So, you miss your ex. You miss their goofy jokes and bad cooking, you even miss the cheeky ways they used to annoy you.
You regret taking them for granted. You have a constant pit in your stomach that feels overwhelming at times. You feel a part of you is missing, that there’s a palpable void that no amount of alcohol or sex can fill.
You mentally replay how you would fix things if you only had one more chance.
Well, my friend, let me offer you some words of encouragement.
Getting back your ex may not seem likely right now, but it’s entirely possible. In fact, it happens every day. But don’t expect things to fall into your lap–you have to move methodically and put the work in with understanding, patience, and personal growth constantly in mind.
In this article, I’ll go through ten tips on how to get your ex-girlfriend back, even when she has moved on.
Are you ready to reignite that flame? Let’s get it!
1) Understand the breakup
Here’s the thing: you have to take the breakup seriously. Take some time to reflect on why things didn’t work out.
Let’s say, for instance, she ended it because she felt you were overly possessive and controlling when she made it clear she wanted more independence.
You have to acknowledge this concern head-on, understanding in great detail where you went wrong and what steps you can take to rectify that behavior.
This won’t happen overnight. This isn’t some mundane gaffe on your part; it was serious enough to end the relationship, so chances are the problem is rather deep-seated within you.
To make sense of things, take the time and effort to truly understand. Seek help from a licensed therapist or counselor, if necessary.
2) Prioritize personal growth
Show her how you’ve become a different person since the breakup.
If she was fed up with your lack of ambition for example, maybe you can grind to get a promotion at your job, take night classes to advance your career, or even start volunteer work.
By taking action, you will show her how committed you are to change.
Here’s the caveat: make it real. Don’t do it for show.
For change to be genuine, it has to come from the inside. You have to want to be better both for her and, more importantly, for yourself.
3) Embrace emotional intelligence
I think it’s a fair statement to say that women are generally more attuned to their emotions than men.
Armed with this info, make an effort to meet her at her level.
Express your feelings with emotional intelligence and maturity.
Don’t be unhinged and beg for her back like a child yearning for toys or candy.
Avoid generic language like “I miss you, I want you back.”
Instead, use something along the lines of “I’ve thought long and hard about our relationship. I am aware of my shortcomings and have worked and will continue to work to fix things. I want to show you how much I’ve changed.”
4) Reestablish your connection
In some ways, you’re starting from scratch. So try to be her friend again, with minimal ulterior motives.
Maybe she’s an avid film enthusiast, so invite her to a local film festival… or start smaller by sending her a YouTube link to a trailer that you know she would love.
Whatever you do, try to build rapport without becoming pushy.
Don’t act out of desperation. Keep things light and respectful.
Rekindling the flame is never easy. Many of us have tried and failed. Every little move you make counts from this point on.
So how can you get your ex back?
As we’ve established by now, the goal is to re-spark their romantic interest in you.
Despite my initial doubts, I got into Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He knows what he’s doing–he’s not called the “the relationship geek”, for nothing.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.
Regardless of your situation—or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up—he’ll provide you with a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
Here’s a link to his free video again. Trust me, I care about results. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you get there.
5) Respect her boundaries
Maybe she’s been seeing someone else or has communicated with you that she’s not currently interested in getting back together, in which case respect her wishes.
If you start forcing things, nothing good ever happens. In fact, you might blow your chances completely.
So move slowly but surely, avoid grand gestures or declarations; give her the space she needs (more on this later), and live your life too.
Perhaps time will give you an opening down the line, but until then learn to respect her boundaries. Let the universe do its thing.
6) Ask (don’t beg) for forgiveness
If you feel you were mostly to blame for the breakup, you need to be forthcoming and apologize sincerely. Don’t beg–rather, express your regret and mean it.
Maybe you drunkenly cheated on her and need to earn back her trust. A genuine, heartfelt apology will never go amiss.
When my ex broke up with me for reasons I won’t get into, she shut me off almost completely. She wouldn’t reply to my texts or calls and refused to see me.
One of the few ways I did get through to her was through a handwritten, heartfelt letter, where I succinctly owned up to my mistakes and the hurt I caused.
By writing things down, you can really articulate yourself and minimize the risk of leaving crucial details out.
In a way, you’re putting your best foot forward but on paper. If nothing else, it’s a sweet gesture that most women will appreciate.
