Paul Brian
My whole life I’ve cared so much about everything:
What others think of me, whether I’m a “success,” how to be sure if someone I like feels the same as me …
And on and on.
It’s exhausting.
And it’s also gotten me in some jams when folks used how much I care to manipulate and take advantage of me.
That’s why I started learning how to pretend I don’t give a hoot even though I really do.
Here’s my formula.
How to act like you don’t care when you do: 10 practical tips
1) Stop micromanaging
One of the things that people tend to do when they care a lot is micromanage.
I did it for years and I still do to an extent.
Trying to be helpful is great, but breathing down everyone’s neck around you to try to make sure they’re doing everything right isn’t a good idea.
If you want to know how to act like you don’t care when you do, start by taking it a bit easier on those around you.
If they mess up, fine.
You can’t save everyone from themselves.
And you can’t always be perfect, either!
Learning to stop micromanaging was a big one for me. I forced myself to shift the focus from “everyone else” to me.
And with that shift came a lot more empowerment and clarity as well.
After all, you can’t change what everyone around you is doing or how they’re behaving, but you can change yourself.
2) Stay quiet when possible
Part of relaxing your grip a little, involves talking a bit less.
I love conversation and I think it has immense value, at times.
But when you always feel the need to chip in and contribute, you can actually be giving away too much of your time and energy in ways that are unnecessary.
I used to feel the need to always drop a comment, have an opinion or be “understood.”
Now I’m perfectly content to sit back and skip the drama.
It’s not that I don’t care. But I’m able to generally avoid showing something that really irks me or makes me want to get in an argument when I know it’s not worth it.
I care sometimes, sure, but I always feel better when I reflect afterwards during a tense conversation or interaction and realize I had a big win by not even getting involved.
When possible, listen more than you talk.
You’ll find that people begin to become more attracted and interested in you and think you’re “chill” all as a result of you simply saying a bit less.
3) Get your life in gear
One of the reasons I spent so many years caring a lot about everything is that I was too focused on what others were doing.
I was eyeing their jobs, their relationships and their posts all day instead of looking in the mirror.
I felt stuck, left behind and disempowered.
If you’re in a similar position I’m guessing you know exactly how I felt.
So how can you overcome this feeling of being “stuck in a rut”?
Well, you need more than just willpower, that’s for sure.
You can’t just blindly force your way forward, you need to have a tactical plan and go about it step-by-step.
I learned about this from Life Journal, created by the highly-successful life coach and teacher Jeanette Brown.
You see, willpower only takes us so far…
The key to transforming your life into something you’re passionate and enthusiastic about takes perseverance, a shift in mindset, and effective goal setting.
And while this might sound like a mighty task to undertake, thanks to Jeanette’s guidance, it’s been easier to do than I could have ever imagined.
Click here to learn more about Life Journal.
Now, you may wonder what makes Jeanette’s course different from all the other personal development programs out there.
It all comes down to one thing:
Jeanette isn’t interested in being your life coach.
Instead, she wants YOU to take the reins in creating the life you’ve always dreamt of having.
So if you’re ready to stop dreaming and start living your best life, a life created on your terms, one which fulfills and satisfies you, don’t hesitate to check out Life Journal.
4) Use your phone more strategically
A lot of us are very addicted to our phones. I know I am. My thumb practically has some targeted form of arthritis from swiping and clicking stuff all day.
As for my eyesight, well..
The point is:
If you’re going to be using your phone quite a bit, at least use it strategically.
Phones can be a great prop.
Say you’re in a nightclub feeling awkward and uncomfortable (in other words, say you’re in a nightclub).
Now, you can stand there looking like you’re fishing for pocket lint all night and have all the pretty guys and gals pass you by with embarrassed glances…
Or you can whip out that phone.
And text and call with WHOEVER you damn well want.
Not only do you now look busy, cool and detached, you also look like you just don’t care all that much about the social scene or the dancefloor.
You’d totally be out there grooving but you just have to take this call from your agent about the upcoming modeling shoot. Tough luck.
5) Go light on social media
Social media has a lot of great things going for it.
But it can really lodge in your mind and make you obsessed about the lives of others.
It can also get you so focused on your own image and self-crafted identity that you lose track of your place in our real, breathing and living world.
I encourage you to go light on social media.
If you want to know how to act like you don’t care when you do, stop feeding your brain with digital crack.
It’s just going to get you addicted and even further into the loop of obsessing about every little image-based thing that’s happening.
So the next time somebody asks you “did you hear what X said about Y” you’ll have the blissful privilege of honestly saying that you don’t.
