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How to get your wife back after she leaves you (16 important tips)

So did your wife just pack her bags and leave?

Do you feel devastated and depressed about it? Are you wondering how to get your wife back after she leaves you?

If any of that sounds like your situation right now, then you’re not alone.

In America, around a whopping 50% of marriages end in divorce. It would seem as though the more developed a country becomes, the more marriages fail. It’s a sad statistic.

But you know what’s even sadder?

Just this: If you don’t do anything about your marriage right now, you’ll be part of the statistic soon. She left you and now she’s never coming back.

The good news?

The tips in this article will give you your best shot at not only getting her back… but also making your marriage stronger than ever before.

Sounds good?

Then let’s get started with another important factoid about marriage:

What are your chances?

Just so you know, 1 in 3 couples who break up end up getting back together. And it’s quite likely these reunions happened on their own.

That means you could raise your chances of success even more if you simply do the right things.

So let’s get started and see what those “right things” are.

#1: Initiate the breakup

Of course, this only applies when she hasn’t left you yet. Maybe she’s just asked you for a “time out” in your marriage. Or maybe she said she needs some “space.”

When the breakup hasn’t happened yet, that’s a golden opportunity for you. You now have the chance to actually STOP her from leaving for good.

And you do that by initiating the breakup yourself.

You tell her:

“I’ve been thinking about what you said, and you’re right – I think we should have a time out.”

Or:

“I just realized we both want the same thing – we need some space. Let’s do that and see what happens.”

Now, you might be wondering: Why in the world would I initiate a breakup when I want to stop her from leaving?

Two reasons:

  1. Initiating the breakup PUTS YOU IN CONTROL of the situation. You rid yourself of desperation and neediness, which are ugly traits that will only push your wife further away;
  2. And it gives her a taste of the many negative outcomes she’ll face when she actually leaves you.

What will happen next? Most likely, she’ll change her mind – or she’ll go find her “space” for some time, only to come back quickly to you.

And from there, you can focus on making your marriage even stronger than before – using, of course, the rest of the tips in this article.

#2: Observe the “No Contact” rule

Now, what if she has already left? What if she’s already packed some of her stuff and is now staying with her parents or friends? How do you get her back then?

The first order of business is to observe the No Contact Rule. That simply means:

  • Don’t call her
  • Don’t text her
  • Don’t like her posts on social media
  • In other words, absolute zero contact for 3-4 weeks

Now, why in the world would you cut off communication when you want to get her back?

Again, there are two reasons for this:

  1. When she notices you’ve grown completely quiet, she’ll wonder if you’ve “gotten over it” and that your life is actually now better without her… which will give her the urge to prove herself to you.
  2. It also gives her a chance to miss you. Normally, after 3-4 weeks of No Contact, she’ll miss you enough to check on you and ask how you’re doing.

When she misses you and wants to prove herself to you, that’s a GREAT thing. It’s the mindset she needs to come back to you and STAY this time.

The rest of this article will give you tips on how to use those 3-4 weeks of No Contact.

In the meantime, let’s talk about the signs she’s already missing you…

#3: Make your wife miss you during separation

I’ll say it again here because it’s super important.

Your wife MUST miss you first. She MUST want to come back to you. And if you follow the tips in this article, she will.

So what are the signs she wants you back? Here are some of the most common ones:

  • During the No Contact phase, she starts liking your social media posts and photos
  • After a few weeks of No Contact, she starts contacting you, checking how you’ve been, and asking to meet up
  • When your mutual friends start telling you: “Hey, I just talked to your wife. I didn’t know you separated. She was asking if I knew how you’ve been doing.”

These are all good signs that she misses you. Getting her back will be much easier now.

#4: Accept the worst possible outcome

Now, all that being said, it’s a healthy habit to prepare for the worst possible outcome as early as now. It’s possible that she may not come back to you. And so it’s best to prepare yourself so the shock doesn’t cripple you.

Your mindset should be one that goes:

  • If she comes back, great! I’ll make it work this time, just watch.
  • If she doesn’t come back, it’s fine – I got a plan B for my life, and it’ll be just as good as my marriage with her, if not better.

Ironically, being prepared to let your wife go actually increases the chances she’ll come back to you.

You’re more attractive to her when you have strength and direction instead of desperation and neediness.

#5: Focus on self-improvement

Let’s touch back on the No Contact Rule. You’re supposed to have zero contact with your wife for 3-4 whole weeks.

So how do you spend all that time?

My first suggestion is to focus on self-improvement. Spend those 3-4 weeks working on the areas of your life you’re not happy with.

