Breaking up with someone you love is never easy.
In fact, it’s one of the toughest things you can do.
You’ve spent a lot of time with one person. You’ve built something special. They’re planning their life around you. They love you. Much of their meaning in life is built around you.
Yet in one instant, you’re about to destroy everything.
You’re going to break their heart and feel like a terrible human being.
But unfortunately, it’s something that you simply must do.
Because despite what people say, it takes incredible strength to break up with someone you love.
You know what would be really weak? Continuing the relationship when you know it won’t work out. It’s unfair on your partner, and it’s unfair on yourself.
And the longer the relationship goes on, the more it’s going to hurt when it ends.
It’s a difficult, emotional process — but it’s also necessary.
So if you’re unsure how you can properly break up with someone you love, we’ve prepared this step-by-step guide just for you.
1) Think carefully about your decision
First of all, are you certain that a breakup is the best step to take?
If you do this now and regret it immediately after, the person you broke up with might no longer want to be with you. They might start thinking that you were right to call things off.
Even if you guys do get back together, who’s to say that your feelings toward each other will remain the same? The damage cannot be easily undone.
Give yourself some time to rest and think of the reason why you’re considering a breakup.
Don’t be afraid to seek advice from other people you trust.
A breakup is not a cure-all for relationship problems. Sometimes, all it takes is having a sincere talk with your partner.
You say you love the person, so why are you letting go?
Think of what you hold dear to your heart.
Do the things you gain outweigh what you’re going to lose? If so, perhaps a breakup is the right decision.
2) Plan what to do immediately after the breakup
Consider where you’re going if the breakup goes through.
If you live together, who keeps which item and who gets to stay? Check if you have enough money to move things out or pay for the whole property.
Having supportive people around will keep you emotionally stable during this tumultuous situation.
Do you have relatives or friends you can go to for a while if you wish to leave but don’t have a place of your own yet?
3) To break up with someone you love, set the right place and time
If you’re fully intent on breaking up with your partner, you must do it in the right place and at the right time.
Failing to do so could make your partner not even want to be friends with you afterward.
Here are a few reminders about proper timing:
– Unless you are in a long-distance relationship (LDR), do not break up with your partner just through chat or phone because that doesn’t reflect the gravity of the situation.
– Don’t do it in a public area because it’s not always easy to be emotionally honest with others around looking or hearing exactly what is going on.
– Avoid breaking up while the two of you are having a big argument because you might say and do things you’ll soon regret.
– Let your partner pick themselves up from a family, health, work or any personal crisis before you open up a new dilemma.
4) Talk to your partner beforehand
One huge mistake you can do is blurting the topic of a breakup out of nowhere.
Send your partner a message online or through text that you want to have a serious talk.
It’s much better if you can say it directly. Do this a day before or at least several hours before you breakup with your partner.
Giving this sort of reminder helps your partner know that something is up. It’s only right to help them emotionally prepare for whatever they’re about to hear.
5) Speak in an honest and respectful manner
The moment has come. By this time, you should already know what you want and which things no longer need to stay in your life.
We understand that blurting out the first few words can be a daunting task. Take a deep breath and pause until you’re ready to speak.
Look at your partner as you speak your heart out. Be assertive and use “I” instead of “you”.
Talking about your partner’s mistakes can make them feel worse.
Plus, this can backfire if they begin defending themselves and promising to change for the better to prolong the relationship.
If you want to end it, don’t let your partner negotiate.
Speak in a way that makes your partner understand that you have a clear future in mind — that they’re not an essential part of it.
For example: “I want to have more time for myself” sounds more acceptable and less judgmental than “You’re clingy and it’s too much.”
6) Clear every existing problem between you two
During the breakup conversation, you should open up about any hurt you’ve been keeping. Ask your partner to be honest as well.
All the hurt that’s been swept under the rug should unfold here. Cry as much as you want. Trust us, this is good for your emotional well-being.
Letting go of emotional baggage as soon as possible will help both of you.
Remember what made the relationship crumble in the end and explain your side.
Doing this not only allows the two of you to part ways in good terms but it also prevents the need for closure, which can end up as you guys getting back together again or at least having second thoughts about the breakup.
7) Ask if friendship is still possible
It’s okay to keep an ex-lover in your life.
What’s important is both of you know what’s done is done, that there are boundaries that aren’t meant to be crossed again.
If they do want to keep in touch, tell them to stay away for now. The two of you need time to heal and adjust to a life without each other.
Yes, that person still matters to you. But don’t ask how they’re doing a day after the breakup.
This only leads to confusion: Are you really just being friendly or are you flirting?
If your ex-lover doesn’t want to stay friends, that’s perfectly fine as well! Remove them from your social networks and delete their contact numbers.
8) Get rid of anything that will remind you of the relationship
The period right after a breakup can be difficult. One way to avoid overthinking is to remove the things that will remind you of that person.
Throw away the love letters and the printed selfies of you together, or at least store them away.
Delete or hide any romantic posts and photos on social media. Update your relationship status if it’s visible to online friends.
9) Don’t think you’re the bad one for breaking up
Yes, you were the one to initiate the breakup — but is that a bad thing? Absolutely not.
Feelings of pain and loss are perfectly normal. What isn’t okay is when you feel so guilty even months after the event.
Be proud that you took it upon yourself to move on from a relationship that wasn’t meeting your expectations.
10) Enjoy Your Time
Don’t rush things. You’re single and ready to mingle, but that doesn’t mean you should. It’s up to you to decide when you want to take a chance at love again.
While you can find a rebound, it’s better if you don’t. Not only will this hurt another person once you’re over them, but it also doesn’t help you move on.
Moving on is about prioritizing yourself. Go clubbing and drinking to have fun, but reject any romantic offers.
For now, just focus on yourself.
Perhaps you’ve neglected a beloved hobby. Pick up that book and finish that video game.
Learn a language and try playing a new instrument. Spend more time with your family and catch up with your friends.
Staying busy and being happy will take your mind off the previous relationship. Appreciate the concept of self-love.
Breaking Up with Someone You Love
Love is a wonderful thing, but it’s not the only thing that matters in a relationship. There should be an effort to improve oneself while maintaining the strong, intimate bond between two people.
If you don’t see a bright future with a person, leave. Your partner wouldn’t force you to stay if they really loved you.
You will experience a whirlwind of emotions before, during, and after the breakup.
Pain, sadness, disappointment, anger, longing — all these will appear. But right on the horizon, you’ll also develop a sense of freedom, happiness, and love that does not suffocate.
Cherish the memories, but don’t let them keep you trapped. In time, someone will come into your life with love and so much more.
Remember: Love can be expressed in a multitude of ways. And sometimes, the best thing you can do to a person you hold dear to your heart is to let them go.
Now you know how to break up with someone. Read our article helping you figure out whether you really are in love.
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