So you find yourself with your heart in your hand and you don’t know where to turn.
Bad break-ups can leave people reeling for months and even years if something isn’t done to intervene and set you back on the right track.
If you find yourself struggling to get back on the straight and narrow after the loss of a relationship, remember that you weren’t born with this person on your hip and you will be able to move on eventually.
Sometimes, it just takes a little time.
Here are some strategies you can implement today to start getting over your ex once and for all.
[Before we get started, do you truly want to move on from your ex? Or would both your lives be better together? I recently read an eye-opening statistic — 90% of relationships can be salvaged. If you want a step-by-step method for getting back with your ex, watch this simple and genuine video here]
6 physiological reasons you’re having a hard time moving on
Breakups hurt us in many more ways than just in our emotions.
Our minds and bodies become physiologically linked to our relationship, and when we lose our partner, getting over it means waiting for our minds to return to their pre-relationship physiological state.
1. Breakups and physical pain feel the same way
The feeling of getting punched in the face and breaking up with your long-term partner may not be exactly the same, but they’re a lot closer than you might imagine.
The brain sorts different kinds of pain into various priorities, according to how much danger or threat it believes the pain may possess.
Breakup pain is highly prioritized by the brain, meaning the same regions of the brain that are activated during intense physical pain are also activated during the emotional pain of a breakup.
2. We’re wired for social connection, making breakup coping harder
Humans are social creatures, and there is no greater social relationship than your romantic partner. This is why we react so negatively when we lose our romantic partner, because our adult attachment style forces us to push them away or cling on even tighter.
We go into survival mode when our partner tries to break up with us, making the process several times more painful than it has to be.
3. Social rejection makes our nervous system go haywire
Losing your romantic partner is social rejection of the highest order, and our brains have always been primed against avoiding any kind of social rejection.
According to one study, it was found that social rejection in the form of a break up leads to an intense response in the parasympathetic nervous system.
People who were broken up with felt literal pain in their hearts, with heart rates slowing down due to the intense inner pain.
4. Love and drugs bring equal euphoria to the brain
Nothing gives you more feel-good hormones than love and intimacy, specifically making love with your romantic partner.
In fact, studies have found that the pleasure centers activated in the brain during sex wiwth a partner are the same ones activated when people take drugs.
So when we lose that sex we tend to go through reactionary withdrawal symptoms, similar to those experienced when drug addicts try to get clean.
5. Emotional memories linger all around us
In the same way that our muscles have muscle memory with certain actions, our mind creates emotional memories that are associated with certain events, places, or activities.
The places where you and your partner used to hang out or the activities you once did together will now be sources of pain, because your emotional memories are activated every time you experience them again post-breakup.
6. Natural biology makes women “hurt” more after breakups
There’s a reason why women seem to mourn the end of a relationship much more than men, and it’s because women are much more invested into relationships than their male counterparts.
Biology forces women to be more selective with their chosen partner, meaning the loss of any partner feels like the loss of their soulmate.
Simply put, getting over a relationship in which you were truly emotionally invested can never be easy, no matter how tough and strong you may be. One study found that it takes people an average of 11 weeks to fully recover from a broken relationship.
This means regaining their sense of self, becoming positive once again, and reclaiming the courage to experience new things on their own.
QUIZ: “Does my ex want me back?” We all ask this question at least once after a break up. I’ve put together a fun science-based quiz to help you figure it out. Take my quiz here.
