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How to be a man a woman needs: 17 no bullish*t traits to develop (ultimate guide)

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If you’re wanting to unlock the mysterious nature of women, I’ve got some excellent news.

It’s really not that complicated.

You don’t need to be a Greek God or Superman to keep a woman happy.

What women want is far more humble and totally achievable for every guy on the planet.

Here is how to be a man a woman needs.

Forget toxic masculinity, what women really want is a well-rounded guy

A lot of guys feel the pressure to be a woman’s hero.

Many can worry that us ladies are looking for some kind of Adonis, ready to fight lions with his bare hands just to keep us safe.

But in reality, Alpha males are out, and fully developed guys with emotional depth are very much in.

In fact, research has highlighted that “aggressive” or “domineering” traits in guys do not increase their sexual attractiveness.

Instead, women reported wanting a good balance of characteristics —like being confident, yet easygoing, and assertive yet sensitive— from their romantic partner.

In short, women are looking for a mixture of positive traits from their guys. So what exactly are the traits a good man has?

What makes a good man for a woman? 17 essential traits

1) Integrity

Having moral integrity is incredibly sexy to a woman. I’m going to say it’s the top thing I look for in my man.

This is a truly noble trait that shows a depth of character. It’s not always easy to stay true to yourself and do the right thing. This is why it also shows a quiet strength too.

Having integrity means that you don’t lie, you don’t cheat, and you don’t act like an asshole to the waiter who forgot to bring out your side salad.

Integrity is about doing what’s right even when no one else is watching.

It’s not just about how you treat your girl, it’s about how you treat others in your life, in your community, and in society.

Having integrity involves being respectful when you communicate with others. It means being dependable and doing what you say you will.

It means owning your mistakes and errors and holding yourself accountable.

It’s the sign of a very well-developed, mature man…and it is hot, hot, hot!

2) Sensitivity

Let’s be honest, once upon a time in the not-so-distant past, sensitivity was seen as a weakness (particularly within a guy).

Men were made to feel like they should have this hard shell. But showing sensitivity is far stronger than acting macho.

Sensitivity from a man incorporates so many elements.

It means displaying tact. It means showing vulnerability. It means using diplomacy. It means being understanding. It means showing consideration.

And all of these things make a man attractive to a woman.

When we are alone with you, just the two of us late at night, we want a man who can be tender and gentle. We want a man who can be open and connected with us.

In order for this to happen, he needs to be sensitive.

3) Humor

Good news:

Having a sense of humor doesn’t mean you have to totally crack us up. We know that not every guy is Dave Chappelle.

Having a sense of humor is also about bringing that playful and lighthearted energy.

Life can feel serious enough, so we want to be able to cut loose and laugh with our partner.

Laughter is a wonderful way to intensify a bond. You can do it through “in-jokes”, gentle teasing, and being silly with one another.

The reality is that humor is unique. What one person finds funny, another person may not.

But research has certainly shown that women love funny guys, with one study by suggesting men and women laughing together was a strong indication of attraction:

“When you’re getting to know someone laughter is co-constructed. It’s not as if people are giving canned jokes and the other person is an audience member. This is wordplay. Going back and forth and teasing and having fun with somebody,”

4) Loyalty

If you are looking for a long-term partner, loyalty has to be pretty high on the list.

We want to know that you’re going to stick around. That you’ll be there for us when we need you.

That you won’t abandon us when times get tough.

Because it’s not just about physical faithfulness, although this is important to many women too, it’s also about dependability.

Loyalty shows a willingness to stand by our side and put in the work. Because relationships do take work.

And perhaps now more than ever it seems easy in the world of modern dating to give up and move on as soon as the going gets tough.

A lot of women want loyalty from their man to feel like he’s got their back.

They want him to be there for them when they need him.

So if you are looking to show a woman you are a guy to invest in, then you need to show her that you’re loyal.

5) Emotional maturity

You might be a big boy physically, but if you really want to impress us, we would much rather you show us that you are a big boy emotionally.

This includes being able to express your emotions appropriately.

Emotions are powerful. They can either help or hurt us. And sometimes they do both. So it’s important to learn how to manage them.

Being emotionally mature means learning how to deal with your feelings.

Not only does this allow you to better understand yourself, but it allows you to better understand others — including your partner.

And it helps you become a better communicator.

It’s not always easy to talk about your feelings. But if you want to connect with a woman, you need to be willing to share yours.

Displaying emotional maturity in dating means no game playing, and being able to express your needs and wants.

This is what shows that you have a calm and steady confidence.