They could be:

  • Physical. You might be overweight, underweight, skinny-fat, or otherwise physically unfit.
  • Financial. If you’ve always been struggling financially, it’s a good time to find ways to get cash flow positive.
  • Social. Touching base with old friends and relatives might give you some additional insight into your problem.

Focusing on self-improvement will do two things for you:

  1. It will help you stop thinking about your wife, and as a result, get “unstuck” in your life.
  2. It makes your wife see you in a better light, as growth is an attractive male trait to women.

What area of your life needs improvement the most? And how can you improve it AND have some fun at the same time over the next 3-4 weeks?

#6: Stop complaining

Do you complain a lot, even if it’s just to yourself or to your social media wall?

You might want to curb the habit, as whining is unattractive. Not just to women, but to most people in general.

It’s even worse if you just complain to yourself, in your head.

You might notice that as time goes by, you’re hating yourself more and more. Your head gets filled with trash ideas like:

  • “I’m so insignificant.”
  • “I’m such a fraud.”
  • “Maybe I’m destined to be a loser in life.”

Guess what?

If your mind is filled with such thoughts, it’s all because of your complaining habit. It starts with believing you’re a victim of circumstances instead of being in control of your life.

It’s a downward spiral you MUST get out of, and fast.

Here’s the good news:

You ARE in control of your life. Maybe not all aspects, but definitely MORE THAN ENOUGH to create a life of progress, joy, and generosity.

That’s why I’d now like to talk about…

#7: Your circle of influence – focus on it

Your circle of influence consists of the things that concern you that you have influence over.

Let me illustrate. There are things in life that we naturally have no control over.

Those things may include:

  • The problems and challenges the day might bring you
  • The beliefs and opinions of other people that you disagree with
  • Circumstances at work
  • Criticism and hatred directed towards you
  • Whether or not your wife actually comes back to stay

These things are out of your control, so there’s no point wasting any time or energy on them.

On the other hand, there are many things you CAN control. These are the things within your circle of influence. They may include:

  • How you structure your day so you make the most of it no matter how hectic things get
  • What you choose to believe, regardless of others’ opinions
  • Giving your best at work, whether it pays off or not
  • How you react to criticism and hatred
  • What you do in the next 3-4 weeks to maximize your chances of getting your wife back

That’s your circle of influence.

And since time and energy are finite resources, I suggest you invest all of it into the things you CAN control, rather than on the things you can’t.

So try this. Take a sheet of paper. Write down everything that’s stressing you out in your life right now, including your wife and marriage.

Then encircle the things that are within your control. These are the things that belong to your circle of influence.

Now focus all your time and energy on those things, and let everything else work itself out.

#8: Spend time with friends and family

One of the worst things you can do after a breakup is to stay home sulking. It puts you in precisely the WRONG state of mind to be in if you want to get your wife back.

So instead of staying home, use up some of the 3-4 weeks to spending time with friends and family. It gives you a chance to clear your head, boost your mood, and get back into the right state of mind.

I especially recommend you meet with your male friends, particularly the ones leading strong, happy marriages. You can bet they’ll be more than willing to help you out and give advice if you ask for it.

#9: Understand that she needs to WANT to come back

I’ll say it again because it bears repeating: your wife must WANT to come back.

She must miss you enough to give your marriage another shot. Anything short of that, and she won’t stay long. She might come back, only to realize she’s settling for less than what she really wants, and leaves again.

The solution is simple: Get rid of the stuff that’s driving her away from you and do more of the stuff that makes her want to stay.

Now, I understand that this is hard to do when she’s already left. It may feel like it’s too little, too late.

But to that I say – better late than never.

It’s like making your bed in the morning – you’ll have to leave it afterward but it sure looks more inviting when you come back to it.

#10: Practice consistency

Quick question: What do you think every woman expects of their marriage?

At the very least, she’d expect her marriage to NOT be stormy and difficult. Instead, she’d expect her marriage to be her port in the storm. She wants a reliable home to come back to every single night.

In other words, she’d expect consistency. And even if your wife never said it, you can bet she needs more of it if she’s ever coming back to you.

In fact, it may have been the lack of consistency that made her leave you.

She wanted her marriage to give her a sense of certainty in her life but she may have found the opposite with you. And so she left to escape the stress.

If you want her back, then you’ll need to practice consistency:

  • Say what you mean
  • Mean what you say
  • Follow through on all your promises
  • Over-deliver on your commitments (even by just a bit)

It’s a long-term strategy and you probably won’t see immediate results. But consistency is crucial if you want to get your wife back for good.

