How to keep a guy interested: 16 secrets to get him hooked!

I’m going to show you exactly how to keep a guy interested in your relationship.


The best part?

If you follow these tips to a T, not only will you be happier within yourself, but your man will be totally in love with you, too.

We’ve got a lot to cover, so let’s begin.

1. Love yourself

Cliché? Sure. But if you don’t do it, you can’t expect anyone else to.

We all have a need to love and be loved. Developing our capacity to love ourselves serves as a training ground for loving other people.

If you can’t love yourself, you don’t believe that you are worthy of others’ love. And if you don’t believe you’re worthy of others’ love, you’ll struggle to build a healthy, long-term relationship.

Are you perhaps now thinking that you’re still just dating, and it’s way too soon to be thinking about love?

This isn’t about being in love, it’s about laying the foundations for love a little further down the line.

It’s about making sure that you’re loveable and demonstrating to your guy that you’re worthy of his continuing interest.

Think back to your very first forays into the world of relationships as a teen. Maybe you were nervous and unsure of yourself. You were probably still figuring out your identity and your place in the world.

While some lucky people manage to successfully forge a long-lasting relationship in their early years, most of us just haven’t learned to love ourselves enough at that young age to be able to do it.

As we grow, we learn to love ourselves. Or at least, that’s the theory.

But it can be difficult to do, even for the most confident. We’re socialized to think that loving ourselves is arrogant and unappealing, but in fact, it’s the opposite. Show your man you love and care about yourself, and you’ll be giving him a roadmap to loving you.

If you can love yourself successfully, you’ll survive anything, even a long-distance relationship.

Top tip:

Loving yourself can be really hard, because, like everyone else, you’re not perfect. Acknowledge that you have faults and that everyone does.

Work on changing these, but don’t beat yourself about them. Accept yourself and others will too.

In the end, loving yourself is as simple as loving anyone else, so ask yourself: how would you love yourself, if you were someone else?

Treat yourself with the same respect, kindness, and mindfulness that you would offer the people who matter most to you in your life.

Be kind but be stern; learn to discipline, but learn to forgive. You are your own greatest fan, your own greatest rival, and your own greatest love.

2. Stay interesting and interested

In those early days of dating, you might have spent time trying to think up new and ever-more interesting things to do together.

When the initial few dates are over and you’re thinking it might be going somewhere, take care not to slip into doing the same-old, same-old every time you meet.

Doing the same things all the time that leads to complacency.

If you do can avoid that complacency trap, this stage is the most exciting part of getting to know someone.

The early dates are over, you’re starting to develop a real connection and be comfortable in each other’s company, but there’s still so much to learn and do together.

In other words: don’t just watch movies and eat pizza every time you see each other. Keep his interest by staying interesting.

Suggest new things to do together. Find places to go neither of you have ever been. Start getting out of your comfort zone together.

Keeping it interesting isn’t just about what you do on dates. It’s about what happens when you stay up late talking about your hopes and dreams.

What have you both always wanted to do? Look for the common ground and find the places you connect and intersect.

Talk about things you love doing, and the things he loves that you want to know more about. If you want to be charming, be interested to be interesting. 

If you’ve always wanted to go skiing, and you know he’s been, ask him about that. Ask him about the things you know he’s passionate about, and wait to see his eyes light up when he tells you about them.

Give him the chance to ask you about what you love to do. There’s nothing sexier than passion.

Top tip:

This is a great time to start making a few plans together, however small. You’re getting past the stage of just working date-to-date. It’s time to keep things interesting by giving yourselves something to look forward to.

3. Trigger a natural male instinct

hero instinct in men

If you want to keep a guy interested, you must make your guy feel like your provider and protector, and someone you genuinely admire.

In other words, you have to make him feel like a hero (not exactly like Thor though).

I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

Want to know how to make a guy fall in love with you?

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a provider.

And the kicker?

A man won’t stay interested in a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This term was coined by relationship expert James Bauer.

Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.

A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.


The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer reveals the simple things you can do starting today.

If you can trigger this instinct successfully, then you’ll see the results immediately.

When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed, long-term relationship with you.

Top tip:

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why you should watch this free online video where you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy.

