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How to get a guy to ask you out: 16 ways to get him to make a move

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You’ve found the guy you really want to date. You’ve seen him around, maybe chatted to him a few times. You might have mutual friends.

Perhaps he even bought you a drink when you bumped into him in a bar last week and you’re pretty sure there’s a bit of a vibe between you.

But he just won’t ask you out, so how do you get him to do it?

In this article, we’re going to give you 16 sneaky but foolproof ways to get that dream guy and get on the date you’ve been waiting for.

Not all of these tips will work for you. The right way to get a guy is the way that suits you and your personality.

There’s no point setting up your ideal date only for your man to find out you’re not the person he thought you were.

Be honest and real and choose the tips that match who you are. Do that and you’ll be on the right track to develop things to a second date, and beyond.

How to get a guy to ask you out: 16 essential tips

1) Think body language

If you don’t want to ask him with actual language, ask him with body language. The way you move, sit, and stand are all vital means of communication.

You know how if you’re chatting to someone you like (or even on a date with them) and you get that weird feeling that they’re definitely not that into you?

That’s down to body language.

Even if you’re not conscious of anything specific, that vibe you get that they can’t wait to be anywhere else is all because of body language. And it works the other way around too.

To show your guy that you’re interested and want them to ask you out, make sure you look at him and keep eye contact (don’t stare, but maybe use just a little more eye contact than you’re comfortable with).

You might think that looking away or at your shoes is being cute and coy. He’ll just think you want to get away from him. Angle yourself towards him, keeping your arms away from your chest and your feet pointed towards him.

Crossing your arms across your body and your feet pointed away from his body looks defensive.

Finally, and this is the scary bit, touch him. Not in a creepy way but just brush his arm lightly when you go to pick up your drink, or if you stand up.

If he’s starting to think the same way as you, that little touch will make him think you might just be feeling the same. And that might be all he needs to ask you on a date.

2) Make him feel like a hero

If you want to get a guy to ask you out, then you need to tap into his primal instincts. Something he desperately needs. What is it?

For any guy to fall for a woman, he needs to feel like her provider and protector. He needs to feel genuinely admired. In other words, he needs to feel like your hero.

I know it sounds a little ridiculous. After all, you’re an independent woman. You don’t need a man to be your “hero” and rescue you! And look, I couldn’t agree more.

But the ironic truth is this:

Men still need to feel like a hero.

Because it’s built into their biology to seek out relationships that allow them to fulfill the role of being a provider and protector. Your man has a thirst for admiration and he wants to step up to the plate to protect you.

Therefore, if you can make him feel like a hero, it will unleash his protective instinct and he’ll have no choice but to ask you out.

Most importantly, it will unleash his deepest feelings of love and attraction.

And the kicker? He won’t ask you out if this thirst isn’t satisfied.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It was coined “the hero instinct” by relationship psychologist James Bauer.

In his latest free video, James reveals the phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct.

And because no man can resist a woman who makes him feel like a hero, it’s worth learning a few of these emotional trigger points.

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again.

Top tip:

If you can trigger this instinct successfully, you’ll see the results immediately.

When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed relationship with you.

The hero instinct is a subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make them feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, I think this is one of them.

That’s why I recommend watching this free online video where you can learn more about the hero instinct and how to trigger it in your guy.

3) Be confident

We all know confidence is attractive. Everyone tells you this.

But when you’re desperate for your perfect guy to ask you on the perfect date? You’re full of self-doubt and finding it really hard to feel confident.

If you don’t feel confident, act it. If you appear confident, your guy will think you’re the kind of person who’ll be fun on a date, with lots of good stories to tell.

You’ll be the person who’s willing to head out on an adventure rather than spending the night in front of the TV. Confident people are fun, together, and successful.

You don’t have to have a glittering career or a white-water rafting hobby to be considered confident.

A few simple changes to the way you think and talk about yourself will make you feel confident instantly.

  1. Stand tall. Confident people aren’t afraid to fill a bit of space. If you’re always slouched, you look like you’re trying to shrink or like you don’t really deserve to be where you are.
  2. Stop worrying about what he thinks. If he doesn’t end up asking you on a date? So what, there are lots of others out there. Have the confidence to make it clear you like him, without worrying about whether he does or not.
  3. Speak clearly. Own your words. Stop caring about whether he likes your stories or not. Tell them anyway and let things happen naturally.

