There’s a reason people say, “love hurts.” Because it does.
Even when you are at your happiest in a relationship, the thought of losing someone can cause a sting of agony in your life.
Love certainly has its ups and downs, but one of the cruelest forms of love is when you love them, but they don’t feel it back.
It happens all the time. In fact, it’s the plotline of may romantic comedies where women pick themselves up and make drastic changes in their lives after falling flat on their faces.
But that’s Hollywood. So what can you do, as a real person with real feelings, to get over a guy?
Here are 26 things you can do to get over a guy who doesn’t love you back.
1) Recognize that this relationship is over for now.
Before you do anything else, you are going to have to come to terms with the fact that this thing is not happening at the moment.
The relationship is over for now, or if you’re trying to get over a guy you never dated, then it’s not going to start anytime soon.
We’re not saying it won’t ever happen, but you want to put yourself in a position where if it ever did come to fruition, you are already with someone else and happy to leave bygones be bygones.
QUIZ: “Does my ex want me back?” We all ask this question at least once after a break up. I’ve put together a fun science-based quiz to help you figure it out. Take my quiz here.
2) Give yourself time.
Even if you’re getting over a guy you never dated, it can hurt as much when someone doesn’t return your love and affection.
Often, we don’t get the answers we need to provide closure to our feelings, and it can go on for a long time.
Being rejected is everyone’s worst fear. It stops us from doing all kinds of things in life.
But if you’ve been rejected in love, even after you mustered up the courage to say something, it can have a lasting effect on your life, and your love life later on.
Allow yourself some time to process what happened and don’t beat yourself up. You’ll need to be kind to yourself for a while if you want to get over this guy.
3) Feel the pain.
While it might seem counter-intuitive to say “feel the pain,” it can actually help you make meaning of the situation faster and come to terms with it.
There’s no doubt that people hate feeling shitty, but sometimes, we need to feel that way to allow our brains and bodies to process what is happening.
At first, you’ll want to blame yourself and say it’s all your fault, but you really have no control over how others act and feel and so you can’t take that approach. Instead, focus on your feelings and sit with them a while.
You might find that they are just thoughts in your head that are upsetting you. Maybe you can replace those thoughts overtime and find a new focus in your life to get over this guy.
4) Figure out whether you want him back.
This article is all about how to get over a guy. And usually the best way to get over someone is simply to move on with your life without him in it.
But not all break ups are the same. Here are some situations where getting back with your ex is actually a good option:
- You’re still compatible
- You didn’t break up because of violence, toxic behavior or incompatible values.
So, before you move on for good, you need to ask yourself whether you would be happier back with your ex. Or if you never dated whether you should double down in trying to win him over.
Only you can answer that, but if you still have strong feelings for him, then you should at least consider getting back together.
True love is extremely hard to find. However, if you think your break up can be reversed then you need a plan of action to make it happen.
Brad Browning is the person I always recommend people turning to when it comes to reversing break ups. He’s a best-selling author and easily provides the most effective “get your ex back” advice online.
Trust me, I’ve come across a lot of self proclaimed “gurus” who don’t hold a candle to the authentic advice Brad offers up.
If you want to learn more about him, check out his free online video here. Brad gives away some free tips you can use immediately to get your ex back.
Brad claims that over 90% of all relationships can be salvaged, and while that may sound unreasonably high, I tend to think he’s on the money.
I’ve been in contact with too many Hack Spirit readers who are happily back with their ex to be a skeptic.
Here’s a link to Brad’s free video again. If you want a foolproof plan to actually get your ex back, then Brad will give you one.
5) Get the girls together.
Another great way to get over a guy who wasn’t really yours to begin with is to blow it all off and go out with the girls.
Your friends are your rock and your support network, even when you are facing lost love you never had. Let them do their job and take care of you.
Let them buy you a drink and tell you how awesome you are and let them remind you that it’s “his loss” if he doesn’t want to be with a rockstar like you.
Seriously, call the girls and have some fun with your friends. It won’t be long before you start feeling better.
6) Find the bigger picture.
Sometimes it’s helpful to sit down and make a list of all the things you liked about a person.
