The first time he met my friends, they were in shock.
“OMG, he totally dotes on you.”
Their intense surprise was in part created by the fact that it wasn’t always this way.
In fact, in the beginning, he played it quite cool. A bit too cool for my liking. And knowing just how much I liked this guy, I set about my secret mission.
The reason I know how to make your boyfriend obsessed with you is that I’ve done it.
In this article, I’m going to share with you the real steps you need to take, that have worked for me.
1) Be obsessed with yourself
Ok, so maybe not obsessed.
We’re not talking arrogant or totally self-centered. But what I do mean is that the more you embrace your own inner awesomeness, the more everyone is going to see it shine through.
People talk a lot about how sexy confidence is, but it’s more than having a bit of swagger or attitude. In fact, confidence can actually be quite humble.
It’s that deep knowledge of self-worth that radiates out.
This is yet another reason why self-love always needs to be the strong foundation on which all your relationships stand — romantic or otherwise.
Now it’s all good and well to tell someone to really like themselves. But let’s get real, we can be our own worst enemy at times.
We can say mean things to ourselves, berate ourselves for saying something “stupid”, critique how bloated we look in that dress today, etc.
The reality is that learning to treat yourself as well as you deserve can be a long road…but one that is 100% worth it.
Practicing a variety of self-love exercises daily is as good as any love spell for getting a guy to obsess over you.
Some of my own personal faves include saying kind words to myself (preferably out loud) and showering myself with compliments, and a daily gratitude practice to remind myself of just how amazing my life already is.
Loving yourself is hard to fake because when you don’t it tends to show in 1001 little ways.
Let’s put it this way, if you don’t really love what you’re selling, they’re not buying.
We all want quick fixes in life (and I’m going to include plenty in this list). But this is at number one for a reason. Don’t be tempted to skip it in favor of an easier step to take.
Master this one and you’ll reap the benefits for years to come.
2) Make him feel special
If there is one piece of dating advice that needs throwing in the trash ladies, it’s this…
‘Treat them mean, keep them keen’.
No, no, no.
Listen, I’m a big fan of maintaining independence in a relationship. Coming on way too strong or acting all needy is for sure a good way to chase any guy away.
But a real woman does not need to trick a man into falling for her by playing cat and mouse. Plus, you can’t keep that up forever.
If a guy is genuinely into you, he is encouraged when you show him you are interested in him too — not put off by it.
So, if he is into you, then he wants to feel you are into him too. If you want a man to obsess over you, then you have to make him feel special.
Make him feel like he’s the only guy you’ve got eyes for. Make him know that he makes you laugh, and keeps you happy.
Smile, flirt, give him plenty of eye contact, be kind and give him your attention.
You might think that this sounds like a bunch of fluff, but I promise you it’s true. When a man feels appreciated, he will appreciate everything else you bring to the table.
3) Be playful
Playing hard to get is overrated, but a great substitute is to be playful.
Life is already serious enough. Being playful in your relationship keeps things light and fun. It offers that slightly more mischievous and naughty side that helps fan those flames of passion.
When you create a playful atmosphere in your relationship it also helps to relieve tension.
In fact, a recent study found that cultivating playfulness in romantic relationships could even be the key to long-lasting partnerships.
Joke around, don’t be afraid to show your silly side, don’t take it all so seriously. Get stuck in to activities rather than sitting on the sidelines.
That might mean playing sports or games together, laughing together, playing pranks on one another, or surprising each other.
How do you make him think about you all the time? Be so much fun whenever he is around you that life feels kind of dull when you’re not there.
The best relationships involve friendship, and the best friendships incorporate playfulness.
4) Let him be your hero
For many years I made a crucial mistake that seriously impacted my relationships.
I took self-sufficiency and independence to the next level. I was so capable that I never asked for help. I did everything myself.
I thought this made me incredibly competent, but I was inadvertently making the men in my life feel totally useless.
Let me be clear. Letting him be your hero isn’t about you dumbing yourself down. It’s about recognizing that he needs to feel like there is room in your life for him.
