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How to ignore a man and make him want you: 10 important tips

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When it comes to getting a man to want you, there are a hundred ways to do it.

Whether you’re already in a relationship with him but you sense his interest fading, or there’s a new guy on the scene who you desperately want to entice, one method tops them all:

Ignoring him.

Now, this might sound cruel, and if you were to truly ignore him it would be counterproductive – it’d probably push him away.

Instead, you’ve got to ignore him in a way that doesn’t hurt him or make him lose interest but sparks his fire and curiosity in you.

And that’s exactly what we’re going to cover today, everything you need to know about ignoring a man to make him want you, and how to do it kindly.

But first, why take this approach in the first place?

Why does ignoring him make him want you more?

It’s an age-old trick, playing “hard to get”.

So why hasn’t it gone out of fashion yet?

Well, the truth is, it works.

Making yourself appear less available, distant, and “hard to get” gives you the impression of being unattainable.

And fortunately, men enjoy the chase and will work even harder to get a woman they see as a challenge.

As psychologist Jeremy Nicholson explains on PsychologyToday:

“It appears that some of the behaviors and tactics associated with playing hard to get succeed in making someone more desirable as a date or relationship partner.”

Here’s the important thing to remember:

Acting cool, being independent, and living your life without being reliant on him, on the other hand, is a huge turn on.

The fact that you’re not waiting on his every call and that you can have a good time without him makes him want you even more.

Coming on too strong or appearing needy can turn some guys off completely, they lose all interest and before you know it, they’re bored.

But, there’s a catch.

Nicholson goes on to explain that, “Nevertheless, for those interested in playing hard to get, it takes some finesse, the right timing, and the proper balance.”

So it has to be done in a way that keeps the balance between frustration and pleasure, give and take, hot and cold.

Only then will he want you and be fully invested in being with you, so let’s get straight into those important tips on how to ignore him:

10 ways to ignore a man

1. Don’t make yourself easily available

As I previously mentioned, the best way to ignore him and make him want you is to be busy.

Whether you’re in the beginning days of dating or you’ve been together for a while, don’t be free every time he asks to meet up or calls you.

You might even want to get back to his texts or phone calls later in the evening instead of dropping everything you’re doing just to reply to him instantly.

Now, this doesn’t mean that you point-blank ignore him, but you certainly want to make him wait around a little bit – just enough to spark his curiosity.

It’s important to remember that rather than fully ignoring him, which is manipulative and hurtful, you’re simply giving him space and letting him miss you a little.

2. Live a fulfilling life

So what’s the best way to be busy?

Lead a lifestyle that doesn’t involve you sitting at home waiting for him to call.

Ways to keep busy include:

  • Socializing with friends and family
  • Pursuing hobbies – if you don’t have any, now’s a good time to try out something new
  • Get active and outdoors, you’ll look and feel better for it
  • Learn a new skill or invest more time into your work
  • Volunteer and help others in your community

So by leading a fulfilling lifestyle, you’ll be honest when you say that you’re busy, or that you missed his call because you were out on a run with your friend.

This will make you look extremely attractive and interesting to him, and it’ll make him want to know more about this exciting life you live.

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3. Keep your emotions in check

As a natural-born drama queen, I was often told by the women in my family to tone it down, and that it won’t get me far in my relationships.

As I got older, I realized they were right.

Most men don’t enjoy seeing a huge display of tears when you’re upset, or a screaming fit when you’re angry. If anything, it can overwhelm them and make them feel hesitant around you.

And sometimes, they struggle to understand the emotions of a woman, especially if they’ve only just started to get to know her.

So whilst you should be able to show your emotions to some degree, try to avoid sending him five-page long texts or emotional voice notes that involve you sobbing down the phone.

Take the high road, when you’re upset or angry at him, and do your own thing.

Don’t feel like you’ve got to force him to acknowledge your emotions, because that has to happen naturally – it all comes down to timing.

And, if anything, your silence will let him know that something is up, and it’ll be up to him to try and work out what it is, rather than you screaming it at him and potentially pushing him further away.

4. Be patient

Ignoring someone you have a crush on or that you’re already dating is not an easy step to take.

Your instincts will make you want to talk to him at all hours of the day and reveal your innermost darkest secrets.

But to ignore him and make him want you, you’re going to have to hold back and be strong.

And even more challenging will be ignoring him if he’s the one who has started acting distant or cold – you’ve got to play him at his own game here.

Whether your husband ignores you or a guy you’ve just met can’t make his mind up, if this is the case, follow his lead and give him plenty of space.

If he calls, call him back later in the evening.

If he wants to meet, make it for a time and place that suits you, and don’t rearrange plans you’ve already made.

Sometimes, a little taste of his own medicine is all that’s needed to make you appear more desirable and this will drive him crazy.

5. Let him come to you

And when you’re trying to make a man want you, there’s no harm in letting him take the lead for a while.

Sure, you might have plenty of fun date ideas lined up or tickets to see his favorite team play, but taking complete control can quickly make him lose interest.

The bottom line is:

Guys like to feel in control. He enjoys the hunt and chase. He also wants to impress you.

So, let him!

The best thing about giving your man some control will be that it triggers his hero instinct.

If you haven’t heard of this concept before, it’s a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.

