How to love someone deeply: 6 no-nonsense tips

Image credit: Shutterstock - By View Apart

In this article, you’ll never learn everything you need to know about how to love someone.

What to do.

What not to do.

And most important of all, how you can genuinely accept someone for who they are, and care for them so that you can both grow together.

Let’s dive right in…

1) Understand That No Person is Completely Like Anyone Else

It’s not necessarily bad to compare, but keep this in mind:

All the lovers you’ve had and will ever have are distinct from each other in one way or another.

What does this mean?


Don’t treat someone as a clone of somebody else.

Have you been in a previous relationship or two?

Perhaps you’ve thought of something like this:

“Wow, my NAME is so nerdy just like my ex.”
“Interesting. Both of them have the same taste in fashion and movies.”
“My partner gets mad the same way as my ex.”

Is there something bad about these thoughts?

No. These are just harmless observations.

What’s wrong is when you make assumptions about someone and adjust your behavior toward them based on your experiences with someone else who happens to share a few characteristics.

Avoid thinking this way:

“My NAME is like my ex in many ways, I guess we’re not going to last as well.”
“There’s nothing new with my love life. I’ll just surprise my NAME the same way I did with my ex.”

You are unique.

The person you want to love is unique.

Them reminding you sometimes of a past relationship does not mean that all hope is lost.

If you want to know how to love someone:

Look at them in a new light. Don’t make preemptive judgments about someone’s personality or how they’ll behave.

Understand them and accept them for who they are.

Treat every relationship as an opportunity to be a better lover and a more understanding person in general.

You can’t just stick to your old ways and expect the same results. Love isn’t like a video game with the same levels and winning strategies no matter how many times you play it.

2) Support Your Partner and Celebrate Their Success

Knowing how to love someone isn’t just about romance. There’s more to it than that.

Love is about accepting your partner and supporting them in their endeavors.

If they’re working hard for their goal, be there for them.

Support them in whatever way you can:

— Pay a visit and bring them food if they’re too busy studying
— Give your partner a good massage
— Leave a note telling them to take care and to do their best
— Don’t make them stay up late just to talk to you

Why are these strategies effective in making them realize that you know how to love someone?

Because they’re signs that you understand the situation.

That you’re not clingy.

You’re in it for the long run — there’s no point acting like a hormonal teenager who gets grumpy just because they don’t get a reply within five minutes.

Giving the person you love time to breathe. Let them do their thing. Don’t get in the way of their dreams.

If you truly love someone, you will support their personal growth.

After all:

What’s more romantic than helping your partner live their best life?

And if they succeed, congratulate them. Celebrate their success.

It doesn’t matter if they have a higher salary than you or that they come from a prestigious university.

Don’t envious of what your partner achieves.

Love isn’t a competition between two lovers.

Love is harmony despite differences.

3) Understand What They Need From You

Men and women are different and we want different things from a relationship. And not many people actually know what their partner really wants.

A new theory in relationship psychology is revealing exactly what men need from their partner to live meaningful and satisfying lives.

It’s called the hero instinct.

Men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are unhappy when they get married and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.

According to this theory, a man wants to see himself as a hero. As someone his partner genuinely wants and needs to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

And the kicker?

It’s actually up to the woman to bring this instinct to the fore.

I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.

The simple truth is that you shouldn’t say that you love your boyfriend unless you know you’ve triggered this instinct in him.

How do you do it?

The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first coined this term, gives a terrific introduction to his concept.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And when it comes to relationships, I think this is one of them.

Here’s a link to the video again.

4) Be A Giving Person

When we say romantic gifts, what comes to your mind?

Perhaps you’re thinking of flowers. Roses. Chocolates and a stuffed teddy bear.

But here’s the truth:

Romantic gifts come in a variety of forms — and they don’t always have to be material gifts.

If you’re ready to learn how to love someone, you have to be a willing giver.

Does this mean you need to get rich?

No. Not at all.

What it does require is for you to be creative and observant.

