in

How to ask a girl out: 22 no bullsh*t tips

So you’ve got a crush and you think of her all the time. Those eyes, that smile, that zinger personality.

There’s only one obstacle left: asking her out.

It sounds easy, but it’s not.

The problem is that the more you obsess over it and think of how dumb it sounds to say “wanna go out some time?” the less progress you make.

And if you just wing it and don’t care at all you’re likely to look like a player with no real interest.

The sweet spot when it comes to ideas to ask a girl out is right in the middle between casual and interested.

Luckily this guide is here to help you with some actual good ideas about how to ask a girl out.

First, I’ll go over 8 important tips that you need to know about asking a girl out, then I’ll provide you with 25 creative ideas to go about it.

8 tips to keep in mind when you’re asking a girl out

1) Try your best to look good at all times

Here’s the thing:

Girls appreciate a good-looking man.

And don’t get us wrong; this isn’t all about having a handsome face.

No, what girls are looking for is this:

Effort.

It doesn’t matter that you’re not the finest men in the area, but what does matter is that you don’t just settle for a basic appearance as if you just got out of bed.

According to Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. in Psychology Today, grooming can make or break your attractiveness:

“Take some time to care for yourself. Shower, style your hair, and shave or trim where you need to. Be clean, neat, and smell good too. Grooming alone can make (or break) your attractiveness – and all it takes is a bit of time, effort, and a toothbrush!”

While you can’t change your genetics, you can make sure your well-groomed and in shape.

So keep this mind as you learn how to ask a girl out:

Either you create a good first impression or end up having your first approach become your last.

2) Be confident – fake it till you make it if you have to

If a girl sees you and you’re looking all disorganized and messy, she’s already made up her mind even before you utter a word.

You have to look confident if you want her to say yes.

Do not do any of these four things if you decide to ask her out:

— Moving your hands a lot every time you talk
— Looking at the floor as if you’re scared of her reaction
— Having your shoulders slumped
— Stumbling over your own words

In contrast, here’s what you should do:

— Look forward and maintain eye contact
— Smile and look cheerful
— Speak in a calm and sincere manner
— Keep your back straight
— Respect her personal space

Keep in mind that Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy says that the best way to become self-confident is to fake it till you make it.

Cuddy says that the more you approach situations with trumped-up confidence, over time you self-reinforce those behaviors until they become natural.

From Cuddy herself:

“The more you behave that way, the more your mind and body are sort of reinforcing this feeling of being powerful and being confident.”

So when you’re tasked with asking a girl out, there’s nothing wrong with faking it a little.

Pull your shoulders back, engage in solid eye contact and tell yourself that she’s lucky that you’re asking her out.

3) What you wear matters more than you think

Let’s talk about fashion.

No, you don’t have to buy premium clothes fresh from the runway. A man shouldn’t ‘flex’ on a girl they like by wearing high-end clothing screaming with brand logos.

Impress, but don’t get braggy about it.

Iron your clothes and wash them to ensure there are no stains.

Clean your shoes and wear clothes that fit just right.

Girls don’t like ultra baggy clothes or clothes that are too tight. Just make sure they fit well. Get help from a female friend when you go shopping if you need to.

And you don’t have to wear a suit or anything too fancy. A nice, new pair of jeans and a plain white or black t-shirt will work just fine (if it fits properly).

It’s as simple as that.

(In my new article, I explain why women don’t choose the guy who makes the most “sense” to be with – they look for these 3 ‘body language cues’ instead. Check it out here).

4) Ask at the right place and time

Sure, you look good, and you’ve memorized what you’re going to say.

But appearance isn’t enough if you want to know how to ask a girl out the right way.

Knowing when and where you should ask her out is essential as well.

Imagine this:

You’re at the grocery store one Saturday morning and spot her at the next aisle.

Without thinking, you decide to approach her and ask if she wants to go out — all while she’s busy filling her grocery cart and enjoying the start of the weekend.

Do you think you’ll get a surefire yes?

No, not likely. At all.

And the same applies to when you ask her out while she’s still hanging out with her family and friends. You’re just going to make her the subject of teasing if they hear every single detail.

You have to find the right moment; don’t ruin her day not thinking things through.

So when and where should you ask her out?

It depends.