QUIZ: “Does he like me?” Every woman has asked this question at least once about a guy. I’ve put together a fun quiz to help you figure out whether he likes you. Take my quiz here.

4) Laugh together

Just about every dating ad out there specifies “a sense of humor” as a must-have. Why?

Because people want to laugh. Laughing brings us closer together and is a big part of your developing bond with your intended man.

If you’re not up for leaping right in with a joke, try and sound out your guy’s sense of humor by talking about your favourite funny TV show.

If you’re right for each other, he’s probably going to say “I love that too”. And then you’ll have the perfect way to make him laugh by talking about your favorite episodes and characters.

What if he doesn’t like the same shows as you?

It might not mean you’re doomed. At least by asking the question, you have an insight into what he does find funny and you’ll know where you can find some common ground.

A date with someone where you debate the relative merits of the things you both love can be just as fun as one where you talk about how you both love the same things.

5) Drink together (but only a little bit)

There’s a reason so many people hook up at parties and in bars: alcohol.

We’re not about to suggest that you go out and try and get blind drunk. That’s never a good idea. But if you like an occasional drink, try and have one or two with your man.

A small amount of alcohol might just give him the courage he needs to ask you out.

Even if it doesn’t give him that courage at the time, you’ll probably both have loosened up a bit over your drink, laughed a bit, and maybe got a little physically closer than you might have otherwise done.

Just make sure you choose the right drink. This probably isn’t the time for a Long Island iced tea or a gassy beer.

Since most dates start with a drink, having just the one with the guy you want a date with gives him a good idea of what a real date with you will be like.

And that might just be all you need to get a second date.

6) Believe that you look amazing

Attraction is not, of course, simply about the way you look. But there’s no question it’s a factor. And it’s not just about making yourself look more appealing to him.

It’s about making sure you feel like the super-hot goddess you know you really are (and if you don’t, make sure you start).

If you know you’re likely to see your guy, make sure that this isn’t the day you wear your scruffiest jeans or that you just scrape back your hair.

You don’t have to go all out to dress up (save that for the date) but it’s good to do whatever makes you feel confident and sexy.

That’s going to be different for everyone. If you’re a jeans and cute t-shirt girl, wear your favourite jeans and your cutest t-shirt.

If you’re all about heels and classic dresses, wear those.

Do your hair however makes you feel happiest..but make sure it hasn’t gone months without a visit to the salon.

Don’t go too heavy on the makeup, especially if it’s daytime, but do wear just enough that you feel hot.

Give him a flavor of the real you, just on your very best day. And, though he’s not going to get to see it yet, wear nice underwear.

Nothing will make you feel sexier than knowing you have your best undies on, even though he doesn’t know about them.

The confidence that you will ooze from you while you’re wearing them will have him dying to know more.

7) Talk about the things you love to do

If the two of you are going to have a successful date together, you’re going to need to have something in common.

Talk to him about your hobbies, your favorite movies, the things you love to eat. Anything and everything that will help him get to know you better.

With any luck, you’ll find that he loves some of the exact same things that you do. You’ll have an easy conversation starter and maybe an idea for an amazing first date.

But if you don’t, that doesn’t really matter. Studies show that shared interests aren’t really all that important in a relationship.

You can love completely different things, as long as you both respect each others’ choices about what you like to do.

The other reason to talk about what you love is that you’ll look super attractive.

When people talk about the things they’re passionate about or about the best times they’ve had, they tend to look sexier than ever.

Think about how someone who really cares about what they’re talking about looks and how they can draw a crowd at a party.

This is just a 1:1 version of the same thing. When he can see the spark in your eyes when you talk about your passions, he’ll be hooked.

8) Drop some hints

Even if you’ve done everything above, your guy might still be feeling a bit uncertain about whether you’re into him or not.

Perhaps he is even waiting for you to ask him out.

And, since no one likes to be turned down, that means he might still be on the fence about asking you out.

If you think that’s the case, try and be a bit less subtle. Steer your conversation around directly to the subject of dating and relationships.

You’ll have to be a bit brave, but it might just be the only way to get that date.

You could talk about how you’re single, and how you miss having someone to cook your favorite dinner for.

