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How to cope with being ugly: 9 no bullsh*t tips

You’ve been told you’re ugly. Many times.

At face value, females or males simply aren’t attracted to you.

It sucks. Trust me, I know. I also haven’t been graced with the best genetics.

But here’s what you need to know: It’s not the end of the world.

In fact, it might make you a better person who has a more attractive personality anyway.

In this article, we’re going to discuss 9 important things that will help you deal with being ugly.

It’ll help you out more than you think.

Let’s go…

1) Time to be honest

Let’s not beat around the bush.

While people have different tastes, there’s an objective standard of beauty that most of the human race can agree with.

According to research, people who have an “average face” are seen as more attractive.

Attractive faces tend to be symmetrical.

In a symmetrical face, the left and right look like each other. These faces tend to be the mathematical average (or mean) of the population’s facial features.

So while people might tell you that you look “unique”, or “special”, the truth is that on this “objective standard of beauty” you’re unfortunately towards the bottom.

You’re probably asking yourself “why” you have to look like this.

But this is a question you don’t need to ask yourself.

There are a few things you can do to make yourself a little more attractive (like being fit and healthy) but the truth is, genetics is the most significant factor.

And genetics is something you simply can’t control.

This is why the first step to dealing with your ugliness is to accept it.

2) Why you need to accept how you look 

This is not just understanding why you’re ugly. But acceptance means being at peace with the way you look.

You don’t hold resentment towards your parents for looking the way you do. You don’t act like a victim.

Instead, you take responsibility for the way you look. You accept it. You deal with it. And you spend your time on things you can control.

After all, there’s no point in worrying about the way you look. It’s wasted energy.

But it is important to realize that you’re not alone in feeling ugly. A lot of people do for a wide range of reasons, even those people you’d consider beautiful.

Insecurity about how we look is pretty common.

According to psychologist Gleb Tsipursky, we’re all self-conscious because everyone has a natural tendency to judge their own appearance more harshly than they do others.

Why?

Gleb Tsipursky says that our flaws stand out when we look in the mirror and the balanced beauty assessment we give others is lost when we view ourselves.

Plus, our flaws have our attention which now becomes more important than what you’re not paying attention to. In psychology, this is called attentional bias.

So it’s important to not assume that those who you deem attractive have it easier than you. They actually might be more insecure.

The truth is, some people just don’t see reality for what it is.

So if you can learn to accept how you feel, then you’re doing yourself a big favor.

Not only are you not wasting time worrying about your looks, but you won’t be insecure as well.

Self-acceptance breeds confidence because you know who you are and you’re going to make the most of it.

(To dive deep into techniques to practice acceptance, check out Hack Spirit’s eBook on the art of mindfulness here)

3) If you accept the way you look, you won’t be jealous of others.

This is a crucial point. Jealousy and envy aren’t emotions that you want to experience. They’re toxic emotions that cause you to act like a victim. And life doesn’t treat “victims” very well.

Now you might think that an attractive person is “lucky” because everybody treats them well and life is easy.

But that reality is far different. Beyond quick judgments, being attractive doesn’t offer you much.

In fact, a research study has found that “beautiful people” are just as unhappy as the rest of the population.

Psychologists have conducted hundreds of studies on well-being and happiness – and not one of them have mentioned “attractiveness” as being a factor.

But consistently, they’ve found that “personality” plays a much stronger role.

And when you meet people, that’s what they latch onto. They want to get along with you and develop a connection. That’s what most people desire.

And trust me, if someone doesn’t want to be friends with you because of the way you look, that’s not the kind of person you want to hang out with anyway.

The bottom line is this:

If you’re always looking at other people with envy and jealousy, it means that you’re not accepting yourself.

And if you don’t accept yourself, you’ll never be truly happy.

4) You have a better chance of developing a successful long-term relationship

If you’re telling yourself that relationships are harder for you, then you need to read this.

Now I’m willing to guess that the main reason you’re upset with the way you look is that you feel that dating is harder for you.

After all, who would want to date someone that’s ugly?

But that’s a very surface level assumption that doesn’t hold up to reality.

I mean, look around you. You can see plenty of relationships with ugly people. Every day I see an ugly female or male being all cute and cuddly with an objectively more attractive person.

There’s a reason this happens all the time:

Because when it comes to committing to a relationship, looks just aren’t that important.

Connection and personality play a far greater role when someone decides that they officially want to date someone.

Sure, “hook-ups” and “one-night stands” might be a little more difficult for you, but when it comes to being in a proper relationship, looks just aren’t as important.

When I look at the relationships I’ve been in, looks wear off very quickly. Personalities and how they interact are the most important factors of a healthy relationship.

Consider Hollywood and all those beautiful people. Why are they always chopping and changing partners?

Appearance simply isn’t important when it comes to finding true love.

And when you choose a life partner, appearance fades quickly. We’re all going to get old. It’s better to choose someone you get along with, who has a great personality that accepts themselves for who they are. That’s where you come in.

In fact, a new study published in the journal Psychological Science has found that levels of attractiveness mean less than most people think when it comes to the quality of a relationship.

Here’s what they found after surveying 167 couples: Attractiveness was not in any way related to relationship satisfaction.

Couples with lower levels of attractiveness were just as happy in their relationships as couples who were similar in attractiveness.

