Anna Scheucher
Being dumped is never a fun experience, and it can leave the dumpee feeling sad, self-conscious, and lonely. However, there usually comes a time where a man who broke up with his partner realizes what he has lost.
Of course, the time this takes depends on the kind of man he is and the relationship you had, but there are 7 very specific moments every man realizes that he made a mistake.
In this article, I will tell you exactly what these 8 moments are, as well as two ways you can make him realize what he has lost even faster.
Men go through breakups differently than women
First and foremost it is important to note that men do not process break-ups the same way women do. This is why their behavior often feels weird, insensitive, and cold to women.
To understand when a man realizes he messed up when breaking up with you, we have to look at the grieving process men tend to go through.
Usually, their grieving process starts with acceptance, followed by anger, heartache, self-blame, denial, and shock. Women go through this the other way around, ending with acceptance.
This is important to know because it can be frustrating to feel like he has moved on without a problem, while you feel like a part of you just died.
In reality, he will feel all the same things, just at a different time, as he is trying to suppress his feelings at first.
Once he hits those final stages of denial, shock, and regret, there will be 7 very specific moments he realizes what he has lost.
8 moments a man realizes what he has lost
1) When he can’t find anyone that kind
Once your ex-partner starts dating other women in an attempt to move on from you, he will soon realize that truly genuine and kind people are hard to come by.
There are many beautiful women out there, no doubt, all of them with their own set of unique qualities, but they might not be as kind to him as you were.
Even though that might have been a trait he never consciously valued in you, kindness is incredibly underrated, and probably one of the most important characteristics a partner can have. Unfortunately, this is often only noticed once they feel a lack of it.
If your partner realizes that he can’t find anyone who matches the kindness you showed towards him, he will regret his decision of breaking up and crave your presence in his life again.
2) When he gets sick of partying
A lot of men break up in pursuit of a craving for passion, fun, and freedom.
They think they’ve had enough commitment, and want to get back “out there”, hooking up with a different girl every night, partying till the sun comes up with nobody to answer to, you get the picture.
Although this might be what they initially craved, being out, surrounded by new people will actually be one of the moments he will regret letting go of you.
Sure, a night or two of getting drunk and messing around is fun, but sooner or later a man will come to realize that none of what he is doing is fulfilling.
All of a sudden he will miss movie nights cuddled up in bed or going out to dinner with the person he loves.
Superficial connections will never beat deep intimacy, and he will probably come to that realization at a bar or a club, trying to distract himself from losing you.
3) When nobody cares as deeply
Similar to kindness, deeply caring for someone is often taken for granted, and only noticed in its absence.
A man will soon come to realize that it is rare to find people who actually deeply care about him.
Of course, there might be family and friends in his life that care a lot, but this type of care can’t be replaced platonically and he will eventually miss the way you took care of him.
The moment he comes to this realization will probably be while doing something really mundane.
He might be doing his laundry, realizing that he hasn’t folded it ever since the two of you got together, because you always just took care of it for him, or he’ll realize how much you did every day to make his life easier.
This is when he will notice how much he took for granted and never fully appreciated you, and when the regret of letting you go will seep in.
4) When he gets used
Unfortunately, we live in a world where getting used is no seldom occurrence.
Although I’m sure you wouldn’t wish it on your ex-partner, there will probably come a time where he gets used by someone new, and that will be yet another moment he realizes what he lost when breaking up with you.
When a new person comes into your ex-partner’s life solely to use him, he will soon realize how sweet and genuine you were in comparison, accepting him with all his flaws and loving him for who he is as a person.
This also ties in with intimacy. Once he starts being intimate with new people, he will instantly realize how deep the connection between the two of you was, and how unfulfilling these new experiences feel in comparison.
This will spark a longing in him to feel this intimacy with you again, and he might even be tempted to reach out to you again.
5) Want advice specific to your situation?
While this article explores when a man really starts to regret what he lost, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like whether to move on or try to win a man back. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to Relationship Hero a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
My coach was experienced, empathetic, and genuinely helpful.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
6) When he never feels understood
The thing that most relationships thrive on is having a deep, mutual understanding of each other, that friends or even family can’t get close to.
Usually, a partner is a person who understands you better than anyone else, which is the foundation of a really strong connection.
When a man starts meeting new people and realizes that nobody seems to understand him the way you did, he will experience another moment of realizing what he has lost.
Depending on the relationship the two of you shared, this might be a regret that lingers forever, even when he has seemingly moved on. There aren’t many people in this world that can truly get us.
7) When he notices that you have moved on
Last but not least, a man will truly realize that he has lost you when he notices that you have moved on with your life.
Once he sees you happy, either by yourself or with someone else, he will come to the realization that you’re not his anymore, and that he has truly lost you.
This will spark feelings of frustration because he didn’t realize soon enough what an amazing woman he had in his life, and what a mistake he made when letting you go.
This brings me to the next part, the part where you can take the power back into your own hands and make him realize what he has lost even faster.
2 ways to make him realize what he has lost
1) The No-Contact Rule
You may or may not have heard of this in connection to break-ups before, but truly the first thing you should do after he breaks up with you (or really at any point during the break-up you’re reading this), is to establish the no-contact rule for yourself.
What is the No-Contact Rule?
The no-contact rule is exactly what it sounds like – you cut off any and all communication with your ex-partner.
This means no texting, no calling, not even liking or commenting on his posts on social media!