Or you could ask him what his perfect date would be. He’ll be in no doubt what you want him to do next.

If you really can’t do it, try and talk to his friends. If he’s into you, they’ll know about it. They might even have been looking for a way to help him out.

Find a friend or two of his that you think you can trust, and tell them straight out that you’re interested.

If the feeling’s mutual, the information is guaranteed to get back to your guy and you’ll have your date.

9) Ask him

When all else fails, just ask him.

Just like you, your guy might be feeling scared of being rejected if he asks you. He might not be 100% sure you like him. He might not be certain you’re single.

All those thoughts going through your head right now, are also going through his.

If you really want him, you’ll have to be brave. And there’s a good chance he’ll absolutely love you for it.

Many modern guys just aren’t into the whole alpha male/beta female thing. They want a confident girl who doesn’t mind making the first move.

Why not be that girl?

10) Don’t try too hard

The blunt truth is that we can all smell desperation a mile off.

I’m not suggesting that you are in any way desperate but none of us want our natural interest in someone to mistakenly ever come across that way either.

There’s actually a good reason why the whole concept of a guy liking “the chase” exists.

Ok, so clearly you want this guy in question to up the chasing and actually get around to asking you out. But the whole romance and dating thing often feel like this weird and subtle dance, because it kind of is.

We want to give signals that we’re interested in someone, without overdoing it and coming on a bit too strong.

Why? It actually comes down to some basic psychology over how we’re all wired.

The reality is that we usually back off a bit when something feels too much on offer. Whilst you might think that something being easy is a good thing, it can feel too easy for a guy.

If he knows he can have you whenever he wants, there’s less of a thrill in getting you.

He’s not being some kind of sexist pig — all of us find things that are harder to get a bit more attractive. It’s even backed by science.

That means if it seems like someone is too available, we’re a bit suss.

You don’t need to play any games, or try to be “hard to get”, but remember to keep your cool as much as you can when you’re around him.

“DOES HE LIKE ME?” QUIZ: If you don’t know whether a guy likes you, you need real and honest advice. My new quiz will help you figure it out. Take the quiz here.

11) Enlist the help of your friends

This one is obviously only going to work assuming you have friends or maybe even colleagues in common.

Your bestie showing up at his house to “big you up” is going to look beyond mental if he’s never even met her.

But a well-placed wingwoman can be really helpful. They can subtly test the water for you.

It’s easier for them to steer things in the right direction because they’re not as invested as you are in how they’ll come across.

If you “bump” into this guy somewhere — like a bar or coffee shop — they can suggest you should all go grab a drink or invite him to that party on Saturday night.

Creating a casual opportunity for you too to hang out in a relaxed way buys you more time to get to know each other and for things to develop.

That fact that you haven’t been the one to suggest these hangouts allows you to keep your cool or save face if he turns it down.

On a quick side note — I wouldn’t recommend getting a hot single friend to be your wingwoman on this one. Because that could get very messy and quickly backfire.

I say this as someone whose friend (trying to be “helpful”) once approached a girl at a bar to chat to her because he knew I was interested  — and she just ended up talking to him all night.

But a friend who is already in a relationship or a guy friend is perfect for this particular mission.

12) Talk about your plans and what you’re up to

You don’t have to give him a full rundown of your entire schedule but you can mention in conversation some of your plans.

Obviously, avoid the less sexy itinerary of staying in on Friday night to do your laundry. But if you’re doing something fun soon, let him know.

Maybe there’s a movie you really want to catch or a band that you’re planning on going to see.

Not only does this show him that you have a life and you’re an exciting person to be around, but you’re also giving him an in — if he wants to see the latest blockbuster or loves that band too.

It also won’t hurt to subtly let him know when you’re free.

For example, on Monday’s you usually go and have brunch because it’s your day off and you were thinking of checking out the new place down the street that’s just opened up. Has he been?

Or if you happen to meet him at the local bar, telling him that “I love this place, I always come for happy hour on a Friday”.

When he knows your habits, he can more easily orchestrate a way of seeing you again.

13) Be happy and positive around him

I know that when I’m a bit nervous, I can actually come across as a bit miserable.

I probably overthink things and rather than letting my personality shine, I dial myself down at precisely the moment I need to be radiating some good vibes.

Happy, positive people are really attractive. We want to be around them.

