He’s not over his ex but he likes you?
Are you finding yourself in this situation?
I’m also guessing you’re into him romantically if you’re reading this article.
It’s a tricky situation, isn’t it?
On the one hand, you probably have undeniable chemistry together.
And if you were both ready for a relationship, it would probably work.
But if he’s not ready, is it right to pursue a relationship with this guy?
What if he is damaged emotionally and is only just starting to pick the pieces of his life back up?
What if he never gets over his ex? Will a relationship with this guy really work?
I’ve been there myself.
One of my good friends broke up with someone he had been in a 3-year relationship with. At the time he was heartbroken.
But because I was helping him process his emotions and get over his ex, we started spending a lot more time together. And the more we connected emotionally, the more I developed feelings for him.
And he began to develop feelings for me.
After all, he was opening up emotionally to me and I was there to listen.
Once it became clear that we both had feelings for each other, we talked about what this meant.
We were open and honest with each other. We left nothing unsaid.
In the end, we both decided to pursue a relationship together, albeit by taking it very slowly.
We kept it casual for a long time and we didn’t tell anyone we were officially dating for at least 3 months.
And that turned out to be a great decision because it put a lot less pressure on him (and me!).
Over time, things became more serious. My man slowly forgot about his ex.
Well now we’re still together, and everything has moved along at a steady pace.
If I ever mentioned his ex to him, he’d almost laugh at how emotionally distraught he was when he broke up with her. He’s completely moved on.
But I’ll admit: Taking this route does come with its dangers. I was very careful to not talk about his ex with him once we started casually dating. I used my intuition and feelings to recognize when he had fully moved on.
So in this article, I want to help you out. I want you to make the right decision when it comes to dating this guy. I know if I decided not to date my man it would have been a big mistake.
But that was only because I knew that he genuinely had feelings for me and I wasn’t just a rebound.
Because really, the bottom line is this:
You could either be missing out on an incredibly fulfilling relationship if you decide to bypass this guy, or you could be setting yourself up for heartbreak because your man isn’t truly over his ex (and never will be).
Is he really not over his ex? Or is it all in your head?
First, you need to figure out if he is over his ex yet.
Because he might be ready to move on, but you’re the one who thinks he is still held up on his ex.
Sometimes, we women can overstate the damage that a broken relationship can do.
When it came to my situation, I knew him really well and I could trust his word when he told me he was over his ex.
But it still weighed on my mind.
However, looking back, there were signs in his behavior that suggested he actually was ready to move on from his ex.
So based on my experience, here are 4 questions to ask yourself to figure out if your man isn’t over fully over his ex yet:
1) How much does he talk about his ex?
Clearly, if he can’t stop talking about his ex, he’s not over her.
But it might be a little more subtle than that. If he talks about his ex rarely, but when he does, you hear a sense of idealization and fondness, then you might have a problem.
Another thing to look out for is if he blames himself for the end of the relationship. That might mean he regrets the relationship ending.
The best sign is if he can talk about his ex in a fairly objective way without getting emotional or regretful.
Then it’s likely that he is moving on, and if that’s the case, I wouldn’t hesitate in dating him.
2) Is everything between the two of you moving really quickly?
This is an important consideration. One hallmark of a rebound relationship is that things move quickly.
If you’ve gone from having a conversation to sleeping with each other every second night in a matter of a week, then you might have a problem.
Is he already telling you he loves you? That’s a big warning sign.
Most relationships take time to grow. This was absolutely the case with me and my partner.
We decided to take our relationship slowly, and because of that, we now have a stable and strong relationship.
Taking things quickly might mean he doesn’t have genuine feelings for you. This increases the chances that he’ll eventually go back to his ex (or to anyone else, for that matter).
3) Did he dump her or the other way around?
If he dumped her, then you probably haven’t got much to worry about and he’ll ask you out soon.
But if it’s the other way around, then I believe that it’s important for you to ask for details about how it all ended.
In my case, my man ended things mutually with his ex, so that was a good sign from my perspective that he was ready to move on.
So talk with your man about how his relationship ended. You’ll gain some good insight into how regretful and emotional he still is about the situation.
4) Want advice specific to your situation?
While this article explores the main tips to try if this guy is not over his ex, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like when a guy likes you but he’s not over his ex yet. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
Alright, so if you’ve asked those questions and you still think he’s not over his ex, but he likes you, then you have some thinking to do.
Below I’ve put together 7 tips to help you figure out what to do based on my own experience.
