unless you’re into that) or acting like a damsel in distress.
In fact, it delves much deeper into how men are wired. There’s a new theory which is coined and explained by James Bauer, called the ‘hero instinct’.
In his popular book ‘His Secret Obsession’, Bauer explains how activating the hero instinct can make your man regain interest in your relationship and commit for the long term.
So, why will making him feel like a hero help make him want you more?
Treating him like a hero will activate three very important drives in every man; the need to feel appreciated and valued, to be respected, and to provide for those he loves.
As Lachlan Brown, the founder and editor of HackSpirit put it in his review of the ‘hero instinct’, ‘The simple truth is that your man doesn’t necessarily want to be an action hero. But he does have a biological urge to be your hero.’
And it’s easier to do than you think.
It doesn’t mean you have to become dependable on him completely or act weaker, but making room for him to take charge in some areas and feel useful and needed will boost his love and desire for you.
So, the next time you need a hand with something but your pride is stopping you from asking for help, remember that your man will appreciate this small act, and as a result, he’ll appreciate you as well.
Keep in mind though that you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.
A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.
You have to find ways to make him feel like your hero.
There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do.
But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.
The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
If you can trigger this instinct successfully, then you’ll see the results immediately.
When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed, long-term relationship with you.
The hero instinct is a subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.
Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash discovered this for herself and in the process completely turned around a lifetime of romantic failure. You can read her story here.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why you should watch this free online video where you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct.
5) Don’t underestimate the power of touch
Remember at the beginning of your relationship when you couldn’t take your hands off each other? Get back to that stage.
Granted, you might not have as much time, or maybe kids and work limit the amount of intimacy you have, but touching can be really simple and quick.
Do you kiss when you greet or leave each other? Do you give him a hug when he’s had a long day? Touch goes beyond just sex, it’s the physical contact which lets him know you’re there for him.
When you become a constant pillar of comfort in his life, he won’t be able to help but crave for your touch. Rick Chillot explains the importance of touch, and how it can contribute to longer-lasting relationships on Psychology Today:
“Perhaps because touch affects both the person being touched and the one doing the touching, it is one of the most fundamental ways of fostering and communicating intimacy in a romantic relationship.”
As Chillot mentions, touch not only gives the receiver pleasure, it can also positively affect the person doing the touching. So it’s a win-win for you both.
The same goes for if you want to ignite that sexual spark in him – a slight touch on his thigh when you’re watching tv, or a stroke of his arm or neck can send clear signals that you’re in the mood.
6) Keep some things a mystery
As time goes on and you feel comfortable around your partner, you might find that you want to share everything with him. From the latest gossip about your friends or a recap of the last series you watched, you want to share every little detail with him.
This might be your way of building a closer connection with him and keeping him involved in the loop, but to most men, it can become a little bit boring.
Now that’s not to say he isn’t interested in the things going on in your life, but too much of anything can start to be irritating after a while, so try to avoid telling him every mundane thought that pops into your head.
As Paul Hudson explains it on EliteDaily:
“Holding onto mystery is the key to keeping the romance alive in any relationship.
It is what keeps you interested and what will keep your partner interested in you. Mystery keeps you thinking about the person you are with and keeps you wanting to find out more about them — to be with them and to study them.”
When you start providing less information, he’ll start to become more curious. He’ll want to find out the little details of how your night out with the girls went, or how your day was at work.
7) Let him know that you’re still attractive to others
This one requires a little tact and caution. Your goal here isn’t to cause your partner to feel betrayed or angry, but a little bit of jealousy can go a long way in making him ache and crave for you.
Attention from other men will make him realize that there’s still competition out there, and he needs to keep stepping up to the plate if he wants to keep you solely focus on only him.
So, the next time you’re out at a restaurant or bar, don’t hold back from a little eye contact or smile with the waiter or other guys in your group.
You don’t have to take it as far as flirting, but once your man sees another guy making eyes at you, he won’t be able to help to finding irresistible himself.
Whether you’ve been together for a short period of time or long, knowing that you’re still a catch other men notice will definitely spark that competitive nature within him and make him pay you more attention.
