My love life was a train wreck until I discovered this one “secret” about men

2020 has certainly been a strange year…

But what hasn’t changed is how hard it is to be in a loving, committed relationship with a great guy.

If you’re reading this article, maybe your love life isn’t working out as planned.

Are you in a relationship that’s going nowhere… and potentially on its way to the scrap heap?

Or are you single and wondering why you keep having short term, unsatisfying relationships with men?

Maybe you’ve recently broken up with someone and you don’t know what to do next?

I’ve been through all those issues my whole adult life.

Lots of women have.

The good news is that there’s a new program for solving these extremely common relationship problems that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.

And the program is based around one fascinating insight into male psychologywhich I will tell you about below.

Learning about the male mind has completely changed the trajectory of my own love life.

I want to share with you my story of how this insight not only saved my spluttering relationship, but turned it into the best one I’ve ever had.

I hope that by reading this you’ll learn a thing or two about what makes men tick and even turn your own love life around.

If you want to save yourself a lot of heartache, read through to the end of this article and find out exactly how I did it.

Why my love life was a joke

First, here’s why my relationship needed a major overhaul in the first place…

There are several interesting things about me: I’m about to publish my first novel. I’ve watched every episode of every season of The Walking Dead. Twice over. And I eat way too many pastries.

But here’s what’s most relevant for you: My love life has always been a train wreck.

For years, the sad cycle of my relationships went something like this.

I’d meet a guy that ticked all the boxes. A few months into the relationship, and everything seemed perfect.

Then… from nowhere… I got dumped.

Or even worse, he’d float away until I realized there isn’t a relationship worth having anymore.

Sound familiar?

It’s a bloody horrible feeling.

You feel lost. You are firmly back on the pile of single women looking for a new man…

But with no idea where to find one.

Then about a year ago I met a new guy…

I was madly in love with Adam

what is the hero instinct

After about 6 months with Adam, I thought this relationship was the real deal.

It was like hanging out with your best friend, but with the extra sexy benefits of having a boyfriend.

You know, we were the kind of couple who would walk over hot coals for each other. The couple that other couples would look at and secretly want to be like.

I was convinced that he’d be the one that I’d settle down with for good.

But then some red flags started to crop up.

As they had in every other relationship I had.

I started noticing that he would get annoyed with me. He would sometimes roll his eyes when I said something. Not exactly great signs of a healthy relationship…

I thought talking with Adam and getting it all out in the open would fix it. But when I asked him if anything was wrong, he would simply say, “I’m fine.”

You know when somebody says “I’m fine” they are most definitely not.

That was the first sign that things weren’t that great.

The second one was when he started canceling our dates and choosing to spend less time with me.

Major cold feet alert…

I knew what was going to happen next.

I started to go into my usual panic mode and to analyze every little thing.

Was I too intense at the beginning of the relationship? Was I not attractive enough? Am I boring to be around? Did I show him too much affectionor not enough?

Adam was the nicest guy, and I genuinely thought we were soulmates.

Time after time, every relationship I had ended in my tears when they disappeared into the night.

But Adam meant too much for me to meekly accept another break up. This couldn’t become another broken relationship for me.

I knew I had to do something about it.

And I started thinking…

What if our relationship was like a jigsaw, and I didn’t have all the pieces?

He certainly wasn’t letting me know anything about the missing piece. Most guys don’t talk about what’s going on inside their head. And Adam was the typical silent type.

The thing is I knew he still cared about me. He just wasn’t happy.

Luckily he wasn’t making his escape plan to leave me… yet.

I had time.

Maybe this elusive jigsaw piece was hidden under the surface, and I couldn’t see it.

So I did some digging…

Finding the secret to fix my relationship

I was determined to stop Adam from leaving me…

If I couldn’t see the problem in our relationship that needed fixing, then it was up to me to dig deeper and find out what it was.

I had to get inside his head and figure out why he was drifting away from me.

Whatever I’d been doing for all these years, with countless failed relationships, wasn’t working this time around either…

My relationship with Adam was at stake. I didn’t want to do the same thing again and lose him.

What’s the expression?

Doing the same thing again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

So, what did I do?

My solution was to find a professional who understood what was going on deep inside the male mind.

I needed to know what made Adam tick and why he wasn’t happy in our relationship.

For several weeks, I searched relationship websites and blogs and found lots of generic advice and marketing bluster, but no real answers.

But then I stumbled onto something different.

A qualified psychologist and relationship expert called James Bauer. I started reading some of his free online content and watching his videos.

This guy knew his stuff. What I liked most was that he was a qualified psychologist who had worked with couples for 12 years to fix their relationships. His real-world experience was unmatched.

I realized that I had found my missing jigsaw piece.

And the best part? James introduced me to a fascinating content in psychology I had never come across.

He called it the hero instinct.

What’s the hero instinct?

hero instinct in men

Put simply, men want to be your ‘hero’.