This strong urge to be needed and protect exists on a fundamental level for men.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
5) Take things slowly
I’m an all-in or all-out kinda gal.
So I knew pretty quickly that I wanted my boyfriend to be obsessed with me. But a key part of making that happen was learning to rein myself in a little.
Keeping your cool in a relationship, rather than going from zero to a hundred and potentially scaring him off, meant allowing things to progress at a casual pace.
As tempted as I was to spend all my time with him, I was mindful, especially in the early days, of not diving in too quickly.
Personally, I tried to only see him once or twice a week for the first couple of months.
I’ve had those connections where we’ve spent every second together from the get go, and they can be fun — but they can also quickly burn out.
How do you make a man crave you? I think it’s the same with all cravings. You can only crave something that you don’t get to indulge in all the time.
That’s why letting our relationship develop slowly built healthy and firm foundations.
When it comes to timings, don’t rush him. Take your time in developing the relationship, let things naturally unfold. Often relationships that move fast, fail.
Get to know each other without being in a rush. Flames that burn too intensely straight away can quickly fizzle out.
6) Dress to impress
Attraction is a significant part of how to make your boyfriend crazy about you. Lust can be an important ally in your mission.
Of course, attraction is complicated and far more multifaceted than looks alone.
But still, for most of us, looking over and thinking that your partner is particularly hot today is going to help.
It’s a common cliche that after a while you can “let yourself go” in a relationship. It’s important to be able to feel comfortable together in all sorts of moments.
But I also think it helps to keep a little bit of mystery in a relationship too. Otherwise, you can end up like brother and sister rather than lovers.
I want my boyfriend to feel ‘wow’ when he looks at me. Maybe not every day, but at least once in a while.
So I vow to continue to make an effort for him (and for my own self-esteem too).
That means I try to take care of myself, and every now and then I put on a show-stopping outfit that I know will take his breath away.
7) Be vulnerable
Your mission here isn’t to make him like you a lot, it’s to make him obsessed with you, and only you.
This requires a real depth to your relationship that transcends the shallow and creates a special bond.
And this only happens when we can truly open ourselves up to someone else and be vulnerable.
This can feel quite terrifying for most of us. It’s scary to show ourselves to someone. It can feel very exposed. But you have to let him see you.
Don’t try to hold all your cards to your chest.
Be honest about how you feel, and communicate with him about what’s going on. This will help you both understand where each other is coming from.
You’ll need to find ways to work through any fears you may have. You don’t have to reveal everything all at once, just gently allow your walls to come down.
Remember, vulnerability is an important part of making a man fall head over heels in love with you.
8) Set healthy boundaries
When we really want someone to like us, no, love us madly, we can be too eager to please.
The irony is that this makes someone lose respect for us. You tend not to value something if it’s too easy and everything is on your terms.
It’s like how a child needs firm rules in order to feel safe. A strong relationship needs clear and healthy boundaries in order to support it.
If you’re trying to get a guy to obsess over you, then you need to set some ground rules. It’s up to you what your non-negotiables are.
Mine are a mixture of big and small things. For example, No cheating. No lying. No disrespect.
In everyday practicalities that can look like calling him out when he snaps at me because he’s in a bad mood. Or it can mean letting him know when something he has done hurt my feelings.
In order for him to treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve, you need to have lines you will not let him cross.
9) Say thank you…and often
Just two little words that have a huge impact.
Didn’t our mamas teach us that manners cost nothing but mean everything.
Well saying thank you to your guy is an instant way to boost your relationship. At the end of the day, it is all about acknowledgment.
He needs to feel appreciated.
But unfortunately, the people closest to us can be the ones we forget to show this appreciation to. When he does something for you, say thanks.
And guess what? The more you say thank you, the more nice stuff he will keep doing. Because his efforts are being rewarded by you.
