How to ask a girl out: 8 no bullsh*t tips

Do you have a crush on someone in class or in the office?

Well, the truth is:

Age doesn’t matter when it comes to love and infatuation; Cupid’s arrows will strike whenever he pleases.

But what should you do if you like a girl?

After all, there are tons of factors to consider:

Maybe she’s already a close friend. You don’t want to risk ruining a good friendship — or do you?

Perhaps she’s in a higher position at work, and you’re just the new guy.

And what if the girl has a crush and that lucky person isn’t you?

No matter the case, the time will eventually come when you finally decide to ask her out.

But how exactly should you proceed?

Keep on reading.

We’ve prepared the very best and most practical tips on asking a girl out:

1) Try Your Best to Look Good at All Times

Here’s the thing:

Girls appreciate a good-looking man.

And don’t get us wrong; this isn’t all about having a handsome face.

No, what girls are looking for is this:


It doesn’t matter that you’re not the finest men in the area, but what does matter is that you don’t just settle for a basic appearance as if you just got out of bed.

According to Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. in Psychology Today, grooming can make or break your attractiveness:

“Take some time to care for yourself. Shower, style your hair, and shave or trim where you need to. Be clean, neat, and smell good too. Grooming alone can make (or break) your attractiveness – and all it takes is a bit of time, effort, and a toothbrush!”

While you can’t change your genetics, you can make sure your well-groomed and in shape.

So keep this mind as you learn how to ask a girl out:

Either you create a good first impression or end up having your first approach become your last.

2) Be confident – fake it till you make it if you have to

If a girl sees you and you’re looking all disorganized and messy, she’s already made up her mind even before you utter a word.

You have to look confident if you want her to say yes.

Do not do any of these four things if you decide to ask her out:

— Moving your hands a lot every time you talk
— Looking at the floor as if you’re scared of her reaction
— Having your shoulders slumped
— Stumbling over your own words

In contrast, here’s what you should do:

— Look forward and maintain eye contact
— Smile and look cheerful
— Speak in a calm and sincere manner
— Keep your back straight
— Respect her personal space

Keep in mind that Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy says that the best way to become self-confident is to fake it till you make it.

Cuddy says that the more you approach situations with trumped-up confidence, over time you self-reinforce those behaviors until they become natural.

From Cuddy herself:

“The more you behave that way, the more your mind and body are sort of reinforcing this feeling of being powerful and being confident.”

So when you’re tasked with asking a girl out, there’s nothing wrong with faking it a little.

Pull your shoulders back, engage in solid eye contact and tell yourself that she’s lucky that you’re asking her out.

3) What you wear matters more than you think

Let’s talk about fashion.

No, you don’t have to buy premium clothes fresh from the runway. A man shouldn’t ‘flex’ on a girl they like by wearing high-end clothing screaming with brand logos.

Impress, but don’t get braggy about it.

Iron your clothes and wash them to ensure there are no stains.

Clean your shoes and wear clothes that fit just right.

Girls don’t like ultra baggy clothes or clothes that are too tight. Just make sure they fit well. Get help from a female friend when you go shopping if you need to.

And you don’t have to wear a suit or anything too fancy. A nice, new pair of jeans and a plain white or black t-shirt will work just fine (if it fits properly).

It’s as simple as that.

(In my new article, I explain why women don’t choose the guy who makes the most “sense” to be with – they look for these 3 ‘body language cues’ instead. Check it out here).

4) Ask at the Right Place and Time

Sure, you look good, and you’ve memorized what you’re going to say.

But appearance isn’t enough if you want to know how to ask a girl out the right way.

Knowing when and where you should ask her out is essential as well.

Imagine this:

You’re at the grocery store one Saturday morning and spot her at the next aisle.

Without thinking, you decide to approach her and ask if she wants to go out — all while she’s busy filling her grocery cart and enjoying the start of the weekend.

Do you think you’ll get a surefire yes?

No, not likely. At all.

And the same applies to when you ask her out while she’s still hanging out with her family and friends. You’re just going to make her the subject of teasing if they hear every single detail.

You have to find the right moment; don’t ruin her day not thinking things through.

So when and where should you ask her out?

It depends.

If you see her regularly due to work or school, you can approach her there. This is a place where both of you can feel comfortable. Just don’t do it while everyone is busy.

What if you don’t see her that often?

Maybe you only saw her when you hung out with your friends at a club or when you watched a football game in your local stadium.

In these cases when it’s hard to know when you’ll see her again, it’s okay to be a little more daring.

Regardless, you should ensure the following:

— She’s not busy
— People aren’t nearby to hear you ask her out
— She seems to be in a good mood

5) Be Clear With Your Intentions

If you want to ask her out on a date, say it.

Don’t skirt around the subject just because you’re afraid she’ll say no.

Learning how to ask a girl out is about being straightforward.

Here’s a good tip:

Don’t be shy.

After all, you’ve already made it as far as approaching her. Don’t back down now. If you do, you’re just gonna end up looking like a creep.

Avoid using these lines:

“Maybe we can hang out in the future!”
“There’s a good movie in the summer. Let’s see it.”
“The local joint in my neighborhood has delicious chicken.”

All these sound like you want to be a good, outgoing friend who’s also bad with details.

