If you would have told me a year ago that I’d be writing about how a few cleverly worded phrases could capture a man’s attention, I’d never have believed you.
Firstly, the idea of using sentences to make a man feel like “a hero” sounded like some seriously outdated BS.
Secondly, as if that is even possible? That I can have a guy eating out of the palm of my hands by learning to tap into some instinctive desire within him.
Hands up, I was wrong on both fronts.
In this article, I’m going to tell you my story and how just a few hero instinct phrases reinvigorated my relationship.
How I came to hear about hero instinct phrases
Any single woman will likely tell you, it’s a jungle out there.
Dating apps may have made meeting men easier than ever, but it’s not without its downsides.
If only it were like in the rom coms. You’d meet, they’d be smitten and everyone would live happily ever after.
My dating life was far from this idyllic picture.
In reality, it was filled with flaky dudes who never seem to commit, no matter how good the relationship is.
Mr. Hot and Cold, who showers you with attention only to disappear off the face of the earth. But you know he’s going to pop up again as soon as you start to get over him — it’s like he has a Spidey-Sense for it.
Feeling the right vibes, but only for it to fizzle out without explanation not long after.
And that’s even if you even make it that far. Because murphy’s law says the only guy you’re interested in, will fail to even notice you exist.
I’ve spent so many hours discussing disappointing romantic encounters, and I know that’s not unique to my group of girlfriends.
Most of it centered around the same underlying theme: I just don’t get it.
I’m not trying to brag, but my friends and I are smart, funny, attractive women. It surely shouldn’t be this hard to find a great guy and keep him.
Then one rainy Saturday afternoon one of these many romance chats finally turned a corner when I was hanging out with my good friend Natalie.
She’d heard some noise about a book called ‘His Secret Obsession’ and had bought a copy. She told me that what she’d been learning about made so much sense and that I needed to give it a try.
Still skeptical, but curious, I decided to find out more.
How to spark his hero instinct
Before I go any further I want to explain what the hero instinct is, because understanding the basics of it is going to be key to getting these hero instinct phrases to work for you too.
I’ll explain it as best as I can, but I’d recommend watching this free video to find out more. It will give you a far more well-rounded view of everything you need to know.
The hero instinct is a new concept coined by psychologist, relationship expert, and best-selling author James Bauer, which is causing a real buzz right now.
It offers insight into what is going on in guys’ heads, based on their biology.
It says men are biologically driven to provide and protect in a relationship. In a nutshell, they want to be your hero.
If you’re anything like me, your feminist alarm bells might be ringing right about now.
Being your hero? It sounds a bit old-fashioned or even caveman, but it’s not at all.
Most of us have moved on from strictly defined (or harmful) gender roles. But what we’re talking about here is DNA.
Men have a deep-seated genetic urge to feel needed, respected, and appreciated.
When a woman triggers this powerful drive, it makes a man more attentive and passionate towards her.
If she doesn’t…well, let’s just say you’ll most likely have the same kind of dating history as me.
How triggering my crush’s hero instinct worked for me
I think we’ve established I’ve never been very lucky before in romance.
Unrequited love seemed to be my specialty and was closely followed by romances that simply fizzled out whenever a guy rather unceremoniously lost interest.
What I realized from reading James Bauer’s relationship guide was that I had been failing to trigger guys’ hero instinct.
I’m not suggesting I’m to blame for what had been happening.
I just didn’t have a clue about this genetic drive men had. It’s understandable, as the vast majority of guys don’t know about it either or how it impacts their behavior.
The good news is that understanding it wasn’t particularly rocket science.
It was simple things like asking for help — and not in some forced or orchestrated way — just when I genuinely need it.
I’d been so busy trying to seem 100% independent, I’d never wanted to do that before.
But unbeknown to me, rather than making them think I was Superwoman, it was actually making the men in my life feel a bit useless and like I didn’t really need them (even though I did).
I started to understand how other ways to trigger his hero instinct were also powerful:
- Showing you appreciate the things he does for you
- Letting him know how happy he makes you
- Encouraging and supporting his passions and interests
- Boosting his confidence
- Challenging him
All these things I’d been holding back on, trying to “play it cool”.
But then it all suddenly clicked into place. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel respected, needed, and wanted?
So I made a self-pact to apply this to my dating life, as more of an experiment than anything else.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was pretty shocked by how instantaneous the results were.