For example, at the end of a very long day when my boyfriend had been sympathetic about some work drama, I texted him later that night to say thank you for how incredible he had been and that his support meant everything.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to obsess over you. And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
10) Enjoy your freedom
The best way to keep the excitement in your relationship is to enjoy your own separate lives, as well as your life together.
Give him the space to pursue his own interests and goals, whilst you do the same. Allow each other the freedom to do your own thing.
Plenty of us can be guilty of ditching our friends when a love interest is on the scene. But it’s important to remember that having fun with friends is just as important as spending time with your partner.
Keeping a certain amount of independence within your relationship ensures you don’t accidentally fall into codependent patterns.
It’s also sexy to have your own things going on.
Nobody wants a clingy partner. Having fun apart means that you’ll have even more fun when you’re together.
11) Keep it real
When I started my little mission to manifest a boyfriend who was obsessed with me, one important thing kept me grounded.
I’ll admit, I like to win, so I wanted to make sure I didn’t go overboard and turn this into a game. So I reminded myself constantly to “keep it real”.
I wanted the work I was doing behind the scenes to feel subtle, not look like I had a game plan.
I wanted the steps I took to be genuinely constructive for me, him, and our relationship rather than be manipulative.
So I promised myself I’d also keep it real, be true to myself, and be the real me.
I would heartily suggest to you that you don’t try too hard. Don’t put on a performance, simply enhance your best assets.
Above all else, don’t try to be someone you’re not. He needs to fall for you, not some overly curated version.
12) Be a team
To me, being a team is about being equal in your relationship.
That’s not always necessarily going to look like 50/50 straight down the line. But a partnership means you both get a say, you both make the decisions, and you both give and take.
If you want to build a lasting relationship, you need to respect each other’s boundaries. You must show him you value his opinions and contributions equally.
I have a tendency to be a bit stubborn at times, and this has led me to pull in the opposite direction to partners before.
I’d want things my own way, or I wouldn’t let disputes drop when I probably should have. But as a result, it created two teams rather than one.
This time, I knew I wanted my boyfriend and I to be on the same team and pull together to resolve disagreements and to make sure we were heading in the same direction.
13) Let him be his own man
A lot of people are afraid to let their boyfriend be his own person. They think if they let their partner be free, then they won’t have control over him anymore.
In reality, he will appreciate you even more.
You are his girlfriend, not his mother. He has to make his own decisions in life, you are there to support him in those.
I can always tell a relationship that’s doomed to fail when one person tries to change the other, rather than accept them for who they are.
Real acceptance is the greatest gift we can give anyone. It lets him know he is good enough exactly as he is.
Let him be his own man, show him exactly how he is all you want him to be.
Be his cheerleader in life and lift him up. Because “fixer-uppers” should only ever apply to houses, not guys.
14) Show him respect
It’s not enough to feel like you do respect him, you have to show him. You can do this in many ways.
Listening to him. Asking his opinions and feelings. Not undermining his choices.
It makes me cringe when I’m with those couples who bad-mouth each other in public, especially in front of other people.
If you want to chip away at his respect, stripping him down in front of other people is a fast way to do it.
Trusting him, being mindful of how you speak to him, and being reliable are just some of the ways we can show our partner respect.
15) Mirror his effort
Mirroring effort when dating is, in my opinion, the new and improved way of playing hard to get.
I mentioned that in the beginning my boyfriend actually felt a little more distanced than I would have liked.
Rather than ramp up my efforts, I mirrored how much he was putting into things.
So, if he pulls back, so do you. If he increases his effort, so do you.
This way you aren’t a) going at a faster pace than your partner is comfortable with and b) you aren’t unfairly putting way more energy into things than you should.
It’s not about playing games, but it can be a good way to make sure you don’t end up chasing someone.
I really believe that taking this dignified approach was what helped my boyfriend’s feelings to grow. Unlike other women he had been with, I wasn’t throwing myself at him.
To conclude: What makes a man obsessed with a woman?
By now you should have a better idea of the steps you need to take to make him obsessed with you.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, be sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.