How to get a girlfriend: 17 tips alpha males won’t tell you

There are nearly 7 billion people in the world. Why is it so hard to find someone who you can love and who can love you back?

And why does it seem like some guys get all the girls? Is it that they are smarter? Sexier? Funnier?

You might be surprised to find that it could actually be none of those things.

When it comes to getting a girlfriend, there are a few things you can do to turn the tide in your favor.

Here are what some guys do to make girls fall in love with them.

Give them a try next time someone catches your eye and before you know it, you might be saying I love you, too.

1) Learn to be comfortable with yourself

Nobody likes a try hard.

If you’re uncomfortable with yourself – and the sole reason you’re looking for a girlfriend is to boost your own self-esteem – then I’m sorry to say, you’re going to come across as desperate, needy and lacking in self-confidence.

A man is much more attractive when he’s comfortable being himself.

If you can accept who you are and you’re comfortable in your own skin, you’ll be much more attractive to women.

No female wants to be “needed”. It’s too much pressure to begin with.

2) Your body language is everything

The first thing women notice about you is your body language: the way you walk into a room or how you interact with the people in it.

Here’s something most guys have never considered:

When you say a girl’s “hot” you’re probably talking about the shape of her face and body:

  • Her beautiful eyes, soft skin and full lips…
  • The curve of hips…
  • The swell of her chest…

These shapes and curves combine to make you feel turned on and drawn to her…

But when women say a GUY is hot they’re not talking about the shape of his body or face. Most of the time they’re talking about his body language.

In a recent study, women looked at pictures of men and rated their attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10.

But the researchers did something sneaky.

Among the hundreds of pictures the women flipped through they slipped in multiple pictures of the same men.

They were standing and sitting in different positions. And with slightly different facial expressions.

Amazingly, women would rate the same man differently depending on how he held himself.

One way of standing would get him ratings of “5” or “6”. And a seemingly minor adjustment would give the same guy ratings of “9” or “10”

That’s because women are highly tuned into the signals a man’s body is giving off…

They get an “overall impression” of a guy’s attractiveness and think of him as either “hot” or “not” based on these body language signals.

Watch this excellent free video by Kate Spring.

Kate’s a relationship expert who helped me improve my own body language around women.

In this free video, she gives you several body language techniques like this guaranteed to help you better attract women.

Here’s a link to the video again.

3) Look to be friends first

Most guys try for a quick hookup. They want to get that kiss, or into bedroom action as quickly as they can.

But what happens? They fail, come across as a sleaze and never see that girl again.

A better strategy is just to become friends. Get to know them. Let them get to know you.

Don’t worry about hook-ups or taking things further. Just build a connection. You’ll get better at talking to women and understanding them as well.

4) Get good at approaching girls

If you see a girl that you find somewhat attractive, then approach her.

You’ll be anxious. I know. Every guy is. This is because of something called “approach anxiety”.

But the more approaches you do, the easier it will become and the better you’ll become at it.

You could simply say “hello” and introduce yourself. Or you could use an “indirect opener”.
This involves asking a question like, “Where is the nearest Starbucks?” Or you could get their opinion on something.

You could also be more direct and tell them how you really feel. If you think they’re the most beautiful girl you’ve seen that day, don’t be afraid to let them know.

In the end, if you want to get a girlfriend, you need to meet them first.

QUIZ: Is astrological compatibility a thing? Maybe Probably not. But your girl reads her horoscope and probably knows your one. To help you get inside her head, I’ve created a fun new Zodiac quiz for men. Check it out here.

5) Be a fun conversationalist

Women are interested in guys who can actually talk to them.

It doesn’t matter if you’re into movies, video games, sports, politics, or food – the point is to have topics in your arsenal that you feel comfortable with.

You don’t have to be the smartest guy in the room to be a great conversationalist.

If you have something passionate about (bonus points if she has no idea what it is), share it with her and use it as a conversation point.

It lets her know that you have your own set of interests and hobbies, making you look more interesting.

If you’re struggling to find things to talk about with a girl, seek out a personal connection between the two of you.

It could be something as innocuous as you both like diet Sprite or that you grew up in the same neighborhood. It honestly doesn’t matter.

Developing a seemingly small personal connection off the bat is the perfect icebreaker and generates an instant bond between the two of you.

Even if you leave the room, she’ll remember you and the conversation will stick in her head.