4. Don’t be nice and you’ll keep a guy interested

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Dmytro Zinkevych

Being nice sounds like a no-brainer, right? But spend too much time trying to be nice and you risk being the opposite.

In those early days where you’re spending a lot of emotional energy getting to know someone, you can end up feeling a bit wrung out and all over the place.

You feel like you’re constantly thinking about how to react and what impression you’re giving.

You’re trying to be nice and make a good impression, but you end up putting him off because you’re overthinking everything and it shows (if you think it doesn’t, you’re wrong).

Stop doing this. By trying to be nice all the time, you’re not being yourself. No-one is constantly nice and undemanding.

Sometimes, everyone is a bit ratty after a hard day of work, or a bit upset about a family argument, or whatever. It’s OK to not be totally OK all of the time.

This doesn’t mean you should be deliberately treating him mean, either. Both being excessively nice and overly mean are game-playing.

Neither of them will help you build those all-important relationship foundations that you should be building right now.

The big problem with being nice is that it means you’re constantly trying to live up to an image of the person you think he wants you to be.

Whether or not that’s who you really are. And that is totally counter-productive, because it means you’re building those foundations on shaky ground. Stop being nice, focus on being real.

Send him a good morning message if you feel it at the time. If not, then don’t do it just to impress him.

Top tip:

Maybe he’s putting up a ‘nice’ front just as much as you are. Guys get nervous too and anxious to make a good impression.

If he never seems down or grumpy in the slightest, you’re not getting all of him yet. Encourage him to relax with you so you can get to know him properly. This will give him space to relax as well. 

5. Cook and eat together

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? Quite possibly. It’s definitely true that eating together can be hot.

It’s also a great way to explore your likes and dislikes, to be creative, and to make time to focus just on each other.

Food brings people together in all kinds of contexts – dating included.

Cooking for your man is a fantastic way to impress him. Find out what he loves to eat and make something that will really treat his taste buds.

You’ll keep him interested not only because you’ve made him some delicious food but because you’ve shown him that you’ve taken the time to find something he’ll really love. Then, sit back and wait for him to return the favor.

Cooking together can also be a great way to get to know each other. It’s a chance for you to spend time playing around with food, your likes, and dislikes, and seeing how well you work together.

Top tip:

This is an interesting way to get a guy like you.

If you’re not a wannabe chef, going out to eat is just as much fun as cooking. At this stage of the game, it doesn’t all have to be about extravagance and impressing each other.

This is the time to take him to your favorite backstreet café or noodle bar. Take him to places you’ve known and loved over the years. He’ll get to know more about you and you’ll both get to eat well in the process.

6. How to keep a guy happy: Laugh together

When you picture your perfect future with your man, what do you see? Chances are, laughter features pretty highly. And there’s a good reason for that.

Shared laughter is an important part of any budding relationship. It’s a vital part of creating memories, helping you create a bond that can stand the test of time.

Being able to laugh together demonstrates to your guy that you have things in common. A shared sense of humor is pretty close to the top of most people’s relationship to-do lists, after all.

Laughter helps you build your foundations. Every long-term relationship will go through hard times at some point.

If this becomes a longstanding thing, when it’s your turn to hit a tough period, you’ll have brilliant memories to look back on of the nights you stayed up until 3 am laughing together.

If you find you’re not laughing enough, what can you do? Don’t panic – this doesn’t mean you’re not right for each other.

It just means that you haven’t got totally into the groove yet. If you’re not laughing much, it might be because you’re still stuck in anxious first-date mode.

Now is the time to move past that and let yourself go a little. Laughing together means you’re able to let your guard down with each other.

If you’re finding that hard to do, work on your confidence. Being confident means you don’t care that your mascara is running down your face because you’ve been laughing so hard for so long.

Top tip:

If you feel like you’re not laughing together much, just get out and do things together as much as possible. Overcome challenges together. Learn things together. The laughter should follow.

But if you’ve tried everything and your man is still pulling away, it’s probably because his fears of commitment are so deep-rooted in his subconscious, even he’s not aware of them. 

7. Don’t play games

You’ve probably heard, or read, a load of advice on the dating ‘game’. Advice like, don’t text back straight away, chat to other guys to make him jealous, treat him mean to keep him on his toes.

