His Secret Obsession is a hugely popular relationship guide for women.
What does a 33 year old man who writes about relationships and psychology for a living think about His Secret Obsession?
Is it really worth your time and money?
Read my epic His Secret Obsession review to find out.
Note: There are a few different versions of His Secret Obsession out there. To be clear, this is the original and best one. It’s the version I read and am reviewing here.
- What is His Secret Obsession?
- Why you can trust this review
- Who is His Secret Obsession for?
- What’s inside the book
- The signals and their uses
- The hero instinct: What do I think about it?
- Is His Secret Obsession worth it?
- How much does His Secret Obsession cost?
- Rachel and the 12 word text
- About James Bauer
- The pros of His Secret Obsession
- The cons of His Secret Obsession
- Are there any alternatives you should consider?
- My verdict: Should you read it?
What is His Secret Obsession?
His Secret Obsession is a new relationship guide by best-selling author James Bauer. It helps women be in a committed, passionate and long term relationship with the man they love.
The main idea of the book is that women need to tap into their man’s hero instinct.
What the hero instinct boils down to is that men want to live meaningful lives and be respected for their efforts. The hero instinct is amplified when it comes to relationships — men want to be a hero to the women they love and care about.
The key thing to understand about the hero instinct is this:
A man will be drawn to any woman who makes him feel like her everyday hero and will be reluctant to commit when he doesn’t feel like one.
His Secret Obsession gives you the words, phrases, and text messages to trigger the hero instinct in your man.
After reading this book, I’ve started writing extensively about the hero instinct on my own website, Hack Spirit. I’m a massive fan of concept because it speaks the truth about what really drives men when it comes to relationships.
Why you can trust this review
I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit.
I understand how hard it is to find credible reviews online. It’s important to know what you’re reading is genuine, especially if it’s something you’re considering paying for.
That’s why I only recommend or give my opinion on products that I’ve personally tried and tested.
I was interested in checking out His Secret Obsession because I give relationship advice for a living. I’m always searching for useful products or guides to recommend to my readers.
By the end of the review, you’ll know exactly what to expect from His Secret Obsession, and whether it can be useful for your relationship.
Who is His Secret Obsession for?
The short answer is:
Any woman who wants to understand her man and win over his heart.
But this is a very broad spectrum, so let’s look at who exactly will make good use of this eBook:
- Women who want to gain the interest of a man they like
- Women who want to take a friendship to the next level
- Women who want to move from dating their man to being in a committed relationship
- Women whose partner seems uninterested or distant emotionally
- Women who don’t want to accept just a mediocre relationship, but who want the best
- Women who want their man’s attention, love, and respect.
But most of all, it’s for women who are willing to give it a go.
This isn’t the type of relationship book where your problems will be solved overnight.
You have to be willing to make an effort and follow through on the different signals and phrases. And sometimes this involves waiting for the right moment or adapting phrases to suit your man and situation.
What’s inside the book
His Secret Obsession is broken down into 3 main parts:
- Part one focuses on how the hero instinct works
- Part two reveals the practical things you can do to trigger his hero instinct
- A bonus towards the end of the book are text message formulas that you can start sending your man straight away.
Included in the book are 17 modules that really break down the psychology of the hero instinct and then give specific tips and strategies for triggering it in your man.
James Bauer reveals the words you can use, phrases you can say, and little requests you can make to trigger this natural male instinct.
The book itself clocks in at 217 pages.
The signals and their uses
Throughout the book, you’ll come across different signals which differ according to their purpose. For example, while one signal is about getting your man to open up to you, another may be centered around gaining his unwavering interest and attention.
Here’s a quick breakdown of the main signals:
1. The “I owe you” signal
One of the reasons the hero instinct is so effective on guys is that it targets their desire to feel needed.
This signal and the phrases included are ideal whether you’re at the start of a relationship or years in. It’s the ultimate way to make a man feel wanted and important in the relationship.
And it’s as simple as asking for help — James Bauer makes this easy to do by laying out template phrases to put to use for each of the signals.
2. The “private island” signal
This signal is all about how your man sees you. If you want him to consider you the woman of his life, who he’ll spend the rest of his days with, the “private island” phrases will do just the trick.
This is best used if you’re dating or in a relationship with a man who seems unsure about you.
Whether he’s a commitment-phobe or he’s undecided as to whether you’re “the one” for him, it’ll make him see you in a whole different light.
