Short of having an emotionally or physically abusive boyfriend, there’s nothing worse I can think of than a guy who takes you for granted.
That exact problem has led to the end of some of my relationships in very disappointing ways.
That’s why the following tips are so key to keep in mind if you want to stay special to your man.
How to make him worry about losing you: 15 tips all women should know
1) Take it easy on texting
Texting is the modern equivalent of conversation, so we all do a lot of it.
I recommend keeping it to a minimum except with close friends and those who you’re platonic with.
Being overly available on texting does one thing, mainly: it makes a guy take you for granted.
Now, granted, it can also get him hooked on you and be used by you as a tool to cut him off and have him desperately chasing you.
But in general, leave the texting to a minimum. Let him initiate most texts as well.
It will increase your “rarity” in his eyes and make him believe that you’re harder to get (because you are).
2) Be less available
Another way to make him worry about losing you is to be less physically available. This can include making him hold out for physical intimacy, but it also means having a tighter schedule that he doesn’t always fit in.
Please don’t ghost him (that’s just immature).
But do have other commitments that you stick to and that don’t always put him first.
Even if he’s your serious boyfriend, a guy prizing your time and knowing he won’t always have dibs on it is very important in keeping him valuing you highly.
When he sees that you honestly have a lot of other things going on, he’ll realize viscerally how easy it would be for you to drop him and simply erase him out of your life.
And he’ll be afraid of losing you.
If your schedule isn’t currently very full and your first instinct is to always say yes to any date he sets, get busier!
I’m sure you can find a few other things to sign up for and other friends to put ahead of him from time to time.
3) Don’t open up too soon
Here’s what a low value person (man or woman) does when they like someone:
They blurt it right out after a date or two.
I mean, apart from the rare cases where it’s love at first sight, this comes across as deeply unattractive.
When you try to get a lock on whether someone else feels the same as you too soon you come across as horribly insecure and needy.
Don’t do this.
Instead, if you have strong feelings for a guy, mull over them and let them turn into a finely aged wine.
Eventually you’ll want to come right out with how you feel (and him too) of course, but don’t jump to it in the first week of knowing him.
Chances are it’ll just make him think he has you in the palm of his hand and not care about losing you.
When he knows that it’s harder to win your heart and that you reserve deeper feelings only for someone very special, he’ll be much more afraid to lose you and put more stock in what you think of him.
4) Have experts on call
While this article explores the main tips for making a guy value you more highly, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like how to make a guy worry he might lose you.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
If you’re wondering how to make a guy care enough about you to worry about losing you, but not be so worried that he starts to resent you, a love coach at Relationship Hero has got exactly the kind of specific advice you need.
5) Know your value
The world is full of people ready to tell you that you’re not worth squatting.
From glossy makeup ads to trash-talkers on social media, there’s an endless array of busybodies who are willing to give their opinion on you.
You’re too skinny, too fat, too pretty, too ugly, too intellectual, too stupid. You can never get it right, at least not to please everyone.
If you go basing your value on the sliding scale of those around you, you’ll be like a yoyo flopping in all directions, completely confused and demoralized.
It’s crucial to know your own value if you want a man to worry about losing you.
This isn’t about repeating some mantra in your head (“I am worthy, I am worthy,” etc) it’s about knowing in your gut that your worth isn’t defined by one guy, even a guy you like.
It’s about having that inner faith that you’ll meet someone better if a person lets you down who you’d hoped would work out. That inner worth and faith will show through and make him very worried about losing you.
6) Be trustworthy
There are dating guides and writers out there who will advise women to be intentionally confusing and erratic in order to throw a guy off and make him crave your validation.
I sincerely don’t recommend this, unless your goal is mind games and seductive power trips.
If you are looking for a real relationship and something potentially serious, it’s important to be trustworthy.
One proviso: this does not mean being “easy” to get or to get a read on.
What it means is the very simple things such as showing up when you say you will, canceling plans ahead of time if you can’t make it, being honest when you’re not into a guy and so on.
It does not mean that you open up too soon or let him know what’s going on with you too easily.
It simply means that you play in a higher league where your word is your bond.
His attraction and respect for you will grow accordingly.
7) Look your absolute best
Physical appearance does matter quite a bit, regardless of all the “inner beauty” type of advice you’ll hear out there.
God’s honest truth is that us men do put quite a bit of stock in how a woman looks.
This doesn’t mean superficial things like makeup or how well you’ve done your mascara, either.
Part of it is just whether we find you attractive straight up, obviously.
But another big part of it is how you carry yourself and your energy.
Two women of nearly identical physical appearance can be radically different in attractiveness depending on their energy and how they come across. The one who is bubbly, hilarious and enchanting will be a woman that any guy quickly becomes addicted to and dreads losing. The one who is deflated, needy and negative will be a woman that any guy quickly grows tired of and doesn’t worry much about losing.
8) Walk away when he expects the opposite
Many guys try to play games and string women along.
They know they don’t like you much, but want to keep you for sex. They know they like you a lot, but want to string you a long while chasing other girls for sex.
And so on, in a hundred variations.
One of the top games that a guy will do is to cut off contact with you and expect you to come chasing him.
When you don’t do that, believe me: he notices.
And when he notices, his interest and attraction for you immediately begins to surge.
If you cut off contact with him when he does so with you and mirror his detached behavior, he’ll sense that and soon enough he’ll be likely to reestablish contact.
However if you chase after him when he withdraws, he’ll estimate that you’re low value or “easy” and generally not care about whether or not you’re into him.