Men have a desire for meaning and purpose and this plays out most noticeably in how he approaches his relationship. He wants to take control now and then, protect her, and provide her something no other man can.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

So for a relationship to succeed, it needs to give a man this sense of purpose. It doesn’t matter how good you look, or how much of a firecracker you are in bed, if a man won’t stay committed to a relationship unless you provide this.

To discover how to trigger the hero instinct in a man, watch this great free video.

Some ideas are game changers. And when it comes to giving a man what he really wants from a relationship, the hero instinct is one of them.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

6. Show him your worth

After all, you deserve to be treated well and with respect, and the harder he has to work for the relationship, the more he’ll realize you’re not going to take any crap.

That doesn’t mean you have to be intentionally difficult, but it means that you should stick to your morals and boundaries.

And if that means distancing yourself from him, then that’s what you need to do.

Especially if he’s done something to upset you, or he’s not been paying much attention to you lately.

By taking a back seat and getting on with your life, you’re showing him that to be with you, he needs to step up and treat you the way you want and deserve.

Plus – for him to value you, you need to first value yourself.

Put in place a good self-care and self-love routine, make yourself a priority in your life and you’ll soon become one in his too.

7. Avoid overreacting

But no matter how calm and cool you might try to act, trying to gain someone’s attention and affection can be downright frustrating.

If he’s giving you the cold shoulder, or he’s just not picking up on your hints and making a move, it’s easy to get fed up and confront him.

Or, if you’ve had an argument and you’re annoyed (as we mentioned earlier about containing your emotions) you might want to prolong the argument until you get a reaction from him.

Avoid doing this at all costs.

Put it this way, in these situations, saying less is more.

The truth is, no one enjoys hearing someone complain constantly or nag them to put more effort into the relationship.

But by quietly doing your own thing and showing him that you’re above the pettiness, he’ll soon get the message.

And this little break from him works both ways, you’ll get a chance to calm down, and just as importantly, he’ll have a chance to think things through.

Even better:

He’ll have a chance to miss you and see what life could be like without you in it – it’s the ultimate way to make him want you.

8. Use your instincts

Now, as with anything when it comes to dating, you need to judge the situation using your gut instinct.

If you can see that he’s the type of guy who reacts negatively to being ignored, it’s probably not a good idea to keep doing it.

But, if you see that his attention towards you peaks whenever you distance yourself a little, you’ll know that he will stay interested and want you more.

There’ll also be times when you need to assess the situation – if he’s going through a tough time at home or work, ignoring him won’t strengthen the bond between you.

So, as you can see, sometimes ignoring him can be counterproductive, unless it’s used in the right situations.

Always go with your instincts and do what feels right and natural, after all, you want to draw him in closer, not send him running for the hills.

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9. Keep him on his toes

Another way to ignore a man and make him want you is to add a little spontaneity to the relationship.

As well as playing it cool and ignoring him from time to time, throw in a few surprises or obvious hints that you’re interested in him.

So what does that look like?

Here’s an example:

He texts and wants to meet up, he’s got tickets to go to the cinema. You politely decline because you’ve already made plans with an old friend to go out for a drink.

Now, at this point, he’ll probably feel a little put out and disappointed that you won’t be going with him, so the next day, text him and ask how it went and whether he enjoyed the film.

This will counteract his negative feelings just enough to let him know that you’re still interested in him but you’ve also got your own life to focus on too.

10. Don’t be afraid to make him jealous

Here’s the final step on how to ignore him and make him want you – make him a little bit jealous.

And the easiest way to do this is by flirting with another guy in front of him.

A quick word of warning though, there’s a fine line here between flirting and making him jealous or making him think that you’re completely uninterested in him.

For that reason, it’s best to keep it light.

Maybe you shoot a smile and enjoy a bit of eye contact with the waiter one evening, or laugh and touch the arm of a male friend – it’s enough to get his attention but not too much to make him lose interest.

Essentially, you want him to realize that other guys still find you attractive and that he’s not your only choice.

This will soon make him sit up and realize that he could lose you to another guy if he doesn’t start pulling his weight in the relationship.

So now we’ve covered the 10 ways you can ignore a man and make him want you more than ever, let’s cover the importance of doing it the right way:

Can you ignore someone and still be kind?

The fact that you’re ignoring him might make you feel guilty or bad, after all, it’s never nice giving someone the cold shoulder.

But there are ways to do all those great points above without putting him off, and without compromising your kindness.

Here’s the trick:

You want to ignore him in a way that isn’t ignoring him (like blocking his calls, refusing to see him or speak to him) but in a way that gives him time and space.

You’re not ignoring him to insult him or hurt his feelings, but to make him sit up and take notice of you.

Essentially, you want him to want you – but you don’t want to make him give up on you and move on.

And the only way to do that is to live your life in a way that is so fulfilling and active that you simply don’t need to shower him with all your attention.

This way it’s a win-win situation for both.

You get to have a great life whether you fill it with hobbies and passions or you invest time into your friendships, and you’ll get his attention.

And on his side?

He doesn’t feel like you’re intentionally ignoring him out of spite, instead, you’re simply living your best life and if he wants to be a part of it, he needs to step up to the plate.

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Kiran Athar

Written by Kiran Athar

Kiran is a foodie, writer and traveler. She considers herself a citizen of the world, who gets her inspiration from the people she meets along her journeys. She's currently living in Spain, where she spends her time writing, watching the shepherds and eating tapas in the mountains of Andalucía.

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