How to get him back: 15 no bullsh*t steps

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The end of any relationship is difficult. Two people who shared so much together now have to part ways and figure out how to carry on without the other.

The good news is that you weren’t born with this person on your hip, which means you can go back to living without them.

Sometimes, though, you don’t want to. Sometimes, the relationship is rocky and needs work, but is worth saving.

If he’s made up his mind and moved on, it can be hard to see how you can get him back, but trust us, it happens all the time.

Couples fall apart and come back together every single day. It just takes work.

If you are willing to do the work, you can have your relationship back, stronger than ever, and be happy together, where once there was no happiness.

Here’s how to get your ex boyfriend back and move forward together.

1. Time is your friend

The first thing you need to do after you break up with him is to cut off ties with him.

This sounds extreme but the truth is that if you want him to think about you, you need to make sure he has limited access to you.

Blocking him on social media, ignoring his phone calls, and avoiding the places you know he goes are all ways to get him thinking about you on the regular, even though he can’t see you.

While you might be inclined to start living your best life out online so he can see you and be thinking about you, the truth is that absence makes the heart grow fonder so if he can’t get access to you, he’ll be looking for you.

Before you jump into anything new or even try to get him back, remember to take some time to grieve and make meaning of the situation for yourself.

Decide what you want. It’s easy to get caught up in the drama of a breakup, but you don’t have to make any decisions right now.

Allow time to do what it does best: heals all wounds. In order to get him back, you need to be healed from the breakup and ready to start in a new direction of this relationship.

If you are expecting to just pick up where you left off, you’ll be disappointed. Time changes people.

And the truth is that there are no rules on how long it might take you to get him back. You need to heal yourself before working to bring him back.

2. Emotions run the show

The question is, “How can you deal with someone losing feelings for you?”

The problem isn’t that he doesn’t love you — your past relationship has shown how strong his feelings can be.

The real problem is that he’s closed his mind to the possibility. He’s already decided not to give you a chance.

That’s the emotional wall you need to climb over.

The simple truth is that emotions run the show when it comes to his decision-making — and this is actually your best shot at winning him back.

Here’s how.

Scientists have recently made an interesting discovery about humans. When relaxed, 80% of the time our mind is imagining the future. We spend a little bit of time contemplating the past and focusing on the present but most of the time we’re actually thinking about the future.

According to relationship expert James Bauer, the key to getting back with your ex boyfriend is changing what he feels when he pictures you in his life again.

Forget about convincing him to give things another try. Logical reasoning with him won’t work because you’ll just reinforce the painful emotions that drove him away from you in the first place.

When someone tries to convince you of something, it’s human nature to always come up with a counterargument.

Focus instead on changing the way he feels. To do this, simply change the emotions he associates with you and make him picture a whole new relationship with you.

In his excellent short video, James Bauer gives you a step-by-step method for changing the way your ex feels about you. He reveals the texts you can send and things you can say that will trigger something deep inside him.

Because once you paint a new picture about what your life together could be like, his emotional walls won’t stand a chance.

Watch his excellent free video here.

3. Get control of the situation

The next thing you need to do is get very clear on what you need from him and keep that handy for when he comes crawling back to you.

You don’t want to seem desperate when you finally pick up the phone, so you need to get a grip on your thoughts and feelings.

Make sure you don’t see him before you can control your outbursts of crying or sobbing.

And it’s okay to miss your ex, cry and sob, but not in front of him while you are trying to get him to see the error of his ways.

It’s best to let him think you aren’t fazed by any of this. It’ll drive him crazy.

4. Want advice specific to your situation?

While this article explores the best steps to win a man back, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like getting someone back. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to Relationship Hero a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation. Click here to get started.

5. Don’t beg

Could it be that he doesn’t want a relationship with you anymore?

During the time you are taking for yourself, be sure you don’t seek him out and beg for him to come back. Sounds silly, but people do it.

Don’t be so needy that you can’t do anything without him. That might have been part of the reason he left in the first place.

Giving yourself (and him) some space means that you don’t throw yourself at him. It’s just bad for everyone and you’ll regret it later if he only comes back because you wouldn’t stop asking him to.

That’s not how you get him to realize he needs to come back, which is what you want. You don’t have to ask for anything. He’ll come around to the idea on his own.

6. Don’t bother with him

How do you get him to come around to the idea on his own? You don’t bother with him.

Cut off his contact with you on social media, email, text and don’t answer his phone calls. It sounds extreme, and it is.

You need him to be forced to think about you without seeing you or hearing from you. That’s the best kind of thinking.