Refrain from absolutely all kinds of contact. If he reaches out to you, you can choose whether or not you stick to your set time frame, or if you want to reply.
How long do I do this for?
Begin with a set time frame, a month is a pretty good starting point. It sounds daunting at first, but trust me, it will get easier as the days go by!
Also, having a set time frame really helps with seeing this through, as it is a lot harder to stick to a vague “I won’t contact him for a while”.
Next thing you know, you’re sending him that 3am “I miss you” text and regret it the next morning when being left on read.
Choose a time frame that feels challenging but reasonable to you, and stick to it with the knowledge that after this time, if you wish, you can check up on him.
What are the benefits of the no-contact rule?
While you’re refraining from contacting him, he will have no idea what you’re up to. This will be confusing to him, he was expecting you to be clingy, desperate, and sad, but instead, you just went MIA.
Apart from carrying a sense of mystery, this will also be very attractive. A person who begs for their partner to try again with the relationship will only come across as annoying and desperate, but when you don’t do that, your partner will be confused as to why.
He will get curious, wanting to know what is going on in your life. On top of that, it will make him realize what he has lost when he notices that you are a strong woman who accepted the break-up and moved on with her life.
On that note, the second thing you can do to make him realize what he has lost when breaking up with you is to use this time of no-contact to fall in love with your life again.
2) Make your life amazing
Working on your own life is the number one thing you can actively do to make him realize what a giant mistake he made when letting you go.
This will not only enhance your life in every aspect and make him want to be a part of it again, but it will also make the process of moving on a lot easier.
So how do you make your life amazing, starting right now?
Take care of yourself on all levels
Taking care of yourself is the foundation of making your life amazing. If you feel good, you have the energy to do great things.
Taking care of yourself means taking care of all your needs, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
- Physically
Taking care of yourself physically has a lot to do with tuning into your body and noticing what you need that day.
It is also about making healthier choices in your everyday life. What that looks like for you will be very different from what it might look like for someone else.
Right now, your body might need more exercise, but it might also need more rest. You might need more vegetables or more soul-nourishing foods.
This varies from person to person, so it is important you listen to your body.
A few things you can try:
- Exercise daily, especially when feeling restless, emotional, or like you’ve been sitting all day (this can be as little as incorporating a short walk before dinner)
- Take a rest day when you feel exhausted
- Focus on incorporating more whole foods into your diet (fruits, vegetables, unprocessed foods)
- Try to get some fresh air every day
- Drink plenty of water
- Make sure you feel clean and good every day (shower, brush your teeth,…)
- Treat yourself to some pampering – go to the hairdresser, get your nails done, buy new makeup or a new outfit, etc
Some of these things might seem self-explanatory, but trust me, in the depths of a break-up it can be hard to do even the most simple self-care things like brushing your teeth.
However, during this time it is especially important to do that plus some when taking care of yourself.
All of these bullet points will help you feel better, both on a superficial/aesthetic level, as well as on a deeper level of feeling healthy and energized.
- Mentally
Mental health is super important, that is no secret. Especially during a break-up, our mental health is not at its best.
This is why it is crucial to give yourself some extra love in that regard. Seek out a therapist or a life coach to talk to, start journaling, begin a meditation practice, channel your feelings into artistic expression, or create a self-care practice.
- Spiritually
Especially during tough times, it can be helpful to turn towards your inner self and your connection with what you believe in.
Whether you believe in god, the universe, angels, source, spirit guides, ancestors, or anything else, focus on nurturing that spiritual connection.
If you don’t believe in anything, that is okay, too. Maybe you would like to simply go outside into nature and appreciate it for the vast and wonderful miracle it is, without attaching any spiritual meaning to it.
This will give you a strong foundation for your amazing new life.
Try out something new
Without your partner in your life, you likely have a lot more free time now. Use this newly gained freedom to explore something new!
This could mean learning a new sport or craft, joining a club, picking up a new hobby, going on a trip somewhere you’ve never been before,… the options are truly endless!
Not only will this act as a distraction, but it will also expose you to new people and experiences that can help you fall back in love with your life!
Your ex will realize what he has lost when he sees you on all these wonderful new adventures, living your best life without him.
Focus on your goals and dreams
Chances are, you neglected at least some of your personal goals and dreams during your relationship.
Well, guess what? Now is your time to shine! Think about what you want to achieve and go after it!
If you aren’t sure what your goals are, think of these ideas and see what pops in your head:
- Financial goals (saving, investing,…)
- Career goals (promotion, new job,…)
- Athletic goals (run 5K, squat 50kg,…)
- Creative/artistic goals (write a book, publish a piece of art,…)
- Personal goals (rebuild neglected relationships with friends and family,…)
As you can see, there are tons of things you could be doing!
Focusing on your personal goals and dreams will give you a confidence boost and prove to yourself that you are successful, even without your ex.
He will most probably be wondering how you are so productive now that you’re not with him, and will realize what a mistake he has made.
Focus on yourself now more than ever
I know, it is very tempting to do all these things in order for him to realize what a huge mistake he made.
However, try your best to put the majority of your focus on yourself and how YOU are profiting from these changes more than anyone.
Break-ups are terribly hard, but I promise you will come out the other side a better, healthier, more confident, and more successful version of yourself so that you can eventually meet someone who values and appreciates you before it’s too late.
Your ex-partner will eventually realize what he has lost, but in the end, you don’t need his approval to know that he lost the best thing that ever happened to him, do you?