The 5 Stages of Moving On
|Denial||You refuse to accept the reality of this breakup. You can’t truly understand how this happened or that it’s actually real. This may just seem like another fight, no matter how serious it actually is this time. You cling onto the relationship for so long, even if everyone around you already knows it’s over.|
|Anger||You are finally forced to look at this grim reality head-on: the relationship is over. And you’re pissed. You feel like you didn’t deserve this pain, and all you want to do is prove to your ex that they were wrong for what they did to you.|
|Bargaining||Your anger has dissipated, and now you’re left with the “If onlys” and “What ifs”. You wonder what compromises you could’ve made to keep the relationship, and whether or not it’s too late to still make those moves. You do whatever you can to convince yourself that all is not lost, even if your ex has totally moved on already.|
|Depression||Perhaps the hardest and longest stage, depression is the fatigue, the low mood, and the hopelessness you feel now that you have no other choice but to accept that your relationship is now just a distant memory. You don’t want to do anything and don’t care about anything, and it doesn’t matter to you what your ex may think of your situation; they did this to you, didn’t they?|
|Acceptance||Many people make the mistake of believing that the final step of moving on means forgetting your ex and living a new life where they don’t exist in your mind. But the true final stage is accepting that it’s over, and that it’s a part of your life you need to stop trying to run away from. When you see them, you no longer feel negative emotions; they are now just another person to you.|
19 steps to get over your ex and move on for good
1) Reflect On What it Takes to Be in a Great Relationship
To get over an ex, you need to reflect on the relationship and figure out what went right, and what went wrong.
No matter the reason for the break up, it’s important that you learn your lessons so that your next relationship is a successful one.
And for women, I think the best way to ensure success in the future is to learn about what really drives men in relationships.
Because men see the world differently to you and are motivated by different things when it comes to love.
Men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. He created an excellent video explaining his concept.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to be satisfied in a relationship. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.
How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose?
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only supercharge his confidence but it will also help to rocket your (future) relationship to the next level.
2) Disconnect from Social Media and Reconnect with Yourself
When breakups happen, it’s easy to take to social media to see what your ex is up to. This is a bad idea.
First, you don’t want any reminders of them in your life.
Second, you don’t want to see them with someone new or having fun without you. Unless you know you can take it, which, most people can’t, just avoid their accounts or even delete them.
This is particularly the case if they are a narcissist. Narcissists tend to move on very quickly as they tend to approach most relationships superficially.
It’s not out of the ordinary that will they will be charming manipulating someone else in a week or two and posting romantic photos.
If not that, then they’ll probably be posting “selfies” where they look beautiful and happy.
“Their superficial approach to relationships means that it is very easy for them to replace people (including their partners) and find someone new rather quickly.” – Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D.
Instead, focus on getting to know yourself again.
If you’ve been with this person for any length of time, it’s likely that you’d adopted a lot of their thinking and ways and now you need to sort through all the noise and find the person you were.
Even better, find out who you want to be now that you have a fresh start.
3) Don’t Go Looking for Trouble
If you are out and about, don’t go to your old stomping grounds. There is a high probability that your ex will make their way there too, so just avoid it at all costs.
Even if your friends want to go, remind them that you are still hurting and you would rather not do it.
If they persist, find some new friends or go it alone for a while until you feel like you can be in the same room as your ex.
Depending on how you ended things, you might be feeling guilty or shame or nothing at all and you don’t want to see how they are feeling.
As Shannon Thomas, a licensed therapist and author points out in Insider, it’s common when you experience a breakup to mull over your regrets with what the relationship could have been if you had changed your behavior in some way.
If you find yourself running into them, then it those thoughts of regret may become more intense, particularly if they’re looking happy and having fun.
Stick it out at home if you must but don’t put yourself in a situation that could result in you feeling worse about yourself.
4) Love Yourself
I get it.
This advice is going to seem obvious and cliche. But it’s still going to be incredibly valuable.
To get over an ex you really have to work on the most important relationship you’ll ever have in life — the one you have with yourself.
For many people, a break up is a negative reflection of our self-worth.
Because breaking up is much more than losing the person you loved, it’s losing the person you thought you were while you were with them.
Yet it’s not easy to love yourself. From a very young age, we’re conditioned to think happiness comes from the external. This is a life-wrecking myth.
I learned this from an incredible free video on Love and Intimacy, created by world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
You see, Rudá is a modern-day shaman who gets relationships.
Drawing upon his own experiences and the life lessons he’s learned through shamanism, he knows that true happiness and love need to come from within.
And if he could pull me out of my despair, I don’t doubt he’ll do the same for you too.
But you need to take that first step – appreciating and loving yourself means undoing a lot of past damage and unhealthy perceptions of relationships, which Rudá can help you with.
5) Create a New Vision for Your Future That Doesn’t Include Them
One of the best ways to move forward is to actually think about moving forward…without them.
Journal about what you feel right now and what you want in the future. You might find that there are a lot of options for your future now that you’re no longer tied to someone else.
You might find that you missed your independence and that you don’t want to be in a relationship again for a while.
Writing helps your mind slow down so you can structure the information in your head. It’s also a great way to release and understand your emotions.
In the Harvard Health Blog, Jeremy Nobel, MD, MPH says that when people write about what’s in their hearts and minds, they better make sense of the world and themselves:
“Writing provides a rewarding means of exploring and expressing feelings. It allows you to make sense of yourself and the world you are experiencing. Having a deeper understanding of how you think and feel — that self-knowledge — provides you with a stronger connection to yourself.”
This is a great time for you to get to know yourself and what you are all about, and so set some goals, test the limits, meet new people – whatever it is you imagine for yourself in the future, write it down and get excited about it.
If you’re wondering how you can begin journaling, try asking these three questions:
How am I feeling?
What am I doing?
What am I trying to change about my life?
These questions will give you insight into your emotions and prompt you to think about the future.
QUIZ: “Does my ex want me back?” If you still love your ex, then you’re probably asking yourself this question. I’ve put together a fun science-based quiz to help you figure it out. Take my quiz here.
6) Name Your Thoughts and Feelings
If you are struggling to make sense of what has happened, it’s a good idea to grab a notebook and pen and start writing down your thoughts.
But I get it, knowing where to start can be the hard part.
So, how can you embrace your emotions and strengthen the connection you have with your feelings?
I’d highly recommend taking part in this uplifting free breathwork video, also created by Brazillian shaman, Rudá Iandê.
Uniquely designed with a dynamic flow, he helped me learn how to bring awareness and consciousness to my feelings, whilst gently dissolving anxiety and stress.
The truth is:
Facing your emotions can be tough, especially if you’ve blocked them out for so long.
With these exercises, you’ll learn to harness your emotions and turn them into positive energy.
But most importantly, you’ll reconnect with yourself and be able to healthily process your feelings, allowing yourself to move on from your ex.
7) Stop Watching the Clock
Speaking of time, there is no timeline for getting over someone.
According to research published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, it takes 11 weeks to feel better after a relationship ends.
However, another study found it takes about 18 months to heal after the end of a marriage.
The brutal truth is this:
Heartbreak is a grieving process – and it’s a unique experience for everyone. Love is a messy emotion, after all.
How long it takes is going to depend heavily on how long you’ve been together, whether or not you were the reason for the break-up, whether or not you were lied to, cheated on, ignored, beaten, deeply wounded – they all contribute to a length of time for healing that nobody can point to.
It’s going to depend a lot on your resilience and desire to move on. So one of the most important things you can do when you need to get over your ex is to not put parameters on your healing.
It is going to take time. Give it time.
8) Rally Your Support Team
It can be hard to try to get over an ex when you are holed up in your bedroom without any contact from the outside world.
Sometimes, it’s easier to get on with life by simply getting on with it. Call up some friends and go out for dinner.
Cry if you must, feel sad if you must, but do things that will make you feel better.
If you don’t feel like being out, ask someone to come over – not your ex! – and keep you company.
A trusted friend or close family member will appreciate the position you are in and will be able to just sit and let you take it all in.
Make sure that the people you choose to confide in are emotionally intelligent and on your side. There’s nothing worse than a so-called “friend” telling you all the things you did wrong in the relationship.
That discussion can be had for another time. For now, you just need someone to listen and show support for you.
Whether you are fresh off the relationship scene or you have been single for a while now, breaking up is a toll that can take a while to overcome.
Give yourself time, space, and permission to feel it out and figure it out.
There’s no rush and you can’t set a time limit on how long you will feel like this.
One thing is for sure though, don’t go looking for new love right away. You don’t need to put salt on the wound.
Figure your own stuff out before you go looking for someone else to love.