Let’s face it: Initial conversations with women can be tough. However, you can turn a potential awkward moment into a moment of connection simply by finding common ground with them.

I learned this technique from Kate Spring. She’s a best selling author and is considered to be one of the best dating coaches in the world.

In her free video, Kate gives you several techniques like this guaranteed to help you better attract women.

You can watch the video here.

6) Use dating apps like Tinder

These apps are incredibly popular for a reason. It’s a great way to meet girls. All you have to do is create a profile with some of your best pictures and then start swiping.

Don’t use any “selfie” photos. Try to use photos where you are smiling and doing something outdoors.

Don’t try and be too direct or flirty. Just be a nice guy and get to know who you’re chatting to.

Once you feel like you’ve chatted enough, ask them out for a coffee. The more dates you have, the better you’ll get at holding conversations with the opposite sex.

7) Don’t worry about rejection

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Roman Kosolapov

Everyone has a fear of rejection. But you need to remember that it’s extremely irrational.

Failure literally doesn’t matter. It’s a stepping stone to success.

Approach girls and don’t be afraid if they reject you or don’t want to talk to you. It’s happened to every guy.

Remember, it’s hardly ever about you. Perhaps she has a boyfriend, or perhaps she’s a lesbian. Whatever it is, don’t worry about getting rejected and get on with life.

8) Learn to genuinely compliment her

Girls love a compliment: as long as it’s genuine. Don’t use canned routines where you say the same things to each girl.

Be honest. Say what you really think in the moment. If it comes from a place of integrity, she’ll absolutely love it.

Keep in mind that there’s always something to compliment someone on. Whether it’s their clothes, their style, or their personality, think outside the box and let them know why you think they’re awesome.

9) Ask questions and be genuinely interested in what she has to say

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Dmytro Zinkevych

It can be tempting to try your hand at impressing a girl when you’re on a date.

A lot of guys try to talk themselves up so they’re “worthy” to pick up the girl they’re on a date with. Don’t be like that. It comes from a place of insecurity and girls don’t find that attractive.

Instead, listen to her, ask questions and get to know her for who she is. Not only is it more interesting for you, but you’ll come across as more interesting yourself.

It’s a great way to separate yourself from the egotistical guys that just talk about themselves.

Most girls love talking about themselves, and listening and asking interesting questions is a great strategy to prolong the conversation and build rapport.

(If you want to get a girlfriend, you need to carry yourself like a man. Check out our new The Tao of Badass review and learn how to develop unshakable confidence in yourself).

10) Dress well

No you don’t have to wear a suit. You don’t have to try too hard. But you can make an effort look clean and somewhat hip.

Don’t wear clothes that are 10 years old. Go to a clothes shop and buy some new clothes that actually fit you.

If you’re really not a stylish guy, keep in mind that all you need to do is buy jeans, and a plain white or black t-shirt. As long as they’re new, they fit you well (not too baggy), it will be absolutely fine.

And while you’re at it, get a haircut as well!

11) Don’t spend too much time on your messages

When you’re messaging girls, or you’re using tinder, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut of constantly thinking about your messages.

I’ve been there and it’s a total waste of time. Yes, you shouldn’t just write one word responses, but you shouldn’t spend too long on them either.

If you’re messaging a girl, just focus on keeping the conversation going long enough that you can organize a date.

If you’ve already spent enough time building rapport, then ask her out and meet her. Don’t spend too much time flirting in messages. Nothing beats a face-to-face interaction.

12) Don’t try to lock down another date

Towards the end of the first date, it can be tempting to try lock down another date. After all, if you don’t do it now, when will it ever happen?

Instead of looking desperate, just kiss her on the cheek and say “I had a great time tonight, let’s do it again sometime”.

This will get her wondering and will keep her hooked. You don’t want to appear too easy, especially in the early stages of dating. Everybody loves the thrill of the chase and girls are no different.

QUIZ: Is astrological compatibility a thing? Maybe Probably not. But your girl reads her horoscope and probably knows your one. To help you get inside her head, I’ve created a fun new Zodiac quiz for men. Check it out here.

13) Don’t be afraid to show you care for her

Image Credit: Shutterstock – By adriaticfoto

When it comes to showing their emotions, guys aren’t typically known for being good at this.

But when it comes to getting girls to fall head over heels in love, all a guy really needs to do is show his lady friend that he really cares about her.

So how do you do that?

It’s simple really, which makes it harder still to understand why some guys just don’t do it.