3. The “X-ray question”
To use the hero instinct effectively, you’ve first got to find out your man’s dreams and desires. What he wants for his life, and what he truly seeks in a partner.
But, many men close up at the thought of a deep, intimate conversation that might leave them feeling vulnerable. With the X-ray questions, he’ll open up in no time and you’ll get to the heart of who he is and what he wants.
4. The “ex-back” signal
As implied by the name, this signal is all about getting your ex back.
In fact, it’s as simple as using a 12-word text, cleverly designed to hook his attention and keep it going. This is useful whether you’ve just broken up or you’ve been pining for him for a while now, but probably less efficient if you broke up years ago.
It’s also useful if you’re “on a break” and you want to reconcile with your partner.
5. The “glimpse” phrase
Part of winning over a man’s heart well and truly lies in showing him who you are, deep down and unapologetically.
The “glimpse” phrase is designed to help him see what a future with you would look like. By seeing the real you, he can start to envisage what life together will be like, sparking his interest and commitment even more.
6. The “damsel in distress” signal
Deep down, men want to protect and provide for those they love. They also want to feel admired and respected by the woman they love.
That’s why the “damsel in distress” signal is an important factor in the hero instinct. It’s not about playing the victim or acting incapable to inflate his ego.
It’s about giving him a purpose and role in your life. This signal is essential for anyone who wants their man to feel valued.
As soon as it’s triggered, he’ll do everything he can to step up to the plate and be the partner you need and deserve.
7. The secret “currency” of happy relationships
This signal is all about injecting “emotional currency” into your relationship.
Instead of waiting for happiness to come when he’s finally got that new job, or when you’ve finished renovating the house, you can create a happy relationship no matter what’s happening externally.
At the heart of it, this signal is about showing genuine appreciation to your man. In doing so, you’ll trigger his inner-hero and his desire to contribute to the relationship even more.
8. The “silent action” signals
These are signals that, as the name implies, need no words. Just by using your body language and interaction, you can send powerful messages.
This is perfect if there’s someone you’ve got your eye on and want to catch their attention, or if you want to let them know you’re interested in them.
9. The “fascination” signal
If you want him fascinated with you when you’re together and apart, this signal will plant you in his mind for good.
This is ideal for new relationships, taking a friendship to the next level, and for relationships that have lost their spark.
The signal uses psychology to make your man emotionally attached to you, which results in him always considering you and thinking more as “we” rather than “I”.
James Bauer gives you certain phrases that can be used for each signal, and it’s up to you to adapt them to suit your relationship.
The signals are subtle and easy enough to work into conversation without making it obvious to your man that you’re using the hero instinct on him.
And while you may benefit from some and not others, it will very much depend on what you hope to change/improve in your relationship.
In that sense, it’s helpful that there are a number of signals to choose from.
The hero instinct: What do I think about it?
The hero instinct is a fascinating take on what drives men romantically.
I know first hand how important it is for everyone, both men and women, to live meaningful lives and dedicate themselves to what they care deeply about. I talk about this in detail in my eBook about taking responsibility for your life.
However, James Bauer takes the search for meaning a step further by applying it specifically to the way men approach dating and relationships.
James argues that men are actually pretty simplistic.
The one thing men want is to feel like heroes. He argues that it goes back to our primal nature to provide for women, protect them, and to feel essential to them.
After reflecting on this for some time, I think there is a lot of truth to it.
Men want to step up to the plate for women and to earn her love and affection in return.
Because when it comes to deciding whether to take the plunge into a relationship (or to stay in one), men care less about your qualities — how you look, how funny you are, or whether you’re a firecracker in bed.
What we really care about is how the relationship makes us feel about ourselves.
I see a lot of myself in the way James Bauer describes men and what we need.
I’m not the most alpha of males. Sure, I drink beer and watch football, but I’m also a keen student of Buddhism, I’ve written a book about mindfulness, and I’ve never fixed a single thing around my house.
But the drive for meaning, respect and to provide for the woman we care about are common to all men, including me.
Is His Secret Obsession worth it?
I’ll unpack how much His Secret Obsession costs and it’s pros and cons in more detail below.
However, you probably want to know straight up whether the book is worth it for you.
I read a lot of dating books. While I need to offer my readers as many unique perspectives as I can, I also need to filter out genuinely useful approaches to finding love from gimmicks that simply don’t work.
