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His Secret Obsession Review (2020): Is it Worth the Money?

We’re all going to spend a lot more time at home going forward because of the coronavirus outbreak.

You could spend your days endlessly scrolling your Facebook feed. Or you can read a book that can make an immediate impact on your love life.

It’s not often I come across a new book that offers a newand somewhat controversialapproach for women seeking love. But that’s what I found with His Secret Obsession by James Bauer.

The book claims that it will help any woman make their man commit to them over the long term.


By unraveling the complex, primal desires of men.

But does this book actually live up to the hype?

To answer this, I decided to buy the book, review it, and give you my honest thoughts about whether or not it’s worth your money.

Read my epic His Secret Obsession review to find out whether this book will work for you.

This review contains affiliate links which means I earn a commission if you end up buying the book. However, this didn’t stop me from sharing the good and the bad about it.

What is His Secret Obsession?

His Secret Obsession by James Bauer is a powerful relationship guide that is available in downloadable PDF or audiobook versions.

The book tackles the issues that affect women around the world, including:

  • Why men can lose interest in a woman after the initial attraction wears off
  • Why men men are reluctant to commit long term, even when the early signs of relationship seem so promising
  • Why men can pull away suddenly and stop communicating with their partners.

The central assertion of His Secret Obsession is that men are driven by instinctive needs, even if they are not consciously aware of them.

James Bauer calls this ‘The Hero Instinct’. And he claims that it’s up to women to bring this to the fore. In fact, he says a man will be drawn to any woman who makes him feel it.

According to ‘The Hero Instinct’, men are driven by these three things:

  • To live a meaningful live and feel appreciated for his efforts
  • To provide for those he cares about in life, including his family, friends and especially his romantic partner
  • To be respected by his peers.

In short, men want to be a hero. And more importantly, they want to be your hero.

Who is James Bauer?

James Bauer is a successful author and last year I read another one of his earlier books, What Men Secretly Want (which is a great book in itself).

He got his start as a trained psychologist. Learning about the intricacies of men and women’s brains and how they differ, Bauer became a relationship coach. For the past 12 years, he’s worked with thousands of men and women to help strengthen their relationships.

By carefully studying their cases, James Bauer discovered what he believes is the secret to developing a long-term, satisfying relationship. His approach is based on his own personal experience as a therapist and basic human psychology.

He has distilled all of this knowledge into this book, His Secret Obsession.

Although I’m very familiar with James Bauer, I couldn’t find any good sources of information about His Secret Obsession. All I knew was it was receiving a lot of hype, and that it was supposed to tap into male psychology and reveal our primal desires.

So, I did the only thing a self-confessed relationship geek could do.

I read the book myself from cover to cover and decided to give my verdict on it here.

‘The Hero Instinct’: What do I think about it?

The Hero Instinct is certainly a fascinating take on what drives men romantically.

I know first hand how important it is for everyone (both men and women) to live a meaningful life and dedicate themselves to the things and people they care deeply about. I talk about this in detail in my eBook about taking responsibility for your life.

However, the way James Bauer took this a step further and applied it specifically to the way men approach dating and relationships was thought provoking for me.

Bauer argues that men are actually pretty simplistic.

The one thing men want is to feel like heroes. James argues that it goes back to our primal nature.

After reflecting on this for some time, I think there is a lot of truth to it. A man’s psyche feeds off of things like ego, and in this relationship guide, Bauer tells women how to appeal to that ego.

I also see a lot of myself in the way he describes men and what we need.

I’m not the most alpha of males. Sure, I drink beer and watch football, but I’m also a keen student of Buddhism, I’ve written a book about mindfulness, and I’ve never fixed a single thing around my house.

But the drive for meaning, respect and to provide for the people we care about are common to all men, including me.

His Secret Obsession Best Price

His Secret Obsession is often available for a discounted price. Check out the official website for the current cheapest deal.

How you can awaken the hero

His Secret Obsession makes a persuasive argument that men want to feel like heroes.

However, the best aspect of the book—and what sets it apart from other dating guides on the market—is that it actually describes step-by-step how to do it. This is a practical guide with simple, actionable strategies you can use to awaken the hero in any man.

While the first part of the book is all about the hero instinct in men, the second part is a workbook that helps you apply these techniques in your own relationship.

You’ll learn the exact phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct.

I won’t give them away, as that wouldn’t be fair to the author of the book, but what I can say is that they are practical and easy to put into action.

They will help you to:

  • Get the guy you want to commit to you
  • Gain his love and devotion over the long term
  • If you’ve been through a break up, rekindle his interest in you and get him to chase you again.

Just to be clear: The book isn’t about silly mind games. There’s no manipulation involved. And you certainly don’t need to pretend to be someone you’re not.

Instead, it’s about showing a man what your needs are and allowing him to step up to the plate and fulfill them. By following the strategies outlined in this book, you’re simply fulfilling his desire for meaning, respect, and being a provider.

Your man will feel better about himself and he will see you in a whole new light—which will only lead to a better relationship between the two of you.

Introducing Rachel

One interesting addition to the book is Rachel.

When you first start reading His Secret Obsession, you’ll be introduced to her.

It’s one of James Bauer’s favorite clients who was struggling in her relationship. Not wanting to come off as clingy, she hung back. But, there was radio silence as her man didn’t text or call back.

Sound familiar?

So, Rachel reached out to James Bauer, her relationship coach.

He gave her a 12-word formula to text her boyfriend. Soon enough, he came right back to Rachel.