Clearly complaining or being stony-faced in public is a total turn-off and something we want to avoid anytime — but especially when you’re around someone you really like.

One of the reasons that people can become instantly more attractive when they’ve got a boyfriend is that they give off this radiance. Life is good and it’s obvious from how they behave — which is totally sexy.

A guy can’t resist a carefree girl who is optimistic, her good energy is just contagious.

If you want to make sure he needs another dose of that feeling, be the type of person who loves life.

14) Keep things a bit flirty

Getting to know someone before you go on a date can be a really good thing. It gives you some time to build a rapport and work out what you have in common.

The danger that we all want to avoid is accidentally sliding into the friend zone.

Sometimes we don’t always even know how it happened. We thought things were building nicely, and then it just doesn’t go any further. We seem to have got stuck.

To avoid the dreaded friend zone you want to keep the chemistry flowing.

You want him to keep on seeing you as a potential mate and not a wonderful friend.

Flirting is great to inject a spark into the conversation, to let them know you are not trying to simply be his buddy.

In a similar way, it helps him to see that there is a potential sexual connection going on here and he’s not reading things wrong.

Us guys are often nervous about making a mistake, we don’t want him to misinterpret your warmth if you were just being friendly.

Hopeless are flirting? Don’t panic, it’s not as hard as you might think. Check out this article to have you flirting like a pro in no time.

15) Ask for his help or advice

Asking him to help you out with something can be a really good way to get his attention so that he’ll ask you out. It partly goes back to the whole hero instinct I talked about earlier.

You’re showing him that he is valuable to you. This signals that you respect him, and his opinions and skills are impressive to you.

That’s going to give him an instant sense of pride.

On top of that, if you need his help with something, you’re giving him the opportunity to volunteer his services and create another chance to spend some time together.

Blame our egos but a guy usually does love a damsel in distress. We get a chance to prove our worth to you and show off our skills.

So if he’s a whizz with computers, knows everything there is to know about cars or makes the best spag bol ever — why not flatter him by seeking his help.

16) Compliment him

All those things that you like to hear from someone you’re interested in, us guys like to hear too.

Don’t assume that cool bedhead hair happened all by itself — we often put just as much time and effort into trying to look good as you probably do.

Saying something nice won’t go unnoticed because we’re usually even more deprived of compliments.

Your friend might tell you she absolutely loves your dress, but I can’t really remember a time when any of my buddies have commented on something I’m wearing unless they were jerking around.

Us guys need praise just as much.

That’s why hearing that you like his shirt, his shoes, or his aftershave is going to show him you’re paying attention.

A little bit of well-placed flattery will go a long way.

To conclude…

There is no easy way to get a guy to ask you out. Not every guy is going to be brave enough to just come out with an invite right away.

He might be feeling unsure of whether you like him or just not wanting to come across as a sleaze.

Or maybe he just needs a bit of persuasion to realize how awesome you are.

You can keep on trying to engineer meetings and hoping he’ll eventually ask you, or you can make sure he knows exactly what you’re feeling right now.

  • Use body language. Stop trying to be cute and coy. Use open body language and even the odd brush against his arm.
  • Be confident. Easier said than done, but he won’t want to date someone who doesn’t look like they’re happy in their own skin.
  • Laugh. If you can laugh together, he’ll know you’re good date material.
    Have a drink. Just the one will do, but just enough for you both to let your guard down a little.
  • Look amazing. You don’t have to dress up to the nines, but be your best self when you see him…right down to your underwear.
  • Talk about your favorite things. Show him that you’re a passionate person with lots to talk about.
  • Drop hints. You don’t have to be subtle.
  • Ask him out. When he won’t ask you, it’s time for you to ask him.
  • Don’t come on too strong. Let him do some of the work too. Don’t end up chasing him.
  • Get a wing-woman. Ask a good friend to support your mission with some subtle backup to big you up.
  • Let him know what you’re up to. Keep him informed about any exciting plans you have.
  • Be happy. There’s nothing sexier.
  • Flirt. Let him know that you want to be more than just friends.
  • Ask for his help. Enlist his expertise to make him feel valued.
  • Flatter him. Show you’re interested with a few little compliments.

Getting a date with your dream guy isn’t always easy. But if you really want him, it’s worth the effort. Make a plan and then go for it.

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Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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