He says he doesn’t want a relationship but won’t leave me alone: 11 reasons why

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Are you in a situation where a guy has told you he doesn’t want a relationship with you, yet he won’t leave you alone?

What is going on?

He says he won’t commit, yet somehow he is acting like he is in a relationship with you.

Geez, sometimes guys are tough to understand!

But don’t worry, I’m a guy myself, and I’ve seen this situation play out time and time again.

So below, we’re going to talk about why this man won’t leave you alone and what you can do about it.

11 reasons he won’t leave you alone but doesn’t want a relationship

1. He is lonely

Does this guy have many friends?

If he doesn’t have many people to communicate with, then he might see you as a much-needed friend he can share everything with.

Humans are social animals. We all need someone to share our lives with. If he doesn’t have many friends then he might be turning to you to fill that void.

Does this mean you’re friend zoned?

Possibly. He might not be sexually attracted to you, which is why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

But he enjoys seeing you and having you as a friend.

If you want more than a friendship, then you need to show him that you’re girlfriend material. We’ll go over techniques you can use to attract him later in the article.

2. He doesn’t want a relationship but he wants sex

Another possible reason he won’t leave you alone is that he wants to have sex with you.

For some people, being in a relationship isn’t necessary for them to sleep with someone.

He might be looking to develop a friends-with-benefits scenario with you.

So keep in mind:

If he has already told you that he doesn’t want to have a relationship with you, and you end up sleeping together, then it’s likely that it will turn into a friends-with benefits relationship.

If you’re not comfortable with that, make sure you tell him you’re looking for a serious relationship before you hop into bed with him.

3. Want advice specific to your situation?

While this article explores the main reasons he won’t leave you alone but doesn’t want a relationship, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like uncertainty in love. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

4. He has time on his hands

Maybe he won’t leave you alone because he has nothing else to do.

Does he have a mind-numbing job? Does he hate studying?

He might be craving entertainment and something to do, which is why he won’t stop texting and calling you.

He might be the kind of guy who always needs to be doing something social.

And if he doesn’t have any hobbies or a job, then he needs to fill his attention somehow.

If he’s an extrovert and he doesn’t seem to have many friends, then he’ll be contacting you as much as he can to get over his boredom.

5. He misses you

This sign is only for the gals who were in a relationship in the past with the guy.

So if you were in a relationship, then I’m sure at one stage you had a strong emotional connection.

Perhaps you were twin flames. Things were passionate. Chemistry was off-the-hook.

But you also argued way too much, which is one of the main reasons you broke up.

So even though you have a strong emotional pull towards each other, both of you realize that a relationship would never work because it’s just way too complicated.

Despite that, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t miss you.

After all, you probably have countless shared memories together.

Every time he opens his phone and Facebook reminds him of what was posted a year ago, he thinks of you.

Every time he goes to the same café that you both used to go to, he thinks of you.

It’s really hard to get rid of this feeling of attachment no matter how hard you try to resist the urge.

And perhaps that’s just it. He just can’t resist it. He misses you and he wants to communicate with you, so why not send you a text or a call to see how you’re doing?

6. He might like your friends

Does he get along with your friends?

He might have enjoyed hanging out with your friends and he wants to continue to be a part of your social group.

And because you’re his best access to the group, he won’t stop calling you or texting you.

Or perhaps he has a crush on one of your friends and the only way he can see her is through you.

This might be the case if he is always suggesting you invite your friends when you’re out together.

7. He is scared of commitment

Look, I’m sure he talks to you so much that you may as well be in a relationship together!

But unfortunately for you, the idea of a relationship probably frightens him, especially if he is scared of commitment.

Simply labeling your situation with him as a “relationship” might make him fearful that he will completely lose his freedom.

Many men are like this. Some men don’t have serious long-term relationships until they’re well into their 30s.

He might think that he’d rather “keep his options open”, especially if he is young.

So if you want a relationship with this guy, what can you do?

The more time he spends with you, the more he’ll understand that his freedom actually isn’t being compromised.

But it’s up to you to make him realize that.

One counter-intuitive way to do this is to make him feel like a hero.

As someone you genuinely trust and admire.

When a man feels like a hero, not only does it feel like he has the freedom to do whatever he wants to do, but it triggers something deep inside him.

There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment.

It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love — and who they fall in love with.

The theory claims that men want to be your hero. That they want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

People are calling it the hero instinct. I wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.

The kicker is that a man won’t fall in love with you when he doesn’t feel like your hero.

He wants to see himself as a protector. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.

If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept.

Here’s a link to the excellent video again.

8. He might have recently been heartbroken

You get along great. There’s undeniable chemistry between the two of you. Even sexual attraction.