Now, you probably have an idea in your mind about what a hero is. And it involves Hollywood stereotypes and men in capes.

However, the hero instinct has nothing to do with that. Turning your man into Thor isn’t the key to his love and devotion.

The hero instinct is the basic biological urge men have to feel wanted and needed.

Men want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and be appreciated for their efforts.

By triggering the hero instinct, commitment issues can become a thing of the past. Your man will genuinely want to be with you because you are fulfilling a desire deep inside him.

Learning about this for the first time was my “aha” moment.

Little light bulbs lit up inside my head about my relationship with Adam and how I wasn’t fulfilling any of this in him.

However, the free online content wasn’t enough.

I needed to learn more about the hero instinct

I was hungry to learn more about the hero instinct and how to trigger it in Adam.

So I bought James Bauer’s latest book, His Secret Obsession, and read it from start to finish.

And with a few hacks, I learned how to create a deeper connection with Adam simply by making him feel more essential to me.

Men want to be heroes. And by following the advice in His Secret Obsession, I tapped into this by helping Adam feel like mine.

There’s a science to doing this (it’s a little more involved than just asking your guy to fix your computer once in a while). And James Bauer provided me the blueprint for doing it the right way.

In the end, I also learned that all the things I thought were important in relationships…  really weren’t.

Was turning my relationship around as easy as just reading a book?

Yes and no. The advice was deeply practical and easy to put into action. But I still had to be open to his advice and actually follow through with the strategies I learned.

And I did that. James Bauer’s advice and my willingness to put it into action reinvented my relationship with Adam.

Just when I thought he was about to join my crowd my exes.

Adam decided to stay with me and commit to making our relationship work.


What’s my relationship like now?

Pretty damn good.

In fact, Adam and I are going so well that I was motivated to tell my story to other women by writing this article.

The best things about my relationship with Adam are:

  • For the first time in years, there’s a fire burning deep inside me. And I know Adam feels exactly the same way.
  • Adam is showing a lot more affection towards me and making random romantic gestures. Even more than in the initial puppy love stage of our relationship.
  • Most importantly, for the first time in my life I feel completely secure in my relationship.

I wouldn’t be where I am now if it wasn’t for James Bauer and his unique insights into male psychology.

I’m sharing my experience here so you too can enjoy the same happiness and passion as Adam and I now share.

(If you want to learn more about His Secret Obsession, click here watch a unique video introduction to his program. James gives away a lot of free information that’s incredibly useful).

WAIT: Isn’t the hero instinct just silly mind games?

Are you skeptical that the hero instinct is about playing silly mind games with your man?

This is how several friends reacted when I first told them about it.

My answer is an emphatic no. The hero instinct is a real biological drive men have.

Let’s face it: Men and women are different. So, trying to treat your man like one of your friends is not going to work.

Deep inside, we crave different things…

Just like women generally have the urge to nurture those they really care about, men have the urge to provide and protect.

The simple truth is that the strategies outlined in this book really do work…

If I hadn’t triggered the hero instinct in Adam, I’d be single again.

Here are a few things I’m not a fan of:

  • Manipulation
  • Mind games
  • Pretending to be someone I’m not.

And the strategies James Bauer outlines in His Secret Obsession require none of these things.

What else do you need to know about His Secret Obsession?

His Secret Obsession by James Bauer is a powerful relationship guide that is available in PDF or audiobook versions.

Thankfully, you don’t need to know anything about psychology to make this program work for you.

You just need to follow the step-by-step instructions in the book.

If you do decide to take the plunge like I did, you won’t be disappointed. At over 200 pages, plus a lot of bonus materials (including videos and workbooks), it’s a hive of information about what it takes to have a successful relationship.

You’ll learn exactly how the “hero instinct” works in the real world.

And you’ll get specific actions, phrases, and words to use with your boyfriend or husband for all situations.

What I loved the most was that you could start using the tips immediately.

I noticed results with Adam pretty much straight away.

His Secret Obsession taught me a lot about myself and where I was going wrong in my relationship with Adam.

If you want to save your relationship or simply have a better one with your man, this book could be the solution you’re looking for.

(If you want to learn more about His Secret Obsession, click on the button below to watch James Bauer’s unique video introduction. He gives a great run down of his program as well as some free tips you can start using now).

What will you do next?

If you decide this book is not for you, I encourage you to keep on learning about the male mind. Do some research. And find a book or resource that works for you.

Relationships always fail for a reason.

What I realize now is that women just don’t understand what drives men, or appreciate what they really want from a relationship.

Pearl Nash

Written by Pearl Nash

I've always been passionate about eastern philosophy, ever since I became aware that western philosophy places too much emphasis on being positive and happy all the time. I prefer to keep things simple, and I hope you enjoy my writing on Hack Spirit.

18 signs a married man is in love with you (and 3 reasons why)

happy couple

“Does my ex still love me?” – 7 surprising signs your ex still loves you