How to get over an ex: 9 no bullsh*t tips

So you find yourself with your heart in your hand and you don’t know where to turn.

Bad break-ups can leave people reeling for months and even years if something isn’t done to intervene and set you back on the right track.

If you find yourself struggling to get back on the straight and narrow after the loss of a relationship, remember that you weren’t born with this person on your hip and you will be able to move on eventually.

Sometimes, it just takes a little time.

Here are some strategies you can implement today to start getting over your ex once and for all.

1) Disconnect from Social Media and Reconnect with Yourself

When breakups happen, it’s easy to take to social media to see what your ex is up to. This is a bad idea.

First, you don’t want any reminders of them in your life.

Second, you don’t want to see them with someone new or having fun without you. Unless you know you can take it, which, most people can’t, just avoid their accounts or even delete them.

Instead, focus on getting to know yourself again.

If you’ve been with this person for any length of time, it’s likely that you’d adopted a lot of their thinking and ways and now you need to sort through all the noise and find the person you were.

Even better, find out who you want to be now that you have a fresh start.

2) Don’t Go Looking for Trouble

If you are out and about, don’t go to your old stomping grounds. There is a high probability that your ex will make their way there too, so just avoid it at all costs.

Even if your friends want to go, remind them that you are still hurting and you would rather not do it.

If they persist, find some new friends or go it alone for a while until you feel like you can be in the same room as your ex.

Depending on how you ended things, you might be feeling guilty or shame or nothing at all and you don’t want to see how they are feeling.

Stick it out at home if you must but don’t put yourself in a situation that could result in you feeling worse about yourself.

3) Create a New Vision for Your Future That Doesn’t Include Them

One of the best ways to move forward is to actually think about moving forward…without them.

Create a vision board of journal about what life will look like now that you aren’t attached this the big lug and can do things for yourself again.

You might find that you missed your independence and that you don’t want to be in a relationship again for a while.

This is a great time for you to get to know yourself and what you are all about, and so set some goals, test the limits, meet new people, buy a new car – whatever it is you imagine for yourself in the future, visualize it and get excited about it.

4) Rally Your Support Team

It can be hard to try to get over an ex when you are hold up in your bedroom without any contact from the outside world.

Sometimes, it’s easier to get on with life by simply getting on with it. Call up some friends and go out for dinner.

Cry if you must, feel sad if you must, but do things that will make you feel better.

If you don’t feel like being out, ask someone to come over – not your ex! – and keep you company.

A trusted friend or close family member will appreciate the position you are in and will be able to just sit and let you take it all in.

Whether you are fresh off the relationship scene or you have been single for a while now, breaking up is a toll that can take a while to overcome.

Give yourself time, space, and permission to feel it out and figure it out.

There’s no rush and you can’t set a time limit on how long you will feel like this.

One thing is for sure though, don’t go looking for new love right away. You don’t need to put salt on the wound.

Figure your own stuff out before you go looking for someone else to love.

5) Stop Watching the Clock

Speaking of time, there is no timeline for getting over someone.

How long it takes is going to depend heavily on how long you’ve been together, whether or not you were the reason for the break-up, whether or not you were lied to, cheated on, ignored, beaten, deeply wounded – they all contribute to a length of time for healing that nobody can point to.

It’s going to depend a lot on your resilience and desire to move on. So one of the most important things you can do when you need to get over your ex is to not put parameters on your healing.

It is going to take time. Give it time.

6) Name Your Thoughts and Feeling

If you are struggling to make sense of what has happened, it’s a good idea to grab a notebook and pen and start writing down your thoughts.

Remember, you aren’t writing this for an audience, so you can write anything you feel in your heart and let yourself be raw and real.

A lot of people are worried about putting their thoughts and feelings into writing because they are afraid people are going to read it, but don’t worry about anyone seeing it.

Write from your heart and try to make meaning of what has happened. Remember that things happen for you, not to you.

7) Clear Out Your Contacts

Today’s break-up protocol is to remove your ex from your social media accounts so you don’t see what they are doing.

If you suspect that you may be able to be friends with this person in the future and don’t want that awkward moment where you request friendship online again, just turn off their notifications from your feed.

It’s best though, to erase them completely and put up with whatever future awkwardness you might have.

Taking care of yourself and your mindset is what is important right now.

8) Give Yourself Some Space

A lot of romantic comedies and even dramas will see a newly-single gal or guy taking to the road to get out of town, which usually results in hilarity and a new relationship in a far off place.

That’s not how it really happens and usually, those road trips end up costing a lot of money and you don’t come back feeling any better because all you were doing was escaping the feelings you left behind.

When you come back and haven’t dealt with them yet, you still have them. Now, you’re broke and no further along in the healing process.

Spend that money on a counselor or take a friend out to lunch to talk about it instead. Or, just let yourself feel what you are feeling and face it like an adult.

There’s no need to run from your heartache.

9) Let Go of the Blame

Whether you are to blame or your ex is to blame for the demise of your relationship, remember that you don’t have to carry any of that with you as you go forward.

Even if you totally ruined your relationship, you don’t have to feel shame and guilt forever. Feel it out if you need to, but the sooner you can let go of that blame, the sooner you can start healing and getting back to your life.

Which, let us remind you, probably wasn’t half bad before you hooked up with this person and probably won’t be half bad again soon.

In Conclusion

Relationships are complicated things. They are made even more complicated when they come to an end.

Whether you’d decided to call it quits after a long, drawn-out fight and ongoing issues, or you found yourself on the receiving on of an unexpected break-up call, when a relationship ends, there’s no really easy way to get over it and move on.

It takes time, truthfully, but it’s not impossible. Despite how you might be feeling right now, reprieve is on the way.

You just need to give yourself permission to start to heal.

Use our tips to help you get on your way after a relationship ends and you’ll be back on the road to recovery in no time.

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Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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