Only a short way into His Secret Obsession I started to resonate with the central theme: That men have the instinct to step up for women and be a hero to them.
Because of political correctness, it may seem that we’ve gone past the whole “primal instinct” thing.
However, we really haven’t. Men are still men. And we’re still driven by the same instincts we’ve always had.
The best thing about His Secret Obsession for me was that I discovered new ideas, tips and strategies that I’ve never come across before.
Everything about the book is based on practical male psychology and how to tap into it to improve your own relationship.
If you want to level up your love life in 2021, and be in a deep and passionate relationship with the man you love, I think His Secret Obsession is absolutely worth it.
How much does His Secret Obsession cost?
His Secret Obsession costs $47. Included in the price is the 200+ page main eBook, workbook and bonus materials.
Now, $47 for a book may raise a few eyebrows. It certainly costs more than a tub of yogurt. However, James Bauer put a lot of work into this book and accompanying resources so I can understand the price tag.
I’ve also noticed that a few websites are selling black market copies of the book.
To ensure you’re getting an original copy that includes all the bonus materials, as well as your 60-day money back guarantee, always grab it from the official website.
Rachel and the 12 word text
One interesting part of the book is when you meet Rachel.
You’ll be introduced to her at the beginning of the book.
Rachel is one of James Bauer’s favorite clients who was struggling in her relationship. Not wanting to come off as clingy, she hung back. But there was radio silence as her man didn’t text or call back.
So, Rachel reached out to James Bauer, her relationship coach.
He gave her a 12 word text to use on her boyfriend. Soon enough, he came right back to Rachel.
While James was pleased with the outcome, he wasn’t happy that he only helped one woman. He knew that he could help others who were going through a similar thing. That’s when he decided to write His Secret Obsession.
In the book, James Bauer reveals this exact 12 word text that triggered the hero instinct in her boyfriend.
About James Bauer
James Bauer is a bestselling author and popular relationship coach.
He got his start as a trained psychologist and later became a professional relationship coach. For the past 12 years, he’s worked with thousands of men and women to help strengthen their relationships.
By carefully studying their cases, James Bauer discovered what he believes is the secret to deep, passionate and long lasting relationships: the hero instinct.
His approach is based on his own personal experience as a therapist and his research into human psychology.
James distilled all of this knowledge into his most recent book, His Secret Obsession.
What I like most about him is that doesn’t pretend to be a dating “guru”.
James Bauer simply outlines simple truths based on male psychology and his own experience working with women and men over the last 12 years.
The pros of His Secret Obsession
As with any book, there were things I really liked about His Secret Obsession and a few things that weren’t as good.
Let’s start with the good.
- The only dating book you’ll need. With over 200 pages and a bunch of bonus materials, you have absolutely everything you need to succeed in your relationship. I learned a lot about how women should approach dating and relationships and, surprisingly, I also learned some things about myself.
- Everything is practical. Throughout his book, James Bauer talks about the things women can do to trigger a man’s hero instinct. You’ll learn the exact phrases, texts, and little requests you can make. Remember that James Bauer has worked with countless clients over the past 12 years and has seen first hand how his techniques work with real couples.
- Methods are research based. His claims are backed up by the latest research in psychology. For instance, each time he talked about why a man wants to feel like a protector or how a woman “claiming” you is a turn on for a guy, it’s backed up with evidence. Although there were a few times I thought something may not always work on me, the reasoning behind it was always compelling.
- Easy to download. Because His Secret Obsession is an eBook, you don’t have to wait to get it in the mail. You can start reading it immediately.
- Money back guarantee. Not everyone will love every dating guide out there, but with this one, there’s no risk. With a 60-day money back guarantee, there’s not really anything to lose out on.
The cons of His Secret Obsession
As much as I enjoyed reading the book, it’s not perfect. Here are its cons.
- The layout of the book can be a little tricky to navigate. There are clear sections with phrases and signals, but some of them are also woven throughout the beginning parts of the eBook. By the end of the book though, the message still came through loud and clear.
- You need to read the entire eBook. This isn’t the type of book where you can just skip sections or skim-read. The first parts of the eBook lay the groundwork for the techniques and signals that come later on, so some concentration is required.
- Some theories could have been explained in more detail. If you really want to understand the psychology behind what Bauer explains, the lack of detail in some of the theories he mentions might seem a little short and surface level.