This means he is wondering about you and wanting to know what is going on with you.

If he can’t see you, he’ll want to, especially if he had it in his head that you were going to come knocking after him.

7. Don’t act desperate

If you do happen to run into him when you are out living your best life, don’t act like you care. Don’t act desperate.

Don’t ask him questions and keep it short. Say hello, don’t break into a song about how you broke up, and move on.

Then get out of there as fast as possible. He doesn’t need to see you, especially after you run into him unexpectedly.

Make him want more. If he’s with friends, talk to his friends. Don’t give him the time of day. He’ll get plenty of your time when he comes back.

How do you heal a broken heart? Let me share with you these essential steps to help you move on. 

8. Text him

Okay, I’ve already told you to give him space and have limited contact with him.

However, there comes a time when you can start chatting to him again. And the best way to do this is through text.

In fact, one of the easiest ways you can win your ex boyfriend back is by simply sending him the right text messages.

Yes, it’s entirely possible to effectively “text your ex back”. Even if you thought that it was impossible to ever rekindle any sort of romance with him.

There are literally dozens of text messages you can send your guy that will compel him to keep texting you. And ultimately lead you guys back together.

But you need to have a plan of attack and send these messages right when he’s most likely to take them seriously. Only then do you induce a “fear of loss” within him.

Pro tip:

Try this “Jealousy” text.

— “I think it was a great idea that we decided to start dating other people. I do just want to be friends right now!” —

By saying this, you’re telling him that you’re actually dating other people right now… which will in turn make him jealous.

This is a good thing.

You’re communicating to him that you’re actually wanted by other guys. Men are attracted to women that are wanted by other guys. By saying that you’re dating around already, you’re pretty much saying that “it’s your loss, mister!”

After sending this text he’ll begin to feel attraction for you again, and that “fear of loss” will be triggered.

I learned about this text from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of women get their ex back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.

In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex boyfriend want you again.

No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.

Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex boyfriend back, this video will be incredibly helpful.

9. Ease back into it

After a while, when you feel strong enough to handle yourself in his presence and you have decided that you do, in fact, want him back, start slow.

There’s no need to jump back into what once was, mostly because it’ll never be that way again. That relationship has passed.

You are not just continuing on with your relationship, you are starting a new one. You are different people now and need to relearn to be together.

If you decide that you want him back, ask him to go out for a drink or dinner. Don’t just have him move back in.

Some professional counseling might be helpful in these situations if you have a lot of unresolved issues between you or if trust is a concern.

10. Work on yourself

While you keep him at bay and get a grip on your emotions, be sure to take care of yourself and figure out your next moves.

This could go on for a while, so there’s no need to let all that time go to waste wallowing over a guy.

Get out and have fun, hang out with friends, clean your apartment, take a road trip, buy yourself something nice.

Do things that make you feel good. Get back into projects you were putting off. Throw yourself into your work.

Whatever you do, don’t just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. That won’t turn the guy on.

Even if you ruined the relationship, acting like you didn’t will help you get to the next phase and over the heartache sooner.

11. What would a gifted advisor say?

The signs above and below in this article will give you a good idea of how to get him back. 

Even so, it can be very worthwhile to speak to a highly intuitive person and get guidance from them.

They can answer all sorts of relationship questions and take away your doubts and worries.

Like, is he really your soulmate? Are you meant to be with him?

I recently spoke to someone from Psychic Source after going through a rough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into where my life was going, including who I was meant to be with.

I was actually blown away by how kind, compassionate and knowledgeable they were.

Click here to get your own love reading.

In this love reading, a gifted advisor can tell you what to do to get him back, and most importantly empower you to make the right decisions when it comes to love.

12. Make a plan for the future together

If he comes back, don’t just let things slide. The point of breaking up is to shake things up and make you both realize that you want more.

So be more for each other. Talk about what this new version of your relationship looks like. Don’t settle. That’s important for both of you.

Don’t just come back together because you worry that there isn’t someone else out there for you.

If you want this relationship to work, you need to make a plan for the future together and you both have to be invested in making it work.

That’s not easy for some people and even if he comes back initially, it might not last.

Consider how serious you are about this relationship and what kind of work you are both willing to invest.

If it looks like you both want the same things, go for it. If not, at least you’ll know you can move on without regret.

13. Learn what he wants from a relationship

One of the best ways to get him back is do some reflection. What went right about your relationship, and most importantly, what went wrong?

You can’t repeat any mistakes from your past.

For women, I think it’s essential that they take some time to reflect on what really drives men in relationships.