9) Optimize your most important relationship
Instead of just worrying about how to make him worry about losing you, I also want to suggest a look in the mirror. If you’ve been struggling with guys who are non-commital and feeling like crap about yourself, try to drill down to the roots of this.
Is there just nobody good available, or are you accepting less than what you’re worth?
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with people undervaluing you in love, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like guys who take you for granted.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to dating drama and disappointments.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
10) Set firm boundaries
There’s one big problem that many of us have with boundaries: we set them and then we move them.
We say that we won’t tolerate XYZ in any circumstance, but then we let someone else push us to tolerate XYZ because of whatever lame excuse.
It really doesn’t matter why we moved our boundaries; what matters is that we did. Think of a business metaphor.
If you knew that your credit card company would never truly make you repay what you borrowed on it and you could just cut up your card and never face consequences, why would you respect its boundaries?
You’d spend as much as you could and not worry about having the card and its privileges revoked from you.
But when you know that the rules of the card will be enforced and that the limits are non-negotiable, you respect them and you do what you can to keep the card.
11) Be hard to impress
One of the other aspects of your behavior that will make a man worry about losing you is if you’re hard to impress.
Many guides will say to act hard to impress, but that’s not what I’m saying at all.
I’m saying to genuinely be hard to impress.
As Canadian country star Shania Twain says “That Don’t Impress Me Much.”
So he can play the guitar, make a lot as a lawyer, drives a hot car or speaks a few languages? Big deal.
You aren’t easy to win over and you don’t get seduced with a few big stats.
You take time and you only fall for a guy who’s truly authentic, not one who has all the bells and whistles on the outside.
This is the real truth that many guys miss out on and many women fail to be honest about as well:
The most attractive kind of man and women aren’t jerks who disrespect people, but they’re also not stereotypically “nice” with time for everyone.
They are competent, authentic people who have high value in their actions and don’t seek approval from anyone else. That’s the recipe for attraction right there.
12) Keep your social media popping
Social media is a key indicator of popularity and status these days.
Having yours in the best shape possible is a good way to make any guy understand that you’re well liked and have plenty of other guys who’d be into you if he didn’t work out.
If he feels like he’s the only one who’s really after you, the thrill of the chase is gone and he’ll tend to disengage.
When he knows that there are a hundred hungry wolves out there if he gets on your bad side, he’s much more likely to worry about losing you. There’s a cynical side to this as well, of course.
Because no woman wants a man who’s so scared to lose her that he becomes a total pushover who never argues or has his own priorities.
This way you can also see if he’s got his own backbone or whether he’s just going to do whatever you want so he won’t lose you.
What you want ideally is a man who’s afraid of losing you but still determined to be his authentic self.
13) Show him you have other options
When a man sees that you’re fairly limited in your life choices, he’ll tend to keep you as one of many options and fail to commit.
When he sees that it’s you who has many options (of which he is only one), he will be much more likely to prize you and hold on tighter to you.
The problem is that having options in life and in your career is not something that all of us are lucky enough to have.
So how can you overcome this feeling of being “stuck in a rut”?
Well, you need more than just willpower, that’s for sure.
I learned about this from Life Journal, created by the highly-successful life coach and teacher Jeanette Brown.
You see, willpower only takes us so far…the key to transforming your life into something you’re passionate and enthusiastic about takes perseverance, a shift in mindset, and effective goal setting.
And while this might sound like a mighty task to undertake, thanks to Jeanette’s guidance, it’s been easier to do than I could have ever imagined.
Now, you may wonder what makes Jeanette’s course different from all the other personal development programs out there.
It all comes down to one thing:
Jeanette isn’t interested in being your life coach.
Instead, she wants YOU to take the reins in creating the life you’ve always dreamt of having.
So if you’re ready to stop dreaming and start living your best life, a life created on your terms, one which fulfills and satisfies you, don’t hesitate to check out Life Journal.
14) Stop appreciating him so much
When a guy knows you like him and you show him a lot of appreciation, he figures he’s pretty much got you to himself.
Stop showing so much appreciation to him because of your feelings for him.
This can be hard to do when you care about a guy a lot and are an affectionate woman, but you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache if you tone it down.
Of course if your relationship is serious you can give him appreciation, but don’t lay it on really thick and frequently.
Hold it in incremental reserves for when he’s a really good boy.
If he sees that he can bring joy to your eyes just by making coffee in the morning or taking you out to one nice event, he’s going to feel like you’re an easy catch.
And he’s not going to value you highly or be afraid to lose you, because he’ll see that he’s got you wrapped around his little finger.
15) Tell him about other guys you’ve left
This is the nuclear option, so only use it if you really want to freak him out, and use it well.
The tactic is extremely simple, but will twist his brain in a pretzel.
You simply mention other guys you’ve left or broken up with who didn’t work out for one reason or another.
He’ll start wondering if he’s next and be up all night trying to figure out if it was a coded message to him.
Even if it’s not, the message will be clearly delivered:
You’ve left guys before and you’re not afraid to do it again if necessary.
Love it or lose it
The general mindset of a high-value woman should be: love it or lose it.
A guy will be scared to lose you when you are the kind of girl who sets firm boundaries and is willing to walk away when your standards aren’t met.
Men can sense it a mile away:
Whether you’ll put up with endless shit and give endless second chances or whether you’ll stand your ground and walk away.
The second type of woman is the kind they are deathly afraid to lose.