Aretha Franklin understood our pain, right?
Find out what it means to me”
Being valued and admired by your other half. Surely, it’s not too much to ask for.
So what happens when you feel like the man in your life fails to realize your worth?
You’re feeling underappreciated, and taken for granted.
It’s time to increase your importance in the relationship. Here’s how…
15 ways to make him realize your worth
1) Cut out constant texting and calling
It’s never been easier to feel as connected as we do these days.
Countless social media platforms, texts, calls, and more keep us constantly in one another’s lives. Of course, this can be a great thing. But not always.
Even when you’re not together physically, you can still be in your guy’s pocket 24-7.
If you’re in a lovey-dovey stage where you are both soaking up the excitement, maybe that’s not so bad. But if your man is taking you for granted, then blowing up his phone is going to do you no favors.
If you’re always the one to message first, it suggests an unhealthy balance in the power dynamic of your relationship. You may even start to annoy him over text.
Basic rules of give and take in a relationship should apply to your phone habits too
You text, he texts. He texts, you text. Ok, it’s not about keeping score, but it is about making sure both of you are putting in the effort and it’s not a one-sided thing.
If he knows he doesn’t need to check in with you every morning, because you’re always the first to reach out and tell him to have a good day — don’t.
It’s going to be interesting to see if he notices a little bit of radio silence.
This will give him the opportunity to A) register and miss your absence on his phone B) step up to the plate and take some initiative in being the one to get in touch.
2) Be less available
We all probably need a little dose of tough love every now and then, so here it is:
If you are not his number one priority, then he should not be yours.
You may not have it within your powers to jump yourself up his list, but you can make the choice to bump him down yours. When you do, you might be surprised at the effect.
When he no longer thinks you are sitting around waiting for him to call, his male ego is going to stand to attention.
The reality is that it is a part of human nature to want something we see as being less available.
How do you make a man think of you all the time? By thinking of him less
A scientific experiment highlighted this phenomenon known as the scarcity effect. It found that we are subconsciously influenced by apparent scarcity. In short, the more limited in supply we think something is, the more we want it. We assume it must be more valuable.
Rather than leave your Friday night free in the hopes he wants to see you, make plans and don’t change them for him. If he wants to see you, he’ll soon realize that he needs to arrange things in advance.
If he’s not asking you out (and you are not in an exclusive relationship with him) consider going out on dates with other men.
This isn’t about trying to make him jealous per se (although let’s face it, a tiny bit of jealousy is the worst thing), it’s about getting on with your life and not waiting around for him to come to his senses.
3) Tap into his primal desires
No, not that primal desire, I’m talking about a silent drive that is written in his DNA.
Have you heard of the hero instinct yet?
It’s a new psychological theory that explains why men can start to become disinterested and distant in their relationships, based on their biology.
The hero instinct was first coined by relationship expert and psychologist James Bauer. It says that men have a fundamental need to feel essential to the woman in their lives.
Learning the details of the hero instinct can be an absolute gamechanger to your relationships, so I’d seriously recommend watching this free video to discover everything you need to know.
In a nutshell: men want to be your hero
According to Bauer, guys have evolved to want to provide for and protect the people they care most about in life.
It’s not quite as caveman as it sounds, it’s far more common sense. They want to be respected, useful and feel like they’re doing a good job at making you happy.
In modern relationships where women take care of themselves and don’t “need” a man for anything (even though they may still want him), there’s often not much room for him to feel like your hero.
But when he doesn’t, he can start to feel useless and this resentment quickly turns on you.
Triggering his hero instinct isn’t complicated and involves things like asking for his help, appreciating what he does for you, supporting his ambitions, and plenty of other little things to make him feel valued.
There are even certain simple phrases and texts you can send to trigger his hero instinct.
Be sure to check out that free video to learn how you can use his involuntary evolutionary response to make him more loving and attentive towards you.
4) Don’t run around after him
Sometimes you do so much for someone, silently praying that they will see every effort you make, and finally understand just how valuable you are.
The problem is, often the more you do, the more normal it becomes, and the less he will appreciate it.
If you go above and beyond for him, and he still doesn’t see your worth then it could be time to withdraw your efforts.