Consider these queries:

— Is your partner not a huge fan of traditional gifts like flowers and chocolates?
— Does your partner prefer practical gifts instead?
— What do they need the most right now?

Knowing the answer to one or all of these questions will help you find the perfect gift.

For example:

You can give a houseplant instead of another bouquet of roses for Valentine’s Day. The former lasts longer and helps clean the air.

Here’s another one:

Is your partner done with their book but doesn’t know which one to read next? Give them a gift certificate to their favorite bookstore.

But what if you’re running out of options?

Well, there’s always this one:

Your time.

Sometimes, all that you need in knowing how to love someone is to be generous with your time.

Because life gets tough. Really tough. For everyone.

There are moments when your partner could definitely use a shoulder to cry on.

Moments when they need you to wake them up to review for an exam.

Moments when they simply need someone to listen.

And that someone should be you.

Because in this day and age when everyone leads busy lives and distractions are in every corner, it’s heartwarming to know that someone is willing to dedicate their time and attention to you.

5) Be Consistent in Showing Your Love

Here’s a common problem in love:

People think that effort stops after the dating part.

That there’s nothing more to do once you’ve tied the knot.

What’s so wrong about this?

Simply put:

It treats being in a relationship as the end goal — but love is not and should not be about this.

You don’t just stop exerting effort just because you’ve got their nod of approval.

You don’t stop giving flowers or love letters.

In other words:

The chase continues.

You may already have the person, but their love for you won’t always stay the same; there’s no room to be complacent in love.

Sure, they might remain loyal to you no matter what.

But here’s the big question:

What’s a commitment for when love is no longer aflame?

Consistency is an endearing part of learning how to love someone.

No matter how many months and years pass, remember:

Stay romantic.

As if you two are on your first date.

6) Take Care of Yourself

It sounds weird at first.

But there is value in loving yourself if you want to be a good lover.


Because, as they say:

“It takes two to tango.”

Sure, you’re supporting your partner in achieving their goals — but the same should also apply to you.

You must also have time for yourself, to focus on your own dreams; you need time to stay healthy and look good.

Is this a selfish endeavor?


In fact, it’s important in a relationship.

Look at it this way:

Don’t you want your partner to see the best version of yourself?

It’s attractive to be with someone who has a clear vision in life.

Someone who is well-groomed.

Who knows the value of education and working hard.

Someone who ensures that they’re beautiful in and out.

Because if your partner sees you doing your best, it motivates them to do the same.

It’s a win-win situation:

The two of you support each other in your own endeavors, and each achievement fosters one’s self-esteem and the relationship itself.

Learning How to Love Someone in the Best Possible Way

Love is a product of many circumstances.

Each one is unique.

But in particular, there are three important components in loving someone:

1) Understanding
2) Respect
3) Commitment

You cannot love someone if you’re not willing to know them better. There is always something new to learn from them.

All it takes is for you to listen.

Because it’s not always the best idea to give your opinion or suggestion. Sometimes, what’s important and endearing is that you’re all ears.

Understand who your partner is.

Only by knowing them more will you see how unique they are as a person and a lover.

Likewise, be respectful. Always.

Their world doesn’t revolve around you.

You are part of their world — and that should be enough.

Respect their need for time and space.

Give them room to grow as an individual.

They will appreciate your patience and kindness — and allow you to chase your own dreams.

And last but definitely not least:


Commitment not only in terms of being loyal but also in staying sweet and caring — no matter how long the two of you have been together.

There are many other things to keep in mind in learning how to love someone.

But these ‘things’ vary from one person to the next.

Just take your time and allow yourself to experience what life and love have to offer.

You’re going to be a better lover in due time.

You may also like reading:


Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the Hack Spirit review team. In our reviews, Hack Spirit highlights products and services that you might find interesting. If you buy them, we receive a small commission from that sale. However, we only ever recommend products that we have personally investigated and truly feel could be valuable to you. Read our affiliate disclosure here. We welcome your feedback at

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

how to stop overthinking

13 tips to stop overthinking everything and start living now

25 beautiful short poems that will tug at your heart strings