Ask her questions about her day, work, life, friends, family. And ask follow-up questions.

Take a genuine interest in what she is talking about and provide your own insight into her troubles.

Don’t assume anything and don’t tell her she “should” do anything. It’s not about being in the friend zone, it’s about showing you care.

Listening is the key to success here and if she feels like you are a good listener, you are golden.

Caring about someone means caring what happens to them, what their dreams are, what they want to improve about themselves, and where they want to go.

It means really listening and not just being present. It can be shown with simple actions such as showing up with lunch after a text from her that says it’s been a long morning.

It could be bringing a coffee after a rough night of tossing and turning with a cold.

It doesn’t make much to show a woman you care.

14) Don’t be afraid to show your quirky and fun side

When you ask a woman what she wants in a man, she’ll tell you she wants tall, dark and handsome – because that is what the movies tell us we should be attracted to.

In reality, women want a guy that they can be themselves around and that they can feel safe with, regardless of what they look like.

In order to feel like they can relax and be themselves, women need to see that guys can relax and be themselves.

While everyone loves a good mystery man, real women love a guy who shows his good and bad side, with a side of quirky thrown in for good measure.

Making someone fall in love with you is easy when they can see the real you. Even if you have a bad teenage mustache and lanky legs, there’s a girl for you.

Play up your weirdness and don’t be afraid to be yourself. While it might seem awkward, being yourself is the best way to win a woman’s heart.

After all, it’s so hard to be someone you are not and even the best of us can’t keep up that charade for long.

15) Get outside your comfort zone and start doing things she enjoys

If the girl you are crushing on loves to ride bikes but you are afraid of looking like fool, get yourself a bike and start practicing.

There’s nothing wrong with showing interest in an activity because the girl of your dreams has an interest in it.

In fact, it’s kind of romantic.

And what a fun story: “how did you meet each other?” someone might ask one day. You’ll be able to say, “I saw her riding her bike in the park every day and decided I needed to learn how to ride my bike again. We crashed, maybe on purpose, and the rest is history!”

If you think a girl is out of your league, you can decide that is true, or you can go out and learn the thing it is you need to get in front of her.

It doesn’t make much to get a woman’s attention when you are hurtling toward her on a bicycle that may or may not be your cousin’s bike.

If she’s into dancing, go dancing. If she’s into race cars, find her at the track. If she’s into scrapbooking… well, get your glue out.

16) Learn about her for who she truly is

So what if she still listens to Green Day and owns a plaid shirt that she wears on the weekends as a throw back to her garageband days?

If you are into her, you are into everything about her.

But the only way to know that is to get to know her and what her interests are.

Many people will say you can fake it til you make it in relationships. In order words, if you know she’s into a band, get tickets to the band, even if they aren’t your cup of tea.

You get to bump into her and strike up a conversation about the gnarly guitar playing – or whatever. You get the idea.

The point is that if you take an interest in what she likes, she’ll be yours before you know it.

And even if it doesn’t work out, you might have a cool friend who can teach you how to play guitar on the weekends.

17) Bring another girl along and make her jealous

A couple bonding. Signs he respects you.

One of the oldest and easiest ways to get a girl’s attention – at least according to some – is to hook up with someone else.

While it is not the most adult or wise way to gain the affection of your lady friend, it does work sometimes.

If you have been trying to hook up with a girl for a while and it’s just not happening, be sure to arrive at that concert with a woman on your arm and you might find that the tables will turn.

Of course, then you have the issue of having to off load one partner for another, but that’s an article for another day.

Play your cards right and play hard to get and you might find yourself with the woman you always wanted.


Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the Hack Spirit review team. In our reviews, Hack Spirit highlights products and services that you might find interesting. If you buy them, we receive a small commission from that sale. However, we only ever recommend products that we have personally investigated and truly feel could be valuable to you. Read our affiliate disclosure here. We welcome your feedback at

FREE eBook: The Female Mind Control Handbook

Let’s face it: Being good looking can be helpful when it comes to women.

However, much more important is how you carry yourself around them. Because it doesn’t matter what you look like or how wealthy you are…

…if you’re short, fat, bald, or stupid.

Any man can learn some simple techniques that tap into the primal desires of women.

If you want to learn exactly what they are, check out Kate Spring’s FREE eBook here.

Kate reveals the most effective method I’ve come across to attract women and make them yours.

Here’s a link to the free eBook again.

Check it out here.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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