If you cook him meals, pick up his dry cleaning, do the grocery shopping, the lion’s share of the household chores, or countless other things — how will he react if you stop?
Will he pick up the slack and come to realize the significant role you play in his life?
This is also sometimes referred to as taking on more of the “mental load” or the “overhead of caring”.
It includes everything from being the one to remember birthdays or important dates, to listening to him vent.
If you are very aware of the many varied ways you support your man both practically and emotionally — but he doesn’t — it’s time to start making sure you take as much as you give.
If he isn’t giving (or even realizing your worth), then be sure you aren’t running around after him.
5) Let him know how you feel
Good communication is still, and always will be the strongest foundation that any relationship stands on.
Being able to open up and speak honestly about how you feel, and what you need and want from your partner is vital if you’re going to make it in the long run.
It’s a vulnerable thing to do to fess up to how we feel, but it’s also the most mature, reasonable, and constructive thing to do too.
That’s why when a man ignores your value, say this to him: “We need to talk”.
He may have zero clue how you have been feeling, and telling him gives him the fair opportunity to put things right.
How he responds to you letting him know you’re feeling unloved and underappreciated is going to tell you a lot about him, and whether he is worthy of your affections.
He certainly doesn’t have to agree with everything you say but realizing he has hurt you should be important to him.
Miscommunication and misunderstandings cause serious damage if left unresolved, so sit down with your man and have a serious chat.
6) Don’t let him walk all over you
This one is all about relationship boundaries, baby.
Sure, this tip should probably go without saying. But when we really like someone, most of us have probably found ourselves letting them get away with behavior that is a total no, no.
He didn’t reply to your last message but popped up again a month later as if nothing has happened.
He cancels on you last minute with a poor ass excuse that you just know in your heart was total BS.
He still calls you to Netflix and chill, but the proper dates where you actually do stuff together have totally dried up.
Unless you draw a clear line in the sand about what is and what is not acceptable for you, you may start to find he walks all over you and values you even less.
7) Have fun with your friends
Fun is a magical cure for many problems.
In this scenario, it has a couple of very important parts to play. Firstly, going out with your friends shifts your focus away from him for a while.
Lightening up and enjoying the company of some of your pals could be just what you need to take your mind off your man.
The second important thing that fun does is relax our energy. People who’ve been enjoying life tend to be happier, more vivacious, and appealing to be around.
Positive energy is magnetic and negative energy is a drain.
8) Focus on yourself
It’s easy to get tunnel vision in the world of romance. We can quickly focus all our energy on someone else.
The problem is that we’re only ever responsible for ourselves. Wasting all your time thinking about him and how you can make him realize your worth is a bit of a red herring.
Build your sense of self-worth by bringing your attention back to yourself, and perhaps ironically, you’ll probably find he takes more notice.
A good mantra to help to do this can be “I can only control myself, not others”
When you do this your own inner confidence shines out. That is what will draw the right people and opportunities to you in life, rather than having to chase after them.
What are your bigger goals and ambitions? Now might be the perfect time to redirect some energy that is going unnoticed by this guy onto you and your future
Don’t ever forget that your world is much bigger than any one person.
9) Practice saying no
Always saying yes, even when we’d rather say no, can become a bad habit for many of us.
Especially people pleasers can find it particularly challenging. You may worry that you’re letting him down, or saying no will make him like you less.
But saying yes too often makes everything easier for him, often to your detriment.
“It’s important to be able to say no so you feel empowered while still maintaining your relationships with others. Saying no helps you establish healthy boundaries and enables others to have clarity about what they can expect from you. Being able to say no may enable you to be more honest and authentic with others. You may be less likely to feel taken advantage of, and people may learn to come to you for the things to which you are more inclined to say yes.”
Learning to confidently say no is about understanding that it’s perfectly ok to do what is best for you, rather than always trying so hard to please him.
10) Don’t confuse desire for worth
Sleeping with a man in the hope of getting more emotionally out of him is never a great idea.
Similarly, neither is withholding sex as a weapon until you get what you want out of him.
There are many undeniable links between physical and emotional intimacy but it is far from guaranteed that the former will create or strengthen the latter.
You are playing with fire by introducing sex in order to try and make him value you more.
