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How to make a guy fall in love with you: 12 steps to get him hooked

Unlike what fairytales would have you believe, love isn’t this complicated, unexplainable occurrence.

You don’t need a fairy godmother or a cosmic miracle to make the man of your dreams fall in love with you.

At the end of the day, love is still defined by the rules of psychology and physiology, which means you could very well make any guy you have your eyes on fall in love as long as you make the right choices.

Making someone fall in love is a lot like baking a tall cake. You have to have a solid foundation, with all the right trimmings. You build it layer by layer, carving out the excess when necessary.

And just like baking a cake, there’s a recipe you can follow to get the guy you love to love you back.

Understanding Where You Stand

Making a guy fall for you isn’t as simple as putting your mind to it.

For starters, different relationship stages call for different approaches: what works with a friend you’ve known for years might not work as well with a colleague or a stranger.

Understanding where you stand in your relationship will help you figure out what the next best step is.

Before planning on winning your dream guy, take the time to evaluate your relationship to see if there are foundations you have to build before making any romantic gestures.

Friends

Any guy that shares your mutual interests and with whom you have some form of access to is a friend.

But even friendships fall on a spectrum: some guys enter into friendships expecting things to remain purely platonic, while others are more open to the idea of progressing into a romantic relationship.

For the most part, getting a friend to fall in love with you is more straightforward compared to pursuing guys in other relationship levels.

As friends, you have already formed a bond and a foundational connection. The first date wouldn’t be awkward because you already know each other and are comfortable spending time together.

You’ve had the opportunity to hang out before and figure out each other’s personalities, likes, and dislikes.

Navigating the first round of awkwardness should be easier considering you’re familiar with each other on some level.

Any strings attached are mostly social and failed attempts at intimacy could easily be fixed by talking to the person and keeping things casual.

Common challenges:

  • You share the same friend circle and things going downhill might make every interaction awkward
  • You share the same interests and hobbies that could complicate events and activities
  • They have dated one or more of your friends
  • They might be purely interested in friendship and nothing else

Close Friends

Dating close friends and best friends can either be one of the easiest relationships you’ve been in or one of the most complicated ones you’ve had so far.

On the one hand, your close friends probably know you better than your other friends, which means they have a good idea of what you’re like.

You don’t need to go on multiple dates to see if you have some chemistry.

And if you’re really good friends, chances are you already enjoy spending time with each other.

You likely have shared interests, beliefs, and cultural backgrounds that make being together just effortless.

On the other hand, wooing a childhood friend or a close family friend could spell disaster if things don’t end well.

There’s more at stake since your social groups are more integrated; suddenly birthdays and thanksgivings and group trips feel a lot more awkward with them around.

Not to mention the possibility of losing your friend if things go south.

The good news is that relationships built on stable friendships have a stronger chance of succeeding.

And even if it doesn’t, mutual respect and your long history should help preserve your friendship.

Common challenges:

  • You’ve known people they’ve dated, and vice versa. Your past relationships might be a source of tension
  • Breaking off a relationship with them could mean losing a lifelong friend
  • Families members and close relatives could complicate the relationship
  • Might be difficult to break through the platonic barrier especially if they see you as a member of their family

Acquaintances

Acquaintances are pretty much neutral ground and isn’t that different from dating a complete stranger.

You have the benefit of having mutual friends, which could help you figure out what they like and don’t like in a partner.

You could ask around and do some recon before even approaching the guy of your dreams.

With an acquaintance, you don’t have to worry about upsetting your friend circle or your family member.

If you’re the go-getter, acquaintances are definitely one of the easier relationship types to usher closer into romance.

You could simply ask them out and let them know you’re interested.

This clarifies your relationship from the get-go so you don’t have to skirt around any “will they, won’t theys” whenever you spend time together.

Common challenges:

  • Finding common interests
  • Figuring out if you’re compatible
  • Creating long-term connection
  • Having a sustainable relationship

Colleagues

Like close friends, pursuing a colleague can be incredibly complicated.

While you have the advantage of seeing them everyday for work (and thus have constant access to them), you now have to think about the different complications about dating someone you work with.

This gets even more nuanced depending on your working relationship. Is he your boss or is he working for you? Are you business partners or is he a client of yours?

Romantic advances could easily come off unprofessional, and will inevitably harm your professional reputation if your advances are revoked and unreciprocated.

Common challenges:

  • Work relationships are often inappropriate. Getting together may present multiple conflicts of interest and damage the relationship
  • Awkwardness in the office, particularly among your co-employees
  • A short-term relationship could be a setback for long-term career goals

What Makes You Attractive: Mastering The 4 Elements of Attraction

We like to think of love as this ephemeral, unexplainable thing. With butterflies in your stomach and other physiological effects, it’s easy to believe that love is like magic and even a little instinctive; it just happens when it happens.