While it might seem like you could just set yourself into a tailspin of depression, you might actually find that they didn’t have as many good things going on as you might have originally thought.
And if they do, consider that if one person on the planet has all of those amazing qualities, maybe other people do too! And you can certainly find someone else who is warm, caring, funny, smart, and owns a boat… right?
7) Look at the downside.
The easiest way to get over a guy who didn’t love you back is to look at their flaws. Instead of focusing on all that you are losing out on by not being with this guy, look at all you don’t have to put up with!
It’s easier to point out the flaws in someone because nobody is perfect, and you might just make yourself feel better in the process.
8) Do something for yourself.
If you feel like you need to hide away for a while, do it. But book yourself a room at the boutique hotel down the street, order room service, and relax. Do something just for you.
You are your own best friend after all, and you need to be there for your broken heart just as much as anyone else.
Consider a road trip, shopping trip, or just a walk in the woods to clear your head and focus on what you have that’s good in your life: you!
9) Date other people.
You don’t need to sleep around to make yourself feel better, but you can certainly go out and date again. In fact, I think it’s a great way to get over a guy.
And the best bit?
If you do want to reverse the break up and get back with him, then this will spark jealousy in his system.
Jealousy is a powerful thing; use it to your advantage. But use it wisely.
If you’re feeling a little adventurous, try this “Jealousy” text
— “I think it was a great idea that we decided to start dating other people. I do just want to be friends right now!” —
By saying this, you’re telling your ex that you’re actually dating other people right now… which will in turn make him jealous.
This is a good thing.
You’re communicating to your ex that you’re actually wanted by others. We’re all attracted to people wanted by others. By saying that you’re dating around already, you’re pretty much saying that “it’s your loss!”
After sending this text they’ll begin to feel attraction for you again because you induce a “fear of loss” in him.
I learned about text from Brad Browning, who I mentioned earlier. He is hands down my favorite “get your ex back” online coach because he genuinely wants his readers to succeed in love.
Here’s a link to his free online video. He gives a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately to get your ex back.
10) Try being happy for the guy instead of wishing his fiance or girlfriend would fall in front of a bus.
Sure, it’s easy to wish that he was suddenly single or interested in you, but you don’t want to sit around wasting your own life while he is out there living his; the best way to get on with it already is to realize that he is happy and that while you can’t be happy with him, you can be happy for him.
Pretend if you have to, and eventually, you will be glad that the two of you didn’t get together after all.
These things don’t happen for a reason. Be patient, and you’ll discover what it is.
11) Recognize how you let this happen.
Maybe you’ve let yourself fall for a married guy or someone who is already in a relationship before.
Maybe you’ve fallen for a guy that wasn’t suitable for you.
Maybe you’ve made the mistake of thinking you could “change” him, but that never works out how you hope it will.
It might be time to take a hard look at how you are approaching relationships.
If you are always trying to put yourself between a couple so you can get the guy, there might be a reason for it, and it’s certainly worth exploring.
QUIZ: “Does my ex want me back?” If you still love your ex, then you’re probably asking yourself this question. I’ve put together a fun science-based quiz to help you figure it out. Take my quiz here.
12) Love yourself enough to move on.
Love yourself enough to let go of your ex. It’s the best thing for you and them. Holding on to what might have been, what you had, and the relationship doesn’t help anybody.
Now is the time to work on the most important relationship you’ll ever have in life — the one you have with yourself.
For many people, a break up is a negative reflection of our self-worth.
Because breaking up is much more than losing the person you loved, it’s losing the person you thought you were while you were with them.
Yet in this day and age loving yourself isn’t that easy. From a very young age we’re conditioned to think happiness comes from the external.
That only when we discover the “perfect person” to be in a relationship with can we find self-worth, security and happiness.
I think this is a life-wrecking myth.
One which not only causes so many unhappy relationships, but also poisons you into living a life devoid of optimism and personal independence.
I learned this from watching an excellent free video by world renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
Now, I’m not the typical person that would seek out the advice of a shaman. But Rudá Iandê isn’t your typical shaman.
