How to know if you’re the only girl he’s talking to: 17 signs

Do you want to know if the man you’re interested in is only talking to you?

It’s an important question to consider. After all, some guys aren’t exactly the easiest to trust when it comes to seeing multiple women.

But look, if you need to find out if you’re only the girl he is speaking to you, the last thing you want to do ask him directly, fish around on his social media, or ask his friends.

That could make you look too clingy and needy, which is a red flag for any guy.

So in this article, I’m going to go through all the subtle signs you can look out for that suggest your guy is talking to you and only you.

I should know. I’m a guy myself. I’ve been in a few long-term committed relationships in my life, and I’ve also spent several years being a bachelor dating many girls at once.

I know exactly how this guy will behave if is really talking to you and only you.

Before we go into the signs, let’s first talk about the importance of labeling your relationship and what that means. You’ll want to read it because it means you won’t overreact if you find out he is talking to other women.

Relationship Ambiguity: Why Labels Matter

Before we talk about whether your guy is only talking to you, it’s important to understand first that in the early days of dating, it’s normal for either part to continue talking or seeing other people.

Even as the relationship progresses, there is no reason for you to expect any serious commitment from him.

Unless you’ve talked about dating exclusively, you can’t really get angry if you do find out that he’s dating other girls.

Casual dating isn’t done out of malice; most people tend to meet with a lot of people to get a feel of the dating scene and figure out who they do like.

If you’re not okay with him seeing someone else while he’s dating you, it’s crucial to communicate that and to make it clear. You can only do that by putting a label on your relationship.

Labels may sound like an outdated idea in modern dating, but they can effectively help both parties be honest about how they view the relationship.

Even the most casual, uncommitted, and purely sexual couples would require labels so the terms are clear on all sides.

A label defines each person’s expectations and desires from the relationship, as well as where it’s headed.

Some common ways to label a relationship include:

Talking or hanging out: Usually, these terms refer to a new person you’re romantically interested in. You’ve started communicating and getting to know each other, but you haven’t figured out if you want to date regularly yet.

Dating or seeing someone: Simply put, “dating” someone means you’re going on dates together. It may or may not be casual and is not necessarily short-term, so people could date one another consistently with no promise of long-term commitment.

Casual relationship: A casual relationship means you’re not exclusive and there aren’t a lot of emotional investment or obligations involved. However, it can be still filled with a lot of care and affection.

In a relationship: When people say they’re “in a relationship”, they often mean they’re official and monogamously together. Compared to dating, couples in a relationship can demand a bit more from one another.

Whether or not you have a label yet, you might be curious to know whether or not the guy you’re dating is juggling you with other girls.

After all, it’s hard to get to know each other if he’s distracted by someone else; it would also be tricky to work towards a future together if he’s not focusing on you.

Alright, so now we’ve got that out of the road, how do you know if you’re the only girl he’s talking to?

Here are 17 signs you’re the only girl he’s talking to:

1) He makes himself available

Take it from me:

When a guy is really interested in you, he’s willing to invest a lot of time and effort so he can be around you.

Don’t be surprised if he’s doing the most to clear up his schedule a few days before a big date; he’s probably ecstatic at the idea of spending more time with you.

And if there’s something he can’t postpone or avoid, he will definitely try his best to finish it as quickly as possible so he can be around you.

Of course, it’s not realistic (or healthy) to expect someone will set aside all their time to be with you.

But you can definitely tell the difference between a dedicated suitor versus someone who’s just stringing you along.

If he’s talking to other girls, his extra time will be split between you and someone else. Because he’s seeing someone else, he’s also more likely to disappear because she needs his attention too.

2) He’s open with you

A new relationship needs both partners to be open with each other, as a critical step towards bonding and learning more about each other.

The relationship will only flourish once both of you let your guards down and invite the other to learn about your hopes, dreams, fears, flaws, and insecurities.

It is definitely difficult for most people to do, especially men who are taught to protect their manliness by staying away from “girly” emotions.

However, a guy who is crazy about you will let his tough exterior melt.

He’s not going to hold back anything from you, from details about his daily routine to what happened to him throughout the day.

He’d be willing to answer all your questions and even get excited because it means you want to get to know him too.

3) He calls you by your name

Is he always calling you by your name?

If so, it’s a good sign — it means your name is always on his mind.

It’s also okay if he’s using a unique nickname he has for you. This means you’re special to him.

When guys are talking to multiple girls and he’s hiding it from you, he’ll most likely be nervous about using your name because he might slip up.

He might stick to a generic nickname like “babe” or he might not even address you at all throughout the date.

And if he does call you by another girl’s name, it may be a good time to confront him about the status of your relationship.

4) He doesn’t get a lot of texts or calls

You can be sure that you’re the only girl he’s talking to if his phone doesn’t blow up whenever you’re together.

He usually texts you first and he is quick to reply to you.

Unless the nature of his work is particularly demanding and requires him to be on his phone all the time, it’s unlikely he’s calling or texting anyone else when he’s with you.

In fact, a guy who’s really into you would set his phone aside so he can give you his full attention.

It can be a warning sign if he gets a number of texts or calls while you’re on a date, especially if he keeps responding to the messages and it distracts him for the evening.

Another suspicious gesture is if he glances at his phone then shoves it down his pocket because he doesn’t want to draw your attention to it.

The next time this happens to you, you can ask him who it’s from and observe his expression.

If he fumbles with the answer, it’s likely that he’s hiding something from you.

5) He’s always hanging out with you

When a guy is interested in you, he’s probably hanging around you all the time — and you might not even notice because you love having him there with you too.

Even if you’ve been seeing each other for some time, he still isn’t tired of spending time with you.

People who date around tend to leave their weekends available to see other people.

So if you’re seeing each other on Friday and Saturday nights, you’re most likely his one-and-only.

You can also tell if he’s prioritizing you based on his attitude.

He never waits until the last second to ask you out on a date, nor does he flake out on your plans regularly because he understands your time is valuable.

He also carefully plans out each date; even if you’re just staying together at home, he makes it fun and special by giving you his full attention.

Most importantly, you can tell he enjoys your dates and that he looks forward to them eagerly.

6) He puts your needs first

Does the guy you’re seeing do everything to keep you satisfied with him? If so, he’s taking your relationship seriously.

People can easily say they love you, but their actions speak louder than words. You can only gauge someone’s sincerity based on their behavior.

Would he be the first person to offer his support whenever you’re sick or struggling with personal problems?

Remember, a man who likes you also wants to impress you. They want you to understand that you can also rely on them to help you out.

A guy who really wants to make the relationship work will do more than what is required, so you can count on him to go above and beyond for you.

7) He frequently mentions you on social media

Social media plays a big role in courtship these days; following each other and interacting on social media is probably the modern equivalent of flaunting love letters a hundred years ago.

So how can you tell through social media if he’s keeping his options open or if he’s serious about you?

Here are some tips to take note of:

  • If you’ve been seeing each other, it’s only natural to add him on all popular social media platforms almost immediately. A guy who is into you (and only you) would probably ask you before you ask to add him. Otherwise, he might decline your friend invite or make a big fuss about keeping his account secret. He may make excuses like he doesn’t use social media often because he wants to keep his profile clean among his dates.
  • Most people don’t change their social media statuses until they’re engaged or married, but a guy who likes you is going to start mentioning you everywhere. He’ll tag you on Facebook posts, Tweet about your interactions, and share your photos on his Instagram stories constantly. This is his way of showing you off and telling the world that you’re a thing.
  • Some guys who are seeing a number of women would be uncomfortable to share photos of you as a couple on social media. If ever you do get to post a photo with him, he often makes himself difficult to identify so other girls wouldn’t think you’re in a romantic relationship.

8) He is comfortable with leaving his phone around you

There’s no other device as personal and as necessary as the smartphone, where all calling, texting, and other forms of communication are coursed through.

If the guy you’re seeing has nothing to hide, he won’t think twice about leaving his phone with you when he goes to the toilet.

In fact, leaving his phone with you is also a sign of how much he trusts you as well.

On the other hand, guys who are keeping their options open would be on their guard and keep their phone away from you.

He knows that his cover will be blown if you ever get access to his device, so he may react negatively even if you try to reach for it suddenly.

9) He invites you to meet his friends

A relationship headed in the right direction should definitely lead to introductions among his closest friends and co-workers.

If he’s ready to go steady with you, he should understand that meeting friends and attending social events together is essential because these people matter to both of you.

A man who has nothing to hide will invite you to meet his friends; in return, he’s also game to meet your friends because he wants to know the people you care about too.

It’s also one thing for him to tell his guy friends about a girl he’s dating, but it’s another thing completely when he invites his close female friends to meet you.

Not only is he sharing his joy with them, but he’s also trying to get their vote of approval.

Introducing you to his friends could mean he’s closing his doors to everyone else because you’re the best choice.

It would be messy if he introduces every girl he’s dating to his friends, as it could put them in a potentially awkward, uncomfortable position.

10) He’s openly affectionate with you

Whenever you go out to dinner, dancing, or parties, he’s always right next to you. He’s not afraid to hold your hand or show signs of physical affection towards you.

Public displays of affection, especially in front of family and colleagues, show the world that you’re taken.

Plus, humans tend to touch what they like. Giving long hugs, touching your arm lightly, or putting his arm around your shoulders probably gives him a thrill because he likes you so much.

If he’s seeing other girls, he would be more hesitant in case someone sees him.

Keep in mind that some men are naturally comfortable with touching people, while others are shy about touching because it makes them feel awkward or sleazy.

11) He lets you decide on the plans

Men who are juggling multiple girls at once would rarely allow you to schedule your dates because he’s splitting his time in different ways — and he’s the only one who knows how his schedule works.

A guy who gives you a measure of control over his free time means you’re the only person (aside from him) who has that privilege.

It’s definitely a red flag if your guy only ever asks you to hang out at a time and place he chooses.

Or maybe he’s always “unavailable” and “busy” on the dates you plan.

Sure, he might have a tight schedule but isn’t it suspicious that he always disregards your suggestions?

And on the rare occasions when he does agree to your plans, he suddenly cancels at the last minute.

All of these signs could point to one of two things: he’s seeing someone else and can’t commit time for you or he isn’t considering what you want at all — which is just as bad.

12) He’s someone your gut trusts

No matter where you go in life, whether it be for love or something else, your intuition has your back.

Your gut can instinctively tell you whether there’s another girl (or two) in the picture, just by how he mentions a female friend or co-worker in a certain way.

On the other hand, your intuition would also be able to tell how sincere he is towards you.

While your rational brain is preoccupied with what he says, your gut is probably paying more attention to what he does and his overall demeanor.

In fact, even if you ignore all the signs and reflect on your instincts, you’d find your answer quickly.

13) He talks about the future

The future may seem like such an intimidating, overwhelming concept to a newly-dating couple.

However, you can be sure your guy is for keeps by paying attention to how he talks about future plans.

It could be something small — like booking concert and theatre tickets — or something major like spending vacations and holidays together.

If he invites you to these events or commits to attending with you months in advance, then you know he’s thinking of being with you for long term.

However, if he starts talking about “living in the moment” or seems uncomfortable at the mention of not-so-distant plans, you should be aware.

You deserve to be with someone who’s excited to share a future with you, even for something mundane.

It shows they don’t have a sense of finiteness to the relationship and that they intend to stick around for a long time.

14) He doesn’t mind surprise visits from you

Maybe you dropped by his office out-of-the-blue to ask him out for lunch or suddenly showed up at his home unannounced — no matter what surprise you pulled, he’s always delighted to see you.

Sure, it’s usually courteous to call ahead but he never seems to mind.

In fact, he’s delighted to see you expectedly because it shows you’re interested in him as well.

If you’re the only girl in his life, he probably loves it when you stop by to see him every now and then.

However, he may be hiding something if he gets nervous when you show up uninvited.

It’s likely that he always wants to know your plans beforehand so he can avoid potentially awkward situations.

Getting irrationally angry when you visit him by surprise could also be a sign that he nearly got caught; if he’s not hiding anything, he should be able to move on from your gesture.

15) He remembers everything you say

No matter what you say, nothing is too trivial or “below” his notice.

He’ll remember everything you tell him, like your birthday, your favorite color, your favorite foods, and even when you’re planning to get a haircut.

Moreover, he actively acts on this information; he would order food you like or compliment your new hairstyle.

He’s genuinely curious about you and wants to understand what makes you tick.

On the other hand, someone who’s dating around or isn’t as committed won’t bother to remember details about you.

Trying to do so may even give them away, especially if they confuse you for another girl.

16) He took down his online dating profiles

Why bother looking for someone else when you’re already perfectly happy with who you’re with?

A man who wants an exclusive relationship with you won’t be logging into Tinder or Bumble when you’re asleep to chat other girls up.

He’ll make sure you know he’s only focusing on you and doesn’t have time for other girls.

Deleting his online dating profiles and removing dating apps from his phone is a good indicator that he thinks you’re special.

17) He’s ready to commit

The most surefire sign that you’re the only girl he wants is if he’s ready to let go of your casual dating status and commit to a serious, exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

After dating for a few months, he’s ready — maybe even eager — to discuss this with you, because he’s done keeping his options open.


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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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