And mentioning that you’re not all that interested, either.
Winning…
6) Quit chasing love and intimacy
One of the biggest sources of caring too much is chasing after love.
We all want it, at least in some form.
But it can so often seem like the harder you chase intimacy and affection the more it eludes you!
Don’t I know it…
This is a very tough nut to crack.
But here’s the thing:
Your desire for love and intimacy is fine. Caring about it is healthy, and even being a little needy can be a good thing.
The art of this is to not get upset or overly focused on your neediness.
Let it be what it is, and don’t always act out on it.
Keep yourself from sending that extra pleading text…
Keep yourself from feeling you’ve “struck out” or will “always be alone” when you see photos of smiling couples online again.
You’ve got this. Just stop advertising insecurity to the world.
7) Free your mind
Part of caring too much about how you’re perceived and being too hard on yourself is about being inside the matrix.
So many of us are stuck inside strong ideas about who we “should” be, or what we “should” do.
It comes from early childhood, from society or even from places like corporate marketing pushed at us off the various screens we look at every day.
This is why it’s so important to free your mind and find a spiritual path that’s meaningful for you.
The thing with spirituality is that it’s just like everything else in life:
It can be manipulated.
Unfortunately, not all the gurus and experts that preach spirituality do so with our best interests at heart. Some take advantage to twist spirituality into something toxic – poisonous even.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandé. With over 30 years of experience in the field, he’s seen and experienced it all.
From exhausting positivity to downright harmful spiritual practices, this free video he created tackles a range of toxic spirituality habits.
So what makes Rudá different from the rest? How do you know he’s not also one of the manipulators he warns against?
The answer is simple:
He promotes spiritual empowerment from within.
Click here to watch the free video and bust the spiritual myths you’ve bought for the truth.
Rather than tell you how you should practice spirituality, Rudá puts the focus solely onto you.
Essentially, he puts you back in the driver’s seat of your spiritual journey.
8) Learn how to say you don’t care professionally
When you’re looking into how to act like you don’t care when you do, keep in mind that you don’t need to be rude.
In fact, there are some really good ways to say you don’t give a f*ck professionally.
When you really want people to get the impression you don’t care, there are a number of creative ways to tell them just that.
The thing about not caring is this:
If you try too hard to prove you don’t care it makes it completely obvious that you’re very invested and care deeply.
If you want to know how to act like you don’t care when you do, put yourself in the mind of a largely indifferent person.
They don’t tell someone to buzz off angrily, get overly defensive when something comes up or anything like that.
In fact, they rarely care enough to even tell people they don’t care.
Because they just…don’t care.
Be like that. Or at least act like it.
9) Show, don’t tell
Generally speaking, you’re better off showing people you don’t care than telling them.
Think about it:
“I don’t care!” is exactly what somebody usually says when they care a lot and they’re pissed off.
Shrugging and walking away or yawning, however, is what people who actually don’t care tend to do.
If you want to look like you don’t care, then adopt the behaviors and gestures of people who don’t care.
Yawn discreetly while someone is talking…
Break eye contact and look utterly bored while listening to gossip that actually has your heart pounding…
Rub your eyes as if you really need more sleep in the middle of a situation where you want nothing more than to start micromanaging and getting involved in every little detail.
Get used to walking, moving and gesturing like you don’t care.
Perfect your shrug.
Yawn like somebody in a sleep commercial.
Make sure to always put showing how little you care above talking about it.
10) Put competence over confidence
There’s one key thing to keep in mind as you go about becoming a less outwardly vexed person.
Put competence over confidence.
Walking around with a swagger and a cocky smile isn’t going to convince people you’re feeling relaxed and great.
If anything it will look more like you’re covering up for some inner insecurity.
Instead, focus on learning actual skills, competencies and situational responses that focus on a “less is more” approach.
Instead of jumping in with a thousand watts, respond to life calmly and with as little drama as possible.
Act like you’ve got all the time in the world, even when you’re stressed.
Get plenty of sleep and focus on your health. Make sure you’re never moving at someone else’s speed.
Move at your own.
Sorry, my give-a-damn’s busted…
That instinct to care a lot what people think of you and about doing everything the way you “should” won’t just go away…
You may still care a lot and be checking your appearance twice a minute when you go to the corner store.
But if you want to act like you don’t care, it’s important to become action-oriented.
Get out of your head as much as possible and focus on what you want to accomplish and why.
You’ll find that you not only look like you don’t care, you actually start caring just a little less as well.