I’d had my eye on this one guy for quite a while, someone I’d met through friends of friends.
I started to use a few of these hero instinct triggers on him, and it seemed like for the very first time (in months of knowing him) he was paying me attention.
But if that was the warm-up, it was when I text him one of the hero instinct phrases that seemed to get him hooked.
It was this text that paved the way and lead to us dating.
Hero Instinct Phrases: What should I say to trigger his hero instinct?
James Bauer is quick to explain in his book that the hero instinct isn’t a “trick to use on men” and so neither should these phrases been seen like that either.
Instead, think of it more as a bridge between what you want and what he wants. That bridge is going to bring better harmony to your relationships.
I am going to give you some of the phrases here that are designed to trigger his hero instinct.
But it’s really important to know that rolling out these phrases without getting to the bottom of why they work probably won’t do much good in the long run. This is why I’d really advise checking out that free video on the hero instinct.
There are way too many hero instinct phrases to tell you them all now.
The real idea, and how this information becomes a total gamechanger, is learning how to create them for yourself. That’s what the free video will guide you towards.
Because ultimately the exact phrases you need to use will depend on your circumstances and the stage your relationship is at.
Having said that, here is a taster of example hero instinct phrases:
Hero instinct phrases to pique his curiosity:
“I just remembered the first thought I had when I met you.”
“There’s something about you that made me want to talk to you. Can you guess what it was?”
“You know what surprised me the most once I got to know you?”
Hero instinct phrases that make him feel like a provider:
“Can I borrow your muscles for a second? I can’t get this jar open.”
“I think I might have a slow leak in my back tire. Would you take a look and give me your expert opinion?”
Hero instinct phrases to show you appreciate him:
“I like the way you use my name when we talk. And I appreciate that you remembered it after just one meeting.”
“I really appreciate you giving me a ride. Thanks for rescuing me from the embarrassment of having to call in late for work.”
Hero instinct phrases are just one part of understanding how the overall hero instinct system works.
That’s why if you’re curious about getting the full low down on hero instinct phrases, the best thing to do is watch the free video.
It’s going to give you lots more information and offer you a step-by-step guide to using the hero instinct and triggering it in any man.
How do you make him feel like a hero through text?
I already mentioned that it was a text I sent to my crush that finally got him to sit up and notice me.
That all sounds very easy, but it runs so much deeper. So before I tell you exactly what I text him, I’m going to explain why it worked.
There are some common complaints that women talk about when it comes to men. I felt like James Bauer had been reading my journal when he wrote:
“In relationships, women want to feel like they matter. Like most women, you want to be at the center of his unfolding life story. You want to build a shared story that becomes more beautiful over time as you build memories together. But here’s the problem. Men don’t always give you a central position in their unfolding life story. Men often treat women as an accessory. A side benefit. A hobby. They do this because their hero instinct needs are being met outside the relationship. In fact, their needs are often better met outside the relationship than within.”
— James Bauer His Secret Obsession
The hero instinct isn’t just about providing and protecting. It strikes the very core of a guy’s desire for meaning and purpose in life.
A woman may automatically feel fulfillment from simply being in a relationship, but a man has to feel like he is rising to a challenge and being successful.
If he doesn’t get this need met he will be:
- Less passionate
- Less interested
- Less committed
And he won’t even know why.
This explains why many of us women feel like we are forever meeting emotionally unavailable guys who won’t “settle down”.
Or men who are always looking off elsewhere in search of more satisfaction, and whose attention is short-lived.
But if you trigger his hero instinct he will pour his heart into the relationship.
It’s up to women to trigger this instinct in a guy simply because they can’t do it themselves. A man cannot ask you to need, respect, or appreciate him more. It defeats the object.
I guess it’s a bit like telling your boyfriend you would like it if he bought you flowers more often. The next night he shows up with them, it’s still nice, but the fact you had to ask dilutes the gesture.
I tell you all this so that you can better understand why this text worked well in getting my crush to notice me when for months he barely knew I was alive.
This is what I sent him:
“Are you around? I could do with picking your brains. I’d really appreciate it if you can spare the time to help me out with something.”
There are a few elements to this message that explain why it worked so perfectly.
So please do check out that free video so you can learn how you can work this magic in your relationships.
But I guess it can be summed up like this: I made him feel like a friggin’ hero.
What I’ve come to understand is that this is what every man not only wants to feel but needs to feel so he can be happy in a relationship.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.