Your heart is broken into a million pieces. You can’t help but wonder: could you ever be whole again?
The answer is a resounding YES.
Although challenging, it’s entirely possible to get your life back after a gut-wrenching breakup. Here are 19 ways how to:
It’s hard to forgive, especially if your ex cheated on you. But, as you see, it’s one thing you need to do to move on with your life.
Here’s what Mayo Clinic experts had to say about the matter:
“Forgiveness can help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.”
“They’re also quick to add that “Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm.”
In a nutshell, forgiveness harbors a kind of peace that will help you move on in your life.
Speaking of peace, read on, for I’ll talk about that in a few.
2) Get the closure you need
If your relationship ended on a cliffhanger, I suggest getting the closure you need first.
It’s just like watching a movie in which you weren’t able to get to the end. I bet you’ll do everything you can to know what happens in the end.
I believe the same can be said with relationships. You need to know the hows and whys if you want to move on and get your life back on track.
Explains Dr. Abigail Brenner in her Psychology Today article:
“Closure means finality; a letting go of what once was. Finding closure implies a complete acceptance of what has happened and an honoring of the transition away from what’s finished to something new.
“In other words, closure describes the ability to go beyond imposed limitations to find different possibilities.”
Dr. Brenner adds that getting the closure you need often means taking full responsibility for yourself, even though it wasn’t you who ended the relationship.
Additionally, it’s also about giving yourself the chance to grieve the loss of the relationship.
So go ahead, cry. Scream if you want to. Letting it all out will make it easier for you to go ahead with your life.
3) Let it go
In the famed sing-songy words of Elsa, let it go.
I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s crucial for it can help you get your life back on track (and be happy too!)
“Holding on to pain doesn’t fix anything. Replaying the past over and over again doesn’t change it, and wishing things were different doesn’t make it so.”
So how do you let go?
According to Strauss, it’s a matter of NOT living in chains “when you have the key. We live with self-limiting beliefs that we let define who we are.”
In other words, you can only let it go once you will yourself to let things go.
4) Get tailor-made advice for your situation
While this article explores the tips on how to get your life back on track after a breakup, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated love situations. They’re a top-rated resource for people facing all sorts of relationship challenges.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a similar love crisis. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my past relationship – and how to get my life back on track.
I was blown away by how caring, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get specialized advice for your situation.
5) Reduce contact as much as possible
Can exes be friends? Yes, sure.
But if you want to get your life back on track, it’s better to reduce (or eliminate) all contact – after you’ve had your closure, of course.
Here’s what Jess Carpenter, a fellow writer, has to say about the matter:
“If you think you’ll slip into being friends with an ex without a problem, you’re probably living in a dream world. You were with your ex for a reason, and with that comes feelings.
Romantic, in-love feelings.
That doesn’t just up and disappear because you say you’re going to be friends.”
So if I were you, I’d keep contact to a minimum.
Lose their number (I know you’ve memorized it, but still.)
Hide their social media profile.
Change your cellphone number (if the situation permits it.)
Avoid their usual hangouts, if possible.
As psychotherapist Dr. Jenn Mann remarks in her InStyle column, being friends with exes is “definitely not advised for it will only hold you back from being able to move on.”
6) Find your inner peace
I’m sure you’ve tried your hardest to get your ex back, but unfortunately, you both have reached the end of the line.
Simply put, what’s done is done.
And, if you want to get your life back on track, you need to find the long-lost inner peace within yourself. (This was mentioned earlier.)
Lachlan Brown, the founder of HackSpirit, defines inner peace as “an internalized state of spiritual and mental peace.”
“It’s when the noise in your head quietens and the tangles of threads start coming apart, thus allowing you to see the space between your thoughts for the first time in what might seem like forever.”
In order to achieve this, you need to:
- Stop blaming yourself
- Let go of your victim mentality
- Being comfortable with your flaws and faults
7) Have a positive mindset
There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. And, if you want to reach it sooner rather than later, you need to adopt a positive mindset.
As my fellow writer Jude Paler explains:
“Remembering the bad things will make you miserable. But if you will teach your brain to see the positive in every situation, it will make life easier for you.”
Simply put, you should treat your situation as a ‘half-full’ one.