But in reality, love, like any other human emotion, is rooted in social psychology.

At the foundation of every loving, successful relationship are feelings of attraction.

When we see a person for the first time and fall in love with them, it’s not because your souls were born and made for each other; it’s because they happen to satisfy at least one of the four elements of interpersonal attraction.

These four elements of attraction work with the reward theory, which supposes that people naturally have a preference for things that come naturally.

By hitting the four elements of attraction, you’re essentially gaming attraction and making it easy for anyone to fall in love with you without having to spend that much effort.

Here are the four elements of attraction:

1) Proximity

The law of proximity suggests that we are bound to be attracted to the people who are physically close to us.

If you attend the same classes, work at the same office, hang out at the same sports, or workout at the same gym, chances are he’s going to notice you more and more.

The more he sees you, the more he’ll pay attention to you, which means the more chances you have of attracting him.

2) Physical Attractiveness

Physical attractiveness is a no-brainer. Although people have different standards for beauty, there are general physical traits that people find attractive, regardless of their personal preferences.

Working out and getting in good shape makes anyone automatically attractive. Dressing up nicely and being well-groomed add up points to your attractiveness.

Personal preferences do come into play, but there’s only so much that can do to attract someone. Anyone who puts in the work and works on their personality is bound to charm someone’s pants off.

3) Compatibility

Compatibility is all about finding things that you have in common — from hobbies to quirks, down to your political inclinations.

Compatibility is a great indicator of attraction and does so much more than physical attractiveness. Having the same interests, humor, and philosophies means you have a lot of things to bond over.

Conversations flow freely and before you know it, you’re arranging dates to do things you enjoy together.

4) Chemistry

Love is a two-way road. Without reciprocation, all you’re doing is showering someone all your attention and getting nothing in return.

Not all chemistry has to be romantic in nature. If the guy you like is responding well to your jokes, engages with your prompts, or does his part to uphold the conversation, it’s a good indication that he enjoys spending time with you.

Building off this chemistry, no matter how seemingly insignificant, can help you build up your relationship until you’re ready to make romantic advances.

What Guys Look For In Women: Qualities, Traits, and Characteristics

Now that you know where you stand in your relationship and understand the importance of attraction, it’s time to start taking the steps to present yourself as a viable partner. 

Think of this as a way of giving yourself a psychological advantage. Men think the same, for the most part. Personal preferences aside, there are some key characteristics men just can’t ignore, and being able to represent those qualities will give you amazing results. 

As complex as love is, there are foundational aspects of love that can easily be broken down to the following: 

Traits Men Love in a Woman: 7 Actionable Tips

1. Grooming and fashion sense: Men like women who look good. You don’t have to put on a dress and heels if it’s not your style. Dress according to your body shape and observe basic grooming. Put on some makeup to accentuate your facial features.

2. Smiling and being pleasant: That’s not to say you have to nod and agree with everything he says. Smiling is infectious and is psychologically proven to make the brain calmer. Smiling when talking to him can make him feel more special.

Mental Attributes

3. Engaging him in debates: No one likes a pushover. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who’s mentally stimulating. Challenge his thoughts and engage him in various topics.

4. Being invested or passionate about something: Having the ability to talk about something he’s unfamiliar with or share a new experience makes spending time with you exciting. Don’t hold back on gushing about your current passion project.

5. Good emotional intelligence: If you’re taking the reins and getting him to fall in love with you, he’ll want to know that you’re in charge. Managing conversations and navigating around awkwardness are keys to letting him know he’s in good hands.

Psychological

6. Be a little naughty: When it comes to sexual attraction, a little goes a long way. Leave something to the imagination and he’ll come running for more.

7. Keep him on his toes: Pursuing him doesn’t mean you have to be completely open with him. Men like women who are a little mysterious. Keep him guessing on what your next move is going to be, and don’t let him know that you’re completely his.

How To Make A Guy Love You: Psychological and Physical Strategies

Psychological Strategies

1. Make him know you need him.

Men like to know that they are needed. They need to be able to prove themselves to you. So give them the chances to do that; let him help you in little ways.

If you want to make a guy fall in love with you, you must make your guy feel like your provider and protector, and someone you genuinely admire.

In other words, you have to make him feel like a hero (not exactly like Thor though).

I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a provider.

Men have a thirst for your admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and service, provide and protect her. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

And the kicker?

A man won’t stay interested in a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.

He wants to see himself as a provider. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

If you don’t make him feel this, he will feel like less of a man. Emasculated. And he will lose interest in you in no time.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This term was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer.

Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.

A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.

How?

You have to find ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do. But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.

The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer gives a terrific introduction to his concept.