If you see her regularly due to work or school, you can approach her there. This is a place where both of you can feel comfortable. Just don’t do it while everyone is busy.

What if you don’t see her that often?

Maybe you only saw her when you hung out with your friends at a club or when you watched a football game in your local stadium.

In these cases when it’s hard to know when you’ll see her again, it’s okay to be a little more daring.

Regardless, you should ensure the following:

— She’s not busy
— People aren’t nearby to hear you ask her out
— She seems to be in a good mood

5) Be clear with your intentions

If you want to ask her out on a date, say it.

Don’t skirt around the subject just because you’re afraid she’ll say no.

Learning how to ask a girl out is about being straightforward.

Here’s a good tip:

Don’t be shy.

After all, you’ve already made it as far as approaching her. Don’t back down now. If you do, you’re just gonna end up looking like a creep.

Avoid using these lines:

“Maybe we can hang out in the future!”
“There’s a good movie in the summer. Let’s see it.”
“The local joint in my neighborhood has delicious chicken.”

All these sound like you want to be a good, outgoing friend who’s also bad with details.

You’re technically asking to go out with her, but you’re making it seem like it’s not going to be a date either.

You might think:

“But wouldn’t it be easier for her to say yes if I asked her this way?”

Yes, but only because it seems to be a completely friendly request.

As if you’re not looking for something more than friendship.

In other words:

Being vague about your intentions can backfire. In the end, she might just think of you as someone looking for a good friend.

Instead, say something along the lines of:

“Hi, may I ask you out? There are some excellent seafood and wine at my favorite restaurant.”
“If you’re free Friday night, may I ask you out for dinner? We could go to the movies afterward.”
“Hey there. Can I ask you out on a date? I think you’re a very cool person and I admire you.”

Let her know that what you want is a romantic date.

RELATED: Avoid “awkward silence” around women with this 1 brilliant trick

6) Be prepared for rejection

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Roman Kosolapov

You might think that this goes against the topic of learning how to ask a girl out.

But this is the truth:

Rejection is part of dating.

Sometimes, you can do everything in your control and still end up with a no — and that’s perfectly fine. Being rejected doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world for you.

When you get a no, don’t pester her about it — you’re going to sound like a kid.

Be a man and accept it. Keep your head up and smile.

Furthermore, try not to take it personally.

After all:

Rejection happens to everyone.

And you really shouldn’t be affected if you asked out a girl in the club and realized she’s already with another guy or that she’s not into men in the first place.

Don’t let it affect your self-esteem. You’ll eventually get a yes.

7) Establish a connection beforehand

Woman with a younger man

When learning how to ask a girl out, it’s best to focus on connections.

Why?

Because it’s easier for a girl to say yes if she already knows and trusts you to an extent.

If you spot a girl you like in the bar, why not approach her first on a casual note.

Be friendly and show her that you’re a good guy.

When you two are already having fun, ask her for her number. If she gives it, then that’s a good sign — you’re one step closer to asking her out.

Now, be a man and text her first.

Introduce yourself and give ample time for the two of you to know each other better.

Read between the lines:

— Are the two of you already closer than before?
— Is she flirting with you?
— Are you guys already at a high point where it makes sense to ask her out?

These questions also apply if the two of you interact regularly at work or in school.

What’s important is that you dedicate ample time to gauge and improve your chances of getting a yes.

In the world of dating, it pays to be patient.

8) Be playful and make her laugh

Researchers at an American university discovered that when two strangers meet, the more times a man tries to be funny and a woman laughs, the more likely she is to be interested in dating.

This doesn’t just mean telling witty jokes and stories, it also means being fun.

Keep the vibe relaxed: If you’re too serious or intense, you’ll kill the vibe.

Prepare yourself to laugh as well. If you smile and loosen up, it will enhance the vibe and you’ll become more attractive yourself.

Also, try learning how to be self-deprecating. This is the ability to laugh at yourself.

Gently mock yourself will show your sense of humor and that you don’t take yourself too seriously.

For example, you could talk about your poor choice of clothes or your terrible drinking skill.

Whatever is, lighten the mood and have some fun.

How to Ask a Girl Out and Land That Perfect Date

In the end, you have to put your best foot forward no matter who you want to go out on a date with.

Is she a close friend you’ve had since you were a little kid?