Maybe your relationship has taught you to become more caring or expressive to your partner. On the other hand, it may have taught you how to assert yourself.
Take these lessons to heart, for they’ll help you in your attempt to get your life back on track.
8) Focus on a starting point
You won’t be able to get your act together if you don’t know where to begin.
So, where’s the best place to start, really? Well, it depends on where you want to be, say, a month from now.
Do you want to free your mind?
Do you want to stop moping around?
Do you want to achieve your pre-breakup body?
See, you can do it all – as long as you set a goal and plan your way through it.
9) Face your fears
If you face your fears, you can live your dreams.
In other words, if you want to get your life back on track, you need to face all the challenges and obstacles that will come your way.
Are you afraid to go through life alone?
Do you often wonder if you’re still going to find love?
Well, you wouldn’t know if you don’t march on ahead.
Newsflash: Losing your partner doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be single all your life.
Remember, when one door closes, another one will open.
Onwards and upwards, they always say!
10) Tap into your personal power
You see, we all have an incredible amount of power and potential within us, but most of us never get to utilize it.
Ultimately, we become bogged down in self-doubt and limiting beliefs.
We believe that we can never find true happiness just because the relationship is over.
It’s not the case, according to shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people align work, family, spirituality, and love so they can unlock the door to their personal power.
He has a unique approach that combines traditional ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist. It’s an approach that uses nothing but your own inner strength – no gimmicks or fake claims of empowerment.
If you want to get your life back on track, you need to channel the true empowerment that comes from within.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of, and it’s easier than you might think.
So if you’re tired of the heartbreak that’s stopping you from living a full life, you need to check out his life-changing advice.
11) Reconnect with your old values
You may have changed some of your habits and ways to align yourself with your partner. Now that they’re gone, I recommend reconnecting with them again.
Maybe you stopped attending masses or services because your ex was an atheist.
Maybe you stopped painting because your ex deemed it messy.
See, one of the best ways to get your life back on track is to live it the way you did before – when there was no one telling you what to do.
12) Enjoy some ‘alone time’
Maybe you’ve been with your partner for so long that your routine has revolved around them.
Well, now it’s time for you to have some time for yourself.
Travel around the world.
Get in touch with your long-forgotten hobbies.
Who cares if you did this with your ex before? You can do all of them by yourself. Remember: you can still be happy alone.
And, as a bonus, it can help your overall health too. In her Forbes article, psychotherapist Ann Morin campaigned for the following benefits of alone time:
- Strengthened mental health
- Improved creativity
- Increased empathy
- Enhanced productivity
- An opportunity to plan for your future life
13) Be mindful
After a breakup, it can be challenging to think about the positive side of life. You feel as if you’re never going to recover.
The fact of the matter is you can be happy again, but you need to get your mind to it. One of the best ways to do so is through mindfulness.
According to Lachlan, it’s simply a matter of following these principles:
- Live in the here and now. The past is the past, there’s no sense in going back.
- Take a step back from the negative thoughts that cloud your mind.
- Don’t mind what other people have to say.
- Be authentic and follow your heart.
- The path towards moving on may be difficult, but it doesn’t mean you should avoid it. In fact, it should give you more motivation to get your life back on track.
- Focus on one task at a time.
- Go with the flow!
14) Eat well
People approach breakups – in terms of eating – in two ways. Some eat their feelings out – aka emotional eating.
According to a Mayo Clinic article:
“Emotional eating is eating as a way to suppress or soothe negative emotions (such as heartbreak).”
For some people, their eating patterns become tied to their feelings. They eat whatever is in front of them because they’re heartbroken.
In some cases, food serves as a convenient source of distraction. Instead of thinking about their lousy breakup, some people turn to food instead.
Then, on the other end of the spectrum are individuals who just can’t seem to eat.
In his interview with Vice, neurobiology professor Gert ter Horst explained why this happens.
“Not being able to eat after heartbreak is caused by the “fight” mode your body enters after the breakup…
“Your sympathetic nervous system kicks in. Long story short: You’re going into survival mode. Having a bite to eat becomes a secondary concern.
“To help out, the body has found a way to suppress the inevitable hunger pangs: There are fewer constrictions and relaxations of the muscles, which consequently slows down the digestion of food.”
Making things worse is your roller-coaster of emotions that influence your appetite as well.