Because men see the world differently to you and are motivated by different things when it comes to love.

Men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else —  or worst of all, someone else.

Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. He created an excellent free video explaining the concept.

You can watch the video here.

As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.

So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to be satisfied in a relationship. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.

How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose?

You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.

In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.

In his video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.

Here’s a link to the video again.

By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only supercharge his confidence but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.

14. Check all the boxes

Pay attention to the signs that your ex is warming up to you.

While you are working on yourself and your life, you’ll have lots of opportunities to pick up the phone and call him, but before you do that, and before you answer his calls, there are a few more things you should be mindful of in order to successfully get him to come back.

Make sure you haven’t talked to him in a full month.

Make sure you’ve gone on at least one date – even if it’s not really something you want to do, do it anyway.

Make sure you’ve put energy into improving yourself and figuring out your own life without him.

Make sure you believe you’ll be okay even if he doesn’t come back. Make sure you are feeling good about yourself.

When you can say that you’ve done all these things, you are ready to start taking his phone calls or answering his text messages.

By this time, you’ll be so far removed from him that you might not even want to get back together. Which brings us to the next point.

15. Decide if you want him back

You might think he’s holding all the cards, but the truth is that you get to decide what happens in your life. You don’t need to wait on this guy to make a move.

If you want him back, go get him. If not, let him down gently when he comes crawling back.

After a few weeks apart and no contact, he’s going to have lots to talk about, but you don’t have to hear any of it.

You get to decide. If you want him back, great, move forward together and live happily ever after. If you aren’t sure now, take the time you need to decide.

He doesn’t get to decide for you. You might be enjoying this new free lifestyle more than you thought you would.

It’s hard but you can get over your ex. 

I have a question for you…

Do you really want to get back with your ex?

If you answered ‘yes’, then you need a plan of attack to get him back.

I know you need this breakthrough guide on how to win your ex back so I’m sharing it with you now – and make sure to check it out.

Forget the naysayers who warn you never to get back with your ex. Or those who say your only option is to move on with your life. If you still love your ex, then getting back with him may be the best way forward.

The simple truth is that getting back with your ex can work.

There are 3 things to you need to do now that you’re broken up:

  1. Work out why you broke up in the first place
  2. Become a better version of yourself so you don’t end up in a broken relationship again
  3. Formulate a plan of attack to get him back.

If you want some help with number 3 (“the plan”), then Brad Browning’s The Ex Factor is the guide I always recommend. I’ve read the book cover to cover and I believe it’s the most effective guide to getting your ex back currently available.

If you want to learn more about his program, check out this free video by Brad Browning.

Getting your ex to say, “I made a huge mistake”

The Ex Factor isn’t for everyone.

In fact, it’s for a very specific person: a woman who has experienced a breakup and legitimately believes the breakup was a mistake.

This is a book that details a series of psychological, flirting, and (some would say) sneaky steps that a woman can take in order to win back their ex.

The Ex Factor has one goal: to help you win back an ex.

If you’ve been broken up with, and you want to take specific steps to make your ex think “hey, that person is actually amazing, and I made a mistake”, then this is the book for you.

That is the crux of this program: getting your ex to say “I made a huge mistake.”

As for numbers 1 and 2, then you’ll have to do some self-reflection on your own about that.

What else do you need to know?

Brad’s Browning’s program is easily the most comprehensive and effective guide to getting your ex back you’ll find online.

As a certified relationship counselor, and with decades of experience working with couples to repair broken relationships, Brad knows what he’s talking about. He offers dozens of unique ideas that I’ve never read anywhere else.

Brad claims that over 90% of all relationships can be salvaged, and while that may sound unreasonably high, I tend to think he’s on the money.

I’ve been in contact with too many Hack Spirit readers who are happily back with their ex to be a skeptic.

Here’s a link to Brad’s free video again. If you want a foolproof plan to actually get your ex back, then Brad will give you one.

FREE eBook: 4 Steps to Starting Over With An Ex

Do you want to get back with your ex?

Then you need to check out our FREE eBook, The Ex Back Handbook.

We have one goal in mind with this book: to help you win back an ex (for good!).

If you want a foolproof plan to reverse your break up, you’re going to love this guide.

Check it out here.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.


Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the Hack Spirit review team. In our reviews, Hack Spirit highlights products and services that you might find interesting. If you buy them, we receive a small commission from that sale. However, we only ever recommend products that we have personally investigated and truly feel could be valuable to you. Read our affiliate disclosure here. We welcome your feedback at [email protected].

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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