These rules are, their advocates say, designed to keep a man interested. Exactly what you want to do, right?

Yes, but you’re keeping him interested on false pretenses. If you have to resort to pretending you don’t like someone much to get them to like you, you’re building a relationship on very shaky ground.

You might get what you want right now, but you’re not going to keep getting it once the whole house of cards falls down in a few months’ time.

By playing games, you’re not showing him who you really are. You’re not giving him the best of yourself.

Imagine this: perhaps he’d fall in love with the real you if you just gave him the chance to get to know her. But if she’s hidden under all the games, maybe he’ll just not bother and move on. Gaming can be totally counter-productive.

There’s also the fact that he’ll probably know exactly what you’re doing. Most emotionally intelligent adults can guess when they’re being gamed, and most don’t like it.

You probably wouldn’t be impressed if you figured out that he was taking his dating style straight from some book or online forum, so why do it to him?

Top tip:

Not playing games doesn’t mean it’s not OK to keep your distance a little. That’s just what emotionally healthy people do. This will keep your man happy. 

By resisting any urges you have to jump feet first into a full-on relationship you’re giving it the best chance of success, as you’re letting the relationship take its natural course without the pressure of expectation.

8. Want advice specific to your situation?

While this article explores the main ways to keep a guy interested, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like keeping a man interested in your relationship. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

9. Be spontaneous

Spontaneity is a vital part of being able to have fun and enjoy life. Of course, making plans is fun too, but if you feel you can’t ever just decide to wake up in the morning and go and do something completely unplanned, you’re missing out.

Being spontaneous with your new man is a chance to show him what you’re made of. There’s plenty of time later for the habits and routines that inevitably develop in a long-standing partnership.

And there’s nothing wrong with habits and routines, but we all need a break from them.

Routine is associated with work and obligation, spontaneity with fun and freedom. Be the person your guy associates with fun.

Being spontaneous doesn’t have to mean that you end up having wild drunken adventures every weekend (though of course, it can if that’s your bag).

It can just mean that you head out for a morning coffee and rather than just going straight home after, you hit the shops for a few hours and then take in a movie.

Or maybe it’ll mean that on Wednesday, you suggest heading away for a night at the weekend. You came up with the idea, so he gets to choose where to go.

Spontaneity means you both get to take an equal role in making plans, as you do it as you go along. Doing this can be a great bonding experience.

Top tip:

If you find it difficult to be spontaneous, try planning spontaneity. Sounds crazy? It doesn’t have to be.

Decide that every Saturday, you’ll meet up and just wander around the city looking for fun things to do. That’s a plan, but it’s a very loose one and will allow you to have all kinds of adventures together.

10. Take the lead sometimes

Lots of women are conditioned to think that they should fall in line and do what he wants to do most of the time.

Even women who are generally pretty strong and independent, with good careers and a great group of girlfriends behind them can end up doing this without even knowing what’s happening.

Girls are brought up to be nice to everyone and put themselves last. But actually, any guy worth his salt doesn’t want a meek and mild girl who’ll always do what he wants and never have an opinion. If that is what he wants, run a mile, he’s not a keeper.

A woman who constantly seeks reassurance makes the relationship hard work and easily puts a man off.

And some men will take you for granted if you’re too willing to do anything they ask. They’ll begin to see you as a mother or a sister, and that’s definitely not a zone you want to get into.

If you’re already a natural lead taker – and lots of women are – great. Keep doing it. If you’re not, then make a choice to be the one who makes the decisions sometimes.

You choose and book the restaurant, rather than waiting for him to suggest something. He’ll love seeing you as the confident, independent woman you are.

This isn’t just about the here-and-now, it’s that foundation-building thing again. Take your turn at taking the lead now, and then if you last the distance, you’ll naturally share the decision-making when it really matters.

Things like, choosing where to live or what to call your kids, for example.

Follow these surefire ways to make a man addicted to you.

Top tip:

If you find it hard to take the lead, look for areas where you can do it better than him. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, right?

So, if every restaurant you go to is terrible, you start picking them. If his taste in movies is awful, you choose. Get this right now, and you’ll be laying the foundations for a proper partnership of give- and-take later on.