#11: Practice spirituality

Did you use to be a spiritual or religious man but fell off the wagon along the way?

Now might be a good time to get back on the stairway to Heaven – not just for yourself but for your wife as well.

Make no mistake: Women love religious and spiritual men. And it just might be the missing ingredient in your marriage.

Now, if you’re wondering exactly WHAT kind of spirituality to get into, I suggest using this process:

  1. Start with the spirituality or religion of your youth, if you have one.
  2. If you don’t have one, pick two or three that interest you and see what they stand for.
  3. Start studying and perhaps practicing the one that aligns most with your values.

Take note: Spirituality is inward, not outward.

It’s meant to bring balance to your life first and foremost. Since you can’t give what you don’t have, focus on getting things right within yourself.

#12: If you cheated, apologize

Did she leave because she caught you cheating? If so, then the solution is pretty straightforward: end your affair with the other woman and apologize to your wife.

Believe it or not, but relationships can go back to normal after a cheating incident.

It all starts with making a big change in your life and how you treat your marriage — enough that your wife notices the sincere effort you’re putting in.

In fact, some relationships end up becoming even stronger after a cheating incident.

The couple realizes what they had together and how close they came to losing it. And it helps that they’re much more honest with each other moving forward.

#13: Work on your career

Did your wife leave you because your finances were in shambles?

Make no mistake: Financial problems are a leading cause of breakups and divorces among couples today.

Well, you’re about to get 3-4 weeks of open time. It’s a golden opportunity to set a new financial goal for yourself and your household, and then make a plan to achieve that goal.

With the Internet, it’s easy to fill in any skill gaps you might have – you can take courses left and right, and many of them are free.

If you’d like to pivot to a different career, then here’s my suggestion: Find a career that women find attractive. It just might be enough to win her back.

Here are three of the “sexier” male professions to consider:

  • Law. The work, the prestige, the connections, and the fight for justice are very, very alluring to women.
  • Medicine. Medical professionals are respected all over the world – and admired by women, as well.
  • Entrepreneurship. Nothing says “There’s no problem I can’t solve” better than entrepreneurship.

#14: Go back to the basics

Can your wife really fall back in love with you?

The answer is “yes.” Remember, 1 out of 3 couples who break up end up getting back together.

One of the most important ingredients in any happy relationship is attraction.

She’s got to be so attracted to you, so ADDICTED, that it won’t matter if the relationship gets rough from time to time. She’ll stay with you because she knows there’s no one out there better than you.

That’s the setup you should work towards.

So ask yourself: What would make you more attractive to her (and to women in general)?

#15: Reflect on why she left you

If you’re still confused as to why she left you, you can spend some of the next 3-4 weeks reflecting on it.

Why did your marriage fail? What’s the one root cause of the whole breakup? And is it within your circle of influence?

You can’t solve a problem if you don’t know what the problem itself is. You can try, but chances are she’ll leave you again anyway.

So now’s a good time to dig deep, ask yourself the difficult questions and find the root cause of the whole mess.

#16: Talk to her only after 3-4 weeks of No Contact

Here’s the rule of No Contact: It’s got to be her who gets in touch with you first and not the other way around. And when you do decide to meet up again, remember the tips in this guide:

  • Be prepared to accept the worst possible outcome if that’s what’ll be best for everyone concerned
  • Rid yourself of neediness and desperation
  • Build strength, independence, confidence, and competence
  • Stop blaming and complaining… forever
  • Build more attraction in the relationship

And lastly: Have an open, honest conversation with her about your marriage. Ask her for her terms, lay out your terms, and meet somewhere in the middle.

Combined with all the changes you’ve made in the last 3-4 weeks, you’ll stand a pretty good chance of getting your wife back for good.

Your last resort

As a last resort, consider going into therapy with your wife.

Here’s why: When it comes to breakups and marital trouble, 80% of the time, neither one of you has a serious problem.

Yup, you read that right. In the vast majority of breakups and divorces, neither the husband nor the wife actually has “issues.”

Instead, 80% of the time, it’s an interaction problem. The two partners simply aren’t on the same wavelength, so to speak.

Some people call it incompatibility if that makes more sense.

Luckily enough, incompatibility is a problem therapy can address. The professional will help you and your wife uncover the causes of your interaction problems.

Again, use therapy as your last resort, as your wife may take it as a sign that you’ve given up trying.

So there you have it – a game plan to get your wife back. So roll up your sleeves, get to work, and make things happen.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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