“The areas of the brain in charge of emotions and emotional pain also [regulate] how we eat, our need for food, and what we taste. The areas that take care of these functions are close together, and can influence one another.”
The good news is that you can quickly end your cycle of overeating – or undereating. For one, you could eat foods that can help heal your broken heart.
Great examples include:
- Probiotic-rich foods such as yogurt, sauerkraut, kefir, etc. for they can help reduce anxiety and enhance mental outlook.
- Mediterranean diets, which may help reduce depression.
- Chocolate (the dark varieties are recommended) to help boost your mood.
- Cheese, nuts, eggs, salmon, and other foods rich in serotonin. This neurotransmitter can help improve your mood.
Apart from eating healthy, it’ll help you greatly if you focus more on exercising. After all, it can help you deal better with heartbreak.
“Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that may leave you feeling happier, more relaxed, and less anxious.”
And as you lose weight, you will feel better about yourself – and your appearance. It can boost your confidence and improve your self-esteem in the long run.
And, as many people say, confidence is sexy!
16) Say goodbye to your bad habits
Breakups can drive many people to turn into vices – booze, drugs, you name it.
Take the case of alcohol, the most used vice after a breakup (and for several other occasions, I might add.)
Many people have used this to help them forget – and they’re not wrong.
As a Healthline article explains, alcohol impairs short-term memory by slowing down the way the “nerves communicate with each other in a part of the brain called the hippocampus. The hippocampus plays a significant role in helping people form and maintain memories.”
On the other hand, some believe that taking alcohol (or drugs) can help dull the heartbreak they’re feeling.
Heroin, for example, is not only effective at reducing physical pain. It can numb out negative emotions (such as heartbreak) too.
No matter what your reasons may be for taking alcohol or drugs, stopping these vices will help you get your life back on track.
Ultimately, it’ll help you regain your health, which is the very thing you need to face what lies ahead.
How will you get your life together if your mind and vital organs are failing?
In case you’re having a hard time shrugging off your vices, you can always call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). It’s free and runs 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
17) Start a new routine
It’s hard to do the things you used to do because it reminds you of your ex. The jogging path you used to take, the quaint Italian restaurant you used to eat in, etc.
Now I’m not saying that you forego entirely the routines you love. But, for the sake of your heart, I recommend establishing a new routine.
Maybe take a new jogging trail. Perhaps, you can try the Chinese restaurant you’ve always had your eyes on (but can’t, cause your partner doesn’t like Chinese food.)
If you’re currently looking for a new morning routine, you can try Lachlan’s 12 suggestions here. (Fact: they’re all based on sound science!)
18) Reach out to family and friends
No man is an island.
“When you’re struggling, it’s not good to spend too much time alone, especially if you are feeling low and vulnerable,” explains experts from Young Minds UK.
As such, one of the best ways to move on and get your life back on track is to socialize.
“It’s well known that when people feel better connected, that they feel better physically, they’re certainly less likely to feel depressed — or if they do, they’re in a better position to get out of being depressed,” explained psychologist John Northman in his interview with WebMD.
As you see, talking is very therapeutic (there’s even a psychological therapy that uses it as a tool.) When you reach out to family and friends, you get to unload (and share) the heavy burden weighing on your heart.
With their help, you can get your life back on track.
19) More importantly, make it a conscious effort to move along
In the profound words of the All-American Rejects:
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through…
Right back what is wrong,
We move along.”
As I’ve previously mentioned, when one door closes, another one opens.
If you want to get back your life on track, you will have to look at your breakup not as the end – but as the beginning of a new chapter in your life.
It ended for a good reason, though it may not be apparent right now.
Now, you have the time (and freedom) to do what you’ve always wanted to do. You don’t have to worry about a partner bringing you down.
Love will eventually come your way, so don’t worry. But for now, you need to focus on yourself and the incredible journey ahead.
You can do it!
Remember: it’s not the end of the world.
You can still get your life back on track. It’s a matter of improving your mental, psychological, physical, and social health.
Maybe the breakup is temporary, but maybe it isn’t.
Should you still find it hard to move on, you can always seek the help of a professional coach over at Relationship Hero.
It is the best resource I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talk. They have seen it all, and they know how to tackle difficult situations – including this one.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.