Rather than getting him to see your worth, you could end up feeling like he’s only using you.
11) Know your own worth
Being 100% sure of your own worth is always the best way to make others in your life see it too.
Writing in the Huffington Post blog, author Margaret Paul Ph.D. reminds us that:
“The law of attraction states that “like attracts like.” This means that people with a low frequency — people who are insecure and self-abandoning — attract each other, while people with a high frequency — people who love and value themselves — also attract each other. People who are positive, open, secure, giving, caring and kind to themselves and others are not attracted to people who are closed, negative and needy of approval and attention.”
Doing the inner work of self-love will help you to feel worthy to your core. The more you do, the easier and more natural it will feel to surround yourself with people who view you in the same way.
Once you switch on this inner light within, it shines brightly out for all to see.
12) Spend quality time apart
Sometimes when we’ve gotten used to somebody being around, we stop seeing them with fresh eyes.
As the saying goes, they become like part of the furniture — a permanent fixture that you unwittingly start to take for granted.
Making sure you give each other enough space in a relationship ensures there’s enough time to miss each other.
This breathing room is really important to keep hold of a healthy perspective.
A night out with his boys gives him the opportunity to look forward to coming home to you.
A weekend away without him, lets him appreciate how much better life is when you are here.
So how do you make a guy feel like he’s losing you? Have a fabulous life even when he isn’t around.
It works so well because at the end of the day, FOMO is real and independence is attractive.
13) Spend quality time together
On the other side of the scales, rather than living in each other’s pockets, plenty of couples can notice that after a while quality time spent together starts to slip.
It could be because the practicalities of real-life get in the way — work commitments, family commitments, chores, and general life responsibilities, etc.
We also tend to find the initial effort made in a relationship can start to slip after a while.
In the beginning, you might have been pulling out all the stops. You dressed up nicely for one another, you went out on dinner dates, you took picnics in the park, or went out for cocktails.
But the more comfortable you get, it’s easy for that effort to fall by the wayside, so that these days you barely look up from your phone in one another’s company.
Making a conscious decision to do some fun things together and take time to really talk and connect again can create that magic to help him appreciate exactly what he has.
14) Stop being the driving force in your relationship
One-sided relationships don’t work.
You’re looking for a teammate, but if yours isn’t pulling their weight then the distribution of power is off.
If you feel like a man isn’t seeing your true worth, it suggests that you feel like you are currently putting in way more effort than him.
That’s not sustainable as in the long run it’s bound to leave you feeling unsatisfied and resentful until you just can’t take it anymore.
Dating and relationships need to be roughly a 50/50 split when it comes to effort.
If you are always the one to make the plans, bend over backward and go the extra mile — you are picking up the slack for the work he should be putting in too.
15) Don’t resort to mind games
When we feel like we’re not getting what we want out of somebody, it can be oh so tempting to reach for manipulation and mind games as the solution.
Ignoring him, sulking, being moody, withdrawing sex as punishment, trying to make him jealous.
These sorts of tactics may even feel like they work in giving you a couple of quick short-term “wins” if you do manage to push his buttons and get a rise out of him. But it ultimately gets you nowhere.
Not only are these unhealthy habits that can destroy your relationship, but it’s also not really much of a win if you have to trick someone into seeing your worth.
Staying dignified, and knowing your own value — rather than sinking to childish behavior — may require you to be the bigger person.
If someone really cannot see your worth, it’s better to walk away from them with your self-respect intact.
Final thoughts: How to make him value and respect you
How do you make a guy realize he needs you? The honest truth — no matter how unpalatable it is to hear, is…you can’t.
What you can do is encourage him by showing him your worth, and making your standards clear, but the rest is ultimately up to him.
Sadly, some men will only realize they’ve taken you for granted once you’re gone, and perhaps not even then.
If that’s the case, it’s about them, not you. They may have some emotional growth still to do, and you can’t do that for them.
That means if your efforts to make your man realize exactly what you need and want from him in your relationship aren’t working, you should consider if he is worth it.
There are going to be plenty of guys out there who will see every single drop of awesomeness that you have to share. They certainly won’t need you to prove it to them or remind them of it.
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