It’s never easy being the ‘ghostee.’ Just like a breakup, it’s hard to get over the person who’s ghosted you – especially if you both got a thing going on for quite a while now.
The good news is you can do it (easily, I might add.) In fact, here are the 18 ways that’ll help you get over being ghosted.
19 ways to get over being ghosted
1) Face the bitter reality
Sorry, but they’re not just that into you.
I know that it’s a bitter pill to swallow. But if you want to get over being ghosted, you’ll need to try to accept the reality right now.
After all, acceptance is the key to happiness – says Buddhists. And, contrary to popular beliefs, this does not mean you’re giving up.
Quoting a passage from Jon-Kabat Zinn’s book Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness (lifted from Psychology Today):
“Acceptance doesn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is — especially when you don’t like it — and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed.”
2) Don’t dwell on it
If you want to move on, then you actually have to move (at least emotionally.) Dwelling on the ghoster – and what happened – won’t do you good.
It can actually make you feel worse, according to psychologist Amy Morin.
“Dwelling on your problems, magnifying your misfortune, and hosting your own pity party only increase your distress…As you rehash those painful times, your self-confidence plummets and hopelessness soars.”
So if you want to put an end to this ruminating, you’ll need to:
- Recognize it whenever it happens. The quicker you notice you’re dwelling, the faster you can put an end to it by thinking of happy thoughts.
- Distract yourself. Do something that’ll take your mind off things, such as finishing the project you’ve left on hold for months.
3) Talk to a relationship coach
If you find it hard to accept the bitter truth – or if you keep on focusing on the fact that you’ve been ghosted – then I suggest speaking to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated love situations, like being ghosted. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I too was ghosted by a guy I’ve talked to for months.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, caring, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
4) Fight the urge to contact them
If you ask the experts (such as the coaches from Relationship Hero,) their number one advice would be to NOT contact the ghoster, ever.
As social worker Patti Sabla explains in her Elite Daily interview:
“They have sent a message by not having the decency to let you know they were not interested. There is no need to text them. What would you be texting them about, to confirm they are not interested in you? I think ghosting you in the first place sent that message.”
So if I were you, delete (and block) their number. Unfriend or unfollow them on social media for good measure as well. By eradicating all communication channels, you won’t be tempted to shoot them a text or slide in their DMs.
Cause if you do, you’ll just end up rehashing the pain all over again.
5) Let your feelings out
Want to cry, drink, or throw a tantrum? By all means, do. Letting your feelings out is one of the best ways to get over being ghosted, after all.
“Trying to fight our feelings often leads to more suffering (for) when we try to suppress these emotions, we are unable to thrive…They might make you feel better temporarily, but these behaviors do not “fix” the underlying problem.”
So go ahead. Do whatever you want. What’s important is after you vent your feelings out, you brush everything off and move on.
6) Practice self-compassion
You’ve been ghosted, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.
It’s not your fault.
And, as psychologist Dr. Lori Lawrenz often tells her readers: “If you’ve been ghosted, it is more than likely not about you.”
That said, if you want to get over this speedbump quickly, one of the things you need to do is practice self-compassion.
According to experts, it encompasses three things:
- Seeing your problems as part of the universal human struggle,
- Remaining calm and mindful rather than getting overwhelmed with the negative situation (the ghosting, in this case)
- Viewing yourself with understanding and forgiveness
As to how to achieve this, the same experts offer the following tips:
- Know that you’re not the only one who got ghosted. Talk to your family and friends, and see how a bunch (if not all) of them were at the receiving end of ghosting. Sharing experiences with them will help heal your broken heart.
- Forgive yourself. If you’re feeling down, try to hug yourself – or write a self-compassion addressed to yourself. They both work, trust me.
7) Attend a love and intimacy masterclass
Have you ever asked yourself why relationships are so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with being ghosted, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back (or ghosting us, for that matter.)
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like being ghosted.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time. Furthermore, I was finally offered an actual, practical solution to being ghosted (repeatedly, I might add.)
If you’re done with being ghosted and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
8) Try to be more mindful
If you want to get over being ghosted, then you need to be mindful.
It’s all about paying attention to the present moment – and being “aware of what we are thinking, feeling, and doing as well as what is happening around us.”
