When it comes to attracting a girl you like, I’m sure you’ve heard enough advice like “be confident” or “wear cool clothes” for one lifetime.
But if you’re looking for some practical strategies that work, then you’ll love this post.
It’s an actionable 10 point cheat-sheet you can use to get any girl to like you.
1) Look neat and clean
As much as you might not want to admit it, physical appearance is undoubtedly essential.
Now it’s certainly not the be all and end all of attracting a woman, but if you look good, it’s going to make it a whole lot easier.
According to Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. in Psychology Today, grooming can make or break your attractiveness:
“Take some time to care for yourself. Shower, style your hair, and shave or trim where you need to. Be clean, neat, and smell good too. Grooming alone can make (or break) your attractiveness – and all it takes is a bit of time, effort, and a toothbrush!”
While you can’t change your genetics, you can make sure your well groomed and in shape.
This means wearing clothes that fit you properly, getting a haircut, shaving (or making your beard look clean), and showering.
Try to stay in shape too. Work out regularly by lifting weights, running and anything that works up a sweat.
You don’t have to look like the hulk, either. Most girls don’t like that anyway.
So try to get fit, not thick.
2) Let her talk
Rather than try to guess what’s going on with her, ask questions, and then listen. Really listen. Give her the space she needs to speak her truth and be interested in it.
You’ll get to know her better and as Stephen Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, you’ll give them “psychological air”.
“Empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with. Instead of projecting your own autobiography and assuming thoughts, feelings, motives and interpretation, you’re dealing with the reality inside another person’s head and heart. You’re listening to understand. You’re focused on receiving the deep communication of another human soul.”
She’ll know you’re for real because she’ll feel supported and she’ll feel like you are listening.
If you are someone who listens to her, you’ll never have a problem getting her to love you.
Women want to be with men who get them and listen to them.
And you have to be able to talk to her for you to get to know her.
You don’t have to try and pick her up right away. Getting a girl to like you can take time.
The bottom line is this:
If you try to become her friend, you’ll come across as less sleazy and more trustworthy.
Try highlighting your interests and hobbies and find something that you have in common. This is your gateway to rapport and building a friendship.
Girls don’t really fall for random strangers. It just doesn’t happen that often. This is why it’s much better to make an effort to be friends with them first.
3) No two women are the same
Stop believing everything you read about women in general and start paying attention to what makes her unique.
Generalizations, like many you read online these days, are dangerous ways to approach relationships and even people in general.
Because every single human on the planet is different – and in many cases, dramatically different – you can’t follow the advice that generalizes how to make people fall in love with you.
Instead, focus on her as her own person, and you’ll get much farther in a relationship than most people.
FBI behavior expert Robin Dreeke says that the number one strategy he keeps at the forefront of his mind when he talks to anyone is non-judgmental validation:
“Seek someone else’s thoughts and opinions without judging them. People do not want to be judged in any thought or opinion that they have or in any action that they take. It doesn’t mean you agree with someone. Validation is taking the time to understand what their needs, wants, dreams and aspirations are.”
4) Look beyond what you see
If you want to have any chance in hell in getting a woman to fall in love with you, you need to look beyond what you see on the surface and be willing to see things about her that maybe she doesn’t even see.
You aren’t looking for flaws to point out, but rather wonderful things about her personality and interests that she might be too busy to think about or give attention to.
According to Hara Estroff Marano in Psychology Today, learning how to give compliments are “not only a powerful social skill; it is one of the most fundamental.” She says “they must be genuine” and that the “more specific, the better”.
If you point out how wonderful these things are and how they are an important part of who she is, she’ll be hooked on your every word.
5) Make her laugh
Making a girl laugh is crucial if you want to attract them. There’s no getting around it.
Researchers at an American university discovered that when two strangers meet, the more times a man tries to be funny and a woman laughs, the more likely she is to be interested in dating.
This doesn’t just mean telling witty jokes and stories, it also means being fun.
Keep the vibe relaxed: If you’re too serious or intense, you’ll kill the vibe.
Try to be relaxed and non-judgmental. If you make her feel comfortable, she’ll more easily be able to laugh.