8) Take a trip down memory lane
How often do you reminisce about ‘the good old times’? Do you ever sit and look at pictures from when you first started dating?
If not, now’s a good time to start. Reminding your man why he fell for you in the first place will bring back all those feel-good emotions and rushes of excitement from when you began dating.
Sometimes, we can become stuck in a rut of routine, and we forget how stimulated and euphoric we felt when we first fell in love with someone.
Take these old memories and use them as a catalyst to inject some new excitement into your relationship, and throughout the process, your man will naturally start to crave you.
9) Keep busy
Men like the chase. This is something that is programmed into their DNA and is controlled a lot by their ego and desire to beat the competition.
Relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr says:
“Many men find the chase exciting and it strikes their ego to feel they’re the one who is finally going to get her attention – and into bed. Add to this the fact that men are very goal-focused and an elusive goal can seem all that much more interesting.”
So you may be wondering how you can introduce a little chase into your relationship because surely it only happens at the beginning when you’re first dating?
Not quite. There are ways to make your man chase, crave, and ache for you, and it’s much more simple than you realize.
All you have to do is have your own life. Be busy, and make sure you’re not always available for his every beck and call.
Being free for him makes it too easy for him, and he can quickly lose interest. But, if he wants to hang out but you’ve already made plans, he’ll soon realize that you’re independent and have better things to do than sit around waiting for him, which will only make him want you more.
It’s also attractive for men to see a woman who has her own stuff going on. You’ll have more to talk about when you’re together, and the times that you’re apart doing your own thing will give him a chance to miss you.
10) Stop overthinking and enjoy your time together
If you’re worried about your relationship and why your man doesn’t crave you like he used to, the last thing you want to do is let it cast a dark shadow over your time together.
Instead, make sure that the time you spend alone is the best it can be. Be the woman you were when you both first met, carefree, and looking for a good time. Mess around and joke with each other like how you used to, and remind him of how much fun you can be.
Your conversations back then would have been a mix of light-hearted, banter and passion, so instead of the boring day to day conversations, try mixing it up a bit.
Finally, don’t make everything about your relationship. You don’t want to make him feel pressured into wanting you more; your goal should be for him to do that naturally.
11) Compliment him genuinely
It’s not just women who love to be complimented, men enjoy hearing their positive qualities voiced out loud too.
But, when it comes to complimenting a man, you need to be genuine with your words and don’t overdo it.
Dianne Gottsman writes the following about the power of a compliment on the HuffPost:
“A compliment wields great possibility. It shows respect, admiration, approval, gratitude, trust, appreciation, and hope. One of the most generous things you can do in your life is to give someone else a true and meaningful compliment.”
When you compliment your man, you’re reminding him that you still see all those qualities you fell for in the first place.
In doing this, you’ll also be boosting his confidence and making him feel great about himself. He’ll see you as someone who values him and this will in return make him appreciate you more.
Remember though, time your compliments right and make sure they aren’t generic compliments which can be given to anyone. Personalize them to him, using terms like ‘I really like how you …’ or ‘Well done for …’.
Compliments can be about his appearance, actions or things that he’s achieved, so make sure to alternate between the different types of compliments you give him.
12) Stimulate him mentally
As important as it is for your man to be physically attracted to you, you also need to appeal to him mentally and intellectually.
Now, this doesn’t mean that you need to go out and learn everything about his job so you can impress him when he comes home from work, but you can take an interest in the things he likes.
If you know there’s an author he reveres or a football team he follows, a little light research will give you enough to drop some facts into the conversation.
This will leave your man shocked and surprised, and he’ll also appreciate that you’ve taken the time to be involved in his passions.
Not only will this ignite his craving for you, but it’ll also make him want to spend more time with you since he can talk about the things he likes and is interested in.
It can feel like your relationship is coming to an end when your man stops craving you, especially if you had a passionate start to your relationship. The good news is, this can be reignited by simply knowing what men want in a relationship.
With that being said, keeping the spark going and your man interested in you takes some effort, and whilst it definitely all shouldn’t be just the woman’s responsibility, following these simple steps can make significant changes in how your man sees you.
And you never know, doing these steps might just bring out a bit more of your inner spark too.
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