You’re technically asking to go out with her, but you’re making it seem like it’s not going to be a date either.

You might think:

“But wouldn’t it be easier for her to say yes if I asked her this way?”

Yes, but only because it seems to be a completely friendly request.

As if you’re not looking for something more than friendship.

In other words:

Being vague about your intentions can backfire. In the end, she might just think of you as someone looking for a good friend.

Instead, say something along the lines of:

“Hi, may I ask you out? There are some excellent seafood and wine at my favorite restaurant.”
“If you’re free Friday night, may I ask you out for dinner? We could go to the movies afterward.”
“Hey there. Can I ask you out on a date? I think you’re a very cool person and I admire you.”

Let her know that what you want is a romantic date.

RELATED: Avoid “awkward silence” around women with this 1 brilliant trick

6) Be Prepared for Rejection

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Roman Kosolapov

You might think that this goes against the topic of learning how to ask a girl out.

But this is the truth:

Rejection is part of dating.

Sometimes, you can do everything in your control and still end up with a no — and that’s perfectly fine. Being rejected doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world for you.

When you get a no, don’t pester her about it — you’re going to sound like a kid.

Be a man and accept it. Keep your head up and smile.

Furthermore, try not to take it personally.

After all:

Rejection happens to everyone.

And you really shouldn’t be affected if you asked out a girl in the club and realized she’s already with another guy or that she’s not into men in the first place.

Don’t let it affect your self-esteem. You’ll eventually get a yes.

7) Establish a Connection Beforehand

Woman with a younger man

When learning how to ask a girl out, it’s best to focus on connections.


Because it’s easier for a girl to say yes if she already knows and trusts you to an extent.

If you spot a girl you like in the bar, why not approach her first on a casual note.

Be friendly and show her that you’re a good guy.

When you two are already having fun, ask her for her number. If she gives it, then that’s a good sign — you’re one step closer to asking her out.

Now, be a man and text her first.

Introduce yourself and give ample time for the two of you to know each other better.

Read between the lines:

— Are the two of you already closer than before?
— Is she flirting with you?
— Are you guys already at a high point where it makes sense to ask her out?

These questions also apply if the two of you interact regularly at work or in school.

What’s important is that you dedicate ample time to gauge and improve your chances of getting a yes.

In the world of dating, it pays to be patient.

8) Be playful and make her laugh

Researchers at an American university discovered that when two strangers meet, the more times a man tries to be funny and a woman laughs, the more likely she is to be interested in dating.

This doesn’t just mean telling witty jokes and stories, it also means being fun.

Keep the vibe relaxed: If you’re too serious or intense, you’ll kill the vibe.

Prepare yourself to laugh as well. If you smile and loosen up, it will enhance the vibe and you’ll become more attractive yourself.

Also, try learning how to be self-deprecating. This is the ability to laugh at yourself.

Gently mock yourself will show your sense of humor and that you don’t take yourself too seriously.

For example, you could talk about your poor choice of clothes or your terrible drinking skill.

Whatever is, lighten the mood and have some fun.

How to Ask a Girl Out and Land That Perfect Date

In the end, you have to put your best foot forward no matter who you want to go out on a date with.

Is she a close friend you’ve had since you were a little kid?

Is she the new executive in the company?

Or maybe you’ve spotted her at the clubs and bars a few times?

Utilize what you already know about her. Change your approach depending on the person; no two girls are the same. Respect her individuality and finetune your ways.

And lastly:

Make use of the connection the two of you already have.

Don’t be a stranger.

Be friendly and build a lasting first impression.

Once she’s comfortable with you, that’s when you should ask her out on a date.

Suit up, but don’t try so hard to look perfect.

Take a deep breathe and relax.

Be your best self.

If you exude confidence and remain sincere, you’ll get yourself a date in no time.

Want to attract women? Read on…

Are you a nice guy? Do you think women will be attracted to a decent man with a good personality?

I used to think this way. And I consistently struck out with women.

Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with being nice and treating a girl well. These are great qualities.

But if that’s all you’re bringing to the table, you’re in big trouble.

As I have learned over the last 6 years, women don’t choose the guy who will treat them the best. They choose the guy who makes them feel certain powerful emotions.

Specifically, they choose guys they are overwhelmingly attracted to.

And for women, the key thing they look for in a man is his body language and how he carries himself around her.

The simple truth is that the woman’s brain is much more responsive to the signals your body is giving off than it is to anything you say.

If you want to give off the right body language signals to make her attracted to you, check out my new article here.

I introduce the most effective method I have come across to attract women and make the one you want into your loyal, loving girlfriend.

Over the last 6 years I have built Hack Spirit into one of the leading self-improvement blogs on the internet. And I’ve come across a lot of crap promising the ‘secret’ to meeting and sleeping with women. What I introduce in this article is NOT one of those gimmicks.

If you…

  • Want a girlfriend
  • Want to attract multiple women
  • Or want to keep a woman interested in you

… you need to read my new article. Here’s a link to it again.

You may also like reading:

Sign up to Hack Spirit's daily emails

Learn how to reduce stress, cultivate healthy relationships, handle people you don't like and find your place in the world.

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit
Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

image of Buddha

15 mindful lessons from Buddha

Harvard-trained neuroscientist stroke of insight