11. Be seductive

This is the perfect stage for being super-seductive. At this point, your sex life should be getting pretty hot.

You’re past any initial awkwardness, you’re getting to know each other but there’s still a hell of a lot for you to explore. This is a great time to make the most of your lust.

How can you make a man chase you after you slept with him?

What if your sex life is starting to go stale?

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the sexual honeymoon phase of new relationships can end quite quickly. After that, things can be hard work.

One thing women can do right now to improve the physical connection with their man is to get inside his head.

When it comes to sex and intimacy, what does he really want from you?

Men don’t necessarily want a woman who’s a firecracker in bed. Or one with a big chest and flat tummy.

Instead, he wants his prowess validated. To feel like he’s doing his ‘job’ as a man.

By doing this, you won’t have to ask, “how to make a guy miss you during a break?” for you already know the secret.

Nothing speaks to a man’s masculinity more than satisfying the woman he loves. Men are hardwired to want to please women inside the bedroom and out of it.

And when a man doesn’t feel like he’s satisfying her in this way, it’s only natural for him to pull away.

12. Make him infatuated with you

Why do men stay interested in certain women but pull away from others?

Well, according to the science journal, “Archives of Sexual Behavior”, men don’t behave “logically” in relationships.

As dating and relationship coach Clayton Max says, “It’s not about checking all the boxes on a man’s list of what makes his ‘perfect girl’. A woman can’t “convince” a man to want to be with her”.

The truth is that trying to convince a man or show him how amazing you are always backfires. Because you’re sending him the opposite signals of what he needs to commit to you.

Instead, men choose to stay with women who they are infatuated with. These women stir up a sense of excitement and desire to chase them.

Top tip:

Want a few simple tips to be this woman?

Then watch Clayton Max’s quick video here where he shows you how to make a man infatuated with you (it’s easier than you probably think).

Infatuation is triggered by a primal drive deep within the male brain. And although it sounds crazy, there are a combination of words you can say to generate feelings of red-hot passion for you.

To learn exactly what these phrases are, watch Clayton’s excellent video now.

13. Get to know his friends

Getting to know his friends can be tough, but it’s important to do it. Your guy will want you to get on with his friends.

He’ll value their opinion on you, which makes meeting them a little scary, but if you can win them over, you’ll win lots of points with him.

And it’s not just about him sizing you up. Meeting his friends is a chance for you to find out more about your guy.

If he’s reluctant for you to meet them, maybe he’s hiding something about himself, or his lifestyle.

You can tell a lot about someone from their friends, so if all his friends live at home with their parents and spend their lives playing computer games, maybe he’s not the go-getting personality he’s made himself out to be.

Keep your first meeting casual and informal. Suggest you all head out for some drinks together for a couple of hours. That way, you can get to know each other without too much pressure – and you’ll know that if it’s really terrible, it’ll be easy enough to make your excuses and leave.

Getting to know his friends is a vital part of making your lives work together as a partnership.

If everything goes well, these people will become your friends, and your friends will become his friends.

A good first meeting with his friends can set wheels in motion for years of fun together.

Top tip:

Find out who is very closest friends are. These are the people whose opinion will matter the most to him.

Spend some time chatting just with them, and maybe offer to buy a round of drinks. This isn’t about being fake, but just about showing that you’re interested in them and their conversation.

14. Be thankful on the regular

Journalist Janice Kaplan wrote in “The Gratitude Diaries” about how she tried a yearlong experiment of being more grateful for everyone and everything in her life – including her husband.

She said that thanking her husband for even small things such as fixing a leaky faucet improved her marriage a great deal.

Why am I telling you this?

Because showing that you’re thankful and appreciative of your man is a great way to keep him interested.

Business Insider reported that psychologists have known for a while that couples who express gratitude toward each other are more likely to stay together.

The truth is this:

Men might not admit it but they do like to be appreciated.

They also want to be the hero that saves the day – but if you don’t at least acknowledge something nice that he has done he certainly won’t feel like a hero.

We can often forget to thank each other for even simple things because the routine of life gets in the way.