Prepare yourself to laugh as well. If you smile and loosen up, it will enhance the vibe and you’ll become more attractive yourself.
Also, try learning how to be self-deprecating. This is the ability to laugh at yourself.
Gently mock yourself will show your sense of humor and that you don’t take yourself too seriously.
For example, you could talk about your poor choice of clothes or your terrible drinking skill.
Whatever is, lighten the mood and have some fun.
Flirting is key to attracting a girl.
Because the factor of the matter is this:
If you only focus on becoming her friend, then you might get stuck in the friend zone. You need to remind her that you’re attractive yourself.
One easy way to flirt is to compliment them genuinely.
Don’t compliment them on something that’s everyone else notices. Focus on something you know they’ve put effort into, like their hair or their outfit.
The more unique and genuine your compliment is, the more they’ll notice.
Flirting can also be seen with body language as well. Make sure you smile and laugh. This is a great way to lift the sexual vibes.
Dr. Monica Moore, a psychologist at Webster University says smiling is among the best flirting tactics that signals interest.
Another part of flirting is holding eye contact.
A study published in the Journal of Reseach in Personality found that 2 minutes of direct eye contact resulted in increased feelings of attraction.
The longer the conversation goes, the more opportunity you’ll have to be playful. And a great way to show this person that you aren’t afraid to be playful is by teasing.
Studies have shown using humor in conversations makes a person appear as more likeable, and telling jokes can bring a sense of calm to the conversation during the flirting process.
Tease them about a silly joke, or about the drink they chose, or even about a story they just shared with you.
There’s a very fine line between playful teasing and offensive teasing. When you don’t really know the person yet, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
7) Impress her
In order for her to like you, you’re going to have to impress her somehow.
However, don’t automatically think that this means money and nice material possessions. Some girls simply won’t be impressed by that. They’ll think your lame, superficial and boring.
She could be impressed by your honesty, your authenticity, or the fact you’re well-spoken.
For long relationships, studies have found that women tend to prefer altruistic men who are kind and do good deeds.
Whatever it is, if you work on yourself and you’re happy with who you are, then it’s more likely she’ll be impressed with something about you.
8) Touch her…in a friendly way
You don’t have to be a sleaze about it, but if you can touch her in a friendly and comforting way, you’ll be far more likely to build rapport and attraction.
For example, you can offer a hand when she has to jump over a step, or you could give her a nice, warm hug when you meet her.
If she’s worried about something, you can put your hand lightly on her shoulder.
Keep the touching light and not too direct, and it’ll go a long way to building attraction and comfort.
One study suggests that “touch alone allows the emergence of somatovisceral resonance…which in turn is likely to form the prerequisites for emotional contagion and empathy.”
9) Agree to disagree
When you are courting your love interest, it’s best to not upset the status quo with topics that spark fury or debate.
When you first meet someone, you want to appear as trusting and compassionate as possible.
“The more agreeable someone is, the more likely they are to be trusting, helpful and compassionate,” LiveScience says, while “disagreeable people are cold and suspicious of others, and they’re less likely to cooperate.”
While it’s important that you are authentic and act like your true self, if your goal is to get her to fall in love with you, you want to appear as agreeable as possible to her.
That doesn’t mean you should let her walk all over you, but it does mean letting her have the odd (or majority) win in conversations where matters of the heart are concerned.
10) Give her space
Even though you are working hard to get her to fall in love with you, remember that distance makes the heart grow fonder.
If you want to find out how she feels about you, take some time apart and you’ll soon find out how she feels about you and your relationship.
If you are there all the time she can’t know what it’s like when you aren’t around.
Give her the chance to find out and then she’ll come around to the idea that she wants you around more often.
Be careful with playing too hard to get, though.
Research indicates that playing hard to get is a useful strategy…under the right conditions.
Put simply, it may work when your potential partner is already interested and already thinks you’re likable and “nice” but not yet passionate about you.
In this scenario, being a bit of a challenge can improve their perception of your value as a lover and motivated them to chase you.
After all, when someone is denied something they want, they tend to desire it more.
However, if your potential partner is not yet interested in you, playing hard to get can backfire.
11) Take your time
While you might be dying to be in a relationship and to have a woman fall in love with you, take your time to choose the right woman.
The right woman will love you for who you are and for what you stand for. She won’t worry about the flaws and the things you worry about.
If you are trying to get a woman to fall in love with you, look for someone who compliments you and adds to our life, instead of taking from it.
Women, like men, are all different and not every woman is going to be a suitable match for you, your life, your goals, and your dreams.
12) You’re worthy
Remember that you are worthy of being liked and loved, and while it’s not something you might say to yourself on a regular basis, it is true.
According to Cynthia Bowkley, empowerment coach, “most of us the frustration that accompanies dating stems from the negative beliefs we hold, such as, “I’ll never find a partner!”, “I’m destined to be alone’, or “There isn’t anyone in this world who will love me”.
“But these beliefs affect the way we feel about ourselves, the opportunities and possibilities we perceive that exist for us (or don’t), and even the way we show up physically when we’re out on dates!”
This is why confidence and the belief that you are worthy is important.
Before you let a girl know how you feel, remember that she’s also probably nervous about talking to someone she likes and cut yourself some slack.
Everyone feels less than worthy when their pride is on the line.
Take a deep breath and ask her out. Instead of wondering what’s the worst that could happen, be brave and be willing to find out. You’ll be glad you did.
13) You don’t “need” her to be happy
Guys often feel like they need to showboat or get a woman’s attention in order to be able to make a move, but if you act like you don’t need her, or even see her, you are more likely to get her attention.
Women like it when people pay attention to them and if she’s got you in her sight and you aren’t paying attention to her, she’s more likely to come over and talk to you.
Research published in the European Journal of Personality says that playing hard to get (acting confident, talking to others, withholding sex) “may reflect…greater perceived mate-value.”
“It implies quality”, says Gary Lewandowski, professor psychology. “If you’re able to be picky, that means you have some options, and if you have so many choices, you must be a viable partner.”
Are you the kind of guy that tends to fall into the “friend zone” a little too easily?
If you don’t have your own life, this could be a major culprit. After all, women are attracted to guys who have a sense of ambition and purpose.
And if you don’t have something going on in your life, you’re more likely to be needy.
Some girls like neediness – but they’re the type of girls who might be insecure, or enjoy trampling over a “nice guy”. These are definitely girls that you want to avoid for a variety of reasons.
So, make sure you have your own life – friendships, interests, hobbies, purpose, goals, passion.
Otherwise, you’ll be way too needy.
So, keep this in mind:
Your outlook on life should be that you don’t “need” a girl to make happy. You’re happy with your own life. And that’s much more attractive anyway.
14) Be patient
Sometimes, it takes more than one try to get a woman to like you and if you are patient, it might pay off big time.
Proximity and familiarity have a lot to do with the men women choose to hang around with and thus fall in love with.
The “mere-exposure effect” is a psychological phenomenon where we tend to develop a preference for things because we are familiar with.
This also presents itself in interpersonal attraction: the more often someone sees a person, the more pleasing and likable they find that person.
If you are there and she sees you on the regular, you’ll be more likely to be able to talk to her because she’ll feel familiar to you too.
15) Leave your expectations at home
One of the things that will kill a good buzz that you get going before talking to a woman is a giant list of expectations.
“Managing expectations in a new relationship is important because it relieves pressure on yourself and the person you’re dating, allowing opportunity to freely get to know someone and be in the present moment,” Dr. Danielle Forshee, doctor of psychology and licensed clinical social worker, told Bustle.
Don’t put too many expectations on yourself about how you should be or how you should act. Do the same for her: don’t apply too many expectations to your first few conversations because everyone is nervous and you’re just trying to get to the good stuff.
Expectations put a lot of pressure on things and make people feel strange so leave them at the door.
Are you mentally tough?
Resilience and mental toughness are key attributes to living your best life. They determine how high we rise above what threatens to wear us down, from battling an illness, to dealing with challenging emotions, to carrying on after a relationship has ended.
In The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, we outline exactly what it means to be mentally tough and equip you with 10 resilience-building tools that you can start using today.
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