I cheated on my boyfriend a year ago, and he soon became my ex boyfriend as a result of that.
I still feel horrible about it, but more importantly I also still have feelings for him. I’ve tried to drown them out but they keep coming back.
This is my guide for how to get a guy back if you cheated on him but you still love him.
15 tips to get your ex back after cheating on him
1) Be patient and do not ever beg
Cheating on a guy is really awful, even if it happened completely by mistake or without really knowing what you were getting into.
I realize that it can seem like you want to make it up to him all at once and say how sorry you are from the bottom of your heart.
But rushing it all at once can create a strong feeling of pressure on his side, and he’s almost never going to react positively to that.
For this reason, practice patience as much as possible.
If you want to get back with your ex after cheating on him it’s going to take time.
In fact, it’s going to take as much time as he needs.
The more you push or try to flood him with apologies, the less he’s going to be inclined to give you another try.
2) Use no contact, but be reasonable
The no contact rule means you take a break from contacting someone unless and until they show a sign of interest.
Use this, but be within reason. After a few weeks you are probably going to have to break it in some way if you want to coax him out of his shell and to retake an interest in you.
There’s no surefire recipe for getting an ex back into you.
Your best bet is that he’s still got strong feelings for you and just needs time to cool off.
At this point, you want to let things proceed fairly naturally.
A guy with any respect isn’t just going to crawl back to you begging and saying that cheating is no big deal.
At the same time, if he still loves you he’s not just going to walk on and forget you.
Practice no contact for a week or two to let things settle down and then get busy getting him back.
3) Respark his interest in you
Resparking his interest in you depends on more than reinitiating his attraction.
Like I said, he’s probably still into you but just too hurt to want to see your face right now.
The relationship you had and your whole history is still there buried in the past like an uncut gem, however.
So what can you do to dig it back up and shine it off?
How can you get your ex back?
In this situation, there’s only one thing to do – re-spark their romantic interest in you.
Even if he thinks he never wants to see you again, there’s a way to make his romantic interest and love for you so strong again that the thought of letting you go forever is intolerable to him.
I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.
No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up in being unfaithful — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
If you really want your ex back, Brad Browning’s video will help you do this.
4) Work your magic on social media
Social media is so important these days, even if you’re not a big glamor queen.
You don’t need to doll up and take a hundred selfies, in fact I highly advise you against that kind of attention-seeking and immature behavior.
Instead, a few subtle posts will do the trick.
If he can look away then he’s got a will of iron.
You can bet he’ll take at least a quick peek somewhere at what you’re posting, even if it’s from behind a block or through a friend’s account.
What you want to do here is basically be normal.
Post a nice photo of you with friends or family, nothing fancy.
Something that shows your best side but that isn’t overly sensual and shows more of your wholesome and family side is ideal here.
Don’t try to make him jealous or show yourself partying it up, that’s the last impression you want to make.
Think: trustworthy, family-oriented, a nice girl who’s just trying her best in life.
That’s you, right?
5) Get the inside scoop from his friends
If anyone’s going to give you the inside scoop on getting your ex back it’s the friends who are close to him.
They will be able to give you a reading of his temperature and where he’s at right now.
If one or two are amenable, they can also serve as couriers to get a message to him.
At the very least, they’re likely to mention that you asked about him.
I wouldn’t recommend advanced apologies or passing complex messages through friends.
Something simple like “Can you let him know I’m thinking of him and miss him a lot” will usually suffice.
His friends care about him and may resent you, too.
Don’t worry about that. As long as they’re not physically hitting you, ask them for a minute of their time to talk about your ex.
6) Use psychology to get them back
The power of psychology is something that many women underestimate.
I feel bad about that, because if you know the way a man’s brain is working after a split and you cheating on him, you’ll know more about how to get him back.
The fact is that many times you may have worked your way back to being on speaking terms but be unsure how to move it to the next level.
How do you get into the romance zone?
You’re still friends, but you want to take things back to the way they were.
Well of course the past is gone.
But it doesn’t mean your love has to be gone, too.
What you need is clever psychology. That’s where dating expert Brad Browning comes in.
Brad is a best selling author and has helped hundreds of people get back with their ex via his extremely popular YouTube channel.
He’s just released a new free video which I mentioned earlier.
This video from Brad Browning will give you all the tips you need to get back with your ex.
7) Be realistic
As you embark on a quest to get your ex back after cheating on him, it’s key that you be realistic.
There isn’t always a quick solution, and you don’t always get what you want.
He may have already rebounded with someone else or be completely ghosting you in the wake of your betrayal.
This is tough, which I know due to being in that exact scenario.
It was a bitch.
What I know about my ex specifically was that I always felt I liked him more than he liked me and this made me the chaser.
This feeling of being not as good and pursuing him left me insecure and feeling always on my back foot.
When I eventually cheated I had the crazy idea it would somehow shift the balance of power or make me harder to get and keep.
Instead, when he found out it just made me seem like an untrustworthy and ungrateful gf.
The fact is that even if your boyfriend doesn’t love you, it’s much better to break up with him than to cheat.
Cheating won’t only undermine any respect he has for you, it will also cut into the respect you have for yourself.
8) Work on your most important relationship
In addition to watching Brad Browning’s outstanding free video about getting your ex back which I recommended earlier, the most important thing you can do to get your ex back is to start with yourself.
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with trying to get an ex back after cheating, it’s easy to feel hopeless.
Like you’re a failure who’s never going to make it …
I was tempted to just send a big long text and explain everything about my regrets and ask for him back.
That would have been a huge mistake.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned Brazilian shaman Rudá Iandê.
Rudá’s been through the same struggles in love as the rest of us, but he understands it from a perspective that combines both grounded spirituality and practical wisdom.
If you’re looking for New Age feel-good stuff, look elsewhere.
If you’re looking for real solutions, check out Rudá’s mind blowing free video.
In this video he explains an awful pattern of self-sabotage that many of us get stuck in and how to escape it.
The sad truth is that so many of us, myself included, waste lots of our time and energy running in circles because we were never taught the truth about love and intimacy.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution repairing a broken relationship that was my fault for breaking.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
9) Reflect on whether you’re really ready
In my own desire to get back with my ex, I realized that I needed to give it a couple more months.
I was pushing to get him back in a way that was actually quite codependent in a way that Rudá warns about.
Basically I was trying to get back with my ex as quickly as possible so I could slap a bandaid on top of what had happened and make the pain go away.
That’s actually the wrong move.
Because in doing that and getting my ex back quickly or focusing fully on that, I would be selling myself short.
I would simply be seeking for my more avoidant boyfriend to “save” and welcome me back into his arms, as I played the victim of my own fuck-up.
It would be the total codependent, easy move.
In other words it would be the wrong move.
By waiting longer, I allowed myself to reflect and come to terms more with my own mistakes and where I was at in life.
10) Become a new woman
Part of getting back your ex is becoming a new woman.
Actually, it’s just becoming who you want to be in order to be the most authentic to your own goals and values.
Don’t do it for him, do it for you.
If you follow a path and it takes you away from your ex, then you need to have value for that path.
If it takes you back to him, you were undergoing a process of growth and evolution that would circle back around.
Understand that he too is going through all sorts of changes and that your infidelity surely triggered all sorts of insecurities and deeper challenges in him as well.
For him to want you back and that to mean anything, he’s got to go through his own shit on his own, too.
That means days alone. Probably some rage-out gym sessions, some bitching to buddies.
Let the process work. If it evolves, you’ll be brought right back around to him.
11) Breaking through the pain
Infidelity acts like a giant red alert button, setting off every psychological trauma and insecurity imaginable.
Breaking through the pain is about way more than just saying sorry.