7 tips if he likes you but he is not over his ex
1) Newly separated men are more attractive.
Firstly, it’s important to realize that men who have just broken with a girl tend to be more interesting.
After all, it means he was loveable at one point. It’s a bit mysterious because you probably don’t have all the details.
He might have a lot of energy and be adventurous (in and out of the bedroom) because he feels free and has a new lease on life.
But then there’s the nagging feeling you can’t help but feel that he might just turn around and get back together with his ex.
It’s all fun and games until he decides to go back to his old life. You might ask him outright what his plans are and he might not say much about it.
There are a lot of unknowns when it comes to dating a guy who is recently separated or just gotten out of a relationship.
So you need to ask yourself: How well do you know this guy?
Are you just attracted to him because he has recently broken up with a girl and you’re providing emotional support?
Is he just looking for a rebound?
Will he crawl back to his ex?
This is going to depend on how well you know him and if you can trust what he tells you.
For me, the situation was different because he was my good friend. I knew that he would never go back to his ex as that relationship had a lot of problems. We also knew each other really well and I could trust his word.
I also realized that he didn’t still love his ex, but he was just emotionally drained from the whole ordeal of ending a long-term relationship.
So these are questions you’re going to have to logically answer yourself.
You don’t have control over the situation and there are other people involved. So while it might seem like an exciting prospect, tread lightly.
2) Trigger his hero instinct
If you want him to move on from his ex, then you need to tap into some psychology.
You may have heard about the hero instinct.
It’s a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
What it boils down to is that men have a biological drive to provide for and protect the women they care about. In other words, men want to be your everyday hero.
I personally believe that there is a lot of truth to hero instinct.
By triggering his hero instinct, you can make sure that his urge to provide for and protect is directly squarely at you. And not his ex-girlfriend.
You can tap into his protective instincts and the most noble aspect of his masculinity. Most importantly, it will unleash his deepest feelings of attraction.
How do you trigger his hero instinct?
The best thing you can do is watch this free video from the relationship expert who discovered this concept. He reveals the simple things you can do starting today.
Some ideas are game-changers. And when it comes to being with a guy who still has feelings for someone else, this is one of them.
Here’s a link to the excellent free video again.
3) You might have your hands full with decisions.
While you have no control over what he decides to do about his old relationship, you do have control over how you show up right now.
A lot of women would continue to just keep dating him, thinking that he’s over her and ready to move on.
If you want to be smart about this, and you think he’s worth the wait, then take a step back until he has made up his mind about the fate of his relationship.
That’s what I did. We took things slowly after he told me that he was ready to move on.
This is a great strategy because if you’re meant to be together, he’ll make it happen.
And if not, then you’re clearly a second choice and the last thing you want is to be the second choice.
He might end up with you because his ex-wife or girlfriend decide they are done for good.
Then there you are, waiting to pick up the pieces of his broken relationship.
Instead, if you give him room to decide what he wants, he’ll come back to you ready to invest in the relationship.
But more importantly, he might decide that being with you is also not what he wants, and while that might sting a lot, you want to make sure you’re not wasting your time.
4) Think about what you’re getting out of this relationship.
Is your man separated but still married?
Some women date married men because there are no strings attached and they don’t have to worry about things getting serious.
But a man on the rebound might be looking for more than a casual encounter.
If he wants more, you have to ask yourself if you’re ready to get into bed with a man who comes with a lot of baggage.
Divorce is messy and can take years.
This is even the same for a man who wasn’t married but broke up from a very serious relationship.
Is he still in contact with her? Does she rely on him in any way? For example, perhaps he is still helping chip in for the rent.
Do you really want to be around for those late-night phone calls or having to deal with his obligations to her?
If you love him enough, you might decide it’s worth it.
But until he’s fully committed to you and you know this is going to work out, there’s no point in giving him your heart. He might just break it.
This is why it’s important that you can fully trust him.
And if you’re confident enough in the feelings you clearly have for each other, step back and let him show you his feelings with action.
It was very clear to me from the way my man treated me that he was fully ready to commit to a relationship with me.
So try to look at his actions objectively. If your man wants it enough, he’ll make a relationship happen with you.
5) Watch for the red flags.
Regardless of what you decide, there are some simple red flags to watch for to determine if he is right for you.
Pretend for a minute that he’s not just broken up with someone and you met him while he was single.
Would you date him as he is? Are there things you know about him n or someone who was tied up in a relationship that you don’t like?