Top tip:

Whenever your man does something for you, like open the door for you, say thanks.

It’s basic manners, and it’ll make him feel appreciated, which keeps him coming back for more.

15. Be a strong woman

We know that a strong woman exudes confidence and self-respect and lights up any room she enters.

And when a woman exudes confidence, she comes across as sexy. And there is nothing sexier for a man than a woman who radiates sex appeal.

If she knows her way around the bedroom and isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants under the covers, a man will find her irresistible.

She’s not selfish in the sack either; she’ll make sure that his desires and needs are fulfilled just as much as hers are.

When a man is satisfied sexually by a strong, confident woman, he’ll keep coming back for more as he will crave that feeling of being close to her. And there are ways to keep a man interested after sleeping with him. 

Greater intimacy in the bedroom leads to a greater connection out of the bedroom. A couple will feel more in tune with one another and that mutual respect and trust is reinforced. As their relationship develops, she’ll always keep him on his toes, but he’ll know exactly where he stands.

Strong women may want to be in a relationship as much as anyone, but they’re fine being alone. They don’t need men in their lives.

And that makes them the sexiest women around.

16. Ask for his help

Men thrive on solving women’s problems.

If you have something you need to be fixed, or your computer is acting up, or if you have a problem in life and you simply need some advice, then seek your man out.

A man wants to feel essential. And he wants to be the first person you turn to when you genuinely need help.

Although asking for your man’s help may seem fairly innocuous, it actually helps to trigger something deep within him. Something that is crucial to a loving, long-term relationship.

For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.

Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!

Top tip:

Simply ask for his help once in a while. It will make him feel valued. So, next time you reach for that screwdriver, consider passing it to your man instead.

Know yourself, know your partner and you’ll keep him interested

Over the course of this article, you’ve hopefully learned a few things about dating and been prompted to give your own dating past and future a bit of thought.

In some cases, a guy is interested is he wants to take it slow. 

Dating and relationships are often hard to deal with and they take up a lot of headspaces.

It’s easy to get discouraged when things don’t go to plan early on.

But by knowing yourself and understanding how to work together with a guy to create something, you can give yourself the best possible chance of your relationship working out.

Remember to speak up in your relationship, and to talk about how you’re feeling. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, so let him know when something’s bothering you.

Tell him what you need to feel better, and what you would like him to do. But speak up when you’re happy as well as sad.

Mention how much you appreciate it when he does things for you or helps you out. Be sure to reaffirm how much you love him and how much he means to you.

Where many couples fall down is they get stuck in an aggressive mentality every exchange is a zero-sum game and they feel they have to win against their partner.

The truth is that you only win together and that if you can’t learn to compromise then you both lose.

Trust is the glue that binds your relationship together. Couples who have absolute trust in each other are able to be open and vulnerable in the way necessary to maintaining a relationship.

They behave the same around their partner as they do away from them, and keep their partner in mind when weighing their actions.

Truly attached couples keep each other’s secrets and trust in the confidentiality of their shared bond.

Sometimes this may all seem very far away, but it’s achievable. Every day millions of people fall in love, get married, and spend the rest of their lives together.

All it takes is an enthusiastic and open-hearted approach to finding your guy, sincerity and faith in the man you love, and a commitment to being your authentic self.

Date with a sense of fun and fearlessness and you’ll get there in the end.

If you REALLY want to keep him interested…

Let’s face it.

If your guy is losing interest, there’s always a reason.

Maybe you treat him great. You think you’re doing everything right. And on the surface, he seems pretty happy…

But if he’s pulling away from you, then you must get inside his head and understand why.

Because if you really like him, it’s up to you to dig a bit deeper and figure out why he’s hesitant to commit.

In my experience, the missing link in any relationship is never sex, communication, or a lack of romantic dates. All these things are important, but they are rarely deal-breakers when it comes to the success of a relationship.

The missing link is this:

You actually have to understand what your guy is thinking at a deep level.

Relationship expert James Bauer’s new video will help you to really understand what makes men tick—and who they fall in love with (and ultimately make sure it’s YOU).

You can watch the video here.

James reveals a relationship “secret ingredient” few women know about which holds the key to a man’s love and devotion.


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