Rudá has made shamanism relevant for modern-day society by interpreting and communicating it for people like me and you.
People living regular lives.
If you’re struggling to get over a guy, please go and check out his great free video here.
It’s a wonderful resource to help you let go of someone you loved and confidently move on with your life.
13) Use this turn of fate as inspiration for your next move.
There are countless Hollywood movies about girl meets boy, discovers boy has something, someone or is going somewhere and then things seem like they aren’t going to work out.
They always get together in the end, but that’s not real life.
Instead of waiting around for things to work themselves out, take yourself on a road trip, hop a plane to somewhere hot and enjoy a few days on the beach.
Give yourself the gift of yourself – you don’t need anyone else.
(What if I told you there is a kind of relationship “thirst” all men experience? A kind of thirst that’s impossible for him to quench on his own. Check out my new article where I reveal what it is).
14) Find things you hate about him.
We know, it’s going to be hard to look through his handsome facade and find something so wrong with him that you don’t want to be with him, but you can do it.
Maybe he has mother issues, or maybe he picks his nose. Even if you have to make it up in your mind, find some way to turn yourself off.
15) It’s not you. It’s him.
Recognize that him not wanting to be with you, or his inability to be with you because he’s leaving the country, he’s gay, or whatever, has nothing to do with you.
Maybe he’s married. Maybe he wants to be a good husband and not cheat on his wife. How can you get mad at that?
16) Grab your pals and hit the town.
If all else fails, ask your friends to take you out on the town to distract you from yourself.
There’s no point sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself when you can be out with the people you love and who love you, having a great time!
(If you’re looking for dating tips to improve your love life, check out our eBook full of practical advice on how to go from flirting, to having fun, to making future plans with the man of your dreams here).
17) Restrain yourself from being mean to his other half in public.
You might know that she’s no good for him, but it’s not your job to declare it to the world.
He gets to decide who he should be with, and you need to understand that and respect it.
That means that you don’t get to treat her like crap because you disagree with his life choices.
18) Don’t put yourself – or him – in an awkward situation by acting on your feelings.
You might have overwhelming urges to tell him you love him or to corner him in a dark bar, but don’t put yourself in that situation.
What feels right at the moment can lead to a great deal of embarrassment and despair for everyone involved.
You need to ask yourself if you want to be the reason his other relationship ends and what he might think of you as a result of those actions.
19) Get the thoughts and feelings out and then leave it be.
Grab a friend and some grande lattes and pour your heart out, but then move on from it.
Take the time you need to allow yourself to feel all the things you are going to feel and then say goodbye to the pity party. It doesn’t serve anyone, especially you.
(To learn how to deal with negative emotions, check out Master Buddhist’s Thich Nhat Hanh’s brilliant advice here).
20) Let yourself have fun with other guys.
You don’t need to sleep around to make yourself feel better, but you can certainly flirt with anyone who walks by.
Getting attention from other people will remind you that it’s not that you weren’t good enough, but that he has someone who is good enough for him.
You need to find someone who is good enough for you.
21) Don’t spend every minute of the day refreshing his social media feed.
Stop stalking him. It’s unhealthy, and you have way more exciting things to be doing with your time and hitting refresh on his Instagram page.
22) Don’t hold other guys to this standard. Everyone has something to offer you.
Okay, we’ll agree, he was probably pretty great. But so are lots of other guys.
If you hold everyone to that standard, which is probably not even really that great when you think about it, you’ll be setting yourself up for failure.
And nobody wants to feel like a failure. Give other guys a chance to see what they are all about, and you’ll find someone who is worthy of you in no time.
23) Separate yourself.
One of the most important things you can do when a relationship falls apart is giving yourself some space.
This might be physical space, but also, mental space.
You need to give your brain time to process what has happened and avoid trying to make a great deal of meaning out of things until the dust has settled.
All too often, people try to dig deep into what’s wrong with them or how could they have saved the relationship, but that kind of thinking doesn’t help anyone.
At least, not yet.
Perhaps when you’ve resigned to the fact that this relationship is over, you can spend some time reconciling your feelings, but right now, it’s just going to be tough to do that.