This unique vantage point can save you a lot of trouble down the road.
If you would have dated him if he was single, then you’ll want to consider sticking this out.
If you think you can change him or that he’ll be different when he’s finished with his ex, then that’s a red flag that you should move on.
There’s no point in getting into a relationship with someone you’re not head-over-heels for just as they are. Getting over an ex is not going to make him a better person or completely change him.
6) If he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, believe him
I was lucky enough my man told me he was ready for a relationship.
Even then, we decided to take it very slowly.
But if the man you’re dealing with tells you that he likes you, but he’s not quite ready for a fully-fledged relationship yet, then it’s important to respect his wishes.
Look, it’s exciting when you find yourself attracted to someone. I’m sure you’d love to kick things off with him right now.
But if he tells you he is still stuck on his ex, things can get complicated.
You might do everything you can to get his attention, but he’s not giving an inch.
He’s stubbornly waiting for her to come back to him and he can’t even think about dating another woman right now.
If he’s told you he still has feelings for his ex and he doesn’t think it’s fair to you to be dating right now, believe him.
Believe people when they try to do the right thing. If you’ve dated a few times and you’re catching feelings but he’s trying to put the breaks on, give him the space he needs.
If nothing else, you’ll save yourself the heartbreak if he gets back together with her or if he decides he’s over her but doesn’t want to be with you either.
You might see potential in this relationship but as long as he’s caught up in love with someone else, you’re selling yourself short.
And keep in the mind the point above. Respect his wishes, and if it’s meant to be and he genuinely has feelings for you, he’ll eventually make it happen with you.
7) He’s chasing you
For us, the feelings of attraction were fairly mutual. When we spoke about the possibility of starting a relationship together, the conversation was fluid because we both wanted it.
But another situation someone reading this might find themselves in is if he’s still attached or hung up on someone but he’s moving on anyway.
Now, you might be inclined to say that he’s an adult and can make up his own mind, but guys (and girls!) do stupid things when they are heartbroken.
Ask yourself if you want to be one of those stupid decisions.
It’s a hard pill to swallow and as flattering as it is to be pursued by someone you might be attracted to, he comes with a lot of baggage.
I knew my man was almost fully over his ex, and that made the transition to a relationship quite easy.
I knew that I’d be his main priority. She was long gone.
So if you’re not prepared to take a back seat to what he’s got going on with her, don’t let him in.
It might seem defensive but the best way to handle this is to let him know that you’ll be there when he’s finished with whatever is going on in his other relationship.
It’s hard to maintain a relationship when both people are committed; imagine how hard it will be to start and maintain a relationship when one person has a foot out the door.
Follow this simple rule
When it comes to dating guys who have given a piece of their heart to someone else, follow this simple rule: ask yourself what you get out of this arrangement.
For me, I knew I’d be having a relationship with a man who fully respected me and would commit to me.
Sure, we took it slow, but that suited us.
So if you don’t make out like a bandit and feel good about what’s going on, don’t bother.
There are plenty of good guys out there who have their shit together and who are not hung up on someone from the past.
He’s hurting and he might not make the best choices for himself either.
Make the decision for both of you if you don’t feel good about a relationship between the two of you.
That’s not to say that you couldn’t be together and make it work, but do you want to try?
Take your time. If it’s real, there’s no rush. It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to work out in the end.
How to help him forget about his ex
There’s nothing more frustrating than finding yourself in an exciting new relationship, only to discover he’s still hung up on his ex.
You find yourself hashing through so many questions:
What does she have that I don’t have?
Is he still in love with her?
Am I wasting my time with this?
It comes down to triggering his hero instinct.
This is a concept I touched on in the article above. After all, if you haven’t yet triggered this instinct in him, then he’s more than likely to keep pining after his ex.
In all likelihood, she did trigger this instinct in him. And he still feels it.
Even though the relationship is over, he still has that essential and needed feeling for her, and he wants it back.
This is where you come in.
All men have a biological urge to be needed, and when this isn’t triggered, the love and connection aren’t there. And neither is the commitment.
If you can trigger this instinct in him, he will forget all about his ex, because he’s getting exactly what he needs from you.
If you’re looking for this man to commit to you, then triggering his hero instinct is the key.
Check out this free online video by James Bauer, the relationship expert who coined the term. He reveals the simple things you can do starting today to trigger this very natural male instinct.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you.
Click the above link to get $50 off your first session – an exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers.