Is there a girl you’re interested in but who seems like a closed book.
Pushing for her to open up can be a losing game and actually cause her to shut down even more.
Here’s how to encourage her to open up without forcing it.
15 ways to get a girl to open up to you (complete guide)
Getting a girl to open up to you is really about creating the right atmosphere and conditions of trust.
Then you just let it happen.
Here’s how to create a comfortable and communicative environment with a woman you’re interested in.
1) Open up to her yourself
First and foremost, if you want to know the best ways to get a girl to open up to you, you need to be willing to open up to her.
So, what does that mean?
Every situation and relationship is different.
But generally speaking, it means that you’re willing to be vulnerable around a woman and engage in radical honesty.
This can often be misunderstood in the dating world, however, so a note of caution here.
Being vulnerable does not mean being a typical “nice guy” or slipping into the victim mindset.
Do not whine and complain to her about your problems or talk about how bad your past relationships have been.
Instead, be radically honest in a more neutral way.
Don’t dwell on your faults or mistakes, but don’t shy away from your own emotional issues either.
Approach this in a way of showing that you’re working on yourself and aware of your faults in a proactive way.
2) Show her you care
Secondly, if you want to know the most effective ways to get a girl to open up to you, start focusing on the vibe you put out.
Showing her you care does not have to be about being very pitying or over the top.
It can simply be a soft hand on the shoulder or looking her in the eye and saying you appreciate her.
It can also involve various other behaviors and approaches which I will get to further down in this article.
The main point here is to show her that you’re not just toying with her, and that she can trust you in opening up.
One of the worst feelings is opening up to someone and them either using it against you or judging you.
Part of a woman’s fear in opening up to you may well be related to this suspicion in being unsure if you might do the same.
3) Talk to a relationship coach
Another very effective idea in terms of ways to get a girl to open up to you, is to speak with a relationship coach.
While this may sound like a bit much, this process is actually a lot more helpful and easygoing than you might think.
While this article explores the main methods for helping a girl you like open up to you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your specific situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like communication difficulties in relationships and one partner who’s hesitant to open up.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
Relationship Hero is miles above the competition, and I know because I have talked to them myself about a very similar problem to this one and they were incredibly helpful and insightful.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
4) Be trustworthy
Next up in terms of the best ways to get a girl to open up to you is to be trustworthy.
This means that you should have already established a pattern of saying what you’ll do and doing what you’ll say.
You’re honest with this girl and have not played any mind games with her.
You have spoken your mind and been straightforward and also admitted your own vulnerabilities to her.
This is one of the ironies of love, of course, is that you can’t really find the security and validation of a relationship without taking the risk of real rejection and invalidation by admitting your insecurities.
Being trustworthy really isn’t an ABC process.
It’s more of a mark of character and how you approach everyone, including this girl who you’re hoping will open up a bit more to you.
Be trustworthy and people will trust you, including intimate partners.
Sometimes it’s really that simple.
5) Be an active listener
Active listening is a certain art that’s often been left by the wayside in our busy and digital modern age.
The basic concept is that you listen and understand what someone is saying to you and indicate it with occasional nods or remarks of understanding.
Passive listening, by contrast, is absently looking into space and mumbling while someone speaks to you and then pretending you listened with a grunt of some kind.
Active listening encourages sharing, because it shows that you care and that the time isn’t being wasted.
You’re not just smiling and nodding, you’re actively absorbing what she’s telling you and grasping the purpose of it.
This is a big incentive for her to keep sharing and possibly open up to you if she feels ready.
6) Use eye contact
Eye contact is powerful and it’s often the first way that we signal and receive attraction from somebody.
Making strong eye contact and not breaking it is one way to show a girl that you really like her and will not judge or reject her if she shares with you.
Eye contact can be a very intense nonverbal way to signal that you’re there for her, listening and open to whatever she feels comfortable telling you.
On the other hand, if you’re fidgety or looking away all the time it signals untrustworthiness and shiftiness.
Try your best to make steady eye contact and show her that you are a trustworthy and solid guy who she can confide in.
7) Work on your most important relationship
Another of the most important ways to get a girl to open up to you is to open up to yourself.
Here’s what I mean by that…
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with feeling frustrated by someone you care about not opening up, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like feeling that a partner is closed off to you.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to feeling locked out of a relationship or someone’s intimate trust.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
8) Don’t be overly reactive
One of the behaviors that kills interpersonal sharing is being overly reactive.
You know when you’re talking to someone and you can see their eyebrows raise or them scrunch up their face like you just farted after you say something.
Kind of awkward, right?
The truth is that many of us do that when someone tells us something we find shocking or unpleasant without even realizing it.
This then causes them to feel a severing of the trust relationship and stop wanting to tell us anything.
If she notices that you respond a lot and are overly reactive to everyday things then she’s not going to want to open up to you about deeper matters.
9) Reserve your judgments
On a related note, one of the best ways to get a girl to open up to you is to reserve your judgments.
She may open up to you about things that make you uncomfortable, including past relationships or mistakes she’s made in life.
Not everything she tells you is necessarily going to be “OK” with you.
But that’s part of the listening process and the way to get her to open up is to show that you’re willing to at least hear her out and reserve judgment.
We’ve all made mistakes, some worse than others.
Maybe hers are worse, maybe not.
Maybe what she’s struggling with will really mess with your mind or disappoint you in some way.
Maybe you’ll find her problems silly or laughable in comparison to yours.
Do your best to reserve judgment, because intimacy is built during times of connecting without having to always analyze or assess how “valid” her pain or issues are.
10) Support her
If you want her to open up to you, you also have to support her.
This means being a shoulder to cry on and a person to confide in.
There is a common misunderstanding that this will automatically friendzone you or turn you into an asexual person for her who’s just a pal or a crying shoulder.
However that’s actually not necessarily the case at all.
The thing with guys who get friendzoned is not that they’re too available or empathetic, it’s that they let any sexual or romantic edge fade away by being overly soliciting of approval and trying to give too much advice.
Which brings us to the next point.
11) Be sparing with advice
Advice is nice, and can be helpful.
But the truth is that too much advice will turn you into “just a friend.”
It will also be likely not to help her very much.
Here’s the thing about life:
Advice is easy to give, but much harder to put into action.
You may have great ideas about what she should do or could do or how you feel on certain subjects.
But the more you give this advice, the more you open yourself up to two things.
Firstly, you open yourself up to giving bad advice or advice that goes wrong.
Secondly, you place yourself in the role of an advisor rather than a potential romantic partner.
So be careful with this one…
And remember that being there for her and letting her open up does not mean you should give lots of advice. In fact it’s often better if you don’t.
12) Tap into the power of touch
As I mentioned earlier, sometimes a soft touch on the shoulder can say so much.
Sometimes eye contact and the power of a gentle caress can mean much more than talking a lot.
A large part of getting a girl to open up to you can involved building that nonverbal energetic and touch-based connection and showing her that you’re there for her on the physical level as well.
Being physically present and comfortable with touch is one of the most underrated and overlooked aspects of romantic relationships and interactions.
13) Practice empathy and compassion
As I mentioned, this does not necessarily mean giving much advice.
But it means being there for her and offering her a comforting presence when she needs it.
Or listening to her open up about her dreams and hopes in a way that’s encouraging.
Empathy and compassion will go a long way into encouraging her to open up to you.
14) Understand her reluctance
Understanding why she may be reluctant is also important in this process.
Many women have been hurt in past relationships or by romantic partners who used what they confided against them.
She may be worried about this or scared that you will in some way abuse her confiding in you.
This might seem offensive to you or hurtful that she wouldn’t trust you, but try to be patient.
We never can be sure how each person’s past relationship history may have affected them.
And if there are very painful or controversial things that somebody has in their past, it can take a lot longer to feel comfortable opening up about them, even to someone you love deeply.
15) Go beyond words
All in all, it’s important to go beyond words if you want to know the most effective ways to get a girl to open up to you.
This means showing her through your actions that you can be trusted, not just through emotions or what you say.
Going beyond words is where the real bedrock of a relationship takes place.
Not in grand declarations or dramatic promises, but in the small gestures and everyday actions you take which let her know that you care about her and want her to be happy and fulfilled.
This will go a long way to her feeling comfortable to open up to you and have no fear about how you’ll react.
The above recommended ways to get a girl to open up to you are not a magic spell.
Every interaction and relationship is different.
But what I can tell you is that if you create the right conditions for a woman to open up, then it’s far more likely to happen.
What I can also advise here is that everyone moves at their own speed.
Allowing a girl time and space to open up to you if and when she chooses to is a key part of building a relationship.
Remember never to force it and to respect someone’s boundaries.
She will open up to you when she’s ready.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.