If you can trigger this instinct successfully, then you’ll see the results immediately.

When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed, long-term relationship with you.

The hero instinct is a subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.

Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash discovered this for herself and in the process completely turned around a lifetime of romantic failure. You can read her story here.

Top tip:

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why you should watch this free online video where you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy.

2. Compliment him when he tries.

Men aren’t always as secure about themselves as they may seem.

The ways they make an effort are generally subtler than how women do it, so if you see a man trying to work on himself, point it out and compliment him. He’ll love you for it and it will turn him on.

3. Admire the parts about him that make him a man.

A man wants a partner who will make him feel like he’s going in the right direction.

Show him that you recognize and see the good parts about himself that other people usually wouldn’t point out. Make him want to continue growing.

4. Be patient.

For many men, relationships require a slow burn, and this may be too slow for some women who want to feel that there’s real progress happening.

Be patient; he knows that you want things to be faster, and he’s trying his best. Show him that you’re willing to wait.

5. Show him you’re thinking about him.

There is no easier way to show a man that you care about him (and make him care about you in return) than by randomly telling him you’re thinking about him throughout the day.

6. Show an interest in his interests.

A man can be very protective of his world and his identity, and it can be hard for him to envision his life with a woman who doesn’t want anything to do with the parts about himself that he considers necessary.

So show an interest in his interests, like his hobbies and activities, and show him that you can be a part of his world without disrupting or ending it.

Physical Strategies

7. Look him in the eyes.

In an age of constant smartphones and texting, we’ve forgotten the importance of eye contact when it comes to establishing a real connection.

It might seem silly, but the difference between “just enough” eye contact and very little eye contact can be huge. Without enough eye contact, your man might not even remember who you are.

8. Focus on your similarities.

The way you act, speak, dress, whatever: there are bound to be similarities between you and your man target, and capitalizing on those similarities is a great way to capture his attention.

We have a natural tendency to be attracted to people who remind us of ourselves, even if it’s something as small as facial expressions.

9. Stay close to him.

Physical proximity is a huge factor in attraction. Try to hang around him a lot, and when you do, always be in his personal space (or at least close to it).

As we mentioned earlier, light friendly touching is the perfect way to get your interest in his mind and make him start wondering what it would be like to be “more than friends”.

10. Win his heart by filling their stomach.

We all know the classic line, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, and there’s a reason why it’s a classic.

Because it really does work. When you can show a man that you are not only a great person, but also a great chef, you will find him at maximum comfort levels with you.#

11. Laugh even when it’s not funny.

It’s not about forcing your laughter; it’s just about appreciating the humor that he shares with you.

A man wants to know that he can bring his partner joy and happiness; the more easily you can laugh at his jokes and antics, the more comfortable he will be with you.

12. Listen to him.

Men generally don’t talk and express themselves as much as women do, and this is mostly because men just don’t have the same social connections and opportunities that women create for expressing themselves.

So they may not be accustomed to opening up and talking their feelings over. Give them the chances to do that by listening to them and prodding them on, even when they resist.

How To Be The Person Any Guy Wants: Final Tips

Playing the game of attraction means knowing all the day-to-day little ways to make your man fall deeper and deeper under your spell.

Here are some little things you can do everyday to make your target fall in love with you before he even knows it:

  • Be comfortable as yourself. You need to love yourself before anyone else can love you
  • Don’t be negative about yourself. Talk up, be positive, and be someone who is fun to be around
  • Show him that there is space in your life for him. Give him a purpose in being with you
  • Be a great person: don’t gossip, don’t talk bad about others, be caring and strong, and be the best potential partner you can be
  • Don’t be needy. Make space and give him time to breathe and start thinking about you as part of his life
  • Stay clean, fresh, and hygienic. You don’t have to be perfect, but you also should make an effort in the way you love
  • Have your own life. There is nothing that can repel a guy more than a partner who has nothing in their life outside of the relationship
  • Be a substantial person. Have things. Know things. Want things. Think about things. Be a person who ripples the world around you, rather than someone just floating with the wind
  • Try the things that he likes. Don’t force yourself to love them if you don’t love them, but at least be open to his experiences, and he’ll see and appreciate your effort
  • Express your affection. Love attracts love. Don’t play any silly games. Let him know without a shadow of a doubt that you want him

Love: Keep It Real While Tilting the Odds In Your Favor

You can’t force love. If it wasn’t meant to be then it wasn’t meant to be; it’s that simple.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t tilt the odds in your favor and turn a simple attraction into a full-blown relationship. 

Even the deepest and strongest cases of true everlasting love can start out as small bits of flirting here and there.

With the right strategies and techniques, you can help the man of your dreams realize that you’re the woman (or man!) of his dreams, too.

So go and at least try to make it happen, because you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.
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