Plus, she can read and refer back to it when she has her doubts about things.
7) Recreate positive memories
Real talk: we’re all suckers for nostalgia. She may be guarded now but unless you damaged things to the point of no return, chances are she’ll come around sooner or later.
And when that window of opportunity does come your way, then be like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society and seize the day!
By recreating happy memories, you will make her wistful for bygone days with you.
Maybe you’ve always shared an enthusiasm for art. In this case, seek out interesting art galleries or contemporary exhibits where you can impress her with your vast knowledge of abstract impressionism.
Oh, and crack a joke every now and then. Be cautiously playful. Humor will always work to your advantage if you use it wisely.
Make her remember why she fell for you in the first place.
8) Give her time and space
If you’ve come this far by showcasing your growth and communicating your feelings, then the ball is effectively in her court now.
As mentioned, don’t pressure her and give her time to process.
Continue to focus on yourself. As the old cliche goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder–corny but also frequently true.
Distract yourself with things like work, exercise, hanging out with friends, and other forms of self-care.
You’ll know when the time is right and when it is, send her an invitation to discuss things.
Gentle assertiveness is your friend here. While you should give her the necessary space, make sure the balling is rolling.
You can’t slack off. You need to have your head in the game.
I mentioned Brad Browning earlier; he’s an expert in relationships and reconciliation.
His practical tips have helped thousands of men and women not only reconnect with their exes but to rebuild the love and commitment they once shared.
If you’d like to do the same, check out his excellent free video here.
9) Maintain your physical appearance
It may be a turbulent time but don’t spiral. Don’t wallow all day and let yourself go.
Keep yourself well-groomed and fit. Show that you’re more than capable of looking after yourself.
Self-reliance is objectively attractive.
The message you’re subconsciously sending is: if you can take care of yourself then chances are you can look after others as well. It’s an instinctual thing.
Update your wardrobe, develop a skincare routine, get a tasteful haircut, and most importantly, get in the gym!
Maybe you were too lax with your personal fitness in the relationship, frequently eating one too many chicken nuggets and never exercising. Change things up.
Get on that treadmill and get in shape. Fix your diet. Get healthy.
When you feel good about yourself, the chances of attracting others are considerably higher, your ex included.
10) Reevaluate your feelings
Sometimes, we get so caught up in things that we don’t really see things objectively anymore.
Maybe you’re so determined to get her back that you overlook that you’re actually happier or better off without her.
Evaluate your feelings with deep clarity. Make sure your perspective is not skewed.
Use the time apart to ask yourself questions such as “Could I just be idealizing the relationship?, “Am I better off now?,” and “Am I ready to accept the chance of not getting
back together and moving on?”
In addition, think deeply about the history of the relationship, taking in both the good parts and the bad.
If she continues to make things difficult for you, take the hint and move on. You’ve learned your lessons, save your energy for someone more deserving.
My first real girlfriend broke up with me for being too “immature.” I spent several, painstakingly stressful months trying to win her back.
She kept turning me down… regularly telling me to try harder. It almost became a game to her, at the expense of my mental health.
With the support of friends, I wisened up and began to embrace the fact that I no longer wanted that in my life.
When she finally reached out to me to “talk in person”, I shut it down by saying I think it’s better we stay split up and wished her the best.
Though it was a difficult decision at the time and I struggled to press send, looking back, I think it’s one of the better decisions I’ve made in my adult life.
To recap, getting an ex-girlfriend back is no easy feat. But with enough dedication and the right mindset, achieving it is well within your grasp.
As you embark on this journey, try to remember that the sole goal shouldn’t be to win her back but also to grow and improve as an individual in your own right.
There’s a reason the relationship ended, zero in on that and use it as a platform for something greater. Nobody is perfect and you’re no exception.
Be honest with yourself, acknowledge your shortcomings, and keep moving forward.
Don’t feel like you have to tackle things alone either. Reach out to people you feel can help.
As I mentioned earlier, one of the best people to turn to is Brad Browning.
It doesn’t matter how ugly the breakup was, or how hurtful the arguments were, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good.
If you’re tired of missing your ex and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice.
So, believe in yourself and believe that getting back together with your ex is an attainable goal.
In the meantime, just keep growing, learning, and where necessary, reaching out to the right people.
You got this!