While James was pleased with the outcome, he wasn’t happy that he only helped one woman. He knew that he could help others who were going through a similar thing. That’s when he decided to write His Secret Obsession.

In the last section of the book, James Bauer reveals this exact 12-word formula that triggered the hero instinct in her boyfriend.

His Secret Obsession review: My experience

As a man, I’m not James Bauer’s intended audience. But I think that helps with the objectivity of my review.

Only a short way into the book I started to resonate with the central theme: That men have a hero instinct to be the protector.

Although in 2020, and with all the political correctness that tends to dominate society, it may seem that we’ve gone past the whole “primal instinct” thing.

However, we really haven’t. Men are still men. And we’re still driven by the same instincts we’ve always had.

We still want women to desire us. We still want women to need us.

The book was extremely comprehensive at over 200 pages. However, it was easy enough to read. There were a lot of examples that kept me engaged, and it never strayed into a too-far-off territory where it “lost” me.

I read a lot of dating books, and the best thing about His Secret Obsession was that I came across new ideas, tips and strategies that I’ve never read about before.

Everything about the book is based on male psychology and practical examples.

James Bauer doesn’t pretend to be a dating “guru”. He simply outlines simple truths based on male psychology and his own experience working with women and men over the last 12 years.

Why I’m reviewing a dating guide for women

I love reading all kinds of dating books, even those not specifically designed for men.

I do this so that I can understand human psychology better.

Hack Spirit has become one of the leading blogs on the internet about practical psychology and relationships. I need to offer my readers as many unique perspectives as I can, as well as filtering out genuinely useful approaches to finding love from gimmicks that simply don’t work in the real world.

And on a personal level, I want to know the best ways to truly connect with women. The more I understand about the psychology of attraction, the better my own love life will be.

The simple truth is healthy relationships are critical for everyone.

So, when a new dating book like His Secret Obsession comes along that is getting a lot of attention, my interest is always piqued.

The Pros of His Secret Obsession

As with any book, there were things I really liked and a few things that weren’t as good.

Let’s start with the good.

This is the only dating book you’ll need

There’s a huge amount insight contained in His Secret Obsession.

With over 200 pages, bonus materials, and a workbook, there’s plenty of information to sort through. For some that can be overwhelming, but for me it never felt like a chore to read through it all.

I learned a lot about how women should approaching dating and relationships and, surprisingly, I also learned a lot about myself.

The advice is practical

Throughout the book, James Bauer talks about the things women need to do to trigger a man’s hero instinct. You’ll learn the exact phrases, texts, and little requests you can use to do this.

He also uses real-world examples of women who have achieved incredibly successful outcomes by adopting these methods.

Remember James Bauer has worked with countless clients over the past 12 years and has seen first hand how his techniques work in reality.

His methods are research based

Every claim in the book is backed up. For instance, each time he talked about why a man wants to feel like a protector or how a woman “claiming” you is a turn on for a guy, he backed it up with evidence.

Although there were a few times I thought something probably wouldn’t work on me, the reasoning behind it was always sound.

It’s easy to download

Because His Secret Obsession is an eBook, you don’t have to wait to get it in the mail. You can start reading it immediately.

There’s a money back guarantee

Not everyone will love every dating guide out there, but with this one, there’s no risk. With a 60-day money back guarantee, there’s not really anything to lose out on.

The cons of His Secret Obsession

As much as I enjoyed reading the book, it’s not perfect. Here are its cons.

His style can be a bit condescending

This may be a personal thing, but I found the tone of writing a little condescending at times. Now, it could be because I was reading it as a guy and not a woman. But there were times it seemed like he was painting all men with the same brush.

It’s only on eBook/audio

For some people, a true book is a paperback. But His Secret Obsession is only available by eBook and audiobook.

I read the eBook from cover to cover, but I also tried listening to the audiobook. The voice was calming and confident, which is exactly what I would want from someone reading his book.

The price

For an eBook, the price of $47 may raise a few eyebrows. Though it’s not a ton of money, it’s not a tub of yogurt either. On the flip side, it comes with more information than you’ll ever need.

James Bauer put a lot of work into this book and accompanying resources so I can understand the price tag.

My verdict: Is His Secret Obsession worth it?


So, after reading the book and writing my His Secret Obsession review, do I think it’s worth it?

There are two things I look for when I recommend a new book.

  • I want it to be thought provoking and to learn new things
  • I want it to be VERY practical. There is little point in gaining a new perspective on something if you can’t apply it to everyday life.

James Bauer delivers on both fronts.

Therefore, I think it’s well worth the price. $47 isn’t pocket change, but I haven’t come across a dating book as comprehensive or insightful as this one.

His Secret Obsession contains the wisdom of a relationship expert with 12 years in the industry, as well as tips and strategies based on concrete human psychology.

I learned a lot about myself and the things I subconsciously desire as a man, and I can only imagine how helpful this will be for women too.

If you’re struggling to get a man to commit or want a better relationship, His Secret Obsession may just become your secret weapon.

His Secret Obsession Review

My rating: 4.8 out of 5

What I liked

What I didn't


His Secret Obsession by James Bauer is the most comprehensive and insightful dating book I’ve read.

It contains the wisdom of a relationship expert with 12 years in the industry, as well as tips and strategies based on concrete human psychology. The hero instinct is a fascinating new take on what drives men romantically.

If you found value in this review, please consider clicking on a link in this article (like the button above) to buy the book. It helps keep the lights on for Hack Spirit and food on the table of all our writers!

$47 from the official website

New video: He reveals the truth about chasing emotionally unavailable men (hint: don’t do it!)

Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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