Is she the new executive in the company?

Or maybe you’ve spotted her at the clubs and bars a few times?

Utilize what you already know about her. Change your approach depending on the person; no two girls are the same. Respect her individuality and finetune your ways.

And lastly:

Make use of the connection the two of you already have.

Don’t be a stranger.

Be friendly and build a lasting first impression.

Once she’s comfortable with you, that’s when you should ask her out on a date.

Suit up, but don’t try so hard to look perfect.

Take a deep breathe and relax.

Be your best self.

If you exude confidence and remain sincere, you’ll get yourself a date in no time.

Now it’s also important to consider how you’ll go about asking this girl out. For example, will you send her a text, or will you organize to go to a restaurant?

There are many different ways you could go about it.

Here are 14 ideas to help you figure out how you’ll ask her out.

14 creative ideas to ask a girl out

Image Credit: Shutterstock – By adriaticfoto

The most important — and good — advice you’ll get about asking a girl out is not to overthink it.

Think of an idea, be in your body, be centered and go for it.

Hours of stress and obsession will show in your body language, breathing and tone of voice.

It just will.

We all know that females have extrasensory perception.

So if you want some good ideas to ask a girl out here they are, but always remember that even if she says no it isn’t the end of the world and you’re better off asking than always wondering what might have been …

Buckle up, here we go!

1. Play it out

Ask her out with a song.

Text it, do your best impression of it, hand her your earphones while listening to it, get creative.

One suggestion? “Are you gonna be my girl” by Jet. But you can use your imagination on this one.

It can be funny, romantic, cheesy, so bad it’s good. Your call cowboy.

Just make sure it’s not too over the top.

As far as I’m aware “I will always love you” by Celine Dion has never successfully resulted in a date although it has probably resulted in some ruined marriages after karaoke night.

2. Go old school: write a letter

You can keep it short and sweet, but consider writing her a handwritten letter.

Why not?

It’s romantic, it’s classic and the girls like it a lot in Jane Austen books.

It shows that you put some thought into it but not a creepy level of thought. Slip it in her locker or mailbox and voila. You just asked her out.

3. Invite her to do something she loves to do

If it’s mini-golf then fine.

But chances are you’ve heard her raving about a new art exhibition, an upcoming intimate acoustic cafe at the music hall downtown or talking about an amazing cafe she went to recently.

Invite her out there and be straightforward about it.

“I heard you like X, I’m interested to try it out too and it would be even better with your company. What do you think?”

Done and done.

4. Be sweet

Another way to invite your paramour out on a date is to be sweet about it.

I’m talking chocolate, cinnamon hearts if it’s Valentine’s Day — or even if it’s not. You get the picture.

Wrap it up in a cute little gift baggy and give it to her. If it just so happens to have a tasteful little note tucked inside that says Dinner, Friday at Monticelli’s 8pm? Xx

Then all the better for you.

5. Be like Shakespeare

Be like Shakespeare in the sense of write a poem.

It can be a sonnet, sure. Or you can just go for a simple poem, hopefully with a few words that rhyme.

Think of this as tip 2 on steroids. Sure, a letter is good, but a poem?

It practically oozes kisses.

When it comes to ideas to ask a girl out this one is sitting there with a bejeweled golden crown just casually dangling from its handsome head.

I’d love to take you out
Of that I have no doubt
This weekend are you free?
I was thinking just you and me

Feel free to steal that.

6. Humor is the way to a woman’s heart

If you want to go with one of the best ideas to ask a girl out, try humor.

Get her laughing and you’re one step closer to winning her heart.

Try to use a joke that’s fairly short but funny. Maybe a joke about asking someone out.

Cheat sheet: “If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?”

7. By text

This isn’t exactly Romeo and Juliet, guys, but sometimes it can do the trick.

Assuming you already have her number then shoot the object of your desire a text.

Keep it easygoing and funny.

Ask what she’s doing this weekend and suggest an event, dinner or get-together.

Emojis optional.

The worst she can do is say no – scratch that, the worst she can do is not answer at all and keep you hanging, but if so she probably wasn’t worth your time to begin with.

8. Phone her

Think of this as one step up from texting. Be a man and call her.

Sure, she might be shocked at first (who calls these days, right?) but her deep female instincts will also respond to your gutsiness.