6) Honesty

Being honest is something that sounds very simple in theory, but can feel harder to practice in reality.

Honesty is about telling the truth. It means being open and transparent. It’s also about being trustworthy.

But it’s more than just not lying or cheating.

It’s also about being real. Being true to yourself. Letting her see who you really are and getting to know the real you.

Being honest is about owning up to mistakes and failures. It’s about being accountable for our actions.

Honesty is a two-way street. We expect honesty from you. You should expect honesty from us.

Honesty is one of the only real ways to build genuine trust in a relationship, and it’s this trust that helps us to feel safe.

If you don’t tell the whole truth, it will come out eventually. And when it does, it hurts.

So if you want to make a good impression on a woman, you need to be honest.

7) Respect

Aretha Franklin made such a big deal about getting just a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T for good reason.

Respect is an essential part of any relationship. Respect is about treating someone else with dignity and equality.

Respecting the woman in your life doesn’t mean agreeing with everything she says or thinks. It simply means having regard and consideration for her.

Respect is about showing that you care about other people. That you care enough to treat them well.

It’s about appreciating your differences, and being prepared to listen to and value her opinions, thoughts, and feelings.

A woman wants to feel like (and be treated like) she is your equal partner. And respect is the way to achieve that.

8) Confidence

Confidence is a key component of success in all areas of life…and that includes attracting a partner too.

I said in the intro that dominance is not seen as an appealing trait in a partner for a woman, yet confidence is.

This is the defining difference between dominance and prestige. Prestige is seen as attractive, as it shows you are well regarded in society.

Yet rather than bully your way to a position of esteem, you have earned it with noble qualities.

Confidence is actually quite a subtle trait that comes from someone’s core. It is the outcome of having a healthy self-esteem.

When you have confidence it automatically radiates and is seen in so many ways.

Even your body language is signalling to a woman how you feel about yourself, which in turn will impact how she feels about you.

That’s because women are highly tuned into the signals a man’s body is giving off…

They get an “overall impression” of a guy’s attractiveness and think of him as either “hot” or “not” based on these body language signals.

Watch this excellent free video by Kate Spring.

Kate’s a relationship expert who has helped so many men improve their own body language around women.

In this free video, she gives you several body language techniques like this guaranteed to help you better attract women — and let your confidence shine!

Here’s a link to the video again.

9) Humility

Seen as we just talked about how seductive confidence is, it’s probably a good time to highlight the important difference between:

Confidence V arrogance.

Women don’t want a guy who acts like he is God’s gift to humanity. It’s kind of cringey.

Yes to self-esteem in spades. No to self-obsession.

Having humility means being modest in all the best ways. Why? because it also means not thinking you are better than anyone else in this life.

Having humility is a great quality in a partner as they are less likely to take life so seriously. They don’t attach their sense of self to fluctuating successes, failures or desires.

As summed up by Positive Psychology, this is why humility is such an attractive quality in a man for a woman:

“Adopting a more humble mindset increases our overall psychological wellbeing and ensures our social functioning. Last but not least, humility is a perfect antidote to the self-fixated spirit of our age.”

10) Kindness

Kindness is another one of those traits that can go a long way towards making a woman fall in love with you.

And I’m not talking about being nice when you’re trying to get something out of her. That’s manipulative behavior.

You care about her happiness and well-being, and so you are thoughtful and caring.

Earlier I mentioned that a study found that women were much more attracted to men who were kind and caring than men who were domineering.

Well continuing with that theme, one study found that of all the traits on our list of what women want from a man — kindness came top.

It’s official, nice guys don’t finish last.

11) Generosity

Generosity does not have to mean splashing your cash all the time. There are many ways to be generous that do not involve money.

Generosity is more about being a giving person generally. And you can give all sorts of things.

You can give your time to her, your attention to her, you can share your knowledge with her, and you can help her out when she needs a hand.

Feeling like someone is only really out for themselves is a real turn-off. It makes sense too. Human beings have survived and thrived on being team players.

We require group co-operation in order to achieve anything. The same can be said for partnerships too.

We’re looking for a partner that wants to give and be part of a team. The more generous you are, the more likely you are to share.

And being in a couple is all about sharing your life with someone. So if you want to make a woman feel special, show her some generosity.

12) Sexually considerate

I’m using the term sexually considerate as a way to describe a man who knows how to please his partner sexually.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that he knows every position or technique. It’s more about a willingness to try to understand his partner’s needs, what feels good and what turns her on.