- It’s only on eBook/audio. For some people, a true book is a paperback. But His Secret Obsession is only available by eBook and audiobook. I read the eBook from cover to cover but I also tried listening to the audiobook. The voice was calm and confident.
- Price. For an eBook, the price of $47 is more than most. Though it’s not a ton of money, it’s still something you need to consider.
Are there any alternatives you should consider?
If you want to take a look at other alternatives before purchasing His Secret Obsession, here a few you may want to consider:
Text Chemistry vs. His Secret Obsession
Text Chemistry is a dating program designed by dating and relationship coach, Amy North, to capture a man’s attention and establish chemistry.
Amy provides her readers a modern and practical approach to dating with attention-grabbing texts. All of these texts have with “hooks” that you can use in different situations.
Text Chemistry costs $49.95, which includes 4 eBooks and a 13-part video series.
His Secret Obsession focuses on tapping into a man’s hero instinct, and how you can leverage this information to make a man fully committed to you. In contrast, Text Chemistry is all about grabbing the attention of men through conversations over your mobile phone. These tips can be especially effective when you are miles away from each other.
Which one is better?
If you want to understand what men truly want from a woman, then you’ll get more out of for His Secret Obsession. James Bauer also includes a chapter in his book about texting, which covers similar territory to Amy North’s program.
Look at it this way — it’s always wise to know your enemy first before engaging in a battle.
Read my complete Text Chemistry review here.
The Devotion System vs. His Secret Obsession
Another popular relationship program is The Devotion System, also created also by Amy North.
The 3-part program starts with addressing your insecurities and coming to terms with whatever baggage you carry from your past relationships. Then it discusses the different types of men and misconceptions about how they think. Finally, it dives into the ways to build and improve your relationship at any stage.
Priced at $48.25, you will receive a total of 4 e-books, a 13-part video training series, and a 3-part adaptive quiz system.
The Devotion System is for you if you feel you need to do some self-reflection before focusing on getting your man and nourishing your relationship.
If you feel you are already more aware of yourself and want a more detailed program on the inner workings of men, and how to trigger his desires, I think you’ll get more out of His Secret Obsession.
To learn more about this program, check out my The Devotion System review.
Make Him Worship You vs. His Secret Obsession
Make Him Worship You is written by relationship and sexual psychology expert, Michael Fiore.
The 6-module series goes deep into the brutal truth about the societal pressures and the emotional needs of men. By breaking down common misunderstandings and beliefs about men, it gives you specific approaches to better communicate with them.
Make Him Worship You costs only $37, which is cheaper than most eBooks and relationship programs out there..
His Secret Obsession and Make Him Worship You are similar in that they both focuses on what men really want from women.
However, I think His Secret Obsession is the more practical option. It breaks down the nitty-gritty of how men think and what really drives them in their search for love.
Check out my complete Make Him Worship You review here.
Are there free alternatives to His Secret Obsession?
Let’s face it: His Secret Obsession isn’t exactly cheap.
If you’re looking for free advice about dating and relationships, then there are some good online resources to consider.
One popular website you can visit is Psychology Today. They publish expert-level content on mental health and behavioral science, and they even have a dedicated section on relationships.
PsychCentral is another website with articles written by medical professionals. While most of its content is about mental disorders, there is a section devoted to relationships that have some good insights into how men behave in relationships.
Of course, you can also learn a lot about creating positive relationships from my own website, Hack Spirit. We cut through the fluff to give you straightforward advice on improving your relationships with others and yourself.
My verdict: Should you read it?
So, after reading the book and writing my His Secret Obsession review, do I think it’s worth it?
There are two things I look for when I recommend a new book.
- I want it to be thought provoking and to learn new things
- I want it to be VERY practical. There is little point in gaining a new perspective on something if you can’t apply it to everyday life.
James Bauer delivers on both fronts.
Therefore, I think it’s well worth the price. $47 isn’t pocket change, but I haven’t come across a dating book as comprehensive or insightful as this one.
His Secret Obsession contains the wisdom of a relationship expert with 12 years in the industry, as well as tips and strategies based on concrete human psychology.
I learned a lot about myself and the things I subconsciously desire as a man, and I can only imagine how helpful this will be for women too.
If you’re struggling to get a man to commit or want a better relationship, His Secret Obsession may just become your secret weapon.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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