9) Give Yourself Some Space
A lot of romantic comedies and even dramas will see a newly-single gal or guy taking to the road to get out of town, which usually results in hilarity and a new relationship in a far off place.
That’s not how it really happens and usually, those road trips end up costing a lot of money and you don’t come back feeling any better because all you were doing was escaping the feelings you left behind.
When you come back and haven’t dealt with them yet, you still have them. Now, you’re broke and no further along in the healing process.
According to Noam Shpancer Ph.D. in Psychology Today, avoiding a negative emotion buys you short term gain at the price of long term pain.
“When you avoid the short term discomfort of a negative emotion, you resemble the person who under stress decides to drink. It “works,” and the next day, when bad feelings come, he drinks again. So far so good, in the short term. In the long run, however, that person will develop a bigger problem (addiction), in addition to the unresolved issues he had avoided by drinking.”
Noam Schpancer says that emotional acceptance is a better strategy than avoidance for four reasons:
1) By accepting your emotions, you are “accepting the truth of your situation. This means you don’t have to spend your energy pushing the emotion away.
2) Learning to accept an emotion gives you an opportunity to learn about it, become familiar with it and get better skilled at its management.
3) Experiencing negative emotions is annoying, but not dangerous – and eventually much less of a drag than continually avoiding them.
4) Accepting a negative emotion causes it to lose its destructive power. Accepting an emotion allows it to run its course while you run yours.
So even though you’re feeling crap now, just let yourself feel what you are feeling and face it like an adult. You’ll thank yourself in the long run.
There’s no need to run from your heartache.
10) Let Go of the Blame
Whether you are to blame or your ex is to blame for the demise of your relationship, remember that you don’t have to carry any of that with you as you go forward.
Even if you totally ruined your relationship, you don’t have to feel shame and guilt forever. Feel it out if you need to, but the sooner you can let go of that blame, the sooner you can start healing and getting back to your life.
Which, let us remind you, probably wasn’t half bad before you hooked up with this person and probably won’t be half bad again soon.
In reality, blaming only results in bitterness, resentment, and powerlessness.
You need to stop blaming so you can reclaim your freedom and power that is yours.
No one can take away your ability to take action and make a better life for yourself.
11) Don’t Slack Off — Try New Things and Stay Busy
You have to limit the time you spend moping around. Once you run out of ice cream and you can’t stand wearing the same clothes for another day, get ready.
Here are some tips for you:
— Take a good, long shower to clear your mind.
— Wear your best clothes and look fresh.
— Check your daily and weekly schedule.
— See what’s happening in town.
— Go to work and keep busy.
Basically, this is what we’re trying to say:
It’s easy to learn how to get over an ex if you’ve got a hectic schedule. You won’t have time to look back at all the painful experiences if you’re focused on other things.
Yes, you do need to accept your emotions rather than ignoring them. But you don’t need to dwell on them. There’s a big difference. When you’ve truly accepted what you’re feeling, you create space for you to move on with your life.
This can include that big, important project you’ve been ignoring for so long at work. It could also mean volunteering at your local animal shelter.
Do you still have a lot of free time?
Well, that’s easy:
Look for more things to do.
You see, the fact that the world is so big makes it a double-edged sword:
It may seem that you’re all alone when you’re coping with a breakup and everyone else is busy with work, family, and friends — living their usual life.
But on the bright side, it proves that a breakup isn’t going to be the end of the world for you.
Not at all.
12) Evaluate Your Experience
Do you watch Bojack Horseman?
There’s a famous quote from the show that’s worth bringing up here.
“When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”
In other words:
It’s easy to overlook the bad in someone if you’re blinded by love.
You may think that this does not apply to your previous relationship, but a thorough evaluation may suggest otherwise.
Think about it:
— How many times have you excused your ex’s terrible behavior?
— When you were asked to buy a gift, did you think they were being unreasonable or just plain adorable?
— When your ex ridiculed you for the nth time, do you think it was them being their true self or them simply having a bad day?
See, here’s the thing:
Knowing how to get over an ex is about knowing who they truly were.
Stop romanticizing the past. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
You can only make the best out of it by learning to compromise and embrace each other’s imperfections.
That’s because you’re only seeing the good in them.
Once you realize all the red flags, it becomes so much easier to move on from your ex.
Ask yourself these four questions:
1) Were you really happy 100% of the time?
2) Did the relationship hinder your life in any way?
3) Were you happy before the relationship?
4) What annoyed you most about your partner?
Answer these questions truthfully and you’ll begin to realize that the relationship ending isn’t as bad as you thought it was.
You might even start to see that your life has opened up in many ways that weren’t previously possible.
Marilyn Monroe said it best:
“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe
But don’t forget:
Your evaluation of the past is not only for forgetting your ex. It’s also about learning about yourself.
So take the time to see what you could have done better in the past and apply these lessons to the present and the future.
This way, you’ll have a clearer version of what you want in a partner and a relationship.
13) Remove Any Connections to Your Ex
The world is becoming more and more connected each day, but that doesn’t mean you must keep in touch with your ex.
It’s easy for all the memories to flood in if you always see them. It doesn’t matter if it’s online or offline; it’s the same face.
So the question here is:
If you don’t unfriend or block them from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat, will you ever succeed in learning how to get over an ex?
The answer is no.
Sure, you can add them back again to your social circle — but only after you’ve finally moved on.
Otherwise, you’re not helping yourself heal your emotional wounds.
So do all these:
— Get rid of your ex on all your social media accounts
— Delete their phone number and email address
— Remove all photos of your ex
— Ask people who tagged you in photos of your ex to remove the tag
— If your mutual friends ask to hang out, check if your ex is coming along
The less you’re reminded of your ex, the easier it is to move on from them.
14) Let Time Do Its Thing and Think Ahead
Let’s clarify something first:
Time alone isn’t enough to make you forget your ex. But with the right attitude and changes, it can contribute to your emotional recovery.
Just like what we’ve mentioned earlier: It’s only a breakup — not the end of the world.
Time is on your side.
So don’t rush into things if you don’t feel like it.
You will get by. You may not know exactly when, but it’s bound to happen.
That’s just how time works.
One day you’re still in pain over losing someone, the next day you’re ready to take on the world.
Because with each passing day, your heartache loses a bit of its intensity.
You meet new people and take on new challenges.
You create more experiences and form new bonds.
In time, you remember and celebrate more of these new, exciting things — memories that fill the once big void your ex left in your heart.
15) Be With Those Who Actually Matter in Your Life
Here’s the final key in learning how to get over an ex:
Appreciate those who are still in your life.
Why would you lie in bed all day, crying about your ex, when you’ve got the most awesome friends in the entire world?
The truth is:
Your best friends know more about you than your ex does. They know more how to make you smile and laugh like an idiot.
Because let’s face it:
Boyfriends, girlfriends, and flings come and go.
But your friends?
The real ones stick with you all your life — all through the highs and the lows, all through the jokes and the drama.
And on a similar note:
Don’t forget about your family. Because even before you had friends, it’s your family members who were on your side no matter what.
So when you’re feeling worthless and all alone, remember two things:
— You are definitely not alone.
— You are loved by many people.
Why cling to a failed romantic relationship when there are so many people who will shower you with all the love and support you could ever ask for?
QUIZ: To help you work out whether your ex wants actually wants you back, I’ve created a brand new quiz. I’m going to tell it to you straight based on your own situation. Check out my quiz here.
16) Avoid Social Media For 2 Weeks
Why It’s Good: Social media is a giant distraction that will only get in the way between you and your healing process.
Remember, moving on has to be intentional, and scrolling through your friends’ and exes’ feeds won’t make you feel any better.
Additionally, you will feel vulnerable and lonely after a breakup. Social media is filled with feel-good, happy go lucky, but not necessarily genuine posts.
It’s easy to get caught up in fake positivity and feel like you’re missing out. Use your time offline as a challenge to reconnect with yourself without any unnecessary distractions.
How To Make This Happen:
- Log out of social media on your browser and delete them from your phone.
- If you’re having problems sticking to this rule, ask a friend to change all your social media passwords so you can’t get into them.
- If two weeks is too long of a time, consider limiting your social media use to a few hours a week instead.
17) Eat At Three New Restaurants
Why It’s Good: Getting dressed up and eating somewhere special is one of the best things about being with someone.
Now that you’re rediscovering independence, it’s crucial to teach yourself that dining out can be special, with or without company.
Discovering new restaurants is a great way to exercise independence.
You get to choose where to eat, how to dress, what to order, and what to do after the meal. Eating alone in a nice restaurant opens you up to pleasant experiences and encourages you to be comfortable with being alone.
How To Make This Happen:
- Look up new restaurants in your city that you have always been wanting to try. You can select anything from brunch places to upscale dinner locations.
- Take the time to dress up. Wear that dress you’ve been saving for special occasions; choose a dressier jacket. Dressing well will make you feel and look good.
- Don’t rush through the meal. Savor every bite and use pauses in between bites as a reminder of how much you’re enjoying your time alone.
18) Establish A Morning And Night Routine
Why It’s Good: It’s difficult to go back to normal after a breakup, which is exactly why establishing a morning and night routine is imperative.
Having things to look forward to when you wake up and after you get home from work and school will make every day more exciting.
Maybe you can adapt a brand new skincare routine or make sure you’re cooking healthy meals at dinner.
At the end of the day, what you choose to do in your own time isn’t really what matters.
Its purpose is to establish much-needed motivation to get up every day and move forward by knowing exactly what to do in the morning and evening.
How To Make This Happen:
- Make mornings and evenings more enjoyable by incorporating self-care into your routine.
- Try to stick as closely to your routine as possible within two weeks after the breakup. You can start becoming more free with your time after you start feeling better.
- Try different routines for weekends and weekdays. Maybe on weekday mornings, you’d like to start your day with a podcast, then have breakfast with friends first thing in the morning on weekends.
19) Find A New Everyday Hobby
Why It’s Good: You will inevitably have pent up energy that will require release one way or another. Find a hobby where you can channel all that raw emotion.
The important thing is to find something you can do every single day. It’s a great way to make your days more exciting, all the while developing new skills and interests in the process.
How To Make This Happen:
- Choose a hobby that you can do for at least 20 minutes to an hour every day without fail.
- Challenge yourself in ways you haven’t before. Maybe sign up for a gym or try teaching yourself a language.
- When doing your hobby with other people, make sure you’re more focused on the craft than you are on socialization. Remember that this is about you and rekindling your creative spark and curiosity.
On the other hand, 4 wrong ways to get your over your ex
1) Get A Rebound
Why It’s Wrong: Getting a rebound is one of the worst things you can do after a breakup. This common error is just another way to get your heartbroken.
You’re latching onto another person and projecting your insecurities from the previous relationship without giving yourself space or time to reflect and improve.
Not to mention that rebounds are often shallow and superficial. Instead of building up your confidence, getting into a temporary tryst is a surefire way to lower your self-value.
What You Can Do Instead:
- Foster platonic relationships and seek positivity from friends and family members.
- Reel in feelings of vulnerability and focus on being comfortable with being alone.
- If you’re feeling lonely, surround yourself with good friends and spend time with them more often.
2) Stay In Touch
Why It’s Wrong: Some exes stay friendly after breaking up, and that’s great. However, it’s not advisable to stay in contact with the other person immediately after the separation.
Even if you think you’re just being friendly, staying in touch prevents both parties from rediscovering independence.
You’re only prolonging the codependent relationship you have with each other and are also running the risk of repeating the same mistakes that led to the break up in the first place.
What You Can Do Instead:
- Don’t try to force a friendship immediately after the relationship. Give yourselves some time to focus on personal growth before deciding whether to move forward as friends or not.
- Prioritize your feelings instead of the other person’s. Remember that you no longer have the obligation to be empathetic to what they’re feeling.
- Use the time away from your ex to evaluate them objectively and reinforce reasons that led to the breakup.
3) Rethink Relationship Decisions
Why It’s Wrong: Taking a trip down memory lane rarely ends well. With guilt, loneliness, and fear of being alone, it’s easy to convince yourself that “it wasn’t so bad” and cling to your comfort zone as opposed to being forced to confront the reality of being alone.
Nostalgia makes it easy to gloss over the bad things in the relationship and romanticize the entire experience.
When you do this, you’re forgetting the very real reasons why the relationship failed to work.
What You Can Do Instead:
- Stop associating yourself with the other person. You are no longer a “we”. From here on out, you are now your own “you”.
- Find peace in the decisions you have made. Accept that the past is the past and that the only thing you can control is how you move forward.
- Instead of keeping it all in your head, list down all the qualities you didn’t like about the other person. If it mattered to you then, there’s no reason why it won’t matter to you now that the relationship is over.
4) Talk Smack With Friends
Why It’s Wrong: It’s tempting to release pent up frustration and vent to friends, but doing so will only reinforce the negative emotions associated with the breakup.
People like to think that badmouthing your ex is a cathartic experience, when in fact it’s only a way to relieve bad moments and become even more entangled with the entire break up experience.
It also takes away from the concept of focusing on yourself. When you’re badmouthing someone else, you’re engrossed in them, which takes away energy from prioritizing yourself.
What You Can Do Instead:
- Focus on love, positivity, and acceptance. Strive to move away from anger and move towards forgiveness instead.
- Ask friends not to discuss your ex. Remember that moving on is about who you are now, now who you were during the relationship.
- Encourage friends and family to be positive about the breakup and view it as an opportunity for learning and self-development.
I have a question for you…
Do you still love your ex?
If you answered ‘yes’, then you need a plan to get them back.
Forget the naysayers who warn you never to get back with your ex. Or those who say your only option is to move on with your life. If you still love your ex, then getting them back may be the best way forward.
The simple truth is that getting back with your ex can work.
There are 3 things to you need to do now that you’re broken up:
- Work out why you broke up in the first place
- Become a better version of yourself so you don’t end up in a broken relationship again
- Formulate a plan to get them back.
If you want some help with number 3 (“the plan”), then Brad Browning’s The Ex Factor is the guide I always recommend. I’ve read the book cover to cover and I believe it’s the most effective guide to getting your ex back currently available.
If you want to learn more about his program, check out this free video by Brad Browning.
Getting your ex to say, “I made a huge mistake”
The Ex Factor isn’t for everyone.
In fact, it’s for a very specific person: a man or a woman who has experienced a break up and legitimately believes the breakup was a mistake.
This is a book that details a series of psychological, flirting, and (some would say) sneaky steps that a person can take in order to win back their ex.
The Ex Factor has one goal: to help you win back an ex.
If you’ve been broken up with, and you want to take specific steps to make your ex think “hey, that person is actually amazing, and I made a mistake”, then this is the book for you.
That is the crux of this program: getting your ex to say “I made a huge mistake.”
As for numbers 1 and 2, then you’ll have to do some self-reflection on your own about that.
What else do you need to know?
Brad’s Browning’s program is easily the most comprehensive and effective guide to getting your ex back you’ll find online.
As a certified relationship counselor, and with decades of experience working with couples to repair broken relationships, Brad knows what he’s talking about. He offers dozens of unique ideas that I’ve never read anywhere else.
Brad claims that over 90% of all relationships can be salvaged, and while that may sound unreasonably high, I tend to think he’s on the money.
I’ve been in contact with too many Hack Spirit readers who are happily back with their ex to be a skeptic.
Here’s a link to Brad’s free video again. If you want a foolproof plan to actually get your ex back, then Brad will give you one.
FREE eBook: 4 Steps to Starting Over With An Ex
Do you want to get back with your ex?
Then you need to check out our FREE eBook, The Ex Back Handbook.
We have one goal in mind with this book: to help you win back an ex (for good!).
If you want a foolproof plan to reverse your break up, you’re going to love this guide.
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