He shows consideration for her, and not just himself. He needs to respect and appreciate that she has sexual needs that are as equal to his own.

Sexual consideration also means not focusing too much on sex alone. Women don’t want to ever feel like they owe you something.

For example, unloading the dishwasher, bringing home flowers, or being kind shouldn’t be a means to an end. Sex is an expression between two people, not an obligation.

13) Sincerity

Sincerity is a quality that goes beyond honesty. Honesty is simply telling the truth. But sincerity is more than that.

It’s about being genuine. Being sincere means showing your true feelings.

When we meet someone new, we often want to impress them. It’s only natural. But that can mean it’s tempting to put on a mask.

We can often sense when someone is trying too hard to be something they are not and it comes across as fake.

In contrast, sincerity is incredibly attractive as it shows authenticity. These are things that are important in creating trust.

If you don’t feel like a guy is sincere, you can’t believe what he tells you. You doubt his intentions, and whether his interest is genuine.

14) Self-control

Self-control might sound like an odd trait to add to the list.

Showing self control isn’t about sexual abstinence, it’s not about being reserved or dimming your personality. It’s more about being able to hold yourself together when it most counts.

Most women are looking for dependability in her man. They want someone who they can feel safe around. That includes both physically and emotionally.

We cannot feel safe if we know that you are prone to flying off the handle. That feels threatening and puts us in a vulnerable position.

Likewise, emotionally in order to trust you and feel secure, it’s good to know you are capable of self-restraint.

Self-control means you aren’t going to do anything stupid which could hurt us and threaten the strength of the relationship.

15) Empathy

When your partner does not understand you it can put incredible strain on a relationship.

We often need to feel understood by a man in order to create a deeper and more lasting bond with him.

Empathy is understanding another person’s point of view. It’s being able to see things through their eyes.

Why is this such an appealing trait that women look for in men?

A lot of times, our emotions get the best of us all. We say things without thinking. Or we react impulsively.

But empathy allows us to take a step back and think before speaking or reacting. This helps us avoid saying things that may cause harm to ourselves or others.

It’s also helpful because it makes us better listeners. When we listen well, we gain insight into our partner’s thoughts and feelings.

And finally, empathy gives us compassion. So having empathy from your man is really valuable.

16) Supportive

According to research, having a supportive partner not only leads to greater relationship satisfaction but also significantly reduces your overall stress levels and can even be good for your heart.

Other research from the Florida State University found that simply having a supportive partner can lead to better work performance, with a 25 percent higher rate of concentration.

Basically, life can be tough on all of us. The most successful people who can navigate challenging times have someone to lean on.

Being supportive means working together, having each other’s backs, being a shoulder to cry on and providing an ear to listen.

It’s about being there for her during difficult times and being willing to help her out when she needs it.

We want a man who can not only offer us advice and guidance but who is also willing and able to give us emotional support.

17) Self-responsibility

This one is pretty obvious. Women want a man who knows how to take care of himself.

They don’t want a guy who is always relying on them for everything.

Because in the words of Jennifer Lopez: “I ain’t your mama”.

Whilst a lot of people enjoy taking care of someone (to a certain extent) within a relationship, no woman is looking for a man who can’t take care of himself.

If he doesn’t have his own stuff together then he won’t have much to offer. He’ll just be a burden to her.

It may sound harsh but it’s true.

He should be able to provide for himself, pay his bills, and take full responsibility for himself.

That includes showing a healthy amount of independence, self-sufficiency, and autonomy.

To conclude: What does a woman need from a man?

There isn’t one thing in particular that all women are looking for from a guy, and it’s obviously going to depend on the woman.

But generally speaking, women want a man to be kind, considerate, loving, caring, respectful, honest, trustworthy, loyal, and responsible.

She wants him to stand up for her, support her and protect her. She wants him to respect her boundaries and know that what she says, feels, and thinks matters to him. She wants him to make her feel safe and secure.

It’s not just about having these traits, it’s also about being able to show them off to women in order to attract them.

I mentioned earlier the game-changer for many men in their dating life – relationship expert Kate Spring.

She teaches a few powerful techniques that have taken so many guys from being “friend-zoned” to “in demand”.

From the power of body language to gaining confidence, Kate’s tapped into something most relationship experts overlook:

The biology of what attracts women.

Since learning this, so many men have discovered the secret to getting into and holding down their dream relationships. Relationships with women they could never have imagined dating in the past.

If you’re intrigued to learn more, then check out this free video by Kate.

If you’re ready to level up your dating game, her unique tips and techniques will do the trick.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

Written by Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey.

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