It takes time, as I’ve emphasized, but it also takes real communication and most likely some raw honesty.
Breaking through the pain isn’t going to take you to some plateau where your relationship never has another issue.
It’s going to require some brutal honesty and ugly truth that might be hard for both of you to take.
Don’t try to be too nice about it.
You made a mistake, and that’s that, but I’m guessing there were issues that led to you making that mistake.
If he’s not man enough to hear it then getting back together isn’t going to work anyway.
Owning up to your share of blame doesn’t mean saying that cheating came out of nowhere.
12) Talk to him for real
You’re not justifying, but you are conversing honestly.
Talking to him for real requires that you bare your soul. Anything you hide at this point is only going to come out as dirty laundry later on and ruin everything.
Lay it all out there.
If you love each other, you’ll find a way to work.
If either of you really wants to stay apart you’re going to find a reason to stay apart.
There’s nothing to be lost from talking honestly, even though it might seem like there is.
You’ll feel like saying the wrong thing could ruin any chance you have.
But it would have happened sooner or later.
So to really get him back and have it mean something, put it out there when you talk to him and don’t just say what you think he wants to hear.
You’ll end up getting back together under false pretenses and it will suck.
13) Don’t pressure
It’s key to emphasize that the more pressure you put on this process the more it will go off track.
There is no way to get your ex back after cheating on him if he’s truly done with you.
The crucial way here is to work with the affection remaining in his heart and stoking that kindling back into a raging fire.
Doing so will take patience, communication and tenderness.
It will also require you to face parts of yourself that you might rather forget about or sweep under the rug.
You may have to see an ugly face in the mirror and not like everything you see about your motives in cheating and the aftermath.
Maybe there wasn’t a particularly good reason you did it…
Maybe you were getting him back for something that seems ridiculous in retrospect…
Maybe you were going on some kind of power trip or mind game like I was and now you feel like a total asshole…
Look deep into your soul and talk to him honestly about it.
14) Be sorry and mean it completely
It’s vital that you say you’re sorry and mean it completely.
Like I mentioned, you can speak honestly about why you cheated or your feelings at that time and now.
Don’t try to excuse, just explain.
But don’t try to hedge your bets or guilt and gaslight him.
If you cheated it’s ultimately on you.
Own up to that and look him in the eye.
He may vent on you or even say very hurtful things and turn you down. Don’t walk away or hit back.
At this point he may say he’s fully done with you and walk away.
But 90% of guys who do this, when they see you not reacting with anger but instead with sadness, will later come back and want another chance.
15) Wait until he asks
Your quest is to let your ex know that you’ve changed and that you’re interested in reconciling with him.
You apologize fully and talk honestly with him about yourself and the relationship.
Tell him how you really feel and let him tell you how he really feels too, including if he clams up and walks away.
It’s going to be up to him to let you know where he stands.
You cannot force this.
All you can do is be clear that you are sorry, you are still interested, and you are willing to be completely transparent now.
The next steps, if there will be next steps, are completely up to him.
Here’s the good news…
The good news about getting your ex back after cheating on him is that it’s definitely possible.
You just need to consciously resist running after him too intensely and pushing your heart all over the place like a fool.
This guy likely still has feelings for you but is just extremely hurt and no longer trusts you.
That’s better than him being very happy and trusting you but having no feelings for you.
Because it gives you a base to work from.
To rebuild that trust and heal his wounds will take time, patience and understanding, but it’s totally doable.
Know your own worth, and never doubt that love and intimacy which comes your way to stay and returns is there for a reason for you to learn and grow, including in taking responsibility and facing challenges.
We all make mistakes, but winners learn from them.
I also want to emphasize how helpful it can be to get an expert opinion on this.
But if you really want to get your ex back, you’re going to need a bit of help.
And the best person to turn to is Brad Browning.
No matter how ugly the breakup was, how hurtful the arguments were, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good.
So, if you’re tired of missing your ex and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.