Yet he doesn’t want a relationship, and one of the biggest reasons might be that he is heartbroken.

Love hurts. We can all attest to that. Breaks up are tough to go through, especially for guys who don’t know how to process their emotions.

Maybe he doesn’t want to put himself through that again. He’s afraid that if he enters into a relationship with you it will destroy him when it eventually ends.

If you’re looking to forge a genuine relationship with this guy, then there’s not much you can do but give him time.

Make sure to continue to build rapport with him and show him that you’re trustworthy.

When he’s ready to move on and embrace dating again, you’ll be the first girl at the top of his mind.

Just keep this mind:

When you’re dating a guy who has been hurt in the past by a crazy bitch, it’s all about making him feel safe and secure in the relationship.

When he realizes that he can trust you, it will alleviate his worries about falling for someone that could potentially hurt him.

9. He thinks that you’re not interested in him romantically

Many guys struggle to read the signs that a girl likes them. It’s a defense mechanism to avoid getting rejected.

While you might chat every day, he could be thinking that you’ve put him in the friendzone.

He doesn’t want to make a move on you because he thinks you’ll reject him. Not only will that hurt his ego, but it will also ruin your friendship.

In fact, a 2013 study found that men were more likely to misinterpret when a woman was sending signals that she was into them than when she was sending signals that she only wanted to be friends.

Look, I’ve been in this situation before. I’ve had feelings for girls that I was only friends with.

The kicker?

I knew they weren’t interested in me romantically so I never made a move. I simply resigned myself to stay stuck in the friendzone.

Without knowing what your relationship with this guy is like, I’d venture a guess that this is probably the most likely scenario at play.

What is this guy’s personality like? Introvert? Shy? If he is the kind of guy who isn’t very confident, then it’s likely that he probably thinks that you’re not interested in him.

If you do want a relationship with this guy, then this is great news for you. All you have to do is show him that you like him.

How can you do this?

If you don’t want to be too overt about it (although I’m sure he would want you to direct about!) you can try some of these subtle body-language signs that show a girl likes a guy:

– Smiling at him
– Shooting short glances his way
– Making prolonged eye contact with him
– Running fingers through your hair
– Licking your lips
– Exposing your neck
– Tilting your head towards you
– Lightly touching him on the arm
– Laughing at his jokes
– Caressing an object in your hands while looking at him

10. He may have never been with someone in bed before

Has this guy ever been in a relationship before?

If not, then perhaps he’s just not very experienced. He might love talking to you and being friends with you, but he’s worried that he won’t be able to live up to your expectations in the bedroom.

Doing something new is always nerve-racking. If this is the reason why he doesn’t want a relationship with you, then you need to give him time.

Just like a man who has been hurt in the past, you need to make him feel comfortable and secure.

After a period of time, things should begin to ramp up as he feels more comfortable with you.

11. He puts his dreams first

Look, putting your dreams first isn’t a bad thing. But men and women are different. Men usually have a checklist of things they want to accomplish before they step into a serious relationship.

So, he may like you. But it could be he isn’t ready for a relationship yet because he hasn’t reached all his personal accomplishments.

That’s not to say you aren’t amazing, but he’s focused on something else right now. No matter what you do, you’re not going to change his mind to want a relationship if he’s focused on his dreams.

So, he does know what he wants—he just doesn’t know what he wants in his love life

Again, you can stick around and eventually he might be ready for a relationship.

The key here is show him that being in a relationship with you won’t hinder the pursuit of his dreams.

So be supportive of his goals, and make sure to give him space when he needs it.

If you want to date him…

Then you need to trigger his hero instinct. He obviously likes you if he can’t stop talking to you, but a man needs to feel needed if he is going to commit to a relationship.

Have you heard of the hero instinct? I mentioned it above.

It’s a fascinating new psychology concept generating a lot of buzz at the moment.

Simply put, men want to be your hero. And if you’re not letting him be one, he will stay lukewarm towards you and eventually seek out someone who does.

The hero instinct is a legitimate concept in relationship psychology that I personally believe has a lot of truth to it.

Let’s face it: Men and women are different. So, trying to treat your man like one of your friends is not going to work.

Deep inside, we crave different things…

Just like women generally have the urge to nurture those they really care about, men have the urge to provide and protect.

Men want to step up to the plate for the woman he cares about. And if you’re not letting him do this, then you’re failing to satisfy a basic biological urge he can’t control but is definitely there.

If you want to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free video by relationship psychologist James Bauer.

In the video, James reveals the exact phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can make to trigger this instinct.

Some ideas are life-changing. And for relationships, I think this is one of them.

Here’s a link to the video again.


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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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