From the study itself:

“We found that romantic partners who were similarly attractive were no more likely to feel satisfied with their relationship than romantic partners who were not similarly attractive. Specifically, in our sample of dating and married couples, we did not find an association between partner matching in attractiveness and satisfaction with the relationship for either women or men.”

5) One night stands might not be for you

Now I know what you’re asking: How I meant to meet someone if I’m never going to get past the snap judgments?

Then you need to realize that you’re going to attract someone in an hour or a day. For you, it might take time. Through your personality, your quirky but lovable traits, your humor, and your ability to create a connection. That’s what will eventually lead you to find love.

The best bit?

It’s not going to be built on something superficial like physical attraction. It’s going to be a hell of a lot deeper. And that’s something you will forever be grateful for.

6) Why you need to stop worrying about your looks

This isn’t easy, especially when you’re convinced that your appearance is negatively affecting your life.

But what you need to realize is that it’s not your ugliness that’s affecting your life, it’s the way you feel about yourself.

If you’re worried about how you look and it’s affecting your self-worth, then there’s no way around it: You will be unhappy.

But if you accept how you look, you’ll be more satisfied and you won’t waste energy worrying.

You’ll also be happier. A study published by Chapman University looked at the factors linked to satisfaction with appearance and weight.

They found that satisfaction with overall appearance was the third strongest predictor of overall life satisfaction:

“Our study shows that men’s and women’s feelings about their weight and appearance play a major role in how satisfied they are with their lives overall,” said David Frederick, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Chapman University and lead author on the study.

Seeing as accepting how you look is crucially important, let’s turn to practical ways you can do that.

7) How to accept how you look

1) Throw away your conventional, media-defined ideals of beauty: Yes, it’s true that society has a certain standard of beauty. But that doesn’t need to be yours. Stop taking into account the beautiful people you see on TV. Instead, find beauty in people you admire in everyday life.

2) Don’t define yourself by the way you look: I’ve said it time and time again and I’ll say it again: Looks don’t matter. It’s what’s inside that counts. Focus on your personality, your relationships and what you’re passionate about. Turn your focus on the world outside of yourself, rather than focusing on yourself so much.

3) Go cold turkey on the makeup: If you want to truly accept how you look: Try going a day or two without makeup (if you’re a female). You’ll look more natural and your skin will have room to breathe. Not wearing make-up will show you that your appearance really doesn’t make a difference in the way people treat you.

4) Take a break from the mirror: If you want to accept how you look, then you need to take action. And one of those actions is to stop looking in the mirror so much! It just turns your focus inward and you’ll probably continue to focus on your negative traits. Once you learn to stop looking at the mirror, your mood will undoubtedly improve.

5) Focus on being healthy: Don’t be concerned about getting fit because you want to look better. Do it for the health of your body. You want your body to function at its best for a whole variety of reasons, and exercise and eating well will help you achieve that. If you feel good, you’ll feel a lot better about yourself.

8) There are some bright sides to being ugly

Stop being a victim. Being ugly has its advantageous.

For example:

1) People like you for who you are, not for how you look.

Do you know how difficult it is for extremely beautiful people to meet genuine people? People are always trying to “get” something from them, like their number or physical attraction.

Or there are those who want to be “seen” with them so they look cooler themselves.

But with you, you know they’re around you because they genuinely enjoy your company and they like your personality.

It’s much easier for you to develop genuine connections with other people. You don’t have to be as wary of people using you for their own benefit (unless you’re rich, of course!)

2) You’ve learned to accept how you look.

Do you know how many people are insecure because of their looks? But if you’ve learned to accept it, not only are seeing reality for what it is, but you’re not wasting energy worrying about something that really isn’t that important.

You’re a more confident, secure, and high-functioning human being than most people out there.

3) You work on your health and fitness for the right reasons.

You know how important it is to be healthy and fit, not necessarily for the way you look, but for your own health.

That’s why you work out your WHOLE body rather than just focusing on your arms or stomach.

We’ve all seen those chicken-leg dudes. Honestly, they’re not fooling anyone with how self-conscious they are.

9) You have the power to choose what you focus on.

The main point of this article is to realize that looks aren’t worth worrying about. It really is wasted energy.

Yes, it’s important to be fit, healthy and clean. But it’s certainly not worth wasting any emotional energy worrying about how you look.

All that will do is make you unhappy and narcissistic.

But you need to realize that being ugly won’t affect your life negatively unless you let it.

You’ll still be able to create a genuine connection with others and find a long-term partner.

In some respects, you’ve got some significant advantages in those areas because people won’t be using you for superficial reasons because of your looks.

The most important thing is that you accept how you look and move on with creating a life that you love.

And if you’re looking for specific techniques to improve all aspects of your daily living, including your relationships, emotional resilience and state of mind, check out my new eBook on the no-nonsense guide to using Buddhism and eastern philosophy here.

Do you want to live a mindful life?

The simple fact is that learning about Buddhism and other eastern philosophies can empower genuine lasting change in our lives.

In my new eBook, I unwrap these iconic teachings and detail specific actions you can take to improve your daily life. Together we're going to work to strengthen your relationships, increase your emotional resilience, and systematically train your mind.

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Check it out here.

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Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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