Instead, give yourself the time and space you need and don’t put yourself in situations where you are going to run into your ex.
If you live together, opt to move out for a while until you both decide what will happen to the home you shared.
It’s best for everyone to create and save that space.
24) Stop dreaming about what might have been.
One of the hardest things to do is stop yourself from wondering what you could have done differently. The answer is nothing.
Now, whether you believe that or not, you can’t ever go back and change what happened to the truth is that it happened exactly as it was supposed to happen.
When you accept that and see how you are just holding yourself back from moving on, it might become easier to let go.
When you spend your days and nights feeling sorry for yourself because your relationship fell apart, it’s easy to get caught up in made up drama in your own mind.
Rather than focus on what might have been, focus on what is going on right now and turn your eyes and mind to the future for some solace.
You might have dropped the ball in this relationship, but you can learn something from it and move on in a better way.
25) Forgive yourself.
Before healing can really begin, you need to forgive yourself for all the things you didn’t do, didn’t say, didn’t have, didn’t trust, didn’t want.
Relationships are complicated and break-ups can make things seem unclear, especially when you look back at what happened and try to pick it apart.
If you can forgive yourself for what has gone down, you can have a better shot at moving on in the future.
Getting over someone is difficult and can take a lot longer than you might think. If this is your first heartbreak, you might be feeling like this for a while.
So rather than feel bad about how the relationship ended AND feel bad about yourself, cut yourself some slack and don’t feel bad about yourself. It doesn’t help anyone.
On the other hand, if you don’t feel bad at all and are glad to be rid of your ex, don’t allow other people to tell you how you should feel.
If you are fine with it and ready to move on, then roll with that.
Sometimes we overemphasize how much relationships mean and then come to find that they weren’t that great to begin with.
26) Love them if you must.
Everyone around you is going to be yelling from the rooftops to just forget him or her, but we know that’s easier said than done.
And those people know it too, but that is the commonplace advice most people give.
Instead of helping you move on by letting you talk through things, they will brush it under the rug so that they don’t have to deal with your break-up either.
They’ll encourage you to find someone else right away or to bury yourself in your work, but if loving them is what you do, it’s going to be hard to let that go.
Rather than try to ignore your feelings, let yourself love them.
Even if your romantic love has ended and there’s no chance of it being rekindled, you can love them for who they are, what they meant to you, and wish them well in life.
5 Myths About Moving On, And How To Get Over Anyone
Another reason why it’s difficult to move on is because we have unfair expectations of what moving on is supposed to be like.
Getting over these cultural hang-ups can help unpack a lot of psychological roadblocks holding you back.
Myth 1: You Always Need Closure
Too many relationship articles talk about closure and how it’s a deciding factor on whether or not you’ll be able to move on.
And while having some sort of closure can help speed up a process, don’t make the mistake of thinking that this is the end all and be all of moving on.
Think of closure as a mental threshold.
Most people convince themselves that closure is the most important thing in the world, and that it’s the only thing standing between them and moving on.
When this becomes your mindset, you are conditioning yourself to look for a formalized ending.
The problem with this is that sometimes there are no formal endings. You won’t always get the opportunity to talk it out with the other person and end things amicably.
What To Do: Instead of holding out for closure, teach yourself to accept situations as they are.
Understand that you and the person you are trying to move on from are two separate people; you shouldn’t keep referring back to them in order to figure out what your next step is.
Shift your mindset forward without having to look back.
Myth 2: All You Need Is Time
The problem with “time heals all wounds” is that the approach is a little too passive, especially when it comes to an active process like getting over someone.
While it’s true that enough distance and time can help with the moving on process, leaving it up to fate isn’t a guaranteed solution to heartbreak.
At the end of the day, you’re not really moving on, you’re kind of just waiting for your feelings to fizzle out.
Waiting for the days to pass by isn’t going to speed up your healing process.
In fact, it might actually slow you down because you’re chucking it up to chance instead of working on it diligently. Instead of letting the days pass, you can make actual progress by working through your emotions.
What To Do: Treat moving on as a process and accept the fact that it takes time and work to succeed.