That’s why it’s a good tool for promoting self-compassion – as well as reducing rumination.
Explains HackSpirit founder Lachlan Brown: “People who were mindful, who were concentrating on what they were doing, reported higher levels of happiness.”
If you want to achieve this benefit (among many others,) then here are the three things you need to do:
- Breathe with a ‘conscious awareness’ of your breath
- Eat mindfully
9) Do the things that make you happy
Being ghosted on can make you feel blue. So if you want to get out of this rut, then you need to do the things that make you happy.
And it doesn’t have to be a big, expensive deal – for even the smallest things can put a smile on your face.
According to Red UK, it could be as simple as:
- Having some time for yourself
- Singing in the shower
- Laughing so hard it hurts
- Helping others
- Finding bargains
- Playing with your pet
- Smelling new books or magazines
- Popping bubble wrap
So whenever you start feeling down about your ghoster, try to do something that makes you happy.
As a US News report goes: “If you’re constantly happy, you’re avoiding all sorts of experiences. The more emotions you experience, the more you develop emotional competence.”
11) Spend time with family and friends
After being ghosted, your first tendency might be to isolate yourself.
You could be feeling shame, for you already told your family and friends about this great person. That’s why it’s not good to talk about your dates – especially if you’ve just started.
You could also be feeling blame, especially if your family and friends have warned you about your date.
No matter what your reason might be, you shouldn’t isolate yourself from your family and friends. If any, you should spend more time with them.
While they may scold you a bit, they will give you the support that you need. They’ll give you a shoulder to lean on – and ears to vent out to, among many other things.
Exercise offers a lot of physical, mental, and emotional benefits – getting over a ghoster included.
Here are several workouts that are sure to make you feel (and look) better:
The solitude of running is perfect for those who are dealing with relationship stuff (like being ghosted,) says trainer Joe Holder in a Shape article.
“You get to know yourself a bit better during these runs and have the time to work through your own mental barriers.
“Running is like ‘dating yourself’. During a relationship people often lose themselves in the situation; running presents the opportunity to find yourself again and get in shape,” he adds.
Want to get away from it all? Then cycling is the way to go (whether on a stationary or an actual moving bike,) according to instructor Natalie Gargiulo.
She quips: “Cycling is the perfect therapy because mentally you can turn off and physically you can turn on.”
If you’re looking for a medium that can help you physically vent out (and build stronger arms in the process,) then boxing is the perfect post-ghosting exercise for you.
As instructor Julie Nelson puts it: “It challenges you mentally and physically, and you have to focus on your body movements at all times, there’s no room for your mind to wander off into thinking.”
This tough workout gives you a sense of empowerment, which is perfect if you’re feeling down from all this ghosting.
Explains instructor Julia Avery: “When you’re in the middle of an intense workout, your mind is focused. You don’t have time to feel upset because you’re completely wrapped up in the intensity of the workout. The endorphins that you’re left with afterward help you stay in a good mood long after the workout is over.”
According to instructor Heidi Kristoffer, “we store emotional baggage in our hips.” That’s why Bhakti yoga – which involves a lot of hip-opening poses will help “ release all of that excess garbage that you don’t need to (but usually try to) hold on to.”
“A pole class is the perfect ‘time-out’ to gift yourself that leaves you feeling refreshed, accomplished and like a f*cking warrior,” remarks instructor Kelly McLaughlin.
And, if I’m being honest, this may help spice up your next relationship too!
13) Get more zzz’s
The stress of being ghosted on can make you lose sleep. You keep on thinking what you could do – or what you haven’t done – so much so that you’re still very much awake at 3 in the morning.
And, to make matters worse, this lack of sleep can lead to depression – making things worse than they currently are.
Furthermore, a constant lack of sleep can lead to poor immunity, high blood pressure, and diabetes, among many other health problems.
So if you often find yourself tossing and turning at night because of the ‘ghosting,’ then make sure to follow these tips from the Mayo Clinic:
- Don’t go to bed full or hungry
- Keep your room dark, cool, and quiet
- Follow a sleep schedule
- Limit daytime naps
- Exercise, but not too close to bedtime
- Meditate to relieve stress
14) Eat well for your heart
You are what you eat. And if you want to get over your ghoster quickly, you’ll need to eat foods that can help heal your broken heart.