You weren’t afraid of her hearing your voice quaver like a junior in middle school (no offense if you’re a junior in middle school with a quavering voice).

You called her and got the job done. It’s easy for her to make an excuse or say no in a nice way so don’t worry about putting her on the spot.

This is one of the most direct ways to ask a girl out other than in person but many times it is perfectly good enough.

9. Heavy Petting

Are you already friends or acquaintances but want to take things to the next level?

Next time you’re hanging out at the park or her house and her pet is there discreetly put a little note around buddy’s neck.

“Oh look, Chippy seems to have an important memo for you.”

Gasp.

Swoon.

10. Invite to cook for her

Women love a man who can cook (or at least attempt to).

Invite her to your place for a delicious meal and make sure to scamper up something you know she enjoys.

If you don’t know what she likes, ask.

You can always suggest she bring over a bottle of wine, too.

You don’t need to be looking out at the Eiffel tower for the sparks to fly, trust me. This is one of the best ideas to ask a girl out.

11. Serenade her

This is related to tip one but it’s the next level up. Serenading is not the same as just playing a recorded song for a girl.

Serenading is an art.

It’s best done in a cobblestone street in the Mediterranean region under a balcony at dusk with the scent of flowers on the breeze and a melancholy romance in the air.

But it’s also fine to sling your guitar or get your vocal chords ready and just do it outside the front door of the high school when she comes out.

Or in your work parking lot.

Or right at the restaurant.

Not into singing or guitar? Maybe try an accordion or some cymbals. The world is your musical oyster.

Are you not easily embarrassed? Then do it. She’ll know a keeper when she sees one.

If it goes wrong you can blame us.

12. Don’t be cross

Another fun idea for the brainiacs among you is to make a crossword puzzle with a surprising answer

When she completes it — and please don’t make it too hard that could turn awkward — then tell her to flip the page over with instructions to read the first letter of all the across clues or so forth.

It should then spell something like “will you have dinner with me on Friday?”

Ideas to ask a girl out? Talk about solved.

13. Make a bet

If you’re a gambling man and you’ve got your eye on a gal who has a good sense of humor and enjoys some fun then consider making a bet.

Take a ridiculously easy challenge like tossing a ball of office paper in the bin and say “if I get this in we go out for a drink, deal?”

Then miss and beg her to go out with you anyway.

Joking.

You get it in of course and then you say “looks like you owe me an evening of your phenomenal presence over a delicious dinner, shucks,” but not in a super needy or weird way, ok? Try to wink, even.

14. Flowers

Flowers smell wonderful and they look beautiful.

Bring some to her and ask her out.

This is one of the most classic ideas to ask a girl out for a reason: it’s romantic, thoughtful, classy and charming.

Even if she says no thanks, the enjoyment on her face from having an ice bouquet is sure to be genuine.

Try it out.

Want to attract women? Read on…

Are you a nice guy? Do you think women will be attracted to a decent man with a good personality?

I used to think this way. And I consistently struck out with women.

Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with being nice and treating a girl well. These are great qualities.

But if that’s all you’re bringing to the table, you’re in big trouble.

As I have learned over the last 6 years, women don’t choose the guy who will treat them the best. They choose the guy who makes them feel certain powerful emotions.

Specifically, they choose guys they are overwhelmingly attracted to.

And for women, the key thing they look for in a man is his body language and how he carries himself around her.

The simple truth is that the woman’s brain is much more responsive to the signals your body is giving off than it is to anything you say.

If you want to give off the right body language signals to make her attracted to you, check out my new article here.

I introduce the most effective method I have come across to attract women and make the one you want into your loyal, loving girlfriend.

Over the last 6 years I have built Hack Spirit into one of the leading self-improvement blogs on the internet. And I’ve come across a lot of crap promising the ‘secret’ to meeting and sleeping with women. What I introduce in this article is NOT one of those gimmicks.

If you…

  • Want a girlfriend
  • Want to attract multiple women
  • Or want to keep a woman interested in you

… you need to read my new article. Here’s a link to it again.

You may also like reading:

New video: He reveals the truth about chasing emotionally unavailable men (hint: don’t do it!)

Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

happy couple

Am I in love? 48 important signs to know for sure

How to save your marriage alone (11 no bullsh*t steps)