You won’t forget that person if you’re sitting by idly; you have to actually reframe your thinking and engage yourself in new and exciting ways.
Myth 3: You Should Have Moved On By X Amount Of Time
Moving on is an intimate process.
Forget what every other article has told you: you can’t expect to move on in just a couple months or weeks.
Other people might be able to move on in a couple of days, weeks, or months, but keep in mind that every relationship and context is different; some people can move on instantly while others need more time to heal.
The problem with having a set date in mind is that you’re giving yourself a deadline before you’re even ready.
Instead of working through your emotions carefully and figuring out how to heal yourself, you’re setting yourself up for failure by establishing unrealistic expectations.
What To Do: Give yourself time to grieve, mourn, and go through the motions of moving on, but don’t expect that everything will fall into place when your target date arrives.
Getting over someone doesn’t just happen overnight. Most likely you’ll need to undergo a series of personal transformations to get from point A to point B.
Myth 4: Distractions Will Help You Move On Faster
Keeping yourself busy and building your confidence back up again isn’t the same thing as distracting yourself from what you really feel.
The latter implies a mindless approach to moving on, where you’re only filling your days so you stop thinking about the other person. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t really work.
Keeping yourself distracted is just as bad as waiting it out. Ultimately, you’re giving yourself activities that delay your progress, instead of treating this as an opportunity to be more introspective.
What To Do: Enroll in an online class, schedule a date with friends, take up a new hobby. Remember that your productivity shouldn’t be at the expense of your personal progress.
Engage in activities that enrich your life and rebuild your self-esteem. Being mindful about every step of the process will get you where you want to be much sooner.
Myth 5: The Fact That You’re Missing The Person Means You Belong Together
We have a tendency to over-romanticize the past but doing so will only hold you back.
Missing the person you’re trying to get over from is a completely natural response, but it doesn’t always mean anything else beyond that.
Expect to feel sentimental as you work towards moving on.
But as you take a trip down memory lane, don’t forget to stay objective and remember the bad parts as well as the good ones.
There’s a reason why it never worked out and the very fact that you’re trying to move on now is proof that you’re better off somewhere else.
What To Do: Write down the pros and cons of your relationship to get a clearer picture of what happened. Oftentimes, it’s easy to mistake loneliness and longing for compatibility.
As you go through the process of getting over this person, you’ll likely start to bargain with yourself and convince yourself that the relationship wasn’t that bad in the first place. Don’t listen to this voice and remain steadfast with your goals.
Are you still struggling to move on?
Most of us find breakups hard.
Suddenly there’s a vacuum where a person you cared and counted on used to be. You’ve made past compromises – as well as future plans – because you thought it was the right thing to do.
Simply put, letting go of the life you’ve spent months or years building with a partner isn’t as easy as swiping left or right.
If you’re still struggling to get over someone, I encourage you to check out my new eBook, The Art of Breaking Up: The Ultimate Guide to Letting Go of Someone You Loved.
In my eBook, I offer life-changing insight on how you can transform your current distorted thinking about your breakup into something far more realistic. My eBook is divided into three parts:
- You’ll discover the 5 different types of breakups so that you can better understand why your relationship came to an end, and how the fallout is impacting you now.
- I then provide a path to help you figure out exactly why you’re feeling the way you are about your breakup. By truly seeing those feelings for what they really are, you can accept them, and ultimately move on.
- In the last part of the book, I’ll show you how to embrace being single, rediscover the profound meaning and simple joys in life, and ultimately find love again.
But with the help of the no-nonsense advice in this eBook, you’ll stop agonizing over your past, and be reinvigorated to tackle life head-on.
You may also like reading:
- Why you lost your boyfriend (and how you can get him back)
- I was deeply unhappy…then I discovered this one Buddhist teaching
- My life was going nowhere, until I had this one revelation
FREE eBook: 4 Steps to Starting Over With An Ex
Do you want to get back with your ex?
Then you need to check out our FREE eBook, The Ex Back Handbook.
We have one goal in mind with this book: to help you win back an ex (for good!).
If you want a foolproof plan to reverse your break up, you’re going to love this guide.
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