According to US News, here are some of the most delicious, heart-mending examples:
Perhaps the tastiest example in this list, dark chocolate is a snack that can help reduce your stress hormones. It can also promote the release of serotonin, a hormone that’ll help regulate your mood.
PS: while dark chocolate is healthy, you need to watch out for the portions! If not, you might find your weight ticking up a bit.
High-carb foods can help boost your serotonin levels, but too much of them can be bad for your waistline (just like dark chocolate.) So if you want to keep your trim figure – and get over your ghoster quickly – then go for whole grain foods instead.
Rich in B vitamins, almonds, pistachios, and walnuts can help you cope better with stress. They’re also chock full of Vitamin E and zinc, which can help boost your immunity. Remember: this may wane if you’re not getting enough sleep.
Omega-3 rich foods
Salmon, sardines, walnuts, and flaxseeds can help manage adrenaline levels, thus making you feel calmer. It can also help improve skin and hair health, which will come in handy as you get back to the dating scene!
15) Stay away from quick fixes
Being ghosted hurts. Naturally, your first tendency might be to reach for the bottle (or a pill or syringe, for that matter.)
While these can numb you for a bit, the ‘high’ you feel is only fleeting. In other words, it’s only a band-aid fix – and not one that’ll help you get over being ghosted for good.
You may also end up building dependency, which can lead to a slew of health problems (even death) in the long run.
According to the Mayo Clinic:
“As time passes, you may need larger doses of the drug to get high. Soon you may need the drug just to feel good. As your drug use increases, you may find that it’s increasingly difficult to go without the drug. Attempts to stop drug use may cause intense cravings and make you feel physically ill (withdrawal symptoms).”
16) Try acupuncture
Being ghosted can hurt just as much as a breakup, especially if you’ve been dating for so long. So if you can’t seem to shrug off the painful feeling in your chest, then you also may want to consider undergoing acupuncture.
This traditional Chinese medicine involves the insertion of needles at certain parts of the body. It can help address heartfelt loss by tackling the heart meridian – which runs from the heart area – to the armpit – then both arms.
According to integrative medicine specialist Dr. Elena Klimenko, this area is responsible for “heartfelt matters and some deep emotions.”
As a result, “Proper acupuncture treatment can facilitate recovery and take the edge off the difficult feelings.”
17) Reevaluate your dating habits
As I keep on telling you, it’s not your fault you got ghosted. But if you keep on being ghosted over and over again, then maybe it’s time for you to reevaluate your dating habits.
It’s possible that you tend to turn a bad eye on dating red flags, such as:
- Inconsistent behavior
- Ignoring your boundaries
- Love bombing
- Moving too quickly
- Bad-mouthing exes
By looking over your dating history, you can spot the habits that make you more prone to ghosting.
You don’t want this to happen again, after all!
18) Don’t stop yourself from dating once again…
Being ghosted on is surely traumatic. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out and date other people again.
Sure, there’s always a chance that you’ll get ghosted once more. But on the flip side, there’s a chance that your next date could be ‘the one.’ Your soulmate or twin flame, even.
Trust me: it’s worth the risk!
19) …But try to stay away from potential ghosters
Impossible as it may seem, but some professions, names, and zodiac signs are more likely to ghost you.
According to a Metro UK report, here are the top 5 professions that are most likely to ghost their dates:
- Emergency service workers (firefighters, police, or paramedics)
- Marketing, media, or PR officers
- Financial people
- HR/recruitment workers
When it comes to names, the same reports show that you are most likely to be ghosted by women who are named Isabella, Lily, Mia, Lauren, or Katie.
As for men, the common culprits are Daniel, Matthew, Jack, George, and Thomas.
It may also help to ask your potential date about their zodiac sign. According to another report, these signs have the reputation of being habitual ghosters:
I know this slims down your dating pool greatly. That said, it always pays to be extra careful about potential ghosters!
Ghosting hurts. It can make you feel used and disrespected. Worse of all, it can make you feel traumatized and betrayed.
That being said, you can – and you will – get over this unfortunate event. It’s just a matter of following the tips I’ve listed above.
Remember: you can shrug this thing off. In the immortal words of Kelly Clarkson: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.